by Wendi Darlin
His gaze drifted lower. “I’m in a very good position to take care of your needs.” His laugh settled over her like a blanket. His lips brushed her ear. “Maybe I can give you something to think about,” he said softly, grazing his tongue against her skin.
The low moan that escaped her throat was full of desperation. “You’ve already given me plenty to think about.” She curled her legs around his back. “Do you want me to give you something to think about?”
“You’ve got my thoughts pretty wrapped up.” His chest was hard against her breasts, her nipples strained toward him, pressing through her thin blouse.
“I was worried it would be hard for me to touch another man,” she admitted, staring over his shoulder into the pale blue sky.
“It’s not?” He planted kisses along her jaw.
She ran her hands over his arms trailing the muscular slopes and planes beneath his shirt. “It’s not hard the way I thought it would be. Stopping is the hard part.” She laughed and bumped his hips with hers. “One of the hard parts.”
“We’re going to have to get up from here,” he said. “Before our needs overpower our brains.”
“My needs overpower my brain every time you get near me, but I guess that’s what makes this business of yours work as well as it does.”
He took her chin in his hand and forced her to meet his eyes. “First of all, the business doesn’t work this way. I’d fire my men in a second if I caught any of them in this position.” He shoved his hair back, in a useless attempt. It fell right back where it had been. His brow furrowed. “What if I made arrangements for you to stay at another ranch this week, and I came by to take you to dinner or see the sights while you’re here.”
She dropped her hands to the ground and took a deep breath to relieve the tension that had clasped her lungs. “I didn’t come here to date,” she said steadily. “I came for the game. If you want me to leave, I’ll go back home and go out with one of the men my sister’s trying to shove down my throat.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” he said. “But we can’t roll around on the grass and dry hump all day either. And…” He paused to brush a strand of hair off her cheek. “I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself.”
“I’m honest to a fault,” she said quickly.
“Alright then, if you’re so determined to have the fantasy, why do you do your best to make me forget my job, but constantly remind yourself this a business?”
She tore her eyes away from his and found distraction in an odd-shaped cloud drifting overhead. A frog with wings. Or a cape. Super Frog. Anything but the man poised above her.
“Tell me why you won’t really play the game,” he said, bringing her back, urging an answer she didn’t want to admit.
Because he had her on a slippery slope. If she didn’t remind herself of exactly who he was and why he did what he did to her, she’d slide down in a heartbeat and fall headfirst into him. She’d lose every rational thought in her head, and Todd deserved more than that from her. She wasn’t about to give a piece of her heart to a man she’d paid to take it. Or to some pseudo-cowboy who made women pay him to let them fall in love. But aside from that one little detail - the way he sold his body but wouldn’t give his heart away - she liked the man beneath the hat. Little detail. Ha.
“I love games, and fantasies are my specialty.” She rolled the fabric of his sleeve between her fingers and tried to play it safe. Honest, but safe. “I just have to trust the person I’m playing with.”
“And you don’t trust me?”
“I trust you enough to lie beneath you out here in the middle of nowhere, but you’re just doing your job right? Whatever it takes to make me fall in love, short of boffing my brains out. I can’t exactly trust you with my heart. And I don’t know how to fake that.”
He studied her for a long while, then settled down beside her, propped on his elbow, his other hand on her stomach.
“Tell me what you’re going to look for in a man, when you’re ready.”
“His hand has to feel as good as yours does every time it lands on me.” She smiled, relieved he seemed to be backing down and not calling bullshit on her dance around the question. “But more than that,” she said, “he has to be honest, someone I can trust completely.”
“Anything else?” His fingers crept beneath the hem of her blouse and traced a fiery pattern on her stomach. Her breath caught as the sensations ripped through her.
“I want someone who’ll play with me, and I don’t mean just in the bedroom. But he would have to be an insatiable lover who let me have my way with him almost every time I wanted to.” She ran her hand over the back of his arm. “And it won’t hurt if he’s strong as an ox and easy on the eyes.”
“You don’t ask for much do you?” She hadn’t seen him move, but suddenly he was closer, his breath warm on her lips, his nose almost touching hers. His eyes were so close she could see the flecks of brown scattered like patches of earth on the prairie and the spark that lit his soul.
“My husband was all those things,” she whispered, barely allowing her lips to move, afraid they might touch his. Afraid of how much she wanted to feel his mouth against hers.
“Will any man ever be able to compete with the memory of your husband?” The light in his eyes faded as he waited for her answer, still so close she could almost taste him. The scent of him filled her senses, making her want to forget about everything else. Her chest contracted. This was so wrong. She couldn’t forget about Todd. She wouldn’t.
Gavin’s eyes were soft, searching her with caution but loaded with sincere curiosity. He waited for an answer.
“Why?” she managed.
“I want to know what it takes to be with a woman like you, and to keep her in love for so long.”
Something in his need to know told her he’d been burned and he was far from healed. Maybe he was one of those men who would never heal, never let a woman close enough to hurt him again.
“I already told you. He was my best friend and the most incredible lover I’ll ever know.”
