“And I didn’t? I sweat my ass off pouring concrete in a hundred degree weather. I bust my balls trying to make extra money playing guitar when I can. I’ve been struggling to make ends meet since I was seventeen fucking years old and God decided to pull the rug out from under me! I follow the rules. I play the game, but no matter what I end up getting fucked! I didn’t have the opportunities in front of me that you did, so excuse me if I don’t see us as equals.”
She shook her head. “You may not have had the same opportunities as me, but don’t act like this is your only option. You have yourself so pegged as this lower class bum, because you’re afraid if you try to be anything more, you’ll fail. It’s a shitty self-fulfilling prophecy and if you think that way, you’ve already lost.”
His lips tightened and he was breathing rapidly. “You don’t know what it feels like to be me.”
“You’re right. I don’t. But I could say the same thing about you.” She put her hands on her hips and looked down, taking a deep breath, as if collecting her thoughts.
“I’ve watched you, for months, go against all odds and do something most men could never do. You sit here and claim to be this simple man. Well, I don’t see a simple thing about you. As a matter of fact, you’re so complicated, that’s why I was afraid of getting too close. I knew, the minute I let you in, I’d fall for you. Shane, I love you, but this,” she waved her hand in front of him. “This is not the man I love.”
He looked down. “Don’t love me, Kate.”
Her hands cupped his jaw. He fought her hold, too ashamed to meet her gaze. She turned his face until he finally looked at her. “Too late.”
It was too much. Everything finally collapsed inside of him and he broke. Shutting his eyes tight, he fought the tears, but it was a losing battle. “I’m dying inside.”
She wrapped her arms around him. “I know.”
He hugged her tight, probably tighter than she could take, but she let him. He wept into her shoulder. He hadn’t cried actual tears since he was a child. Not when Noel died. Not when his parents died. But he cried now.
“I miss him so much.” Her hands ran over his hair. He fell to his knees and she fell with him, never letting him go. “I’m so scared that now that he’s gone I’ll lose you too and have no one.”
“I’m right here.”
“Please don’t leave me. I need you. You and Logan, you’re everything.”
Her lips pressed into his temple. “I’m not going anywhere. But Shane, you can’t do this. You’re better than this.”
He wiped his eyes. He was mortified to be crying. “You’re the only one who believes in me.”
She pulled back and gripped the sides of his face, forcing him to meet her gaze. “Everyone in there believes in you, Shane. You are not a loser. The only person who doesn’t believe in you is you. When are you going to see yourself the way everyone else does?”
“I let everyone down. I let Logan down. I let Noel down. There will be plenty of times I’ll let you down. You’ll see.”
“And there’ll be times I’ll let you down. Nobody’s perfect. That’s why we need others to help us through.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.”
“Nothing’s ever been this hard.”
“No one said it would be easy.”
He sat on the sandy ground and she sat across from him. “I can’t even bring myself to look at his stuff. I had to bag it all up and put a sheet over his crib.”
“You know you could go visit him. I could petition the court for visitation.”
“I’m just afraid. Leaving him is…”
“I know, but don’t you think Logan misses you too?”
He started to cry again and she hugged him. When he finally calmed down she said, “I want you to go inside—”
“I don’t want to see them.”
“Just go in and walk right into your room and shut the door. I’ll take care of them. I’ll meet you in there.”
He stood and spent a few minutes searching for the thinnest veneer of composure. Once he found it, he walked inside and crept quietly past the others who barely noticed him. He shut the door, stifling the music and laughter.
The stereo cut off. He heard Kate, but couldn’t make out what she was saying. A few minutes later he heard everyone leaving and soon his bedroom door opened and she stepped in.
She quietly slipped out of her pants and climbed into bed beside him. He pulled her close. He just needed to hold her.
She rested her arms over his as they spooned. He kissed her ear. “I love you, Kate.”
“I love you too, Shane.”
They lay in silence, neither one of them ready to sleep, but too emotionally exhausted for anything else. He began to hum as she stroked his arm.
Quietly, he sang the words to If I Fell, the same song he sang to her on the beach that day, praying she could help him understand, just as the song said.
Chapter Nineteen
Shane stood in the unemployment office and waited for the woman with the bottled red hair to look up from where she clicked at her computer. Her fingers tapped over the keyboard. She hummed and pursed her lips, a frown working its way between her penciled on eyebrows.
“And you’ve checked with your union hall for work?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I see. But you aren’t interested in extending your claim?”
“No, ma’am. I want to work.”
She sighed and folded her hands. Addressing him as if he were a child, she said, “Mr. Martin, according to our last contact, your claim doesn’t run out for another six weeks. Your local business rep has you on the call list and says that you’ll be up for the next job, should you prove willing and able to work.”
“I’m willing and able to work now,” he told her.
“But you’ll lose your benefits with the union if you seek work elsewhere. You’ll also be taken off the list. Young man, I can put you in our job placement program, but the chances of you making as much as you do for the union are slim to none.”
“Look, I need to work. Whether that’s schlepping burgers or concrete, I don’t care.” No wonder so many people milked the system. Once you were in it, they made it almost impossible to get out.
