Wildcat

by Rebecca Hutto

  He pulled back, glaring directly into her eyes. “Ember, look at me. Farlight is dead. Mom and Dad are dead. I’m half-blind. I’m walking fur, skin, and bone. I’ve got almost nothing left to lose. Aside from my own body, you’re all I have left. Staying would mean losing you too. Now let’s get outta here before Lupine kills us both.”

  He walked over to the ravine, where the log loomed ominously. Ember followed. If she looked carefully, she could still make out the scratch marks left on it by her encounter with Eclan. She looked back.

  Cloud smiled and nodded. The subtle gesture disappeared almost as quickly as it had come. She knew it was forced, because no one else was smiling. Not even Lupine.

  “Goodbye, Sparky. You too, Hyrees. Take care of each other. I love you. Don’t forget that,” he said.

  “I love you both,” Songbird mewed. “Stay safe and stay away. Please be careful.”

  Ember tried to sniff back the rest of her tears, but they kept coming. “I will, Mom. I love you too. And you, Dad. And Kivy. Kivy, remember, you’re the hero now. Well, I mean really, you’ve always been the hero, but, well, you know what I mean. I think. I hope.”

  Kivyress forced a smile of her own. It vanished a second later. “Thanks, Em. Love you.”

  “Alright, Ember. I-i-it’s time to leave,” Lupine said. “You too, Hyrees, if you’re sure this is, uh, what you want.”

  “I’m sure,” Hyrees growled. He climbed down the cliff, onto the log.

  “Very well,” Lupine said. Ember realized he was crying too. “I won’t stop you. My c-condolences about your brother. I’ll make sure he gets a proper memorial. A-a-a commander’s memorial. Would’ve made a fine one.”

  Hyrees ignored him and kept walking. Ember sucked in a deep breath, then climbed down after him. When they reached the other side, she looked back to make sure they were still there. They were.

  Around them, the wind and snow picked up, threatening to turn into a blizzard early. Hyrees nudged her onward, down the mountain and away from the only home she’d ever known, away from the family she’d fought so hard to return to. Every few steps, she peered over her shoulder and found they’d gotten a little smaller, but each time she looked, they were still there. Then another gust of wind brought a fog of snow between them. When the fog cleared, they were all gone.

  Chapter 21

  Cloud

  “W-we’re about to have the memorial ceremony, Cloud. I know you’re, uhm, you’re still upset about everything that happened this morning, but I was wondering if there was anything y-you wanted to say for Farlight. You know, to pay him some respects,” Lupine said.

  He stood in the entrance to Cloud’s den, but Cloud couldn’t see him. He kept his head pressed against the wall, staring blankly at his paws. Ember had done it so often, finding a corner to hide in and shutting out the world. Now he understood why.

  “Respect?” he asked. “There’s no respect here. There’s no freedom. There’s no hope. There’s only this—the Colony and nothing else.”

  “I-I-I must admit, I have no idea what you’re . . . what you’re talking about.”

  Cloud stood up but remained facing the wall. “Everyone thinks this place Dark and Flare built is a paradise, yet look around you; everything you see was built on lies. Lies, mass manipulation, the blood of innocents, and unjust laws that are holding us back. Everyone says we’re better than the outsiders and rogues we chase off, but are we really? Why is that? Because we can clawmark?”

  “I fail to see what this has to do w-with the ceremony.”

  He pressed his head more firmly against the wall. A gust of wind blew snow into the den and against his back. “Because you’re a fluffhead too stuck in your own traditions to even try to change. Killing anyone you deem defective? Not even letting mollies onto the council? What if you’re wrong, Lupine? What if we’re all wrong? What if we’ve been wrong all this time?”

  Lupine growled. “I-I take it you won’t be giving a-a speech, then.”

  He walked away, leaving Cloud to his wall. Cloud sighed.

  ‘What am I doing with my life?’ He hissed at nothing. ‘Wasting it every moment I’m here, that’s what I’m doing. Send a fox on this storm. It’s going to be a nightmare getting out of here. Hyrees, I hope you do your part and find somewhere to wait for us.’

