[2012] The Seven Steps to Closure

by Donna Joy Usher

  ‘Yep. It was filmed right here. They show it at the roof-top restaurants in the evening. Did you want to go tonight?’

  ‘Sure. But why the roof-top restaurants?’

  ‘You can see all the places in the movie while you’re watching it. Tomorrow we can go sightseeing and visit them.’ He smiled cheekily at me as he said it.

  ‘Tomorrow?’ I asked hopefully. ‘What are we doing today?’

  He smiled and pulling me onto his lap kissed me. ‘I thought maybe today we could stay in our room,’ he said as he pulled my sheet apart and kissed the top of my breast.

  ‘I like the way you think,’ I said, gasping at the feel of his tongue on my nipple.

  ‘Well, at the moment I think we both need a long hot shower.’ Lifting me, he carried me effortlessly into the bathroom where he deposited me gently. He flipped the shower on and pulled his shirt off over his head. Eagerly I reached out and undid his pants, sliding them down to the floor. I stood, admiring the beauty of his form, unable to believe it was being offered to me. Then shyly I let my sheet go. He kissed me deeply as he pulled me into the water with him. The combination of the hot water streaming over me and his body pressed up against mine, was divine.

  ‘I think,’ I said, ‘that today is going to be my favourite day of the holiday.’

  ‘Well,’ he said, ‘as your tour guide, it is my job to make sure of it.’

  Many, many hours later hunger finally drove us up to the rooftop. The sun was setting and a sprinkling of lights had started to sparkle across the city. I walked around the rooftop admiring the night-lights. ‘Look at the City Palace,’ I said to Matt, snuggling my back into him as he wrapped his arms around me. The whole building wasn’t so much lit as glowing. It was a breathtaking site.

  We watched Octopussy on a television which was positioned so we could also see the lake. Roger Moore worked his way through the tourist attractions of Udaipur, many of which twinkled below us like large floating candles.

  ‘Wow,’ I said to Matt when it had finished, ‘that Lake Palace Hotel is something to behold.’

  ‘Yeah, it certainly is,’ he agreed.

  I stretched my arms above my head and faked a huge yawn. ‘Bed time?’ I asked him cheekily.

  ‘Sure is babe,’ he said smiling.

  We headed back to our room where I found, to my delight, that we weren’t tired at all, and instead had to find some other way to entertain ourselves. It wasn’t very difficult.

  * * *

  Once again, I woke to the glory of an Indian blue sky and Matt’s arms around me. I sighed. I could get used to this. After a lazy breakfast on our balcony, we spent the morning at the City Palace Museum. From there we strolled down to the water’s edge where there were children swimming and playing in the water.

  ‘Fancy a boat ride?’ Matt asked me.

  ‘It’s not one of those pedal boats we saw those people using the other night?’ I asked suspiciously.

  He laughed, ‘No, I promise this boat uses an engine.’

  The breeze coming off the water was a welcome relief to the humidity of the morning. I relaxed against Matt as I enjoyed the feel of the boat gliding around the lake. Eventually it docked at the Lake Palace Hotel and I watched enviously as some tourists departed the boat.

  ‘Shall we?’ asked Matt.

  ‘What? Get off here?’ I asked in confusion.

  ‘Well, it is where we’re staying tonight.’

  I stared at him, stunned. He laughed and shooed his hands at me shepherding me off the boat. ‘It’s not often that I see you speechless,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t know,’ I advised him primly. ‘I was pretty speechless when you did that thing last night with your tongue.’

  He laughed again and stroked my face before enveloping my hand with his. At that moment it wouldn’t have mattered where we were staying; I was the happiest woman in the world. I floated beside him up through the magnificent surroundings to the reception where we were given a welcome Masala tea before being taken to our room.

  I have never experienced anything like our suite at the Lake Palace Hotel. Huge silk rugs covered the floors. The walls were intricate murals, the plasterwork so ornate I continuously saw more detail. The bed was huge; a sumptuous banquet of silk and cushions. The bathroom had a freestanding claw-foot bath by a bay window; the simplicity of the enamel only enhancing the beauty of the surrounding mosaics.

