*
Over the next few days I was extremely busy with work. I realized that my new position as vice director had increased my salary but also my responsibilities.
Valentina had become less aggressive with me, but still she wasn’t an easy person to deal with.
I resisted the temptation to write to Etienne, and he did the same. I missed him – incredibly.
*
On the day of the big wedding – that had been my first important project at the agency – we decided to involve the entire staff. Valentina went to the chapel to oversee the ceremony, while I, with some of my colleagues, remained at the castle to check that everything was ready for the party.
It was all a great success, also thanks to an unexpectedly mild and sunny day for the end of March.
We were ready to leave the party, when the bride asked us to stay for the throwing of the bouquet. She knew that Valentina and I were single, and wanted to respect the tradition that involves all the unmarried women.
Without great enthusiasm, I went and stood behind a small group of the bride’s girlfriends. The bride turned her back and threw the bouquet. The small bunch of white camellias flew over the heads of several young women shouting and jumping, to hit my head, then it fell on the grass. Incredulous, I picked it up, hearing the applause of the guests.
“Congratulations, Rebecca!” Valentina said, laughing. Unexpectedly, she didn’t sound sarcastic.
“Best wishes!” The bride hugged me. “Apparently you will be the next!”
Was destiny mocking me?
19
Right Dress, Wrong Man
“You can’t keep going on like this, Coco… Please, get a handle! Sooner or later you’ve got to join the world of the living again!” Emma was trying to help me shake off my passivity. Once again I was trying to find an excuse not to join her and her friends for an evening out.
“I just want to be by myself… Sorry.” I was unable to add anything else.
During the last few weeks I’d become an anti-social recluse. I was working a lot, sometimes until late at night. I didn’t go out much, actually not at all. I didn’t feel comfortable around people. Also, I had even lost my enthusiasm for dressing up and wearing make-up just to go out someplace with some friends of friends, ending my evenings drinking too much wine and listening to small talk. Emma and Claudio tried to introduce me to several men. I know, it was all in good faith. They wanted me to have the experience of sharing my life with someone, a joy that they both were living. But I just wanted to be left alone.
“Stop thinking what could have happened, Coco! Life is full of opportunities and you can’t seize them, if you continue to sit here and rot on your sofa… Come on, girl!”
“Well, Emma, this is a very comfortable sofa.”
I thought of Etienne all the time. I remembered our kiss and his words. I wondered how it would have gone, if he hadn’t had another woman. I was wondering if I should have stayed longer in Paris. If I could go back in time, I would probably do many things differently.
“You’re right, Emma. I know I should be pro-active, but I need more time. It has been a very intense year, and I’m not ready to forget everything and start from scratch.”
“But you must! It’s the only way to recover your serenity and balance. Put aside grief and regrets and start over. Look at things from a positive perspective: you don’t have to start from zero. You have a successful job that you like, you have us, and tons of shoes, all amazing! Start over from here… Start from any one of these places that has value in your life. The rest will come.”
The rest never came to me. The rest always went in a different direction, wherever the hell it wanted!
“Thank you, Emma. I know you are always there for me, but now I just want to stay home and eat my ice cream in peace…”
“If you don’t want to do this for me, at least do it for your figure!”
Ouch… my Achilles heel! By constantly eating sweets and ice cream to comfort me in my despair, I risked gaining unwanted pounds.
“You scored! Yes, it’s ok to stay home and wallow in self-pity, but I should do it fasting!”
“Silly girl,” she said, laughing. “Come on, I’m asking you for the last time. Put on one of your delightful sheath dresses and join us. It will be good for you.”
I knew Emma. She would have insisted forever.
“Alright! I’ll come. But remember, I won’t be good company. You know me, I’m the queen of whining and tonight I will wear a long face!”
“Well, to balance the long face, you have to wear a mini skirt!”
I laughed. Emma never gives up.
I quickly dressed and did my make-up, almost avoiding the mirror.
One day I would write a book about my love life of pain and suffering. I knew the title already: From the heights to the pits. The story of a broken heart.
I put on some ballet flats and went out into the mild spring breeze.
The bar where Emma was waiting for me was not far from home, so I decided to walk. That evening I longed to walk forever and simply disappear into the warm night.
When I arrived at the bar, I started to look for Emma and Elena. There were so many people that I couldn’t find them, so I went outside to call Emma on her cell. I was looking around, when I noticed a couple outside a pizzeria on the other side of the street. They were very close to each other and laughing out loud. The woman had her back towards me. She was blonde, skinny, and there was something familiar about her. Was it…? Could it be…? The sneaky bitch Anna? I hid behind a car to observe more carefully. Yes! There was Anna! My insipid rival, in the company of a tall and elegant young guy. She was laughing, obviously amused by him, and leaning in closely. Her body language clearly showed she was attracted to him. That stupid slut was flirting. So… not only did she steal my man, but she spent her evenings on the prowl for other men! I couldn’t stop looking at her. I had a morbid wish to see just how this little scene would end…
“Here you are!” Emma came out to look for me, and found me crouching on the sidewalk.
