A Beginner's Guide to Fangs (Vampire Innocent Book 2)

by Matthew S. Cox

  Oh, ack. I can’t even look at her. Or the screen with her right next to me. Walking in on Sophia making out with a boy wouldn’t be this awkward. Fortunately, I don’t see that happening for at least six years. At least, I better not―or I’m going to be throwing a kid out a window. Sixteen will still make me cringe, but I’d be a hypocrite to give her grief over that.

  Ash’s writhing in the seat comes to an abrupt stop. She shrinks in on herself, blushing hard.

  Hmm. She’s really acting weird. It’s probably a good idea to have a talk, and soon. Maybe all those years of being the ‘cute’ one in our group are finally taking their toll. I’m hardly an objective observer here, but if my transformation into a vampire has made me look younger, maybe she thinks I’m stealing the ‘cute girl’ title and she gets to be sexy now. Not that I really care. I didn’t ask to change, and no one officially designated Michelle the smart girl, Ashley the cute girl, and me the… I dunno, what was I? Painfully Average Girl wound be a lame superhero. I guess I’m Mostly Follows Rules Girl.

  I can’t be Follows Rules Girl because she wouldn’t have passed out drunk headfirst in Tiffany Hoffman’s hamper.

  Ugh. Right. Worry about this later. Be normal. Night out to have fun.

  The film’s pretty decent, but doesn’t strike me as the type of movie to have an Easter egg at the end of the credits, so we get up to leave as soon as they start. Much to my delight, it’s gotten dark enough outside that I don’t lose my powers in the hall. Still raining though. It’s so weird hearing raindrops hit the roof of a building this big while being able to pick that sound out among the din of a hundred people all talking at once and multiple movies going on behind the doors we’re walking past.

  Naturally, Michelle and Ashley have to hit the restroom, so I go with them. Mostly to keep up the illusion of normal. If I waited in the hall, I may as well wear a T-shirt with ‘no longer alive’ printed on it. Anyone who can walk out of a movie and go straight to their car without peeing isn’t human. Heh. I could probably get away with wearing a shirt like that, too. Most people would take it as a joke or a bleak comment on society.

  Despite there being a bit of a line, I wait my turn and sit in a stall for a believable enough time, flush clean water, and walk out. We head out the front entrance and it still feels like a clammy July night. The rain’s stopped, but the sky’s so overcast the last maybe-hour of sunlight isn’t breaking through enough to take my powers away.

  Michelle huddles close to me on the left. Ashley squeezes into me on the right.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Creep alert,” whispers Michelle. “Feels like someone’s watching us.”

  I glance casually around and don’t see anyone obviously staring, and there’s no inexplicable sense of imminent danger in my head. “Don’t worry about creeps. If anyone gets in our faces, they’re going to get a nasty surprise.”

  Ashley grins.

  “That mean you’re, umm, ‘wide awake?’” asks Michelle.

  “Yeah,” I mutter. “And I don’t―” A tingle spreads down my back at the same time a faint shoe sole crunch comes from the paving behind us.

  I spin, but there’s only two couples holding hands and a middle-aged guy herding a pack of five little girls toward a minivan. They’re giggling, and the threatening footsteps occupy a distinctly different space in my awareness from them. Trying to hone in on the feel of where the scuff came from, I look farther back to the building, and stare at a pasty-faced guy in a dark blue hoodie pointing a camera at us.

  “You don’t what?” Ashley tugs on my arm. “Why’d you stop?’

  “I was going to say I didn’t think anyone was watching us, but I’m wrong.”

  My friends turn and follow where I’m glaring. When all three of us wind up looking straight at him, Camera Guy lowers his lens for a moment, then lifts it back up. I narrow my eyes and start walking toward him, but he runs off to the left, racing down the sidewalk along the front of the shopping center.

  I could go after him, but flying or running faster than humanly possible would have too many witnesses. The roar of giggling nine-year-olds wanes as the exhausted man drags himself into the minivan and slams the door. From the chatter, his two daughters and their three friends aren’t about to quiet down any time soon.

