Loving Lies

by Renee Field

  I can only nod.

  “And your real name is Marissa,” says Blake.

  I’m not liking the cold look in his eyes.

  “Jesus Christ. What’s going on here?” he asks but already he’s distancing himself from me.

  “It’s not like you think,” I say, hating the need to explain. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

  “Marissa is my daughter and three years ago she ran out on her fiancé.”

  I stand up then and I’m in my father’s face so fast even he’s surprised. “I never said yes. I never once said I’d marry him. You picked him and just expected me, your precious daughter, to marry whoever you picked out. Not once did you listen to me. I will never be your pawn.”

  I shove past him but his hand snakes out and holds me fast. “You are my daughter and you are coming home with me.”

  “No I’m not. I’ve changed everything. My name, my identity, my entire freaking life to escape you. I will not go back to that.”

  “I will make you come back,” says my father, with a cold calm that has me shaking more. “I found you once so where are you going to run now? You know I’ll find you.”

  “No you won’t,” says Blake. “And unless you want us to call the cops I’d release her. Alyssa, shit, I mean, Marissa’s past the age of majority. She can do what she wants with her life.”

  I’m so stunned he’s standing up for me that I almost stumble when my father actually listens to him to let me go.

  “I take it you’re Roy’s grandson. Well if you know what’s good for you you’ll stay out of this,” says my father.

  Blake doesn’t bat an eye. “Yeah I’m Roy’s grandson, but like I said earlier Marissa doesn’t have to go back home with you if she doesn’t want to.”

  “Do you have any idea who the hell I am?” asks my father, in his quiet, controlled voice that screams inside me louder than a yacht’s horn announcing to everyone to get out of its way.

  Blake takes a step toward my father and the urge to place myself between the two men shocks me.

  “I know exactly who you are. It changes nothing.”

  “Should change everything. I can make your life a living hell, boy.”

  Blake laughs. “I’ve lived through hell so go ahead, bring it on.” His eyes, those soft hazel eyes of his that have always conveyed how much he enjoyed being with me, give me a good once over. “Alyssa, do you want to go home with your father?”

  Not Marissa. Not that name and for that alone, I crack a sad smile. “Nope. Done with that life.” And for the first time I realize I truly am. I might have left years ago without a plan but I’ve got one now.

  “Well then we’re going to enjoy the rest of the party.”He turns back to my father for just an instant. If I were you I’d take a good look at the photos in the “ballroom. Those are the work of your daughter.”

  And just like that Blake takes hold of my hand and steers me out of the restaurant. The urge to look back, to see if my father, the man who haunted me for the past three years is still there, threads through me but I ignore it.

  I feel his warm hand on my bare back. “Well that was interesting. You okay?”

  “Not really.”

  “Well that’s completely understandable. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I don’t want to have this conversation now so I turn the tables. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth about why you came up here?”

  “What?”

  We stop walking and I turn to him. “I’m not the only one who’s been lying. You came up here to buy this resort and why? Why did you feel the need to lie to me?”

  He runs a hand over his face like he’s trying to wipe away his feelings, but I read in his eyes he’s not happy with my little discovery. Well fuck that. Guess this night can’t get worse.

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Complicated. How about I lay this out for you. Carol, and yes I know exactly what she does, has worked for my father for years. My gut says you’re trying to get Mr. McCaid to sell this place for less than market value and then you’re going to rip it down for something else.”

  It’s the something else that makes his eyes flare. And just like that I get it. I’m on the right track.

  I know my voice is loud but can’t help it. “Christ, Blake, you can’t do that. This place means more than what’s underneath it. This place is a home. It’s a community. Don’t do it.”

  He removes his hand from my back and I realize then I’d been leaning on him for guidance in more ways than one.

  He leans into me and all but whispers, “Look, this isn’t the place to talk about all of this. Come back to my cabin so we can discuss it.”

