The Reluctant Rancher

by Patricia Mason

  “Then I guess this is goodbye.”

  Her voice faltered, but he didn’t flinch.

  “I guess it is. Have a good life, sweetheart.” She’d never know how much he meant the endearment. He turned and walked away.

  He felt her eyes boring into his back then he heard her blowing out the candles and her footsteps as she left the room. Fifteen minutes later the slam of the front door echoed through the house and he knew she’d left the ranch for good.

  He curled his fingers around the glass still in his hand then threw it with all his might into the fireplace. He growled in satisfaction as it broke into a thousand pieces. He wanted to run after Mary and drag her back inside. He wanted to take her in his arms and shout to the world that he loved her.

  But he couldn’t.

  While his heart told him one thing, his mind told him another. Betrayal and anger were all that he’d ever known from the people he loved. First from his parents and then his ex-wife. He couldn’t withstand the pain if Mary turned out just like the others, pretending to love him until she got what she wanted.

  It was better this way, he told himself. He’d done the leaving, he’d called the shots. But that didn’t quell the waves of agony ripping his insides to shreds. He felt as though he had lost the most vital part of himself. The part that made him want to go on living. He closed his eyes against the pain. The look on her face when he’d told her to leave would haunt him for the rest of his days.

  * * * * * *

  Mary walked through her office, her steps slow and uneven. She stopped at the small basket of ivy in her window. She’d picked up the plant the day she’d gotten the loan, a little present to herself in celebration of the good news. But its leaves had turned brown and withered. It had died as surely as her dreams.

  The sun shone through the blinds but even that didn’t lift her spirits. It had been over a month since she’d left the Circle T. Since she’d left Luke.

  The town had gotten back to normal, the weather had warmed considerably, and her business flourished like never before. She should have been the happiest woman in the world, but she wasn’t. And she didn’t know if she would ever be again.

  She missed Joseph. And Luke. Lord, how she missed Luke. She missed his touch, she missed the sound of his voice, she missed the sight of his tall body striding across the pasture. She was hopelessly, completely in love with the coldhearted rancher.

  And for that reason she had to leave the only place that had ever felt like home.

  She wiped her eyes and squared her shoulders. She had shed enough tears in the last few weeks to last a lifetime. She needed work to take her mind off her problems and she had a lot to do before leaving Fiddler Creek. Surprisingly enough, Joseph’s friend Sara had offered to take over the agency. The small business loan had been transferred into her name without any problems. Mary had sworn the other woman to secrecy and made her promise not to tell the Tanners until after she left.

  Mary unlocked the front door and flipped the sign to ‘open’. Moments later, the bell jangled announcing someone’s arrival.

  “Good morning,” Joseph said.

  “Oh, Joseph, it’s so good to see you.” She rushed forward and gave him a fierce hug. She hadn’t seen the older man since she’d left the ranch.

  Joseph kissed her on the forehead then pulled back to take a good look at her. “I’m sorry I haven’t been in before. I didn’t know if I’d be welcome.”

  “Of course you’re welcome.” Just seeing her friend brought tears to her eyes. “How’s Hawk and the foal?”

  “Hawk’s fine and the colt is the son of his father, that’s for sure,” he said, referring to the foal that had been born the night Luke and Mary had stayed in the line shack. “Luke named him Midnight Fire.”

  “That’s great.” Mary blushed, wondering if the colt’s name had been inspired by their time together. If he hadn’t thrown her off the ranch, she might have thought so. That night had been the happiest of her life, the beginning of her future with Luke or so she’d thought. But she had been wrong. Terribly wrong.

  “How are you?” Worry was evident in his faded green eyes.

  His tenderness almost broke through her staunch control. She stemmed the fresh flow of tears that threatened. Joseph had been so kind that she didn’t want to burden him with an emotional outburst. “I’m fine.”

  “Right, and I’m the next candidate for president. I know that grandson of mine can be a horse’s ass, Mary. It’s hard for him to trust. Give him some time, he’ll come around.”