“You can’t tell a man that another man’s better in bed than he could ever hope to be.” His brows lowered in disbelief. His lips were still dangerously close.
“You’re serious aren’t you?” she asked. His hand slid to her hip. Her heart pounded at the firmness of his hold on her, the directness of his stare.
“Of course, I’m serious. And any other guy would tell you the same thing, if he didn’t turn tail and run.”
Rebecca studied him, the tension in his forehead, and the firm set of his jaw.
“Why do you feel threatened?” she asked. He was so close his hair caressed her cheek. The slightest movement and she would be wrapped up in him. Lost in him.
“I’m not threatened.” He visibly relaxed a little and his voice dropped lower. “Apparently, I just have a lot to prove.”
“You’re legally and contractually restricted from being my lover,” she challenged him. “So why do you care? What difference could it possibly make?”
Without giving another thought to the consequences Gavin took her lips in his. It was ridiculous to think he should deny what they both were so obviously feeling. They were adults, consenting adults. With needs. Excruciating, overpowering needs.
She welcomed him more ferociously than he’d expected, like a spring coiled tight inside her had been sprung. She clung to him, her fingers sharp in his back, her body anything but still beneath him as her tongue slid against his. His stomach clenched then flipped.
He dug his hands into her hair. Her tongue was like a cool drink of water after he had spent his life in the desert searching for something that would quench his thirst. A moan poured between them, urging him deeper. In that moment, her body beneath his became his world. Nothing else mattered. Her heat radiated through her clothes. She flowed around him as if he was sinking into a sun-warmed oasis. She molded to every line of his frame. He could only imagine how much better she would feel na
ked. How good they would be together. He needed Rebecca. He needed to be in her, on her, all over her at once. All this from a kiss. Making love to her would be the end of him.
Her nails dug through his shirt, every nerve ending he had stood on high alert. And for some unfathomable reason his damn brain had to kick into gear. He had to stop. He couldn’t do this. Sex with a guest was illegal. Prostitution. He could lose the ranch. Go to jail. One more minute he told himself, taking her mouth harder. Tasting her tongue like he might never sample it again. He would stop. In one more minute. Her legs tightened around his waist and he thrust his hips to hers. The double layer of denim between them left him far from satisfied, but his dick got harder with every stroke and every muffled cry that slipped from her mouth.
He slid his hand beneath her shirt and over the thin silk barrier of her bra. Her breast filled his palm, soft and hard. He ran his fingers over the pillow of flesh and caught her rigid nipple between his knuckles. The contrast shuffled his mind. He had to taste her skin, every warm intoxicating inch of it, then bury himself deep inside her. Just like he’d known the first time her eyes met his. There was something more between them than mild attraction. He could feel it now in the way she trembled and clung to him, and in his own irrepressible need to give her all that he had to give. He may not be able to offer her more than she’d already known, but he’d be damned if he was going to let her go back home to some equally deserving jerk without giving her all he could.
Lightning couldn’t have sent a stronger jolt through Rebecca than the need she saw in Gavin’s eyes as he broke the kiss and held his face above hers. The scent of him filled her, made her dizzy. She had to part her lips to breathe. She was weak and powerful all at once, and for the first time in way too long she was alive, her body rejoiced with life. She needed to tell him to stop before she lost her senses altogether. But she didn’t want him to stop. She didn’t want to stop touching him, tasting him, feeling his weight distributed over her like a blanket she could curl up in. Still, she couldn’t do this.
Before she could speak, his mouth opened against hers in another kiss. One that was both gentle and too powerful for her to take ownership of. He was in command, and she was helpless to do anything but follow his lead. She would follow him anywhere. His pull on her was stronger than any half-hearted resistance she could muster.
His lips were so much softer than they had been only a minute before, his desire so much more than she had been prepared for. Every movement of his tongue swirled cravings in her strong enough to wipe her mind blank of everything but him. He explored her slowly. His hands moved along her sides pulling her into him as his tongue delved deeper.
She reached for his neck, grasping at the strong tendons that tightened beneath his skin. His control was intoxicating, but just as she started to get drunk from it, he pulled away.
Her breasts rose and fell with each exaggerated breath that stumbled in and out of her. Seconds passed before she trusted herself to speak.
“Those shouldn’t be allowed.” Her voice was thick, her mind and body too scrambled to make sense of anything.
“They’re not.” He was so close the breath of his words rushed over her. The subtle scent of his cologne drew her in, made her want more, but her thoughts finally converged and screamed logic she didn’t want to hear.
“A rule you’ve broken before?”
“No.” His eyes never left hers.
Longing rose in her like a balloon but it was soon followed by something else, something far heavier, and much harder to carry.
Guilt.
This man wasn’t her husband. He wasn’t Todd, but that kiss had dipped beyond sexual need. He had stirred emotions in her that she swore another man would never touch. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes. She looked away before Gavin could see what was happening and wiped her face with the back of her hand.
“I’m sorry.” He rolled to his side and hugged her to him. He was breathing hard. The length of his body against hers was more comfort than she’d had in a year, and at the very same time it was completely disconcerting. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he said.