  ‘I don’t ever want to leave this room,’ I said, slowly turning to experience its full glory.

  ‘I know it’s gorgeous,’ said Matt, taking some photos. ‘But I am sure the rest of the hotel is amazing as well. We really should go exploring.’

  I looked at the bed, imagining the fun we could have in it, and then out the window to the glorious day that was waiting. ‘All right,’ I said, sulking just a little, ‘but we’re going to have an early night right?’

  ‘An early night,’ he agreed, also looking hungrily at the bed.

  The hotel was built around the edge of the island leaving the middle as a large courtyard. On one side of the courtyard was an ornate garden with a huge lily pool. It was breathtaking.

  ‘There’s a lot here to photograph,’ said Matt apologetically. ‘Did you want to go to the pool bar and get us a drink? I promise not to be too long.’

  ‘You do what you need to do,’ I said, standing on tiptoes to kiss him on the lips. ‘What sort of drink do you want?’

  ‘Surprise me.’

  I headed to the pool bar and, at the barman’s recommendation, ordered some cocktails and assorted Indian bar snacks. By the time Matt turned up I was relaxing in one of the deck chairs by the pool.

  ‘Perfect timing,’ I said, viewing the bar snacks and cocktails heading our way.

  We munched and slurped contentedly before laying the deck chairs back flat and stretching out in the sun.

  ‘Matt.’

  ‘Hmmm,’ he said sleepily.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve ever had as good a time as this.’

  He opened one eye to look at me.

  ‘Seriously – I know that may seem sad to you, but I am so happy at the moment I feel like I’m going to burst.’

  ‘I’m glad,’ he said. There was a few seconds pause and then he added, ‘I think this would also be one of the best times I’ve ever had.’ He reached over and squeezed my hand, before closing his eyes again. Still holding his hand, I drifted off to sleep.

  We ate dinner at the hotel restaurant, ordering room-service dessert before heading back to our room. Sitting in the huge window seat, we admired the sparkling lights of Udaipur while we fed each other dessert. Then Matt pulled out his laptop. ‘Sorry babe,’ he said, ‘gotta work.’

  ‘Well you haven’t done much over the last few days, so I guess I can excuse you.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he grinned cheekily, ‘I’ve been a little distracted.’

  ‘Never fear.’ I pulled some more postcards out of my bag. ‘I have work of my own to do.’

  ‘Are you going to tell your mother that you’ve been shagging the polite young man you’ve been travelling with?’

  ‘No. Not yet,’ I said. ‘But I’m going to tell the girls.’

  He laughed while he booted up his computer.

  ‘Have you found your angle yet?’ I asked.

  ‘Pardon?’ He looked a little confused.

  ‘When we first started travelling you said you were trying to think of a unique angle to write your story from.’

  ‘Oh that. Yes I’m working on an idea that seems to be coming along nicely.’

  ‘Can you tell me what it is?’

  ‘Nope. You’re going to have to wait till it’s printed.’

  I stuck my tongue out at him and started on my first postcard.

  Dearest Elaine,

  It finally happened. And when I say it, I really mean IT. Yep Matt and I have finally given into our mutual lust and have spent the last few days in bed together. I know you’d be proud of me, because I have now completed Ste
p Six of the Seven Steps to Closure and had extremely meaningful sex. I have decided to laminate and frame the magazine article. I hope you and Dr Alistair have been having meaningful sex as well. We are staying at the Lake Palace Hotel in Udaipur. It is to die for and I recommend it if you ever…… cont. on Dinah’s card.

  Dearest Dinah and Gloria,

  cont. from Elaine’s card. ……..go on a honeymoon. Everything here is so beautiful. I nearly cried when I saw our room for the first time. We are sitting in it at the moment enjoying the night lights in Udaipur out our window while Matt works. Hey guys, if you haven’t read Elaine’s card or spoken to her yet, Matt and I finally got down and dirty. Well first I got really dirty when I slipped over in cow poo, and then I had a shower, and then Matt and I finally did what I’ve been wanting to do since I saw him on the plane. It was even better than our one-night-stand. Possibly because he was still there in the morning, and also because….cont. on Natalie’s card.