  “How much time, Joseph? It’s been over a month since he ordered me to leave.” She wanted to believe the older man with all her heart. She’d thought the loan from the Small Business Administration would somehow show Luke she wanted him for himself, not for his money. Instead it had proven to be the impetus he had needed to cut her out of his life altogether. Lord, how she had wanted to tell him that she loved him that night, but the words had not come. She’d spoken them once and he had brushed them aside as meaningless chatter.

  “He doesn’t want me, Joseph. I’m not the type of woman he wants.” She’d seen pictures of his ex-wife. She was blonde and thin. Mary might be blonde but she would never be thin. No matter what a man said or did, they all wanted a pretty woman on their arm.

  She hated to tell Joseph her news, but he had a right to know. “I’m leaving Fiddler Creek, Joseph. Sara’s buying the business and I think its best for everyone concerned if I go.”

  “You can’t do that, Mary. Talk to Luke,” he urged. “You’ll work it out. He needs you.”

  “I don’t think so, Joseph.” She turned away before he could see the anguish she knew must be showing in her eyes. See the doubts that had tormented her all of her life. She felt unloved, unwanted. Undeserving of any kind of happiness.

  “Luke’s afraid. Afraid of what you want from him.”

  “But I don’t want anything,” she cried. “I have the loan so now I don’t need anything.”

  “I’m afraid that’s the problem. Luke has always given his affection in the form of cold, hard cash or pretty trinkets. He doesn’t know how to give you what you want.”

  “I want his heart, Joseph. I want his love.”

  “Exactly, Mary. Exactly.”

  * * * * *

  Luke grabbed the end of the barbed wire and stretched it tautly across the post. He took a staple and hammered the wire in place.

  Repairing the fence line was a thankless, time consuming job, but one that he usually enjoyed doing. He could let his thoughts wander, let himself dream. And he had begun to have such wonderful dreams. Dreams of Mary cuddled close to him on a cold winter’s night. Dreams of Christmases with silver-blonde little girls and mischievous little boys.

  But not today. Today it took all his attention to perform the simple task. He had a granddaddy of a hangover with a thousand little men playing drums inside his skull.

  He wore no shirt in the early summer heat and sweat rolled unheeded down his back and soaked the waistband of his jeans. An annoying horsefly buzzed in his ear and he cursed as he felt its sharp bite beneath his shoulder blade once again.

  But he considered the sting just reward for the pain he’d inflicted on Mary. He wanted so much to love her but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how unless he gave her some tangible evidence of his affection. He could give her money, he could support her business for years to come, but he didn’t know how to say the three words she deserved to hear. Apparently Debbie had warped him on another level as well.

  And it was slowly destroying him.

  Every evening since he’d ordered Mary off the ranch, Luke headed straight for town. Straight for the nearest bar. Every night since then he’d gotten falling down drunk. And every morning he remembered.

  He remembered the taste of her lips beneath his. The laughter and the smell of her hair and the shape and feel of her as he held her in his arms.

  He ripped off his gloves and walked to the flat bed of
his pickup. He splashed ice cold water from the cooler on his face and shook the clinging droplets from his hair. His grandfather pulled up in the old truck the hands used to deliver hay.

  Luke studied the man who had raised him, who had been his mentor all his life and his closest friend. When the owner of the local bars called, Joseph arrived and brought him home. Every night he’d shown up at closing time to repeat the procedure. All without a word of reprimand.

  “Well, what are you going to try next?” Joseph asked as he ambled up beside him.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Luke demanded. He prepared himself for the lecture he deserved, knew it wouldn’t change a damn thing. Luke intended to get falling down drunk again and again. It was the only way he could make it through the long, lonely hours till dawn.

  The throbbing in his head intensified. He retrieved the first aid kit and rummaged through it until he found a packet of aspirin. Throwing the small white pills in his mouth, he swallowed without any water, grimacing at the bitter taste.

  “The drinking isn’t going to work, you know. You can’t forget her.”