  I laugh and I know it’s brittle from all the stress, but I don’t care. “Yeah, right. Think I’ll pass on that.”

  I move past him and this time I don’t ignore the front door. I’m out so fast I almost trip. Becca’s yelling at me to stop but I ignore her. I get in my room and lock the door and no amount of Kat’s pounding on it will make me open it. I start to pack my bag and then I totally lose it. Crumpling onto my disheveled bed I give in and cry.

  At some point Kat must have left and then before I know it there’s a soft knocking sound on my door.

  “Alyssa, its Sandy. Let me in.”

  Groaning, I get up because not letting in Mrs. McCaid isn’t an option. She’s the one with the master key as she likes to point out.

  With clear reluctance I open the door and in comes Sandy. The last thing I expect is for her to draw me in for a motherly hug. Without her even asking I find myself spilling my guts. I tell her all about my father, what he wanted me to do and why I ran away. I even tell her all about what I think Blake’s up to. She’s running her hand down my back in a way I envision most mothers do and damn if it doesn’t ease some of the tension from me.

  “Oh we know all about Blake’s so-called scheme. He told my hubby this morning over breakfast and honestly I think he was dying to tell us from the get go. That boy’s a good kid.”

  “What are you saying?” I mumble as I blow my nose into some tissue.

  “I’m saying that things are not always black and white. Honey, why didn’t you tell us you were on the run from your Dad?”

  I start to cry again and damn if Sandy doesn’t pull me in for another long, soothing hug. Only when I’m done do I dare start to tell her what happened. I expect her to be outraged at my father and at me for ruining the party but she doesn’t say anything for a long time and when she does speak I’m a little thrown.

  “Do you think maybe you should have told your father how you felt before you ran away?”

  “It wouldn’t have mattered.”

  “Are you so sure?”

  I am right, aren’t I? I think of our last heated conversation, but the years have twisted my memory. He was mad. I was angry and we both said a lot of hurtful things to each other we probably shouldn’t have.

  “You know when I left I saw your father looking at your photos. He seemed really pleased with your work. In fact, he was showing them to that woman…I think her name is Carol…and saying how much the work reminded him of his wife’s.”

  I sit up straighter. “What?”

  “Well, that’s what I think he said. Did you mother take pictures?”

  “I…I don’t know. Dad never talked about her. He said it was too painful.”

  “Well that may be the case, but I’m telling you that man was right proud of your work. Maybe this is the opening you need to talk like two adults now and settle things.”

  I shake my head. I’m not getting sucked into that or his life again. “Maybe, but not right now.”

  Sandy stands up from the bed and runs her hand through her long hair. “Well, dear, I should leave you, but don’t you go running off from us. We’ll support you no matter what you decide. We’ve got your back.”

  I give a sad smile and feel my heart burst because I know she means it. Like I said to Blake this place, this resort, is a communi
ty in itself and at the heart are the McCaids.

  “And Alyssa, Blake looked totally heart stricken when you left. Don’t leave without working things out with him.”

  I’m floored. I had no idea she knew we were an item, but then again maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. The McCaids might seem a little oblivious to things going on, but the truth of the matter is they’re not. But what Blake and I had…I’m thinking that wasn’t real. What we had was based on a lot of lies and that hurts even though I know I’m also at fault.

  Sandy leaves and I promise to pop by the office tomorrow which instantly makes her relieved. Guess she thought I’d pack my bag and head out into the Alberta wilderness in the middle of the night. I might want to run, but I’m not stupid and honestly I’m mulling over what she said.

  I walk to the washroom and freshen up and change into my jeans and black shirt. The party’s over but I wait until everyone’s gone from the main area before venturing out. My feet move automatically towards Blake’s cabin. He’s there, sitting on the porch, and the minute he spies me he jumps up and starts to fidget.

  I wait until I’m by his side before speaking.

  “I think we need to talk.”

  He stands up and opens the door. “Want to come in?”

