Karen Anne Golden - The Cats That 03 - The Cats That Told a Fortune

by Karen Anne Golden

  “The mention of that hotel always makes me remember poppy seeds, Patricia and poison,” Colleen spitted with a wry smile.

  Katherine didn’t comment, but said, “After dinner, we’ll gather in the attic for a séance or game of Ouija board.”

  “Not so keen on the Ouija board, Katz,” Colleen said seriously.

  “Why?” Katherine asked, surprised.

  “You could easily conjure up a bad spirit. My paranormal group doesn’t recommend it. The Ouija board opens up a portal and evil can get in.”

  “But it’s just for fun.”

  “Not a good idea, trust me. Would your party planner get into a snit if I offered a suggestion?”

  “I’m paying her, so it’s my call,” Katherine said.

  “We could decorate the attic with spooky stuff, then go up for a spirit hunting session. I have my EMF meter, which you’re familiar with.”

  “The needle flips to red when there’s a ghost,” Katherine remembered.

  “Uh-huh. I also brought a digital voice recorder to record EVPs . . .”

  “What’s that?” Katherine asked.

  “EVP is short for ‘Electronic Voice Phenomena,’ which records spirit voices not audible to the human ear.”

  “Oh, that’s creepy as hell. I’d move out of the house if it picked up my great aunt or bootlegging great uncle complaining about something,” Katherine announced.

  “I also brought my pen-style digital infrared thermometer. It checks for cold spots in the house.”

  “Last winter just about every part of the house had a cold spot,” Katherine joked.

  “You said last spring you had a paranormal encounter with cold air wafting by you. The thermometer would pick that up.”

  “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s the room you’ll be staying in. You don’t mind sharing it with a ghost, do you?” Katherine said facetiously.

  “Cool,” Colleen said with a grin.

  “Oh, and by the way, you’ve really become sophisticated with this, Colleen. I’m impressed, but I’m having second thoughts about the attic ghost hunting idea. Can I take that idea under advisement?”

  “You sound like Mark Dunn.”

  “I think it’s in bad taste so soon after several people were murdered in my house. I don’t want the Erie folk’s tongues a-flappin.’”

  “Tongues a-flappin’? You’re starting to talk like the natives.”

  “The natives in Indiana are called Hoosiers,” Katherine kidded.

  The server brought over their country fried chicken dinner with white gravy, along with mashed potatoes, green beans, and coleslaw. She set down two tall glasses of sweetened iced tea.

  “Oh, I love their food,” Colleen said, diving in. “Tell me more about Jake. I know he looks like Johnny Depp, he loves cats, and they love him too. You said he’s polite, sweet, caring . . . But what are you not telling me, girlfriend to girlfriend?”

  Katherine put her fork down and sighed, “He’s so wonderful. I’m just waiting for him to mess up.”

  “Like Mario did,” Colleen said icily. “You’d think he’d at least text and let me know he got to Italy okay. I haven’t heard one word from him. He doesn’t return my emails. He hasn’t called me. He dumped me – plain and simple!”

  “Did you have a clue he was going to quit his job and move to Italy?” Katherine asked sympathetically.

  “Woman’s intuition, I guess,” Colleen answered. “Mario always had a roving eye. I mean, when we’d go out to dinner, I’d try my best to look gorgeous for him, but I’d catch him looking at other women. If a server was good looking, he’d chat her up. It made me livid.”

  “Gary did the same, but he was a serial cheater. I knew Mario as the polite doorman, so I never knew how he acted outside the job. When I was there St. Patrick’s Day, I noticed he was somewhat aloof, but I just assumed he was in a mood.”

  “So, Katz, I’m moving on. I had my crying spell, and now I’m ready to start again.”

  “Hear! Hear!” Katherine said, raising her iced tea glass for a toast. “May Colleen find the man of her dreams.”

  Colleen said with a grin, “May Katz find the perfect man who isn’t allergic to cats.”

  “You’ll meet Jake this evening.” Katherine winked. “He’s taking us to a fish fry. Covered Bridge Festival, which you missed, is in its final death throes of killing everyone with pumpkins. Jake said the fish fry is the last event and is being held at the Erie fire station.”

  “Did you say ‘fire station’?” Colleen asked, suddenly perking up to the idea of meeting a handsome fireman.

