Fear of the Dead

by Mortimer Jackson

  As much as she wanted to disagree, Linus was right. They needed to know what was going on out there. Grace needed answers just as much as Linus, as Atton and Eli, and anyone else that might still have been alive.

  8:22 PM

  Dear Lord,

  Today was a good day. Linus and I made dinner. Now we’re waiting for Atton and Eli to return. It’s getting dark though. The food is already cold. I don’t know how long it will be until they come back. But I’m sure they will.

  Linus tells me that I shouldn’t worry about them. And in a way he’s right. They’ve been going in and out of that door since practically the moment we met. I know that if anyone can take care of themselves out there, it’s them.

  I worry though, the same as I always have and always will. And there isn’t anything that anyone can say or do that will make me change. Except of course, for if the boys decided not to wander around so much.

  Wishful thinking I’m afraid.

  I pray that you take care of them, especially when they’re outside, looking for what they need the most. Bless them dear Lord, and bless us. Take care of our newest sister Vanessa, and make sure that no harm comes her way.

  In Jesus’ name,

  Amen.

  8:45 PM

  As she returned to her bed, Grace turned off the flashlight. Darkness engulfed the store.

  Linus slept in the office the same as he always did. With Atton and Eli out, Grace had little choice but to sleep alone in the dank, hollow confines of the Costco camping aisle alongside a woman who wasn’t yet able to talk.

  Had this been four months ago, Grace would have been scared. At the start of the infection, Grace used to be afraid of being alone in the dark. With all the demons walking and running around, every hint of sound was reason enough for suspicion. Every tiny bit of noise spawned the fear that there might be more of them lurking in the shadows, hiding somewhere. For the first three weeks, she hardly ever slept on her own. Too much could go wrong. Too many places they could come from. Too many unlit corners.

  It wasn’t until she finally listened to God that she was able to let herself go. After having proven to herself that God was watching over her, Grace found it easier to dull the passing noises around her. Now she didn’t worry about the tapping in the distance, or the crinkling that she heard coming from the roof.

  God was watching her. He was watching all his children. And as long as they believed in him, God would be there to protect them no matter what.

  Chapter Six

  Day Five

  Thursday

  April 24, 2003

  6:21 AM

  Grace opened her eyes, and it was day again. Early. The sun had just started to rise. She checked the time on her watch. 6:21 AM. About half an hour earlier than when she usually woke up.

  When Grace ambled herself up out of bed, feelings of excitement and rebirth washed over her like a nice hot shower. She was in a good mood today. She was alive and energetic.

  The air was cold beyond the covers, but tolerable. Grace shivered for a bit when she got up. She retrieved a winter parka from one of the coat hangers that the store had in stock, and she brushed her teeth before eventually stepping up to the roof.

  It was a beautiful day. Gentle blue with clouds of white. Grace took to a folded chair that awaited her company since yesterday. The roof was her favorite place in the store. It was quiet and tranquil, with so much around her to see.

  A few inches away from the chair was a cooler packed with bottled green tea and spring water. For the duration of her stay at Costco, Grace had gotten used to spending most of her days sitting on the rooftop with nothing but some drinks, a book, and a pair of binoculars. When morning began settling in she found as she always had since their stay that today was a good day to be outside.

  She took her binoculars and used them to stare down the distant streets, looking for any hint of survivors. After having seen Vanessa with her own two eyes, Grace had fast grown to anticipate more. And there were more of them out there. There simply had to be. Of all the disasters that could have happened in California, no event could ever have been as catastrophic as to leave only five people left.

  There were more of them out there. It was only a matter of finding them. Grace remained confident that all she had to do was look, and in due time she would find what she sought.

  Galatians 6:9. And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.

  9:32 AM

  The demons were hiding within buildings not too far away. A few blocks down, Grace could scarcely make out their silhouettes from the corners of buildings. She saw pieces of clothes cast out in the daylight. Pale white skin dangled like the ambling corpses they were. They were off in the distance, far enough away that they wouldn’t be able to see her, and she could barely make out much more than their moving shapes.

  It was easy to tell without having to observe the details, the differences between the way a demon walked, and a human being. When they didn’t know they were being watched, the demons had a natural tendency to walk with their limbs dangling from their bodies, ready to fall completely off. But when they sensed prey, their behavior changed almost instantly. They would hunch, and regain control over themselves. They’d spread their hands and feet apart, ready to catch a moving prey with their bare hands. Their mouths would hang wide open, ready to bite.

  They were no different to animals, those demons. Grace had seen them hunt several times just staring at them from the safety of her rooftop, and even more before then. They hunted in packs, just like wolves. And they were tactical creatures as well. When the need arose, they were skilled at hiding and ambushing prey, be they human or animal.

  Once Grace had seen a deer walk into the middle of the city. It had almost been a week ago now. She saw it from the eyes of her binoculars. A graceful creature, trampling on a road that it thought was safe, nibbling on displaced garbage on the floor.