  Cloud closed his eyes and went over all the most important data. ‘The eastern entrance still provides the easiest route, but there’s always the issue of crossing the creek. We can figure that out when we get there.’ His subconscious wandered back to his promise to Lupine. ‘That doesn’t matter. He didn’t really think he could keep me, did he? They wouldn’t send anyone after us. It’d be too risky with the East still a threat, and after we leave, like Hyrees said, everyone else can burn.’

  Someone new approached the den. “Come on. We could at least listen to the ceremony, if the snow doesn’t get too heavy, at least. I . . . don’t think we’ll be doing any escaping in this weather.”

  He spun around. Songbird stood in the entrance. His heart ached at the sight of her. Her fur stuck out in all directions, making her appear to have the early stages of mange. Leaves and snow coated the underside of her tail. She kept her ears cocked to the sides, and her gaze seemed more tired than usual. She looked sick; she looked miserable.

  Cloud got up and touched noses with her. She leaned closer to press her forehead against his, and together they tried to fend off what cold they could, fighting in somber silence as reality sank in. Farlight was dead, Ember was gone again, and everything he’d worked so hard to build was falling apart.

  “I’m sorry I let this happen,” Cloud said. “But I promise things will get better soon. The moment this blizzard clears, we’re getting out of here.”

  He pulled away to look at her gentle, ruddy face.

  “Cloud, for last time, this isn’t your fault,” she said. “There was no way we could’ve known. Or, really, even imagined . . .” Songbird’s tail twitched as a tiny sob escaped her mouth. “We’ve lost two kittens in one day. At least we get to see Ember again, but Farlight . . . Cloud, what are we going to do?”

  She licked a forepaw, then rubbed it against her closed eyes, wiping away tears before they could fully form. The storm raged behind her, wind changing directions with each moment and sending snow flying everywhere.

  He sighed. ‘I just hope they found some shelter.’

  Cloud squinted to scan the Glade for Kivyress, but he could barely even make out the History Tree through the snow and approaching darkness. “Where’s Kivy? This storm is getting bad; we really should call her in. Lupine’s a fool, trying to hold a memorial ceremony in a blizzard. If they stay out there much longer, we’ll lose ten more to frostbite alone.”

  “I’ll go find her,” Songbird said softly.

  He brushed past her and walked into the storm. “No, you stay here and try to keep warm. I’ll get her.”

  “Cloud, wait.”

  He stopped, and as he did, a snowflake flew into one of his eyes. He winced and blinked it away.

  “Be careful,” she said. “Please don’t take long.”

  He attempted to offer her a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine. We’ll both be back soon.”

  He ventured farther into the Glade, past the gathering of cats. He stopped and hunched over as another gust of wind rushed past. On the stones covering the commander’s den, Lupine stood shivering but firm. Most of the colony sat below him, eyes squinted for protection against the ever-intensifying storm.

  “You’re insane, Lupine!” Cloud yelled. “Forcing everyone outside in the middle of a blizzard? This isn’t what Farlight would expect, or want. You’re disgracing the dead. Everyone, get to your dens while you still can.”

  “S-s-stay out of this, Cloud,” Lupine growled. “Don’t interrupt. You can go hide if you want, but you no longer have the authority to tell anyone w-what to do.”

  Cats looked between him and Lupine. A few of them got up and ushered their families aw
ay to shelter, but most of them remained sitting.

  Cloud’s jaw tensed. ‘I wonder what would happen if I killed him. I’d be executed, I imagine, and me being dead won’t help anyone, least of all Song and Kivy. Where is that kitten?’

  He pushed farther into the Glade, past the second fire pit, which had been put out by the wind. “Kivyress! Kivyress, where are you? This storm is only going to get worse. We need to get back inside while we can still see.”

  “Dad! Dad, Dad, Dad!” Kivyress ran out of the storage cave and charged toward him.

  He sighed in relief as she buried her face in the fur of his neck. “Kivy, there you are. Come on, let’s go back to the den.”

  She took a single, hesitant step before he nudged her in the right direction. They walked beside each other back across the Glade, their heads down against the wind.