She frowned and turned back to her computer. She typed in a few more things and a printer next to her desk began spewing out paper. “Here, fill this out.”
He went down the list of skills and checked off what he thought to be honest attributes of himself. When he finished he slid the paper back to her. She read over it and again turned to her computer. She input some more information and said, “We’ll be in contact with you.”
He left the unemployment office and went home to clean the pigsty that awaited him.
* * * *
His phone rang at four o’clock. He sighed when he saw it was Kate. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Guess what!”
“What?”
“If you’re up for it, you can see Logan tomorrow.”
He drew in a breath. “Really?”
“Yup! And again on Saturday and every Tuesday until the appeal.”
“Why aren’t you here so I can kiss you?”
“Why don’t you meet me at my place and kiss me when you get there? I’m heading home now.”
Kate’s place. “Okay.”
“Great. I’ll see you in a few.”
Shane locked up and drove to Kate’s. When he got there, her car was in the driveway. He walked to the door and knocked as he stepped in.
The first thing he saw was a blue sectional with bright, sunny pillows set in the corners. “Kate?”
“In the kitchen.”
He walked through the unfamiliar house. Lucky Star by Madonna was playing from somewhere. Something smelled delicious. When he found her, she was still in her work clothes, but her shoes were off.
He came up behind her at the counter and wrapped his arms around her. “Hi.”
She lea
ned into him. “Hi.”
“What are you making?” He kissed her ear.
“I’m making a rotisserie chicken. And by making it, I mean I’m removing it from its package and putting it on a plate so that you’re impressed and think I’ve been slaving over a hot stove all day.”
He smiled. “I’m quite impressed, Ms. McAlister.”
“And so you should be. I have sides too. Shut your eyes as I remove them from the deli containers and put them in my own dishes.”
He did as she asked, but didn’t let go of her. His arms clung to her hips as she quickly worked around his hold.
“There. You can open.” She carried the dishes to the table, which was set for two.
“This looks amazing,” he said as he took a seat. The table was a chunky white country looking thing.
“Thank you. As you know, I’ve worked very hard.”
“Very,” he agreed.
She filled their plates with chicken, green bean salad, roasted potatoes, and salad. It was incredible. He hadn’t had a meal like that in years.
“So tell me about today,” he invited.
She shrugged. “I talked to Tabitha and she got back to me with an answer right before the end of the day.”
“Thank you,” he said sincerely.
She smiled. “You’re welcome. How was your day?”
“I put myself on a job placement list.”
“For the union?”
“No.”
She stilled, her fork halfway to her lips. “But, if you work somewhere else the union will take you off the call list.”
“I know. I need to work, Kate. A man needs to work. I don’t care if I’m paid to dig holes and fill them. I just need to know I’m doing something.”
“But you’ve been with the union for years. You make good money there.”
“When there’s work. Winters coming and that means I may be out of work for months, depending on how the weather holds out.”
She looked unsure.
“Look,” he said. “Pouring concrete used to be enough. When I was a kid, it was great. I lived like a king compared to my friends, but after the past few months I realized I’m never going to make enough to do the things I want to do.”
“Like?”
“Like get a real home, have a family…I want more.”
She looked at him and smiled. “Then I think you’re doing the right thing.”
They finished dinner and Shane helped her load her dishwasher. After dinner they settled onto the couch and watched television.
“Have you heard anything else on Logan?” he asked.
“No.” She looked disappointed. “I do know who Will’s caseworker is. Her name’s Stephanie.”
He didn’t know what he was trying to find out. No matter what news he got regarding Logan it made him feel sick. Kate seemed to notice the dip in his mood.
“Hey,” she whispered. “We’ll get through this.”
“I know. Sometimes it just seems like a month is going to take a lifetime. And I’m sitting here telling myself a month, a month, a month, when in reality a month may not make a bit of difference, because it could end up permanent.”
“Just think about getting through tomorrow. One day at a time.”
He nodded.
They watched some TV and he must have dozed off. Kate woke him up and as she shut off television, she asked, “Do you want to stay?”
He looked at her through drowsy eyes. She was so pretty. “I don’t want to go.”
“Come on.” She took his hand and he followed her through the house as she locked up and shut off the lights. He followed her to the back room.
She flipped on the light. The furniture was black and the accents were all white or pink. There wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere and her bed was made as if was a display in Macy’s. Yeah, this was Kate.
She went to the closet and hung up her cardigan. He watched her as she removed her watch and earrings. He still had his John Bender earring in his ear from her.
She stepped out of her pants and draped them over a white chair against the wall. Her blouse followed. She stood before him in white lace bra and panties. She was exquisite.
“You’re staring.”
“You’re beautiful.”
She blushed.
“Come here,” he said in a hoarse voice.
She slowly walked to him. Reaching behind her back, he unclasped her bra, pulling it away from her arms. He tossed it to the chair against the wall.