  Dearest Natalie,

  cont. from Dinah’s card. ……..we have been doing it multiple times a day ever since we started. I have to say that I can understand Bad Bunny a little better now, continuously wanting to shag. So Nat, I’m guessing that you have guessed by the limited context of your postcard that Matt and I finally got it on. We are having the best time and are staying in the nicest hotel in the world at the moment. Well it may not be THE nicest hotel in the world, but it is no doubt the nicest one I am ever going to stay in. I must send my thanks to Travel Abroad when I get home. Love to you all. Tara. Xxxx

  Dearest Lil and Martin,

  There is a magnificent Lily Pond here that reminded me of you Lil. We are staying at the Lake Palace Hotel which is extraordinarily sumptuous. India is such a country of contradiction. Today I was sitting at the hotel pool drinking cocktails, and I could see in the distance a building with steps leading down to the water. Women were washing their clothing while their children swam. They were like a bunch of bright flowers clothed in bright pinks, yellow and oranges, contrasting beautifully against the white marbly surroundings of the Lake Palace Hotel. Love to all. Tara. Xxxx P.S. Lil, Matt and I finally had sex. Yehhh!

  Dearest Mum and Dad,

  We are in Udaipur which is a city built around a lake. Octopussy with Roger Moore was filmed here, and it is fast becoming my favourite destination. The shopping, food and scenery here is all amazing. Tonight we are staying at a luxury hotel on an island in the lake. You should Google it Mum, it’s called The Lake Palace Hotel. It used to be the Royal Summer Palace of one of the Maharajas. There are heaps of palaces in Udaipur. The City Palace still houses the Maharaja, but the Monsoon Palace is empty. (Except for when Roger Moore was held captive there, in Octopussy) Can’t wait to fill you in on everything when I get home. Love to you both Tara. Xxxx

  * * *

  The next afternoon we departed The Lake Palace Hotel to wander Udaipur, one last time. We ate dinner before heading to the bus station where we would catch our overnight bus to Jodhpur.

  I was led into a false sense of security by the toilets on the overnight train to Udaipur and had a large bottle of water with dinner as well as some beer. I mean really, who would believe they would invent an overnight bus with no toilet? (I know, I know, Tii and everything I shouldn’t have been surprised.)

  We clambered onto the bus searching for our sleeper seats, amused when we realised the overhead baggage area had been converted to the sleeping quarters. They were awkward to climb into, especially when you are as tall as Matt, and, when you are as tall as Matt, impossible to fully stretch out in. But at least we were lying down, right? Which would have been lovely if the road had been nice and flat and smooth; not the four-wheel-drive-only road that we took to Jodhpur.

  The outside wall of our compartment consisted of two sliding windows, so initially I amused myself by watching the night scenery slip by. That was before the road deteriorated and Matt and I started jumping and bumping uncontrollably around the floor. It was also before I started to need to go to the toilet. After a while it became difficult to control my bladder while also bracing my limbs against the walls.

  I let out a whimper as we went over a particularly large rut.

  ‘Are you all right?’ asked Matt from behind me. We had quickly discovered that the only way for him to be even slightly comfortable was to spoon.

  ‘I need to go to the toilet,’ I whispered.

  ‘Oh dear,’ he replied. ‘How bad?’

  ‘Pretty bad.’

  ‘Number one or two?’

  ‘Number one.’

  ‘Well that’s something.’

  I had a vision of me trying to hang onto a Number Two while doing uncontrollable silent farts that fogged up the compartment we were squeezed into. Or worse, what if they weren’t silent but loud and deadly, so that you couldn’t even pretend it was a putrid smell from outside leaking into the bus that was threatening to suffocate both of us. I mean it was India so the putrid smell thing was actually possible. Because it was India, it was also possible that those loud and deadly farts could end with a tell-tale follow through sound, obvious to all within hearing range that the fart hadn’t been entirely dry. I shuddered at the thought. Would Matt still find me attractive if he had to spoon me knowing I had shat in my pants?

  So even though I was ecstatic it was just a number one I was hanging onto, it certainly didn’t help with my current predicament.