  Katherine read her friend’s mind, “I’m sure at least one of the firemen will pass your inspection. Jake’s going to pick us up at six.”

  “Perfect! Can’t wait to meet him. Have you met his parents yet?” Colleen asked, in-between bites of green beans.

  Katherine made a face. “Ah, I met them yesterday at Millbridge. It was at one of the Covered Bridge Festivals; Jake took me.”

  “Let me guess. Dad looks like Johnny Depp senior, and mom looks like a movie star.”

  Katherine grimaced. “Yes, Jake’s dad did look like Johnny Depp senior, but mom was a different story. Envision a pinched-faced plain Jane. Also, one that’s as friendly as a rattlesnake.”

  “Shut the door! No way!” Colleen said, shocked.

  “Way,” Katherine answered. “She gave me the cold shoulder for reasons unexplained.”

  “Strange. You’re so bubbly. Why would she do that?”

  Katherine shook her head. “Maybe she thinks I’m a gold digger, after her son’s money.”

  Colleen cleared her throat dramatically and reminded, “You’re the one getting the big bucks.”

  “Or maybe she thinks Jake’s seeing me too soon after his wife died. I’m committing some kind of Erie taboo by dating her son.”

  “Wow, Katz. You might have something there. Hasn’t it been a year?” Colleen asked.

  “Yes,” Katherine answered.

  “Maybe Jake’s mom doesn’t think that’s long enough.”

  “I’m not going to worry about it,” Katherine said. “How about we settle up and hit the road? I’ve got an appointment later with the party planner.”

  * * *

  When Katherine and Colleen drove up in front of the pink mansion, the driveway was blocked by a large Four Winds motorhome with a New York license plate: 13 Magic.

  Colleen chuckled, “Must be the magician.”

  “Yes, a magic man who doesn’t know how to park,” Katherine complained. A red Mini Cooper was parked in front of the motorhome. “That must be the party planner, but they’re early.” She pulled the Subaru in front of the Mini, turned off the ignition, and hopped out. A woman in her late forties with pancake makeup, fake eyelashes, and a crop of short purple hair met her on the sidewalk. The passenger – a heavy-set woman with red hennaed hair – climbed out after her. Colleen began collecting her luggage to take inside.

  “Are you Katherine Kendall?” the purple-haired woman asked.

  Katherine smiled. “Are you Mary?”

  “Yes, I’m so glad to meet you. I’m so sorry we’re early, but Misha, the magician, got the time confused. He called me from the road, so I picked up Bella and practically flew to Erie.”

  A short, stocky man with wavy black hair and a large mustache, dressed in a black leather jacket, red sateen shirt and blue jeans, climbed out of the motorhome. He hurried over to the women and spoke in a sultry Russian accent, “Are you Carol?” he asked Katherine.

  “My name is Katherine. You can call me Katz.”

  He ceremoniously took Katherine’s hand and kissed it. Katherine quickly withdrew her hand for fear of what else the man might do. “Katsee, my name is Misha,” he said.

  “Pleased to meet you.”

  “Katz, this is Bella,” Mary introduced. “Bella and Misha are originally from Moscow, but moved to Brooklyn several years ago.”

  Bella smiled, revealing a set
of gold-capped teeth. “Da, Katsee, we much like you house.” Her accent was thicker than the magician’s.

  When Colleen got out, Misha ran over to her side of the car, but Colleen dodged him with her carry-on bag. “Katz, I’m going in,” she announced. “Can you lock the car? We can come back later for the suitcase.”

  “Nyet!” Misha said to Colleen, eyeing her up and down. “I carry.”

  “Okay,” Colleen said. She whispered to Katherine, who was standing close by. “Is he a dead ringer for Boris Badenov, or what? You know, ‘Moose and Squirrel.’”

  “Stop it. He’ll hear you,” Katherine whispered, amused. She opened the Subaru hatch and Misha hoisted the heavy suitcase out.

  Katherine guided the group to the front porch and opened the door. “Please come in,” she said. Colleen made a dash for the back of the house. “Let’s sit in the parlor.” Katherine pointed the way. Katherine, Bella and Mary sat down, but Misha remained standing.