  “I know this probably isn’t the time,” she said, “but when I was, you know, saying goodbye to Farlight, I smelled something familiar in the cuts on his head. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but I just remembered where I’d smelled it before. I don’t know who did it exactly, because the scent was really faint, but I do know it was Eastern. The scent was Eastern. I know it was. Or, well, Dad . . . I think someone from the East may have killed Farlight. It’s because of them that him and Whitehaze are dead and Ember is gone.”

  Cloud stopped a moment to process before continuing onward. “Are you sure about this? No one’s seen, or even smelled anyone from the East here since the ambush. And there were no unknown scents anywhere around where he was found. Not from what any of us could smell, at least. There would have to be more evidence.”

  “I don’t know, but if they did, Dad, we’ve gotta make them pay. They did this to us. I know we’re leaving soon, but look at them; look at all these cats who are stuck here. The East is going to destroy them. If things like this keep happening, Lupine and all the council might get killed.”

  “I could live with that.”

  “Dad, no, what if they all die? Farlight loved this colony. He wouldn’t abandon them. Not while knowing what the East is doing to them.”

  He stopped again and lowered his voice. “Listen, right now, my top priority is getting you and your mother to safety. As sad as it is, we can’t help them and ourselves at the same time. Believe me, I’ve tried it, and it doesn’t work. If any of them want to go, they can leave on their own. Do you understand?”

  Kivyress let her head droop. “Yes, sir.”

  “Good molly,” he mewed. “Now let’s get you out of this wind.”

  When they reached the den, Songbird’s ears perked up. “Oh tahg, you’re both okay. I was starting to get worried. Kivy, where were you? Please don’t run off like that. Ever. If I lost you too . . .”

  Kivyress leaned against the back wall, cheeks wet with half-frozen tears. “I’m fine, Mom. I was in the storage cave, just, uhm, thinking some things over. I can take care of myself.”

  Songbird wrapped her paws around Kivyress’s shoulders and buried her face in her neck. Kivyress looked helplessly at Cloud, too emotionally drained to escape on her own. Cloud sighed and lay down, resting his chin against the frozen earth.

  ‘Just a few more days and everything will get better. I’m sorry I can’t take you, Far. It was an honor getting to work for you though, and I’m sorry it had to end this way. I do wish I’d treated you better. You deserved more respect than what I gave you. And really, this is my fault. Aspen knew they were coming for you. He warned me to watch over you and I failed to do so. I should’ve listened, but now you’re gone, and there’s nothing I can do about it.’

  He placed a paw over his eyes. ‘And why couldn’t I have listened to her? I knew he was in trouble, but I couldn’t accept it. I doubt we would’ve gotten there in time, but maybe we would at least be able to figure out what happened. What actually happened. Whitehaze a spy? Why didn’t that kitten tell me about this? Why tell Ember, of all cats? And if Whitehaze really was a spy, who else is? It could be almost anyone but Lupine, me, Song, and Kivy. Not the most narrow selection of possibilities.’

  He rubbed both paws against his forehead, ruffling his own fur. ‘Spies, assassins, Easterners; what does it matter anymore? There’s nothing left here to keep me from leaving. What do I care if they live or die?’

  “Mom? Dad?” Kivyress mewed.

  Cloud lifted his head, waiting for her to continue.

  “What if we had our own memorial? For Farlight. Just Farlight. You know, a memorial he would like, and maybe, possibly, even be proud of.” She sniffled. “I don’t know. It was just an idea. He was . . . he was my brother. I just really want to do something for him. Something to give him at least a little honor before they turn him into ashes.”

  Songbird smiled gently. She groomed Kivyress’s cheek. “I think he would’ve liked that idea. He would like it a lot. Cloud, will you say something? For Farlight?”

  ‘A speech? Oh no. And here’s where I let everyone down again. But something is better than nothing. At least it is right now.’

  Cloud sat up. Nervousness made his chest tense. “Well, I didn’t have time to prepare anything, but I can try.” He coughed a few times, then sucked in a deep breath. “Whatever happened today, be it assassination or betrayal, this isn’t what he deserved. Farlight, your life was worth so much more than this.”

  Songbird winced. Kivyress looked away, squinting to fight off another round of tears. Another gust of snow and air blew into the den, making them all shiver.