Dropping to his knees, he slowly drew down her panties, pressing a kiss to Gizmo. “Step.” She stepped out of the puddle of lace at her feet. He pitched them aside and stood, dragging his fingertips up her calf, over her thigh and around her hip.
She stood perfectly naked, quivering as he stared at her. His fingers gently dragged over the swell of her breast, around her nipples, and over her shoulder.
He unclasped her hair and arranged it over her shoulders. She looked up at him, her face relaxed and serene. “I’m so glad I have you.”
She smiled and tugged on his shirt. “Take this off.”
He lifted his shirt and placed it over the footboard of the bed.
She leaned forward and kissed his Logan tattoo over his heart. She untied his hair and also arranged it over his shoulders. “You’re too pretty for a man.”
He laughed. “You say that too much. I’m gonna get a complex.”
“Don’t. I see women looking at you. You’ve got that manly thing working for you. Musician, tattoos, tall, dark, and handsome…you can handle pretty.”
“You’re pretty,” he said, stepping close and nuzzling her neck. She turned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Make love to me, Shane.”
He found her mouth and kissed her, long and slow. As they kissed, he nudged her toward the bed. “Lie down.”
She sat on the bed and scooted back, tossing the pillows out of the way. He removed his pants and boxers, knowing she watched him. In the dim light she sprawled out, stretching her arms above her head. Shane shook his head, still finding it hard to believe she wanted him.
He climbed onto the bed, making space between her thighs. His hand slowly cupped her breast, his thumb teasing over her tight nipple. Leaning in slow, he kissed her.
Her body came to life beneath him, slowly writhing. Her tiny hands gripped his shoulders. Her knees cupped his hips, holding him close. Shane was breathing heavy. His palm caressed her sex. She was warm and wet.
He fingered her gently, plucking and probing.
“Shane, I want you.”
He kissed her throat. “Condom…” His teeth caught at her ear.
“We’re good.”
Right, she was on the pill now. His lungs filled with breath as he found her channel. He nudged her folds and she spread wider for him. With excruciating slowness, he entered her.
Kate watched him from beneath her lashes, her hands resting on his shoulders. As he filled her, sharp little nails pressed into his muscled back. Heat engulfed him. Her body wrapped tightly around him. His cock stroked in and out, their breathing a lyrical backdrop to the rhythm of their bodies.
His chest pressed to hers as he glided over her. Sex was amazing with nothing between them. This was how it should always be, just the two of them, no walls between them. It was beautiful.
She came in quiet sighs, gripping him tightly, holding him firmly. Her body pulsed, triggering his release. Sighing, as he filled her, pressing his head to her shoulder. “I love you, Kate.”
“I love you too.”
Chapter Twenty
They met at the park. Logan arrived with Will’s mother. He was in a very expensive looking carriage that Shane didn’t think was Logan’s style at all.
When he saw them approaching, Shane stood. His lungs felt as if they were filled with helium. He was more excited to see his little man than he thought possible. Will’s mom strolled over to him and smiled uneasily. “Hello.”
He barel
y acknowledged her. Leaning in, he greeted Logan. “Hey, big guy!”
Logan’s face lit up like a firecracker. He held out his arms to Shane and squealed. Shane looked back at the woman. “May I?”
She gave a shaky nod. Shane undid the buckle and scooped Logan into his arms. “My man!” He hugged him and there were no words to describe the sensation of Logan’s little arms wrapping around him.
Turning, he returned to the bench he’d been waiting on and sat. “How are you, buddy? I’ve missed you so much.” He kissed his head. He was wearing clothing Shane didn’t recognize. His shirt had a bear on it. It was probably killing Logan’s little ego to rock something so lame.
He chatted with Logan as he climbed up his chest. Shane supported his weight then helped Logan grip his thumbs. With his feet on Shane’s knees, he pulled himself up to a standing position and did a wobbly hip butt thrust as he tried to find his balance. “Look how strong you’re getting!”
“Ba, ba, ba, ba, baaah,” Logan said back.
Shane supported his hips and his little hands grabbed his lips. Shane nibbled and blew raspberries in his palm and he laughed.
He looked back at Will’s mom. That was Logan’s grandmother, his only one. A pang of sadness burned through him that his mother wasn’t there to be a grandmother. She would have been an awesome grandmother.
He played with Logan and watched Will’s mom out of the corner of his eye. She seemed transfixed on the baby, but something about her expression appeared sad. He decided to breach the awkwardness and be polite.
Logan tugged on Shane’s hair and he turned him to sit on his lap. “Has he been sleeping through the nights?”
She seemed startled that he was talking to her. “Well, not the first two nights, but he’s adjusting.”
“I wonder if he misses his crib,” he said to himself. The woman pressed her lips together in a sad smile. “How’s Will with him?”
She opened her mouth and looked nervous. “Will’s learning to be a father.” She stepped closer. “May I sit down?”
Shane nodded and scooted over.
“Thank you. I’m so tired. It’s been a while since I’ve had to take care of a baby.”
He frowned. “Do you watch him when Will’s…at work?” Was Will back to work already? It had only been a few days since he got out. What kind of job did he have?
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