  I nod and move inside his cabin. Memories of being together on his sofa and in his bed hit me. The scent of leather and cedar, his unique scent, wraps around my senses.

  “You want a drink?”

  “That would be great.”

  “All I’ve got is beer, is that okay?”

  A quick nod and I’m handed a cold one. We sit on the sofa and each take a swig of our drink. This time there’s an awkward silence sitting heavy between us.

  “I’m glad you came. I thought for sure you’d leave without saying goodbye.”

  Wow that hurts. “Well, I almost did, but Mrs. McCaid popped by.”

  He hangs his head. “Listen, I know what I did was shitty and I realized today I had to tell them. I’ve been beating myself up over it but honestly I’m glad I spilled the beans. I might be out of a job but that’s okay for now.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Oh yeah. My grandfather’s pretty steamed I told the McCaids all about his plans.”

  I lean back into the sofa and this time enjoy the cool liquid easing down my throat. “And that was?”

  “Mining. My grandfather wants to tear down this place to create a mine. There’s tons of minerals in the earth but I just couldn’t do it.”

  “Christ, he can’t do that.”

  Blake shuffles forward so his hands rest on his knees. “I know. When I first came here I didn’t think twice about our plans but within a week I started to have doubts. And since Dad died, something shifted inside of me. All my life I felt shitty that we didn’t have anything but each other and I realize I’ve let him down, but I’m not going to be the man my grandfather wants. I honestly care about people and according to my grandfather that’s a hindrance in his line of work. This place isn’t what I expected it to be like and I think that’s a good thing.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  “You do?”

  I edge more toward him and wipe my hair back off my face. “Yeah, I came here for a job but think I’ve finally found myself. Oh my god, I’m becoming like you, quoting corny lines.”

  He laughs and just like that I know I’m in big trouble. I came here wanting to have it out with him. I came here feeling like I had the right to be angry, but we’re both at fault.

  “Listen, about us?” he asks, leaning toward me.

  I sense the hope in that question but I’m still too raw to go all the way. “I’m not sure there is an us.”

  He moves so our knees are touching and I’m super aware of everything. He too has changed out of his fancy clothes and the tight t-shirt he’s wearing now shows off his muscled arms.

  “You can’t deny that what we have is special.”

  “I’m not denying anything, but what we had was also based on lies.” There, I said it.

  “I think at its essence we were truthful with each other when it came to our wants and what I feel for you is not a lie.”

  I look into his eyes and wish I hadn’t. His eyes are full of hope and I hate how much I want that. I want an “us” but I shouldn’t. We’ve been lying to each other from the beginning. I wonder if we can deal with each other’s truths.

  He moves closer and my body instantly responds.

  “I don’t care if your name is Marissa, Ruth or Jane. The woman I got to know is Alyssa and she excites the hell out of me.”

  I can’t help myself. My hands frame his face as I move in to claim his lips. He does the same to me. It’s like were memorizing each other all over again, but maybe this is the first time.

  “I don’t want what we have to end.” He says, his lips an inch from mine.

  “You should be mad at me for lying to you.”

  He gives a soft chuckle. “I could say the same thing to you. Listen, I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but will you stay with me tonight?”

  I shouldn’t, but all the worry and care for tomorrow are too heavy a burden for me to bear alone. Being with Blake, letting his strength ebb into me, feels too good to deny.

  I give a slight nod and just like that his lips are molded to mine, reminding me of how damn good we feel together. His kiss is light yet it almost feels like this is our very first time. It’s a promise there won’t be any more secrets between us. His tongue gently traces the contours of my lips and I’m instantly panting with the need for more, but I get that Blake’s going to take his time. His hands fall under my shirt and then he’s whipping it over my head. I do the same to him. No way am I not having access to his magnificent chest. He’s back at my mouth and this time he’s more demanding. His lips plunder mine, his tongue telling me with hard thrusts he really wants me. I let my hand fall to his crotch and push against his erection. He growls and it’s so endearing I want him naked.