  He gritted his teeth together. ‘That was horrible. What am I doing? I’m sorry. I’m not ready for this. I’m sorry, Wren. Your son is gone. My son is gone, and I can’t even come up with a proper memorial speech. What is wrong with me? It’s happening all over again. I’m breaking and I don’t know how to stop it.’

  “F-Farlight,” Kivyress whispered.

  Cloud’s jaw loosened at the sound of her voice. He breathed out and let himself be drawn back into the present.

  “I don’t know what happens when we die or if you can hear me right now,” she continued, “but if you can, I just wanted to say that I already miss you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are, and I mean it—I want you to be really, really happy.” Her voice broke, but she kept going anyway. “Remember when I used to chase you around with pine needles? You hated it so much, and I really wish I would’ve given you the chance to get me back. But I didn’t, and you never even tried. I don’t know why I did it to you. I just hope now that it never bothered you too much.” She sniffled and rubbed a paw across her face to groom away the tears. “You would’ve made such a great commander, you know. You could’ve done so much. Changed so many things for the better. But now that you’re gone, everything . . .”

  She hunched over and wept.

  “Everything is changing, just not for the better,” Songbird continued for her. She remained tall and firm, like a commander addressing her colony, being strong for them when even Cloud couldn’t. “Light would’ve been so proud of the wonderful young tom you turned yourself into. And I know I am. I think I always will be, until I die too, and maybe even after. You weren’t my kitten by birth, but you were always my son. I loved—still love—you so much more than I probably ever said. Every time I would see you, it was like someone telling me everything was going to be okay over and over again. You gave everyone so much comfort and joy, I . . . I don’t know how we survived for so long without you, and I don’t know how far we’ll make it now, but thank you for being there for us while you were here. For giving me the best nine mooncycles of my life. I love you, Far. Sleep well.”

  Cloud sighed. He couldn’t decide whether it was for Farlight, or for himself. ‘I’m sorry, Son. I’m sorry I let this happen. I’ve let you down, I’ve let your father down and I’ve let myself down. I doubt I’ll ever forgive myself, but you know me; I tend to motivate myself with guilt. And you’ve inspired us to leave this place.’ He sighed again. ‘This is stupid. He can’t hear me, and if he could, t
hat was no speech of honor. But then again, I’m no good at coming up with these things in the moment. Who I really should be sorry for is them. I haven’t said anything for them, to comfort them. But what am I even supposed to say?’

  “G’night, Far,” Kivyress whispered.

  She yawned and curled up against the wall. Every few moments, she sniffled, causing her body to tense. Songbird lay down beside her in an attempt to comfort her. Cloud watched over them, his back to the cold. He gazed down at them in silent blankness as they drifted off to sleep.

  ‘I’m down to them now. They’re the only ones I can still protect.’ He stooped closer and rested his chin against Songbird’s back. ‘I’m not failing again.’

  Chapter 22

  Ember

  “Hello? Ember, is that you? I was wondering when I’d hear from you again. How are you doing, sweetie?”

  ‘Michelle, I’ve made a mistake. A big mistake.’

  Ember forced herself to take long, slow breaths. Wind attacked her from every angle. Hyrees sat shivering and crying beside a nearby tree, trying to shelter himself from as much of the gale as possible.

  “Oh? Oh, I hope you’re not hurt. Are you okay? If you are hurt, I’m afraid I can’t come get you right now. I’m out of town for a tech convention. Are you okay?”

  Ember’s jaw trembled. The bitter taste of Whitehaze’s blood still lingered on her tongue. ‘No. I’m not okay. I don’t need you to come get me, but I’m not okay.’

  “Ember, what’s wrong?” her familiar, comforting voice asked. It surrounded her thoughts, like a blanket of noise. “Your thoughts sound panicked. Matthew told me what happened the day you got back. Are you having another attack?”

  ‘Kind of, but not exactly,’ Ember thought. She coughed up another puddle of bile. It made her throat and mouth sting.

  “Then what is it? What’s going on?”

  Another gust of wind came, rendering Hyrees invisible for a moment. Ember’s heart pounded in her ears. The gale slowed and he reappeared, shaking body still pressed against the tree. “Hyrees, they aren’t gonna come for us in the middle of a blizzard. We have to find shelter.”