  “Dude can really run,” says Michelle. “Maybe he’s like a PI or something. Who uses an actual camera anymore?”

  “No idea.” Ashley shrugs. “Who’d wanna carry something that big?”

  We walk to the Kia and hop in. This time, I take the back seat before Ashley. She deserves a turn at shotgun. They’re both hungry, and I don’t care about calories. By the way, few things feel as weird and uncomfortable as what happened in the bathroom later after I ate a giant bowl of ice cream.

  Still. Totally worth it. And I’d do it again.

  Michelle drives us to the Tipsy Cow. Guess she wants burgers.

  Getting a table, ordering, hanging out chatting about random unimportant crap―it all feels so wonderfully normal that I wind up getting a hitch in my throat. A month ago, this exact scene could’ve played out and none of us would be contemplating death or mortality. Of course, this would’ve been the summer before I moved out of state, so we’d have been bummed out over that. I really don’t know what possessed me to think of California, so far away from my home and friends.

  When the waiter, Brian, arrives with our food, I’m picturing the day before I would’ve left. Specifically, Ashley freaking out and crying. I manage a raspy, “Thanks” when he puts my plate in front of me.

  “No problem, ladies.” Brian smiles at us while clasping his hands in front of himself. “Can I get you anything else? Steak sauce?”

  Michelle nods at him.

  “I’m good,” says Ashley, staring at me.

  “Be right back with that steak sauce.” Brian hurries off.

  “What’s wrong?” asks Ashley.

  After taking a deep breath, I sigh out my nose, then grin at her. “Nothing really. I’m just being emo about everything now. Almost moving away, almost dying… I’m okay. My emotions are kinda wonky.”

  Michelle shakes her head. “What made you wanna even go all the way to California? You’re such a homebody. I bet you woulda transferred back here in a couple months, bein’ lonely and all.”

  I’m about to bite into my burger, but I burst out laughing instead. “You know… that might’ve happened.”

  Brian jogs back over, sets a bottle of A1 down by Michelle, and trots off.

  She opens it and dumps some out right on the burger. “Don’t BS me. We been friends too damn long. Ain’t no ‘might’ about it.”

  “I dunno,” says Ashley, avoiding eye contact with both of us. “It’s not like we’re kids anymore. We’re gonna grow up eventually.”

  “Speak for yourself.” I grin before I realize what I’ve said.

  My friends both stare at me, Michelle confused, as if she can’t tell what I meant by that. Ashley’s lip quivers.

  “I didn’t mean that like it sounded.” I force a smile despite feeling like a complete bitch. “We’re eighteen. We’re not grown up. We’ve got at least four more years before we gotta do that. I meant, speak for yourself like I’m not ready to act like a grown up.”

  Michelle nods, relaxing.

  “And speaking of knowing people.” I wag my burger at Ashley. “You’re going to be the cool old lady who never really grew up.”

  She laughs. “Sorry for being such a wet blanket. I’ll get over it, once I believe you’re really still here.”

  “Believe it.” I take a huge bite of my burger.

  Despite having made myself think of my friends growing old and dying, I don’t let the sorrow show on my face. We’ve still got so much time ahead of us, and it’s weird to think about. Had I not been turned into a vampire, I wouldn’t give a second thought to even hitting thirty. But now… even though we only met Michelle once we started high school, I know I’m going to be an absolute wr
eck when she dies.

  Right. Enough of that. Another deep breath and big smile. I’m just an eighteen-year-old out for dinner with her best buds, not a care in the world. Calories might not threaten me, but my stomach isn’t what it used to be. I manage to eat only half the burger and a few fries before I feel stuffed. Even better. I’ll take the rest home for whichever sibling finds it first. They’ll definitely have eaten dinner by now, but I’m sure one of them will snag this for lunch tomorrow. Well, maybe not Sophia. She doesn’t do the ‘meat’ thing.

  While waiting for the waiter to come back, we decide to hang at my place for the rest of the night and probably throw on another movie. Brian returns and hands the check to Michelle―probably since she now appears to be the oldest of us. Ashley grabs his butt.