  Mary said, “We’ll go over the plan for the party – a quick overview. Bella, would you like to start?”

  Bella was too preoccupied to answer. She was staring with eyes wide open at the two felines sitting on top of the wood window valance. “I h-h-hate kats,” she slurred, then sneezed.

  Katherine threw her a dirty look. “And?” she asked defensively.

  “I von’t vork with k-k-kat.”

  “Mary, can I have a word?” Katherine got up and led Mary into the atrium. She said in a lowered voice, “My house is full of cats.”

  Mary said with sudden energy. “Bella barely speaks English. She meant to say she’s allergic to cats.”

  As if on cue, Bella sneezed again in the next room.

  Abby and Lilac looked down with feline disdain for the humans invading their territory.

  “Okay, fine, but I plan on locking up the cats when the party takes place. I’ll make sure the parlor is super clean so she won’t have an allergy attack.”

  “Cool,” Mary said, walking back into the parlor.

  Misha was eyeing the cloisonné collection that filled a glass-front cabinet. “Katsee, would you like to make a bizz-ness? I buy,” he said pointing at the vases.

  “No,” Katherine said abruptly. “Can we begin the meeting?” She was getting a headache from being called the wrong name.

  Mary began, “You mentioned in your email there’ll be cocktails before the dinner. I suggest Bella read fortunes first. This room will be perfect for that. She likes to do readings individually.”

  Colleen returned to the front of the house and came into the parlor. “Hello! I’m Colleen,” she declared, then asked Bella, “Do you use a crystal ball or read palms?”

  Misha said to Bella something in Russian. “Da,” Bella answered. “Krystal ball and Kards.”

  “Tarot cards?” Colleen asked further.

  Misha said, “Da.”

  Mary explained. “While the cocktails are served, Misha will be mingling with the guests. He’ll perform several tricks, then take something from each person. When he’s finished, he’ll give them to me and I’ll draw a scavenger’s hunt map. Katz, does your printer have a copy feature?”

  Katherine answered, “Yes, of course. But can you clarify how Misha takes something from each person?”

  Misha laughed with a deep bellow. “I take somezink from you.” He drew out of his jacket pocket Katherine’s cell phone.

  “I’ll take that,” Katherine said quickly, snatching it. “That’s amazing,” she said, returning the cell to her back pocket. “I was pickpocketed and I didn’t even know it.”

  “Katsee, it’s magic,” Misha said, taking a dramatic bow.

  Iris marched into the room with her tail hiked up. She eyed the group suspiciously, then trotted over to the Russian magician. “Yowl,” she cried sweetly, collapsing on the man’s leg.

  “Iris,” Katherine said, moving rapidly to pick her up, but Misha beat her to the punch.

  The magician reached down, scooped Iris up, and cradled her in his arms. He then started cooing something in Russian to the seal-point Siamese, who seemed to be in a state of pure catly ecstasy. With eyes crossed, Iris began purring loudly.

  Katherine said worriedly, “Oh, please let me have her.” The Russian kissed Iris on the nose, cooed something else in Russian, and then handed her to Katherine.

  Katherine held Iris close. “Excuse me. I’ll be right back,” she said. She walked to her back office area and gently scolded Iris. “You’re not supposed to do that with strangers. What if he tried to hurt you?” Iris gave Katherine a haughty look, and then let out a barrage of loud ‘yowls.’

  “A little less conversation,” Katherine said, locking the sassy cat in the powder room.

  Returning to the parlor, Katherine said to Mary, “I don’t know how my guests will feel about being pickpocketed. I think I should warn them in advance so if someone doesn’t want to participate, they’ll be exempted from the act.”

  Mary agreed, “Sure thing. Now while you’re having dinner, Misha and I will place each personal item in an envelope with the owner’s name. Then I’ll seal it and assign a number, which will coincide with an approximate hiding place on the map. I’ll use your printer to copy the map for each guest. After I hide the items, we’ll take our leave.”

  “Sounds fine to me,” Katherine said. “Just make sure I have the maps.”

  Mary continued, “Definitely! So, I’ll expect payment before dinner. Bella and Misha prefer cash. Would that be a problem?”

  “Cash it will be.”

  “You’re going to have a wonderful party,” Mary said excitedly, running her hand through her hair.

