by Wendi Darlin
“I don’t know. Maybe I just need to go home.”
“How about this.” He pushed her shoulders back so she could see his face. “Stay the rest of the week. Treat it like any other vacation. Consider me your personal concierge. Or a friend. Or whatever you want me to be.”
She smiled and blinked away the threat of more tears. “What if I want you to be my cowboy?”
“That’s my specialty.” He grinned back at her. “And I’ll keep my hands off of you.”
“Really?” He had meant to make her feel better, but something inside her sank.
“If you keep yours off me.” His smile was genuine, meant to reassure her. “The way you touch me clouds my brain. Makes me forget everything but my name.” He squeezed her shoulders. “I’m not looking for those kinds of emotions any more than you are. And the ranch isn’t the place to explore them even if that is what we wanted.”
The scars of his marriage must run deep. No wonder he wouldn’t talk about it. Either that or he was just a consummate playboy, happy with his lot in life. Without a doubt he could find plenty of women ready to play with him. Women who wouldn’t cry until after he left.
“I’ll try to keep my hands to myself.” She bit her lip and smiled. “But you’re really hot. And have I mentioned all those needs I have?”
His soft laughter filled the space between them. He lifted her chin and forced her eyes to meet his. “So you’re okay?”
She nodded. Okay. She assured Gavin just like she assured her parents, her sister and her friends. She was okay. There was nothing else she could be. She didn’t have a choice. She plastered a perfect smile on her face, proof to the world she was as okay as she said she was.
* * * *
Gavin crumpled another piece of paper and tossed it into the wastebasket beside his desk where wads of discarded attempts already filled the lower half. He had the kitchen send over Rebecca’s lunch, though he doubted she’d want it. She was more shaken than she would admit. He could tell she’d held back a lot more tears than she had shed.
Her pain ate at him. He couldn’t imagine losing someone like she had and still having enough heart left to laugh. She was like a kid trying to play, desperate to play. She really did make him feel like he was in high school, following rules, abiding by curfews, restricted from going farther than he physically wanted to go.
He shook the fog out of his head. He wasn’t fifteen, sneaking off to play backseat baseball when his parents weren’t looking. He wasn’t dating her. He was catering to her, making sure she got the vacation she had purchased from the company he owned. He was a man, not a kid, and if he wanted to get laid he knew how to do it. He didn’t have to makeout and cuddle and talk for hours on end just to get to the payout. There were plenty of available women who didn’t need more than a pleasant invitation.
So why did he feel like he had let her down? It was that damn front she put up, that brick wall that was nothing more than carefully constructed ash, ready to crumble in the slightest wind. Her tears were nothing compared to what he’d seen behind them. He was a colossal ass for not realizing how fragile she was. For hounding in on her because she was the sexiest woman he’d ever laid eyes on.
“What are you working on?” Garrett asked from the doorway.
“Thought I’d try a new mascot.” His intention had been to lose himself in work. Not an easy thing to do when he couldn’t think about anything but Rebecca. And not a bit easier when he was still shaken by their kiss. Had a kiss ever hit him that hard? Her first response had been as heated as his, more heated. Maybe that’s why the tears felt like such a sucker punch. Or maybe she hadn’t punched him half as hard as he’d kicked himself. There was no room in his life for those kinds of feelings. No way in hell he would make himself that vulnerable to a woman again.
“I like the winking cowboy.” Garrett moved around to his side of the desk and sat down with his back to the window.
“It’s a little amateur.” The winking cowboy had always been amateur, purposely amateur. It was comedic relief to put potential clients at ease, and let them know it was okay not to take the ranch too seriously. Fantasy Ranch was meant to be a good time, a place to come play a game that could never be real.
“He works,” Garrett said. “We’re booked for the next two weeks and filling up fast for the next two months.”
Gavin sketched a cowboy with a lady on his arm, a lady that looked remarkably like Rebecca Ryder.