  He gasps and looks at her with a surprised grin. She winks back at him. Michelle pretends not to notice.

  “Sorry,” says Ashley while Brian’s still close enough to hear. “He’s really cute. Couldn’t help myself.”

  “Girl, that fancy French lady’s broken you good,” mutters Michelle.

  Ashley gets a starry look in her eyes. “She showed me things I never imagined possible.”

  An upwelling of anger burns in my chest. My mentor’s corrupted my innocent best friend into a sex-crazed adult. Fury leaks out on a barely-audible snarl. Or maybe Ashley’s been so repressed and shy for so long, she’s finally letting her real self show. She’s had four boyfriends (two of which went all the way) and at least two girlfriends, but the girls hadn’t been relationships as much as hook ups. As far as I know, she still hasn’t told her mother she’s bi. That might be part of this too. Now we both have a ‘secret’ we can’t tell the world, though I’m sure except for the overly churchy crowd, the world would react a lot better to her secret than mine.

  “Guess you don’t live a couple centuries without learning a few fancy moves,” says Michelle.

  Ashley delays our exit from the Tipsy Cow for a moment or two of flirting with Brian, while Michelle and I wait near the front door.

  “She’s in heat,” mutters Michelle.

  I fold my arms. “I noticed. You see her in the movie?”

  “Unfortunately,” deadpans Michelle. “You gonna fix this?”

  “I’m not sure there’s anything to fix.”

  She gives me the eyebrow lift. “Oh, there’s something to fix. Ash is shier than you are and that’s saying something.”

  “I’m a little more confident than I used to be.”

  “Yeah, but you got a real good reason for that.”

  I nod. “Yeah… I’ll talk to her.”

  Michelle pushes the door open when Ashley breaks away from her conversation with Brian and jogs toward us. “Good. I can’t handle too much ‘new normal.’”

  “Hey guys.” Ashley stops by us and lets out a big huff. “He’s already got a girlfriend. No surprise. Oh well.”

  Michelle and I exchange impressed looks. Wow, a guy not interested in cheating.

  “Sare,” whispers Ashley, tugging on my arm.

  “What?” I ask.

  She looks around, then leans close to whisper. “Can you like check? I wanna know if he’s blowing me off.”

  “Ash…” I hang my head. “I can’t just use my―” She does the Puss-in-Boots eyes at me. “Oh, fine. Be right back, bathroom.”

  I head across the room, pretending to be on the way to the restrooms, but navigate in such a way as to cause a face-to-face meeting with our waiter.

  “Oh, hi.” I smile.

  “Hey.” He nods in greeting. “Back so soon?”

  “Just hitting the bathroom. Hey, sorry about my friend. She’s usually not like that. You know, hitting on guys who already have girlfriends.”

  Since I mentioned it, his thoughts go straight to it, and yes… he does have a girl. “It’s fine. I took it as a compliment. Hope she’s not too upset.”

  “Nah, she’s fine. Little disappointed, but she’ll live.”

  He nods, and walks on past me.

  For the second time in one night, I fake a trip to the bathroom. The girls wait for me at the door, and we all scurry together through the rain to the Kia. Ashley ducks under me and slips into the back seat. I laugh and get in the front, shaking my head.

  As soon as both doors close, Ashley leans into the front. “Spill.”

  Michelle pulls out of the parking lot and drives a little faster since the rain has stopped.

  “You are still totes adorable and totes desirable. He really does have a girlfriend,” I say.

  “You think I’m adorable?” she asks in a childish voice.

  I twist toward her and pinch her cheeks. “So cute I could just eat you.”

  Ashley blinks.

  “Metaphorically,” I mutter.

  She tilts her head and makes a goofy face. “What if I wanted you to?”

  Michelle gasps.

  “No, I mean bite me. Not eat me.” Ashley giggles.

  “I’m not gonna drink blood from you guys. I promise. Not sneaking up on you at night, and especially not if you ask me to.” I smirk at Ashley.

  Michelle snickers. “It’s good to know that―” The rearview catches her eye and she yells, “Holy shit!”

  Whump.