  ‘Why don’t you turn around and stick your bottom out the window?’

  I wiggled around to look at him. Was he serious? Although he did have a small smile on his face I think he actually was. I tried to imagine myself doing it. Even if I made Matt turn around so that he couldn’t see, I knew I couldn’t. Not unless it was the last option open to me.

  I felt the bus starting to slow down and realised it was about to stop.

  ‘Quick,’ I said, desperately trying to clamber over him to get out of the compartment. I could feel my elbows and knees squishing into soft tissue.

  ‘Stop,’ he said, wincing in pain.

  Rolling over on top of him I pushed the little curtain aside as far as I could and slithered out head first.

  ‘Help,’ I whimpered as I hung from the compartment.

  ‘Tara,’ said Matt laughing, ‘stop wiggling.’

  He grabbed my legs and lowered me to the floor where I landed quite inelegantly.

  ‘Excuse me,’ I said politely to the little Indian man whose lap I had narrowly missed. Pushing myself to my feet I sprinted towards the front of the bus. ‘Toilet,’ I yelled as I dived off the bus. Some passengers waiting to alight gestured to a nearby building. I sprinted around it, staggering in the pitch black, trying desperately to get my pants down.

  ‘Don’t think about it,’ I told myself sternly as I struggled with my belt, but my brain had already engaged the go button and all of a sudden I was in a race with my bladder to get my pants down. I squatted in relief as I managed to win the race.

  It went on and on and on and on, until finally I could hear Matt whispering into the night. ‘Tara. Where are you?’

  ‘Stay there,’ I said urgently, still in the throes of a Guinness-Book-worthy pee.

  I could hear the bus driver honk his horn.

  ‘Why didn’t you go in the toilet?’ he whispered.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Why didn’t you use the toilet?’

  I finally finished and redressed myself. ‘What toilet?’ I asked, emerging from behind the building.

  ‘This one,’ said Matt, pointing at the worldwide woman’s symbol for toilet on the door closest to me.

  ‘Hmmmm,’ I said, trying to think of some really clever answer.

  ‘You didn’t realise it was a toilet.’

  ‘No. I didn’t realise it was a toilet. It’s probably disgusting anyway,’ I said as I entered to wash my hands.

  ‘Is it disgusting?’ he asked from outside.

  ‘Yes,’ I lied as I activated the electric hand dryer.

  ‘Liar
,’ he laughed. ‘Come on, the bus driver is getting impatient.’

  Five minutes later, I was back in our compartment sighing with the relief. I took off my shoes and wiggled back against Matt trying to get comfortable.

  ‘Tara,’ said Matt, ‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you.’

  ‘Why not?’ I started to ask and then I felt it, large and hard digging into my back.

  ‘Oh,’ I said, ‘you got me a gift.’

  ‘Yep, but you can’t unwrap it until tomorrow.’

  I sulked for a bit but finally conceded that the physical probability of us being able to have sex was small. Plus it was only a curtain separating us from the rest of the passengers. It would just have to wait.

  We finally managed to catch a few hours’ sleep before arriving in Jodhpur early in the morning. The conductor woke us, gesturing for us to get off. I peeped outside making sure that we were indeed in Jodhpur, and noticed the end window had become loose and bounced open during the night. I shoved it shut with my foot before looking around for my shoes.

  ‘Oh no,’ I said as I realised what had happened.

  ‘What’s wrong,’ Matt asked, sticking his head into the compartment.

  ‘My shoes.’

  ‘What? They got dirty in the field last night?’

  ‘No. They’re gone.’

  ‘Gone where?’

  ‘Out the window during the night.’

  Matt looked at me with a stunned expression before chuckling and shaking his head. ‘What is it with you and shoes?’ he asked.

  While Jaipur had been the pink city, Jodhpur was the blue one, named because the majority of the buildings were painted the exact same lilacy blue.

  After we had checked in, I placed my bag in the corner of the room and, turning to Matt said, ‘Now where’s my present?’

  ‘You’re insatiable.’

  ‘You’re just too damned sexy,’ I replied, looking at him. His crumpled clothing and tousled brown hair made me want to throw him on the bed and have my wicked way.