  Up until that point she’d never realized just how few animals she’d seen since the infection began. After four months of seeing nothing but the restless dead, the animal had been one of her first few signs of hope.

  She remembered planting her elbows on the ledge as she watched the creature from afar. She smiled like a little girl impressed at the sight of a rabbit, or a baby cat. She wanted to go downstairs and ring up the others. But Grace didn’t want to lose a single moment with her deer.

  It remained in the city for nearly an hour, walking constantly about in search for food. Then it raised its ears, and heard the demons. Once they closed in on its position, it tried to run. But the demons had already cornered every grid in its path.

  The poor animal didn’t stand a chance. They bit and ripped it to shreds while it was still alive. Then they dragged it off the street, into a place out of her line of sight. Perhaps into whatever dank pit they called a home. The queasiness in Grace’s stomach never went away.

  But did they truly have a home? Were the demons as much alive in their own right as animals or humans? Did they have it in them to recognize compassion?

  No. They were demons, and that was all there was to it.

  But the souls of those they'd possessed were still inside. They had to be exorcised, set free of their possessors. Deep down there were still people in those bodies. And they had to be rescued.

  It was for this that Grace had always disapproved of killing the demons. Taking the life of a demon meant taking the life of whoever was still inside their vessels.

  It was one of the many concerns she had over Atton and Eli leaving as often as they did with guns. Though Eli more than Atton. Because while Grace never spoke of it or ever publicly acknowledged it, she and everyone else in their camp had known Eli Desmond well enough to know that he derived a certain measurement of joy out of killing the possessed.

  He also never took her seriously. When he learned that she was a believer in God, he’d openly mocked her on more than several occasions. According to him, Go
d was nothing more than feel-good fiction.

  Eli’s general disdain for Grace and her Lord had at times been a source of frustration for her, but she never allowed it to interfere with the sisterly love she had for him. Even as he tried to dissuade her from believing in her Lord, she felt nothing but sorry that Eli would never understand.

  The sun hadn't cleared yet. It was still cold at half past nine, and the morning color remained the same. The climate was cold, and the wind did little to help.

  Grace munched on a bag of roasted chips, her hands quickly turning to shards of ice. Eventually the cold was too much to bear, and she had to give up. She packed her things and went downstairs to make herself some tea. This time she made jasmine. Since Costco didn't carry ginseng, or for that matter any of the standard flavors she’d grown accustomed to drinking, Grace was forced to compromise on the flavors that were the most easily mass-produced. Earl grey, vanilla, jasmine, green tea, and the like. She didn't mind any of them, but they were still just substitutes for what she would have preferred, especially at a time like this. Of what was available, she enjoyed the green tea the most, but then again she had nothing but bottles of green tea outside in her cooler. She’d made vanilla yesterday, and the bags of Earl Grey simply weren't any good.

  And so jasmine it was.

  After boiling a fresh pot, Grace contemplated going back outside again. But the sun still hadn't come up yet. The glass portion of the roof was still coated in the same gloomy tone of blue.

  Strange, Grace thought to herself, and silently asked how long it would remain the way it was.

  She thought it best for the time being to simply stay inside, and wait for things to clear. Plus, for the time being she had Vanessa to look out for. The young woman was apt to wake up at any moment now. Best to be around when she did, so she could answer any questions that the woman might have when she woke up, as well as ask a few of her own.

  She pulled up a chair beside Vanessa, and to pass the time she prayed.

  12:33 PM

  Dear Lord,

  It's been a cold day. I haven't been able to sit still without shaking. Maybe it's my age, but I was never any good at handling extreme temperatures.

  Florida would be better place at this time of year. I've never been there, but I've heard it's a great place to be no matter what time of the month. Who knows? Maybe it's nice even now. Maybe there won't be as many demons. Maybe there aren’t any at all.

  I've been thinking a lot about

  12:34 PM

  The woman on the bed stirred awake. Vanessa's eyes were weak, but open. Grace nearly gasped in surprise.

  “You're up,” she praised.

  Vanessa groaned as she pulled herself up. She threw her hair behind her face, and yawned.

  “Where...” she asked, then turned around. As her eyes grew wider apart, her sense of vision gradually returned.

  “Costco?”

  Vanessa's eyes were fixated at the large sign on the wall hanging overhead the food court. The word Costco in bold red letters, and below it a menu. $13.99 for pizza. $1.99 for hot dog. French fries at $2.19, and on the right was a display of sundaes and coffee.

  “You're alright now dear,” Grace said, laying her hand on her shoulder, then taking it away for fear that her touch was still too cold.

  Vanessa stared back at Grace. Almost in disbelief. Her blue eyes lit like those of a confused child. She couldn't believe what she saw, and didn't quite understand what to feel about it.

  “You're,” and she stopped, and she hesitated. “You're alive.”

  In turn, Grace nodded with a reassuring smile.