  Luke didn’t answer but grabbed the wire he had abandoned earlier. Too late, he remembered stripping off his gloves. He cursed as tiny drops of blood appeared across the palm of his hand. His grandfather just kept looking at him with those wise old eyes.

  “There’s not enough whiskey in the whole state of Wyoming to keep you separated from what you really want, son. And you want Mary.”

  “Shut the hell up,” Luke snarled through gritted teeth and fought the pain in his hand – and his heart. He leaned on the fence post and buried his pounding head in his arms.

  Joseph swatted at the fly buzzing around his head. “You are the most arrogant son-of-a-bitch I have ever known.”

  “Mind your own business, Grandpa.” He saw the pity in the other man’s eyes and refused to meet the green gaze again.

  “Are you going to throw away your chance of happiness because of pride? Mary wanted nothing more from you than your love, Luke. Can’t you give her that?”

  “I don’t know how. I just don’t know how.”

  “Damn it to hell and back. I could string your parents up by their heels. They didn’t appreciate one thing in life, Luke, especially not you. I’m proud you’re my grandson, boy, real proud. And your prissy ex-wife wouldn’t have known love or loyalty if it’d bit her on her scrawny little butt.”

  Luke had to smile at his grandfather’s tirade. He wholeheartedly agreed with his opinion of Debbie. He’d know his parents had never loved him, but he’d been lucky enough to have known that kind of love from his grandfather and grandmother. But the love between a man and a woman? His whole adult life had been filled with women he’d bought and paid for. In one way or another.

  After several moments, Joseph spoke again. “I saw Mary this morning.”

  His male pride reared its ugly head and Luke refused to ask about her. If she wasn’t as miserable as he was, he didn’t want to know.

  “She seemed to think you didn’t want her because of her looks.”

  “What! She actually said that?” he shouted. He regretted the action as soon as he spoke. The little drummers in his head worked overtime.

  “Not in so many words, but I’m old enough to know what women think by now. You went sniffing around her like a dog in heat, then you backed away. What else was she supposed to think? That does something to a woman, Luke. Even a strong, independent woman like Mary. It eats away at her self-esteem, especially coming from the man she loves.”

  “That’s ridiculous. She’s perfect.” He ached to hold her in his arms again.

  “That’s what I told her.”

  He and his grandfather both turned as another truck approached. ”Hell, this is turning into grand central station,” Luke grumbled. As he spoke, the truck roared to a stop and Hawk exited the cab.

  “What’s wrong?” A cold chill of dread shivered down Luke’s spine. His heart stopped beating for a fraction of a second then slammed violently against his ribs. A busy man like Hawk didn’t make the twelve-mile trip over rough terrain for just any reason.

  “Doc Logan called from the hospital.” He wasted no time on preliminaries. “Mary’s been in an accident.”

  Luke’s body shut down at the other man’s words. His mind went numb, his eyes refused to focus and he couldn’t speak. Visions of Mary mangled from a car wreck flashed through his mind. He couldn’t lose her now, not when he’d just realized what a fool he’d been. He loved her beyond reason and needed to tell her.

  “I told her that damn car was a death trap.” He came out of his fog and retrieved his shirt and hat.

  “We’ve got to go,” Joseph’s gray brow furrowed with worry. ”She’s going to need us.”

  The men jumped in the cab of Hawk’s truck. Luke knew the foreman would take care of the fence repair, but it didn’t matter. The whole damn herd could go missing and he wouldn’t care. His thoughts centered on Mary and how much he loved her.

  * * * * *

  The long narrow corridor of the hospital closed in on Luke as he made his way to the nurse’s station at the far end of the emergency room. Almost immediately he spotted Logan coming his way.

  “Where is she?” His words were rough and low.

  “What happened? Was she badly hurt? Luke and I both told her that car should be scrapped.” Joseph stood by Luke’s side and voiced the questions fear had frozen in his throat.