“How’s this week going?” Garrett asked.
“Fine.” Fine, my ass. He could still taste Rebecca’s lips, smell the soft floral scent she wore. His body was still hot from the way she had his heart pumping. There was nothing fine about the way she had rocked him. He knew better. Even if she wasn’t a guest. Even if she wasn’t broken. A woman who could do that to him was a woman to stay the hell away from.
Garrett set his elbows on the desk and scratched the back of his head. A sign Gavin knew too well.
“I appeased Chet Bening by taking him down to the spring after I thought you would have already left with Rebecca. I was ahead of them coming through the woods.”
“And?” Gavin didn’t look up from what he was doing.
“And I saw you.”
“It was nothing.” That was the understatement of the year. Probably the biggest bald-faced lie he’d ever told.
“To you it was nothing. To her —”
Gavin cut him off. “I know what it was to her.”
“Look, Gav. All I’m trying to say is her husband died, if she was dating other men, she wouldn’t be here. You’re just supposed to make her feel like it’s okay to fall in love again. You’re not supposed to actually let her do it. Not to mention if Chet…”
“Don’t mention it. And she’s not falling in love with me. She’s still very much in love with him.” The lead in Gavin’s pencil snapped against the paper. He flung the pencil into the trash and reached for another one.
“Sometimes it doesn’t take much to make a heart change direction,” Garrett said.
“A lesson I’ve already learned.” That would shut him up. Garrett wasn’t about to delve into the Taryn issue. “Any other sage advice? I need to shower before I check on my guest.”
“I don’t know, little brother. You’re not yourself this week. And you’ve definitely got more on your mind than this business. We’re in enough shit if you haven’t noticed.”
“This business is just as much mine as it is yours, and my interest in it is just as vested.” Gavin pushed his chair back and stood up. “I know what I’m doing.”
“What are you doing?”
“Just playing the game.” Gavin tossed the picture of the cowboy and Rebecca in the trash and walked out the door, letting Garrett have the office to himself.
“Where’s your lovely opponent?” Garrett called after him.
“Rebecca’s in her cabin, and for the record, we’re on the same team,” he shouted back.
Damn it. Garrett had made his point. Gavin headed up the stairs reminding himself he was thirty-five years old. A grown man who needed to start acting like it again. Garrett’s remark really got under his skin, though. He’d never felt camaraderie with a guest before. It was always him against whatever brought her to the ranch. Him against her low self-esteem, him against her broken heart, him against her loneliness, him against her man-sized libido. He’d never felt like he was playing the game with any of them before. He always played it against whatever baggage they brought.
Rebecca had stepped off the airplane without any visible baggage at all. Maybe that’s what threw him. He forgot to worry about all the stuff he couldn’t see. And all he could focus on was how they could play this charade together. How far they could push the rules before the game started pushing back. Well, now he knew. The kiss was too much, one step too many. Time to go back three spaces and roll again.
He would put everything back on track, prove to her that men weren’t supposed to make her cry. She deserved that. She de
served a hell of a lot more than he could give, but he could give her what she needed this week. Maybe that would be enough for both of them.
* * * *
“He kissed you?” Melinda’s voice rose an octave and Rebecca held the phone out a few inches from her ear. “What a slut. He’d probably tongue his own grandmother if she signed on for a week out there.”
“I’m not that old,” Rebecca said. Melinda’s words were like cold water on the fire that had started a slow burn beneath her skin.
“He’s lucky to kiss you,” Melinda said. “But, can you imagine some of the women he must have to kiss? He can’t be attracted to all of them. How can anyone do that?”
“He says he’s never kissed another guest.” The words sounded stupid the minute she said them.
“And he says he went to Harvard, yeah right. He probably did an internship in Nevada at the Bunny Ranch. You don’t actually believe the things this guy says do you?”
“He can be convincing.” Rebecca buried her hand in her hair and closed her eyes.