“Don’t apologize.” His heart pounded in her ear. Her back remained stiff, and her arms hung rigid from her sides. “I was all over you. Teasing you. I should’ve expected it.”
“You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do,” he said softly, “and I’m the one who’s supposed to keep things in line here.”
“I wanted to kiss you.” Her voice was so low she wasn’t sure he heard her. His only response was to reach for her hand and lace her fingers with his.
A horse snorted, signaling someone’s approach.
“If I didn’t own half the company I’d have lost my job already,” he said, sitting up. “I’ve broken nearly every rule in the book, and I can’t get you to fall in love with me to save my life.”
She squeezed his arm and swallowed the rock that had lodged itself in her throat. “You’ve put me in a healthy state of lust though.” She hated wanting him. She hated what she had done, but if she could go back to before the guilt hit and do it again, she would jump at the chance with both feet and arms flailing through the air.
She was terrible. And terribly stupid to think she was getting anything from Gavin Carter that he wouldn’t give to a million other women. Or to think she could ever experience sex casually.
“Come on,” he said and helped her to her feet. His generous lips spread into an easy smile. “It’s time to get you back.” He started to pull her in for a hug, but the snapping of a branch and the sound of horses jerked him back.
Three men in saddles emerged from the tree line. Garrett was in the lead. The other two were unfamiliar, and not nearly attractive enough to be fantasy cowboys. Badges on their chests caught the glint of sunlight and their putty-colored polyester button-downs told Rebecca everything she needed to know about them. In Podunk, Wyoming even the local law enforcement wore Wranglers, boots, and cowboy hats.
Gavin swore under his breath and turned his back to the trio as he led Rebecca to Pilgrim and Silver.
“Friends of yours?” she asked.
“Wouldn’t need enemies if they were.” His smile was tight.
“Working hard today Gavin?” The thinner of the two donut-holes called out.
“I do everything harder than you, Chet,” Gavin jabbed back.
Garrett cleared his throat, and Rebecca mounted Pilgrim with a thinly concealed smirk on her face.
“Catch you next time,” Chet called out as Rebecca and Gavin heeled their horses and trotted off.
* * * *
Sex isn’t love. Sex is sex. Every person on the planet seemed able to compartmentalize the two, separate them conveniently. Rebecca wanted to. She would have to, but they had been so tangled together in her life for so long what if she couldn’t?
Gavin’s fingers were intertwined with hers, but he hadn’t said much as they made their way back to her cabin. He probably thought she was an emotional train wreck. He wouldn’t be far off track. His thumb traced the top of her hand, but his eyes were distant. He probably didn’t even realize he was touching her that way. He definitely didn’t understand what his touch did to her.
When they kissed at the spring, she had wanted to pull him so far into her it would be impossible to tell where he ended and she began. Her heart raced. Her lungs fought to breathe, but she almost believed as long as he was kissing her she didn’t really need air at all. Was that lust? Just lust?
His ultra-sexy body and those fricken’ green eyes that could equally reflect gentleness and fire were enough to inspire a bucket of lustful thoughts. But what about his humor, his intelligence? That spark of recognition when their eyes met? What about her incessant need to question him, and the gnawing realization at the back of her brain that she would probably never meet another man who she’d want to know nearly as much? Was that just lust too?
“I’m sorry,” Rebecca whispered at the door to her cabin. “I’m r
eally screwed up. More than I thought.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” He wiped away another tear that had begun to slide down her face. “I really shouldn’t have kissed you. No matter how much I wanted to.”
The gentleness in his voice was too much. She couldn’t hold back anymore. “You’re the first. Since Todd. You’re the…”
“It was just a kiss.” He pulled her back out onto the porch and held her while she cried. “But it won’t happen again.”
She sobbed into his chest and clung to him like she would collapse if she didn’t. Just a kiss she told herself, a mind-scrambling, body-rocking kiss that only felt that way because it had been so long since she’d had any male affection at all. Gavin’s hold on her was comforting, his whispers reassuring. She eventually calmed enough to stop crying. She had to take a page from his book. It was nothing to him. Nothing. Just a kiss.
“You must think I’m crazy,” she said with her face still buried in his shirt, embarrassed to have broken down so completely. She was stronger than that. So much stronger. The tears would have to stop. She would not permit another single drop to fall.
“I don’t think you’re crazy.” His arms were as gentle as his voice, and if she could have melted into him she would have gladly surrendered, but she straightened her shoulders instead and filled her lungs with the warm scent of his chest.
“I’m crawling all over you one minute and bawling because you kissed me like I wanted you to the next.” She snorted a laugh. “I think I’m crazy.”
“Just tell me what you need from me.” He smoothed her hair and pulled it away from her face. The gentleness had spread to his eyes and it made her want him as much as the fire. Maybe more.
“A handkerchief.” She sniffed.
“I have one of those.” His voice held a tinge of laughter. He shook open a neatly folded square of cotton before he handed it to her.
She wiped her eyes and nose and leaned into him as far as she could. His hands moved slowly over her back, protective, reassuring, everything she needed him to be.
“Tell me what you really need,” he said.
