by Kitty Berry
I can sense that Brook wants to be alone with her thoughts so after I show her to her room and ask her for a list of items she requires for her stay I leave her alone. I can tell by the way she is behaving that she is not going to make me that list any time soon so when I go to my room it’s the first thing that I do. I guess her size to be around a two and write down panties, bras, socks, shorts, tops, workout clothes, sports bra, and bathing suits. Her shoes size is going to be trickier but I’m guessing a six. I noticed her feet were tiny when she was sleeping on the plane so peaceful, as if her whole life hadn’t just been shattered by her husband and her best friend. She’ll need running sneakers, sandals, flip flops and flats. I move on to the toiletries and record shampoo, conditioner, hair styling products, deodorant, perfume, body wash and lotion. I’ll call one of my contacts and send them over to the Taylor house to make sure on the sizes, to check on the brands she uses and if I’m missing any items. Before I realize what I am doing I have created a full list of items a woman would need, a list only a lover could put together. The memories are coming closer to the surface and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold them at bay.
I try to speak to Brook again later in the day but she’s in her room with the door closed and she’s not answering me when I knock. At first I am concerned and think about kicking the door down but then I decide it best probably not to. Luckily for me this is when Sven arrives and we head to the gym. I leave a note for Brook taped on her door telling her I am in the gym downstairs and to feel free to interrupt me if she needs anything. She never does. Sven helps me to relieve my pent up stress and I feel better after our workout and my shower.
I try again to entice Brook out of her room this time with food to no avail. So I get myself comfortable on the couch with a plate of food and a beer. I made fettuccine with a homemade pesto sauce, crispy bread and a tomato and onion salad. I enjoy cooking but hate to cook just for myself. Now that I have someone else to cook for again I plan on doing a lot of it. Too bad she won’t come out to eat any of it with me. I must fall asleep on the couch sometime after midnight only to be woken up shortly after by Brook’s screams and cries for help. When I get to her door it’s locked and she’s not opening it for me so this time I do what I wanted to do earlier and I kick it down with one swift blow. I pull my gun from my hip and then realize that she’s in the room alone in bed clearly having a nightmare. Even the sound of my banging on the door and kicking it in has not woken her from the hell she’s experiencing in her sleep. I know the feeling. I grab her in my arms and take her to the floor with me. I start to shake her awake while I hold her body close to mine.
Mac tries over and over again to get me to open my door, join him for a work out, eat with him but I’m not interested. I feel bad, he seems like a lonely guy who’s happy for some much needed company but I’m not the kind of company that anyone needs right now. I spend the day on my bed in the same clothes I’ve been wearing since I left my house in Connecticut. I just lay there staring at the ceiling trying to make sense of what has happened. I am grieving for my best friend who betrayed me in the worst way then was killed. I want to be mad at her; I want to slap her across the face. I want to hate her but I can’t. How can I hate my best friend who was just brutally murdered? But how can I forgive her? Then there’s Tate. The only man I have ever loved. When I can’t think about it anymore I strip off my clothes and climb into my bed. The sheets are so cool and smooth against my naked body they feel like heaven. I fall into a sound sleep instantly but soon after the nightmares begin.
I am standing in Asia’s house with her and Tate. They are standing together with their arms casually draped over one another when I walk in and they make no attempt to disengage upon seeing me. They actually ignore me and walk upstairs to the bedroom so I follow them. When I enter Asia’s bedroom she is tied up like in the pictures Mac showed me. She is on all fours with her ass up in the air; she’s naked except for black lace up boots that go to her thighs. She has her wrists tied to her ankles and Tate is standing over her naked with an erection and lust in his eyes. I watch as he climbs on the bed behind her and when he pushes into her he turns and makes eye contact with me. He fucks her fast and hard, making her come quickly so he can find his release just as fast. When he does he yells out my name instead of hers. Then I hear the popping sound and Ted enters the bedroom with a bullet hole in his forehead that is gushing blood. Two masked men come in behind him and start shooting at Asia, Tate and I. I can’t move; my legs are just too heavy so instead I just stand there and scream.
I am woken from my dream to find myself naked on the floor with Mac shaking me back to reality.
“Brook, wake up. You’re safe. You’re having a nightmare. Its okay, I got you. You’re safe with me. Wake up” Mac coaxes me out of sleep.
I blink my eyes over and over trying to adjust to the light and my surroundings. When I do Mac realizes that I am in his arms naked. He blushes and grabs the sheet off my bed and covers me. I am unable to move even though I am naked in a man’s arms that are not my husband’s but what does that matter at this point? My husband has spent a lot of time apparently naked in another woman’s arms, the arms of my best friend.
Mac is holding me close to his firm body. He is rocking me and making soothing sounds. I feel safe in his arms and I don’t want him to let me go. I start to remember what my dream was about and it scares me again so I wrap my arms around Mac as best as I can so he won’t let me go. He has very broad shoulders and a rock solid chest making this task somewhat difficult. Mac must sense my need for closeness because he holds me tighter and then lifts me up onto my bed. He gently places me down and lies behind me, spooning me close to him. The last thing I hear before I fall back to sleep are his gentle whisperings.