  The next thing I know I’m hauled up off the sofa and I’m swept into his arms. I thought for sure we’d be doing it on the carpet but I’m more than pleased Blake’s eyeing the bed.

  He drapes his body over mine when he puts me on the bed and I’m loving the feel of his weight on me. I need this. I need the feel of him protecting me tonight. Tomorrow I’ll deal with the mess of my life on my own because that’s my way. I get the feeling Blake might not be happy with that, but I also know he’ll understand why I have to go solo.

  “So, should I call you Marissa?”

  I look up into his heated eyes and sigh. “I left that spoiled rich girl behind me years ago. Call me Alyssa.”

  “Well, Alyssa, tonight I was really proud of you.”

  “You were? For what? Making a scene?”

  He moves his head lower and pushes aside the cups on my bra so he can have access to my already pebbled nipples.

  He gives each bud a light flick of his tongue and then looks up at me again. “For being true to you. You made a statement and I like that. Plus you really impressed people with your photography.”

  “Thanks, but I’m pretty sure the only thing people will remember me for is the girl who fainted and then had a shouting match with her father.”

  “Oh, you’re too hard on yourself. Trust me, your photos will be the talk of the town.”

  “Maybe.”

  “So, just so I’m clear we’re going to make love and when I wake up in the morning I want to know you’ll be here by my side.”

  “You sure about that?”

  He sits up so I’m trapped between his muscled thighs. “I need you with me tonight.”

  I get it then. We’re both fighting demons. He may have just cut ties with the only family he had left. I smile and pull him down to me, needing the heat of him like a drug. “Yeah, I’ll be here in the morning.”

  This time when he kisses me it’s full of barely controlled passion. He’s demanding and aggressive and I love it. We�
��re both panting hard by the time we’re done kissing.

  “Strip,” he demands.

  “You too,” I say.

  We both shimmy quickly out of our clothes and then we’re finally skin-to-skin. The feel of him radiates love and understanding and I realize as his hands skim my backside that’s what really drew me to him.

  He might not have known my real name or the original me, but that person is gone. I truly am Alyssa now.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Blake

  I’ve got this one night to convince Alyssa she’s the woman for me and unlike the job I just lost, I’m not going to screw this up. I can’t believe she came to me and I get she was mad at me, but I also know I’ve surprised her with my confession. Now more than any other time today I know I’ve made the right decision.

  To think I owe it all to Mr. McCaid. Who knew his friendly breakfast chat would change my life? I haven’t told Alyssa everything because she’s dealing with her own shit and truthfully I’m thanking my lucky stars she’s in my arms, but I’m hoping she’ll hear me out in the morning.

  I’m not rushing tonight. I need to reacquaint myself with this beautiful, talented, fiercely independent woman. To think she walked away from a privileged life and had to learn how to make it on her own. God, she has no idea how bad things could have gone but I’m thrilled she landed on her feet. Hell, I’m thrilled she took this job for the money. Funny how we both came to Stone Cliff Resort for the money and both found something else. I think though losing my father was the catalyst for my change. God, I can’t believe he’s gone. Every time my cell rings I expect it to be him and I’m half-hoping I’ll hear his slurred voice asking me for help. One thing I’ve learned is that I won’t ever say no to someone needing help again.

  I lean over Alyssa and make my way down her body, stopping to kiss those sensitive areas that make her giggle. I force her hands above her head and enjoy the flare of heat I see in those teal blue eyes of hers.

  I move back to worship her breasts, paying attention to her peaked nipples. I suck on them greedily, loving her moans. Using my tongue, I flick the hard nubs until she’s whimpering and her legs are squirming as desire courses through her. I move to my knees trying once again to slow things down. She’s panting hard and I’m just as desperate, but I force myself back so I can just look at this wonderful woman in my bed. The next thing I know she’s clamped her mouth around my erection, drawing me into her heat.