  “You're safe now.”

  She retreated for a bit, then pushed forward.

  “What about the evacuation?”

  Not five minutes had passed since the woman had woken up, and already Grace was forced to share her slip of bad news.

  “They're not here,” she said, averting the detailed response that she likely should have shared at that moment.

  “They're still out there?”

  Grace let her facial expression answer the question. Vanessa's mood dropped, but it rose again only slightly.

  “Is there anyone else?”

  Grace was lost.

  “Any more survivors, I mean.”

  “Yes. There are. There's four of us right now. Or, should I say five? Linus is on the radio. For the time being, Atton and Eli are out.”

  “I thought I heard someone else here. You were talking to someone.”

  Grace simpered.

  “My dear I was praying.”

  “Oh.” She rubbed her eyes. “You said that someone was on the radio?”

  “Linus. He's been trying to send messages to anyone that might listen.”

  “Trying?”

  “We’ve had little response.”

  Vanessa's eyes fell to the floor. After a second yawn, she picked herself up and stretched. She put her socks and shoes back on, then gazed at her diary, which wasn't sealed around her arms like she had last left it. Now, it was closer to Grace.

  “Can I see this radio of yours?” she asked.

  Grace nodded, and she took her to see Linus.

  “Someone's awake,” Grace introduced after opening the door. Vanessa walked in after her, and took in the room before greeting the man behind the desk. She briefly examined his brown-haired, grey-eyed features, took his hand, and then cast her gaze on the radio.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked, his mind still partially glued to the heavy machinery on his desk.

  “Fine,” Vanessa said. “That radio. Does it work?”

  “It does. Why?”

  “Have you been able to reach anyone?”

  “No. There's no one around to listen, and even if there was chances are they’ve got no way of letting me know either way. We stole this thing from a military base. I don’t know if there are very many people around to get one of their own.”

  “But the transmitter works?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So you can reach the government.”

  Linus shook his head.

  “We don’t know where the government is. For the time being it’s just us civilians.”

  Vanessa seemed to take it better than Grace had anticipated.

  “Oh,” was her only reaction.

  “But there’s one thing I’ve been thinking about,” Linus said. “If I found some way to transmit on a larger device. I don’t know. Maybe, like a radio station or something. If I did that I’d probably get a better reach.”

  Vanessa massaged her face. Grace came closer and touched her back.

  “Are you alright?”

  “I think I have a headache. Do you have some aspirin?”

  “The store has a pharmacy. We can get you something there if you’d like.”

  “Thank you. I think that would help a lot.”

  Linus cut in. “What about…”

  Grace raised her hand in the air.

  “Linus, if it can wait, right now we have to make sure that Vanessa is in tip top condition.”

  Vanessa smirked.

  “What?” asked Grace.

  “My mom used to say tip top.”

  Grace patted her on the back.

  “So did mine.”

  Vanessa stood at least a foot and a half taller than Grace. She was younger, more nubile. She envied the younger woman, who looked pretty even with all the exhaustion in her eyes. She went to the pharmacy and gave her a bottle of Tylenol.

  “That should make you feel better. Would you like some tea with that?”

  A pause. And then, “Tea would be great. Thanks.”

  “It’s no problem dear. What kind would you like?”

  “Any is fine.”

  “Earl Grey?”

  She didn’t think long enough to process the question.

  “Sure. I’m actually feeling a little dizzy right now though. I think I’ll go lie down for a bit.”

  “You go do that. I’ll bring your
tea right over. You keep yourself warm.”

  She agreed, and shortly after disappeared. Linus came in her place only shortly after.

  “Where’d she go?” he asked. Grace made for the kitchen to begin work on her tea.

  “She’s lying down right now. Please. Don’t bother her. The girl is tired. She needs a good rest.”

  “Yeah. Sure thing.”

  “So, you had any good dreams last night?” asked Linus, switching himself into casual conversation mode.

  “Didn’t have any. What about you?”

  Linus took a seat on the kitchen counter.

  “Mine didn't really feel like a dream. More like a memory.”

  “I've had one of those,” which for Grace, had been putting it mildly. More and more often her dreams, whenever she had them, were flashbacks to some of the memorable moments in her youth. The ones that stood out above the rest. And every time she had them, it felt like she was actually there, reliving everything she'd ever done. Basking in the same old childhood victories, and perhaps most of all repeating all the same foolish mistakes. Being with all the familiar people that decades of wisdom would have told her to avoid.

  Even though those had been but mere dreams, her mental relegation into the past made her think of the old saying; “Youth wasted on the young.” Even in her dreams, in going back to the times when she made her greatest mistakes, there been so little that she had actually changed.

  But they were dreams in the end. And people weren't always in control of their subconscious selves. Nonetheless, there was a lesson to be learned on the foolishness of youth, and in some ways how much people ever truly changed.

  “So what was your dream?”

  Linus stared.