  “Mary’s condition is stable at the moment. Just a little fender bender, but I thought it best to admit her. They’re moving her to a room now.”

  Luke felt himself relax, the overwhelming flood of worry receding slightly. She was fine. She was fine. “Tell me what’s wrong with her. Why does she have to be admitted?”

  “I’m not sure I should tell you that, Luke. When is the last time you saw, Mary?”

  “About six weeks ago, right after the flood. Was she injured at the levy? Damn, I knew I should have made you check her out then.” He searched his pockets for a cigarette than saw the no smoking sign at the end of the hallway. He leaned against the wall and shoved his trembling hands into his pockets so the other men couldn’t see.

  “She’s fine, physically. But mentally, I have my doubts. Are you in love with her, son?” The doctor’s question was blunt and to the point.

  “Yeah,” Luke snarled. “I am. If it’s any of your damn business.”

  “Well, I suggest you put a little more enthusiasm into that response when you tell her.” A smile split the other man’s face but Luke just frowned.

  “I couldn’t agree more,” Joseph echoed Logan’s words.

  “Who says I’m going to tell her?” Even though he desired to do nothing more, the doubts still lingered. Even with his considerable fortune, he was still an ordinary man, set in his ways, ornery to a fault and no prize in the looks department.

  “I do,” Joseph’s smug voice answered for him. “Because if you don’t, you lose her. She’s already sold her business to Sara and is planning on moving any day.”

  “What? She can’t move. She loves it here.” He remembered their conversation that day at the corral about wanting roots, someplace to call her own. She’d found that here in Fiddler Creek; he knew she had. And now she would leave it all behind. Leave him behind.

  “Just go see her, boy.” Joseph slapped his grandson on the back. “Tell her you love her and you’ll be the happiest man in Fiddler Creek. And I’ll be the second happiest.”

  Luke straightened from his slouched position against the wall. “Alright, I’ll go see her now. If that meets with everyone’s approval?” His voice dripped sarcasm, revealing his resentment at being ordered about by the two older men.

  “That’ll be just fine. Logan and I will just go have a cup of coffee. I’ll catch up with you later. Give my best to Mary.” Joseph grinned again as he and the doctor headed down the hallway.

  Luke hesitated before going to the nurse’s station and aski
ng for Mary’s room number. What would he say? That he loved her until it hurt? That he wanted her in his life for the rest of his days? That if she walked away, she’d take his broken heart with her?

  He drew a deep breath to gather his courage before entering her room. This was going to be harder than facing down an enraged bull or breaking a wild mustang. For once in his life, Luke knew the true meaning of ‘stark terror’.

  Mary lay in the middle of hospital bed with her eyes closed and the white sheet pulled up to her waist. She turned as the door opened.

  “Luke.” Excitement shone in her eyes for one brief moment before she closed herself off to him. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

  “Why?” Luke moved until he stood at the bottom of her bed. He didn’t miss the revealing shiver that raced through her body. It gave him hope. It gave him courage.

  “I didn’t think you wanted to see me again.”

  “Why?” He held on to the last of his pride and wanted her to admit her love first.

  He saw her anger quicken. This was the Mary he loved – feisty, stubborn and gorgeous. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you ordered me off your ranch. If you don’t want me, I understand. I know I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world, far from it. But I’d hoped we could still be friends.”

  “Damn it, Mary, I do want you.”

  “Then why have you been so cold and distant? Even before I left you were withdrawn. I thought you’d changed your mind, that I wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough. Not your kind of woman. I’ve seen pictures of your ex-wife, Luke. She could have been a model.” Doubt about her appearance was written across her features.

  Luke scrubbed a hand across his beard roughened jaw. To him, Mary was perfection. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t pencil slim or that her face wasn’t symmetrically perfect thanks to the knife of a plastic surgeon. He saw the beauty of her soul. He realized it would take more than a few loving whispers to show her how much she meant to him. And that didn’t bother him at all. He figured he had the next forty or so years to convince this lady of his love. And he’d start now. He moved to the head of the bed.