  The car lurches from a rear end impact, tossing me forward. Instinctively, my supernatural reflexes kick on and the world around me seems to slow down. Ashley sails between the front seats, cruising in slow motion toward a face-first meeting with the dashboard. I manage to grab on and pull her to the side before she breaks her nose―or neck. Her head, arms, and shoulder collapse against me as she unfurls into the front. Michelle rocks forward, but her seatbelt does its job.

  Ashley’s butt bounces off the radio console, and I guide her to a safe, if uncomfortable, landing curled up on the floor between my knees. The moment of danger passed, my perception of time returns to normal. The Kia swerves, but Michelle regains control before the back slides out into a spin. She steers off onto the shoulder, a storm of obscenities spilling out of her mouth. I thank whatever powers that be that the accident happened at night, but a shiver of worry still rattles my bones. I might be indestructible, but my friends most certainly are not.

  A white van, the one that rear-ended us, also pulls off the road and stops behind us.

  “Ow,” says Ashley.

  “Are you hurt?” I ask.

  She peers up at me with a look of utter confusion for a few seconds. “No. I… just said ‘ow’ because I couldn’t think of how to react to suddenly being on the floor in the front.”

  The van’s driver, a twentysomething man with short black hair and a leather jacket, hops out. He looks shocked and freaked out. Michelle stares out her window at him as he knocks.

  “Hey… I’m really sorry about that. Looked away for a second,” says the man.

  Michelle grabs her phone.

  The guy points toward the back. “Doesn’t look like there’s any damage. Take a look. I think we can skip the insurance, right? It’ll only get more expensive for both of us. If there is any damage, I’ll pay for it.”

  I catch the sound of the van’s side door sliding open. Three more men, one in a dark hoodie, one in a black T-shirt, and the last in this bizarre leather vest like something out of a Mad Max movie, slip out onto the grass away from the road. Mad Max is holding a huge crossbow with an arrow as fat as a straight banana.

  What the hell?

  “Don’t call the cops,” I mutter.

  Michelle whirls to stare at me. “Are you serious? This is a total kidnapping attempt. Bump and grab. Bad guys have been doing this crap as long as there’ve been cars.”

  “Just drive!” yells Ashley.

  “That’s a hit and run.” Michelle eyes the phone before looking at me. “What do you mean don’t call the cops?”

  I push my door open. “The police will never get here in time to matter.”

  Neither of my friends seem to notice the other two guys sneaking up on us.
r />   “Go!” yells Mad Max.

  Dark Hoodie man and Black T-Shirt run toward the car. The formerly apologetic van driver tugs on the door handle then smashes Michelle’s window out and grabs her. She promptly screams and starts punching at him.

  “It’s okay, kid,” says Van Driver. “We’re here to protect you.”

  Before the guy coming at me can break her other window, I unlock the doors and shove my side open. Dark Hoodie grabs me and drags me backward like he’s hallucinating our car’s on fire and he needs to save me. Black T-Shirt leans into the Kia and grabs Ashley but she screams and kicks at him, refusing to be kidnapped. Removing a terrified/furious redhead from the back seat of a Kia Soul is a pretty difficult thing for a criminal to do. The only thing I could think of more challenging would be trying to chloroform a vampire. Do kidnappers actually do that or does the sleepy rag over the mouth thing only happen in movies?

  “Which one is it?” shouts Mad Max.

  “No idea,” yells Hoodie, right in my ear.

  “Get off me!” I shout, before ramming my elbow backward into his chest.

  Crunch.

  He lets out a wail of agony as a rib or two breaks. His grip around my body slackens, and I easily pull him off like a cheap sweater and throw him like fifteen feet away. Hoodie lands in a tumbling roll and lays there on his face, moaning.

  I’m about to feel like a badass, but a one-inch wooden shaft rams into my chest with a squishy pthonk noise, hard enough that when it stops against my spine, a jolt kicks the base of my skull.

  “Ow. Shit!” I yell.

  My whole body goes limp. I crumple over backward and land flat, staring up at the stars with a wooden rod sticking out of me.

  Yeah, this feels unpleasant.

  “Sarah!” shrieks Ashley.