“Becca, you put a significant dent in your savings account to spend a week out there. He better tell you anything he thinks you want to hear.”
“I know.”
“That kills me. This guy would rather lie to lonely women every day than get a real job. What was he doing before he came up with this grand idea, giving foot massages at a convalescent center?”
Lonely women. God, the truth could sting. “He’s got a graduate degree in marketing.” Her voice was too weak to be convincing, and she braced herself for Melinda’s next blow.
“They don’t offer those at the Bunny Ranch.” Melinda’s tone was as full of bite as she’d expected.
Rebecca threw herself back on the bed with a groan. She focused on the ceiling beams and waited for her sister to tell her what she so obviously needed to hear.
“You weren’t really buying into any of that crap were you?” Melinda asked.
“I guess I got caught up in the experience for a minute. It’s so beautiful out here, and so quiet.” The only scenery that held enough intrigue to shuffle her mind was the rugged beefcake she’d wrapped herself around. “With a man as sexy as Gavin, I guess it’s hard to keep a firm grip on reality.”
“Keep a firm grip on his ass if you want to. Treat him like what he is. Just don’t let him treat you that way.”
Rebecca’s embarrassment slipped into sadness. It was hard to hear her vivacious, optimistic, usually lovesick sister worn down to such a cynical shell. “You’re angry Mel, very, very angry.”
“I am.” Melinda sighed. “And I’m sick. I’ve been throwing up all day.” Her breath was heavy against the phone. “I’m pregnant.”
Rebecca shot off the bed. “What did you say?”
Her sobs came before her words. “I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, Mel.” A child on the way and a husband out the door. Rebecca felt sick, as sick as if it had happened to her. “When did you find out?” She clutched her stomach, willing it to settle and paced in a tight circle.
“After I dropped you off at the airport, I had a doctor’s appointment.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” A fresh wave of guilt crashed into her before Melinda said a word. Her little sister was still protecting her, the way she and everyone else in the family had been doing since Todd died.
“You were already worried about me. I didn’t want to screw up your vacation.”
“I wish you had told me,” she said quietly. “How far along are you?”
“Eight weeks.” Melinda’s voice had dropped so low, Rebecca had to press the phone closer to her ear.
“Does Scott know?”
“No. I was planning to tell him over dinner the other night, but he told me he was leaving before I had a chance.”
Rebecca cleared her lungs in one fiery breath and dug her toes into the floor planks. Nothing could have shaken her out of la-la land and sent her plummeting to the ground harder than Melinda’s situation. “What a bastard. How did you ever end up married to him?”
“He sounded a lot like the cowboy.” Melinda sniffed.
Melinda had said goodbye, but Rebecca was still holding the phone when Gavin knocked for her. She swung the door open ready to hate him, ready to show him how much patience she had for men like Scott, because he probably wasn’t all that different. He stood on the porch, showered, shaved and in a fresh pair of tingle inspiring jeans. When had her body decided to so completely buck her brain? Despite everything Melinda had said to steer her straight and all the tears she’d shed since she last saw him, Gavin Carter still made her heart beat faster.
“Hey, you feel any better?” He looked almost as concerned as he did gorgeous. His hand started toward her, but he paused mid-air and dropped it back to his side.
She was ready to close the door between them, give herself a chance to regroup, take a shower, pack her bag. Something. Anything. Apparently her muscles were as rebellious as her heart and lungs, because she couldn’t move.
“These are for you.” He pulled his other hand from behind his back and held out a can of peas. The label was worn, and rust crept around the rim of the lid. He laughed at the expression on her face. “I know it’s silly,” he said, “but my dad used to give these to my mom whenever he screwed up. It’s a peas-offering.”
“Sounds like your dad had a good sense of humor,” she said unable to tame her smile.
“He made her laugh. That’s all that really mattered.”
“Thank you.” She took the peas from him and stepped out of the doorway. “Want to come in? I can’t offer you anything as nice as these peas, but there’s wine in the chiller.”