“What are you doing?”
“Shhh!” I signalled her to hide. I didn’t want Anna to see us, although she seemed too busy with her Don Giovanni to notice anyone else.
Emma came behind the car and squatted down too. “Coco, can you explain to me what’s going on?”
“Look… that’s Anna, over there!”
“Who?”
“Anna. The Anna. My ex-friend who stole my ex-boyfriend!” I pointed towards the other side of the street, where the couple were continuing their seduction dance.
“But he’s not Niccolò!”
“Eagle eyes! Of course not, Emma.”
“They seem very… intimate!”
“Did you notice too?”
Now Anna was very close to the guy and was whispering something in his ear. He laughed and put his hand on her hip to pull her even closer. She caressed his hair before lightly kissing his lips.
“Wow! I don’t think our friend Niccolò would be happy to see his princess clinging to another man…”
“I suppose not…” I giggled and felt a healthy satisfaction growing inside.
“Do you think she’s cheating on him?”
“I don’t think anything and I don’t care, but Mr Perfection doesn’t seem to have chosen his woman to love very carefully.” My words betrayed a sense of amusement and delight.
The Adonis kissed Anna on her neck and then they disappeared inside the pizzeria.
Emma, still squatting down, said, “See, I was right to insist that you get out of the house tonight!”
“I know, you are right! I haven’t been feeling so cheerful for a while now…”
“Isn’t strange to see the perfect woman flirting with another man?”
“Yes, it’s bizarre, but also liberating. I often asked myself what she had that I didn’t have… and now I know it. She is cleverer and she’s catting around. I’m glad to be rid of a ma
n who wants to be engaged to that kind of woman.”
For weeks, even months, I regretted that I wasn’t Anna. Now I was happy to be myself: the loyal, faithful Coco. I ordered a cocktail at the bar and spent all evening dancing and drinking. I’d had my little revenge.
*
The next morning, I arrived at the office with a terrible hangover. I was resuming my familiar, old, bad Milanese habits.
After a double dose of caffeine, I tried to work. We had another important wedding coming soon, and I had to be sure everything was ready to go.
While I was taking a break to write to Elodie, I received an unexpected e-mail. It was from Niccolò again. He was asking if I wanted to see him…
“Why should I want to see you, idiot?” I thought aloud, cursing at the computer.
Perfect timing, architect! The evening before I saw your fiancée clinging to another man, and the next day you ask me out… what is this? Candid camera?
I deleted the message without answering, and went back working alone with my headache.
Later that afternoon the bride of the upcoming wedding called me. She was in the middle of a panic attack. The showroom that had made her wedding dress was late with deliveries. She had to leave that evening for Lake Maggiore, where the ceremony was to be held, and she didn’t have time to pick it up.
I listened for a while to her desperate whining, and then I decided to sacrifice myself for a good cause. I would go and pick up the dress myself the next afternoon, I would keep it at my apartment – protecting it with my life – and then I would drive to Lake Maggiore early the following morning to deliver it.
Having reassured my bride, I asked for the company car for the next two days, and finally left the office.
That evening I was invited for dinner at Claudio’s for an extra pounds and tears night. Lucrezia had selected the film, and I knew I would cry all evening, watching a movie with my friends. It was a catharsis and I needed it.
“Is this the crying room?” I asked, as soon as Claudio opened the door.
“Tonight no tears, don’t worry!” Lucrezia shouted from the kitchen.
“Why? Did you decide to tear yourselves away from romantic, tragic movies?”
“We opted for a classic love story: Cinderella!”
“Great! At last a serious, important story, where the prince chooses the woman with the best shoes!”
At the end of the film I was swimming in a sea of tears.
“Coco, do you cry also for happy endings?” Lucrezia asked, handing me a kleenex.
I was so touched to see Prince Charming who searched for his love among hundreds of women. Cinderella had shameless luck! No woman had written a love letter to the prince asking him to marry her; so he was free to choose without guilt and regrets. Something Etienne couldn’t do.
“The prince wanted her and her alone – he chose her out of all the rest. Isn’t it romantic?”
“You’ll see, Coco, sooner or later a drunk Prince Charming in some remote part of the planet will come to his senses and will come to search for you – and you alone. It will be easy for him to find you, if he is holding a shoe!” Claudio smiled at his own joke.
Both Lucrezia and I laughed out loud. I hugged him. “I love you, silly man!”
That night I went to bed early. The next day I had to deal with the hysterical bride’s dress!
*
I arrived at the office earlier than usual. I did some work in the morning, then I had lunch with two friends from the office. After lunch I picked up the company car keys from the concierge, and began my adventure. The success of this wedding depended on me. I felt like a secret agent on an important mission.
At the showroom I was received by a middle aged lady, with an elegant black dress and with her hair up in a small bun.
“I’m here to pick up a dress…”
“Of course! The Visconti wedding… we apologize again for the delay. Are you the bride, dear?”
“Oh, no… I’m just the wedding planner. I’m not married.”