  Colleen, who had been quietly listening, spoke up, “How long will the scavenger hunt take?”

  Mary spoke animatedly. “I’d guess-timate about two hours. Generally, when there are twelve guests, each search takes ten minutes, give-or-take.”

  Katherine said to Colleen, “I could call intermission mid-way and serve dessert.”

  “Cool,” Colleen said.

  Misha stood in the atrium and was eying a crystal Tiffany wine decanter with matching goblets. He called to Katherine, “Wanna make a bizz-ness? How much dollars?”

  “No, again,” Katherine said, then to Mary. “Another word,” she led Mary to the dining room. She said firmly, “How much do you know about this man? Misha’s been casing the joint ever since he walked in.”

  “Oh, I assure you. They are honest people. They’ve worked for me for two years now. I’ve never had a complaint or had anything stolen.”

  “Good to know. Listen, I think this wraps things up,” Katherine said hastily. “I’ll call –”

  She was interrupted by Bella shouting from the parlor. “A v-v-vat,” the fortune teller screamed. When Colleen saw what “a vat” was, she darted to the back of the house.

  Katherine, Mary and Misha ran into the parlor. “What’s wrong?” Katherine asked, then observed Scout by the fireplace with her paw pressed down on a squirming black creature. “Waugh!” Scout cried happily, with a delicious twinkle in her blue eyes. Abra stood nearby. Her whip-like tail was flicking back and forth in a state of feline excitement. The Siamese looked up at Katherine with curious expressions on their brown masks as if to ask, “Why are you bothering us? We’re having fun here.”

  “Scout, let that bat go!” Katherine ordered.

  Mary ran into the living room. “A bat!” she yelled. Bella grabbed her capacious gypsy bag and fled the scene, slamming the front door behind her. Through the parlor window, Katherine watched her half-running, half-waddling to the party planner’s red Mini Cooper.

  Mary returned to the parlor and stood uneasily, half-behind Katherine.

  “Katsee, I get,” Misha volunteered. He removed his leather jacket and moved toward Scout. Scout lifted her paw and the bat flew up and seemed to bounce off the wall. Abby and Lilac remained on the valance and were taking swipes at the bat as it flew by. Scout and Abra began springing in the air like ballerinas, trying
to snatch the flying creature.

  Misha got too close to the pair. Abra hissed a ferocious warning at the Russian.

  “Nice, kitty katsee,” Misha implored. The bat flew around the room, darting here and there, skirting Mary’s hair, which sent the party planner into another screaming frenzy.

  “Misha, don’t let the bat bite you,” Katherine warned.

  Finally, Misha scooped the bat in his jacket. He ran outside and let the bat go.

  Scout tried to run outside and do further chase, but Katherine tackled her near the door. “Not so fast, magic cat. We’re going to join Iris in the next room.”

  Mary grasped her bag and went to the door. “Katz, I’ll call you later.” She hurriedly left.

  Still clutching Scout, Katherine shut and locked the front door. “Waugh,” Scout protested, kicking her.

  “Okay, okay!” When she set her down, Abra trotted over and boxed Scout between the ears. “Raw,” she cried in a tone that seemed to scold her sister for trying to escape.

  “Well, cats, that’s one way to clear a room,” Katherine teased. “Let’s go find Colleen.” She then headed to the back of the house with Scout and Abra tagging along behind her. When she let Iris out of the powder room, Scout and Abra chased the sassy Siamese to the kitchen, where Katz found Colleen laughing hysterically. She had dropped into a modern aluminum side chair. Her head was tipped back and she was fanning herself with her hand. “That was hilarious!” Colleen uttered between giggles. “I watched it from the back hallway door.”

  Katherine rolled her eyes. “Well, carrot top. You know where the bat came from, right?”

  “No, where?”

  “No matter how many different locks I’ve had installed on the attic door, Scout figures it out and opens it. Do you still want to do your ghost hunting gig up there?”

  “It’s called spirit hunting,” Colleen said, then added, “If there’s bats up there, maybe we can find another place.”

  Katherine extracted her cell out of her pocket and called the vet. The receptionist Valerie answered. Katherine explained the situation. While she waited for Dr. Sonny to come to the line, she said to Colleen, “Scout could have been bitten by that poor creature.”