I lay in bed with Brook the rest of the night waiting for her to be awoken again by another nightmare but it’s not her that wakes up hours later in a cold sweat. I wake with a start and for the first few minutes I think it’s Holly in my arms and then I am forced to remember. I sit up and rub my hands over my head and face only to find Brook looking at me.
“Who’s Holly?” she asks.
“She was my first partner a long time ago.”
I rise from her bed and say, “Well, I’d better go make us some breakfast.”
Brook says she’s not hungry but asks for a computer.
“You can’t contact anyone even by email, Brook; it’s not safe enough, not yet. Give it a little more time. I made sure your family was contacted, they know you’re safe.”
“I just want to be able to get music. It’s the only way I know how to communicate my feelings, to process what’s going on in my head. I need to have music Mac, please or I’m going to drown in this.”
I shake my head yes and try to smile. I know all too well what it’s like to drown in memories.
I leave her alone in her room all day. I don’t try to coax her out with pleads of lunch or a workout and she doesn’t make any attempts to leave her room either. When Sven comes today for our workout we work each other over for a couple of hours with a little kick boxing and I am happy to see when we are done that some of the supplies I requested for Brook have arrived. After a shower and a fresh change of clothes I bring them to her. All of the clothes I requested are left outside of her bedroom door that I replaced this morning while she silently laid in bed with her back to me. Alongside her clothes are some of her toiletries, the others should be here shortly. I knock and tell her that she has things waiting for her outside the door and that I’ll leave her to it.
When I return later to try to get her to come and eat something with me the packages are gone. I’m happy to see that she at least got out of bed to retrieve them. But I need to make a plan to get her to eat. The woman weighs ninety pounds and can’t afford to lose another ounce. I have made us a meal of chicken with cheese and artichoke hearts accompanied by green beans and rice pilaf. I ask her to join me but again she refuses to come out of her room to e
at. She asks again about a computer so she can access whatever music she wants. I promise she’ll have it tomorrow.
I wake up to hear Mac saying the name “Holly, Holly” over and over again like he’s in horrible pain. He’s covered in sweat and he looks agitated in his sleep. I must have fallen back to sleep after my nightmare while he was holding me in my bed. I am naked but I have covers wrapped around me. Mac is lying over the covers in a pair of cut off gray sweatpants that are slung just below his belly button exposing his bare chest. I watch him riveted to my spot on the bed. I always appreciated his good looks but now that I am looking at him closer and have the pleasure of seeing him without a shirt on I realize for the second time how strikingly gorgeous he is. He keeps his curly brown hair cropped close to his head and I have an urge to rub my hand over it. He has a beautiful skin tone and I wonder if he may be bi-racial. His physic is what you would expect from a Marine who works special ops and “goes rouge” as he says. He also works out for hours a day doing weights, cross training and kickboxing after running for five miles. I know, I used to work out with him in Connecticut. He has hair on his chest between his pecs and a happy trial but the rest of his chest is smooth looking. I wonder what it would feel like to run my tongue down his chest and over the six pack of his stomach. I have no idea why I am thinking about doing these things in a time like this. It must be because I have not had sex for so long and my body is just reacting to his beautiful form. Maybe I’m trying to find an excuse to sleep with him and get back at Tate.
When Mac wakes up he blows off my questions about his nightmare and once again tries to convince me to eat. I know I have to eat soon but I just don’t think that I can hold anything down in my stomach. He agrees to get me a computer so I can get my hands on some music. I know I need to start to process what’s happening to my life and in order to do that I need music. I figure I’ll take baby steps…music today, dancing tomorrow, listening to the details of the rest of the story from Mac the next day.
When Mac knocks on my door later in the night he tries once again to get me to join him for a meal but I refuse. He tells me I have a surprise outside of my door and once I hear him walk away I go to look to see if it’s the computer. I am eager for the music to soothe my soul. It’s not a computer but instead clothes. Clothes all in my size. There are tops and shorts, bathing suits and workout clothes, bras and panties and even shoes. I have no idea how he knew what size to get me or what colors or styles I would prefer but he did great. I have only known him for a little over six months. Could he have been paying that close attention to me over that time that he’d know what I’d like?
I spend the day in my room alone in bed. I don’t sleep I just lay there unable to even formulate a cohesive thought. Then at night I hear Mac moving around, watching T.V., and then he goes to his own room to sleep. I don’t fall asleep until after midnight and then I am woken by horrific cries that at first I assume are coming from me but then I realize I’m awake and the sounds are coming from Mac’s room. I throw a t-shirt over my head and go to his room. I tap on the open door but the cries from inside continue. I walk in to find Mac thrashing on his bed as if he’s restrained and trying to escape. I can’t imagine that anyone would be able to restrain him. He starts yelling things I can’t make out, I only catch a word here and there. “No” and “Holly” are things he says over and over. It’s that name again, the same one he called out in his sleep last night, the name of his first partner and I suspect girlfriend. I gently touch Mac on his arm and he grabs my wrist with one hand and my throat with the other. His eyes fly open at the same time that he flips me onto the bed and he realizes it’s me and he freezes then lets his grip go as he starts saying he’s sorry.