“And what are you waiting for?” She smiled, leading me to a large room full of dresses.
“Hmm, perhaps for the right man?” I giggled.
“Yes, that is definitely a very important part,” she said, while taking the dress down from the rack, “and I hope you find him soon, my dear. A beautiful girl like you should wear one of our dresses!”
“Well… if it should happen, I promise, I won’t forget.” I said, taking the package and heading to the door.
“Good luck, darling!”
“Thank you…” I answered, slightly embarrassed. Even the showroom manager had reminded me that it wasn’t fun to be single. Thanks a lot everybody!
When I got home I hung the dress up in a safe place and watched some TV.
Just before making my usual boring, sad little salad, I had an insane fantasy… I was almost thirty-four and had never tried on a wedding dress! It’s true, I had always detested weddings and because of my luck with men, I didn’t risk having one… but why not go ahead and try it on? If only to see how it would look on me… just for curiosity. Afterwards, I would put it back in its plastic bag and safely deliver the dress to its legitimate owner. A clean job. The bride, if I remembered correctly, should have been about my size.
I made my decision. I took it out of the plastic bag and carefully laid it down on my bed. I slowly opened the zipper. The dress was made of off-white silk and layers of chiffon; the bustier was hand-embroidered with tiny pearls. It was beautiful.
I calmly undressed and put it on, being very careful not to spoil it.
I stood in front of the mirror for a long moment. Suddenly I was overcome with emotion: to wear a wedding dress made all my cynicism waver. Perhaps I wanted this too. Maybe after all I did want an unforgettable and romantic wedding.
My reverie was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell… it must be Claudio. He would die laughing, if he saw me dressed like this!
“Coming!” I struggled to reach the door, being extra careful not to step on the hem of the long dress, “you won’t believe this…” I said, totally expecting to see my friend with an expression of surprise on his face.
“Hi!” It wasn’t Claudio. It was the last person I expected to see at my door.
Instead, there was Niccolò, in his usual dark suit and holding a bottle of wine.
“What are you doing here?” I was shocked.
“I tried to reach you several times, but you didn’t answer me. So I found your address and here I am!” He flashed one of his most winning smiles.
“Who let you in the building?” If he had buzzed, I would have left him to rot in the street.
“A strange lady with a feathered hat who was coming out…”
“What do you want?”
“But, are you getting married?” Incredulous, he stared at the wedding dress.
“No… It’s a long story. Anyway, it’s none of your business! So, what do you want?”
“Don’t you want to let me in?” He was almost begging.
At this point he was there, at my door. I felt I didn’t have a choice. After all, I was a polite young lady.
“Give me a few minutes to change.”
I quickly put on a pair of pants and a t-shirt and joined him in the kitchen.
He was trying to open the wine he had brought.
“Would you like a glass?”
“Wait… you’re here to offer me some wine?”
“No, you’re right…” he was looking for two glasses. He behaved like he was at home. This began to get on my nerves. He didn’t have the right to behave like this. Not any more.
“So? I am waiting…” my voice was shaking with anger and I felt a strange tingling in my hands.
“I’m sorry. I need to explain… I’ve come to talk to you.”
“Talk to me! There is nothing left to talk about.”
“Look, I know you’re angry with me, Coco…”
“And don’t call me ‘C
oco’, and no, I’m definitely not angry with you. It’s simple: you don’t exist any more. I’ve deleted you from my life and don’t want to have anything to do with you.”
He stood there looking at me, motionless.
“So many things have happened, Co… Rebecca. I know I behaved badly with you,”
I interrupted him. “You’ve been a total asshole.”
“You’re right. I deserve your insults and your anger. But I’ve changed a lot. I am a different person now.” Has Niccolò changed? I had my doubts.
“I don’t care. I don’t want anything to do with either your old self or your new self!”
“You’re being cruel, Rebecca. Let me at least explain to you.” So now the tormenter was calling the victim cruel? Had the world turned upside down? “Let me explain,” he continued, “recently I understood so many things, especially about you and me. I see now that I got it all wrong with you. I made a terrible mistake. I should never have let you go. There really was something special between us.”
“Interesting. I thought that I wasn’t special enough for you, that somehow I wasn’t the woman for you to love. Isn’t this why you dumped me for one of my girlfriends?”
“I know, it was an unforgivable mistake. You were the right one for me all along, not her.”
I observed him more closely. He had deep dark circles under his eyes and he seemed to have lost weight. The collar of his shirt wasn’t perfectly ironed like usual, and he had two days growth of beard. All of a sudden everything was clear. Anna flirting with another man… Niccolò come to apologize…
“She left you, right?” I asked, and couldn’t help a sarcastic smile.
“Well, no… not exactly…”
“She betrayed you and then she left you. For once just be honest with me!”
Ah! Anna had really behaved as the ideal woman… way to go, girl! Applause! By that point I couldn’t help laughing.
“Yes, she has… we decided we weren’t made for each other. That’s when I’ve realized that you were the right woman…”
Coco Chanel Saved My Life Page 21