He hooked his hat on the wall and grabbed two glasses off the shelf above the wet bar while Rebecca opened the wine. They sat down across from one another at the small table next to the window. Even the distance between them wasn’t enough to squelch the way her body reacted to him or the thoughts that refused to stop racing through her mind. She wanted him to be the one who taught her the difference, to show her how to have worthwhile sex without emotional strings.
He lifted his glass to hers. “To the winking cowboy, and whatever he did to bring you here,” he said.
Rebecca took a deep breath and set her glass down on the table. “Can I be honest with you?” Maybe if she told him the truth, the burden wouldn’t be so hard to carry.
“I’d like that.”
“I came because of Todd.” She glanced over to make sure Gavin was at least half interested in hearing what she needed to tell him. His eyes were fixed on her, waiting for her to continue. He hadn’t taken a drink from his glass either.
“He used to…we used to play these games. Role playing. He’d pretend to be whoever was turning me on at the moment, and I’d do the same for him.”
Gavin didn’t say anything, just kept watching her, waiting.
She drew the wine glass to her lips for a little liquid courage and set it back down. “The morning…the last time I saw him…” Tears welled in her eyes and she wiped them away. “I’m sorry. I just want you to understand. So you won’t think I’m crazy.”
Gavin reached across the table and took her hand. “I want to know.”
She drew in her breath. His touch gave her the courage she needed, connected her to him in a way that made her want to remove the last vestiges of this wall between them. “He was going to be my cowboy that night, but he never made it home.” Silent tears slid down her face.
Gavin cleared his throat. His grip on her hand loosened.
“I thought coming out here might help me remember. I don’t know, maybe I thought it would give me one more chance to be with him before I tried to go out with someone else. I didn’t expect this all to be so ... real.”
“It’s not real.” He drained more than half his glass and set it back on the table between them. “This place is as fabricated as Disneyland. That’s what it’s supposed to be. Just a bunch of windup toys, spitting out whatever the gu
ests want to hear. Most of the guys don’t even use their real names. They’re actors. This is a chance to hone their craft, and to make a little money while they’re doing it.”
Anger crept up on her. Irrational anger. He wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t know, or shouldn’t have been able to figure out, but she felt betrayed, stupid that she could have felt anything for him. “Are you an actor?”
“No, just a business man. For now, Garrett and I can save a lot of money if we entertain guests ourselves, and usually it’s a good way to keep some quality control. Although, after this week, I should fire myself.” He twisted the stem of his glass on the table. “I need to know something.”
She covered her roiling emotions as best she could and nodded for him to continue.
“When I’m holding you, do you pretend it’s him?”
Rebecca couldn’t meet his eyes, her heart quickened, but she refused to lie. There was power in truth; lies were a coward’s tools. “Most of the time I’ve been too overwhelmed by the sensations of you touching me to think about anyone but you. But sometimes when I closed my eyes…when your touch felt almost familiar…I could see him in my mind. I could remember the way he loved me.” She paused to wipe a tear. “And when you kissed me…”
Gavin let go of her hand and adjusted himself in his seat. “What happened when I kissed you?” His voice had a sharpness she hadn’t expected.
“Nothing should have happened.” Heat crept in prickles up her neck and across her cheeks. “If you knew half the things I’ve thought about doing with you, a kiss definitely shouldn’t have sent me over the edge. Even that kiss.” She ran her finger over the curve of her glass until she had the courage to meet his eyes. “I didn’t know anyone else could get me going like that. Like you said, it was just a kiss. But for me it felt so…like so much more. And I felt like I betrayed my husband.”
“Do you still think you betrayed him?” Something she said had taken the edge from his voice. The gentleness was back, and it stirred something in the depths of her abdomen.
“A little.” She steadied herself, not sure what had caused the shift in him and equally confused by the way her body responded to his slightest nuances. “Does it bother you that I’ve thought of him when we were together like that?”