The second night Brook and I are at the house I fall asleep in my bed before midnight only to be thrown back into my nightmares. It’s been years since they haunted my sleep so often. I know the scene of the crime and his name spoken over the phone has brought back the memories and is the culprit of their return.
I can feel the pain in my head, I know I must have a concussion and I can taste the blood as it drips down the side of my face. I can feel the restraints on my ankles and my wrists. When I fully come to I see Holly. She’s on the floor unconscious and I can’t wake her. I’m scared she’s dead but then I see her move just a little. I don’t know how much time goes by as I slip in and out of consciousness but when I awake I wish I was unconscious or dead. One of the men that captured us in the field is near Holly who is now awake. He is clearly following orders from the voice I hear but the face I can’t see. The faceless man is telling the other to hold her while he calls to a third to get her clothes off. I pretend to still be out to buy myself some time to figure out what to do. Holly is trying to fight them but she can tell it’s making it worse and by the time they rip her panties off she has stopped kicking and trying. The leader tells them to put her on the floor and hold her there until he gets me awake. He holds alcohol under my nose and I pretend to just wake up. If I can just get one of my limbs free I could take this asshole to the floor causing the others to run to his aid and allowing Holly to help me get this situation turned around to our favor.
“I know you’re thinking there’s a way out of this and there is. Give me what I want and you both can walk. Keep refusing to cooperate and she’s going to be our play toy until we’re bored. Are you fucking her or is she just your partner? Either way is fine but it’ll be more fun if I know she’s your girlfriend.”
“Fuck you mother fucker” is my reply before I spit at him which earns me yet another blow, this one to my badly bruised gut. I am suspecting broken ribs can be added to my list of injures.
“Okay have it your way, have at her boys and our good friend here is going to watch.”
Holly never cries or fights them off her. She just lays still and lets them do what they want. I continue to try to break free to no avail. They each violate her and there is nothing I can do to help her. I have to sit there and watch as they each take their turn with her. She makes eye contact with me for the first time and I can’t bare it. Her soul is dark, her spirit is dead. The girl I knew and was maybe starting to fall in love with is gone.
Holly and I had only hooked up a few times. We both know it wasn’t a good idea to get emotionally involved with someone on your team so we tried to just keep it casual, keeping it casual is no better than being emotionally attached.
Then his eyes are looking at me…staring at me. Eyes that are the same as mine, the same as our fathers, eyes that could only be my brother’s. “I hope you’re happy. It would have been much easier my way.” And he leaves the room.
I hear the explosion and I know the rest of my team is here. Within minutes they break down the door and are in the room with guns blazing. I tip my chair to the floor and try to maneuver towards Holly who I can see is on the floor with one of the guys on top of her, he’s been shot in the back of the head and his blood is all over her.
Then all of a sudden I am in Holly’s apartment and she is on her bed and her body is cold. She’s been gone for hours. “No, Holly” I yell then someone touches my arm and I react like any Marine would until I realize that I’ve been having a nightmare and the person who has touched my arm is Brook and she must be trying to wake me up. My nightmare must have caused me to yell out in my sleep and it must have woken and scared her enough to get her out of her room. My God, this poor woman has suffered enough and now she’s going to be afraid of me.
“Brook, I’m so sorry. Oh my God, did I hurt you? Are you alright?” I ask. She shakes her head indicating that she’s fine.
Then she asks me the same thing she did last night, “Who’s Holly again? What happened with her that you’re having nightmares and yelling out her name?”
“I don’t want to talk about it Brook, you have enough problems of your own right now you don’t need to worry about mine. I’m fine; you should go back to bed.”
“No, you’re clearly having a hard time with someth
ing and listening to you and trying to help you is the least I can do for you. You saved my life, I could have gone into Asia’s house and been blown up. You’re keeping me safe now, if it wasn’t for you I don’t know where I would be right now” Brook says as she tugs down on her T-shirt, I suspect that she is naked under that shirt and it’s making me hard just thinking about it…even after my nightmare.
Then I have an idea…maybe this is how I can get her to eat something so I agree to talk to her and tell her about my nightmare if she’ll eat while I talk to her. She agrees but says she needs to put some clothes on first, thank God. I would never have been able to think of anything else with her sitting near me with no panties on.
When I come into the kitchen I take it in for the first time. It is a state of the art kitchen that any professional chef would kill to have. There is a full size and fully stocked Sub Zero across from the island that houses the deep sink, a cook top and a grill. A double oven finishes off the perfect triangle of stainless steel bliss. The counters and island are a steel gray color and look like they might be slate. The hardwood floors are so light they are almost white and are the perfect contrast to the dark wood of the cabinets. But the best part of the kitchen is Mac who looks so calm and comfortable in this space like he’s in his true element just moments after having a nightmare.
