by Kitty Berry
I sit at the island after Mac indicates that’s where I should sit and he quickly puts the most delicious looking food in front of me. There’s fettuccine with pesto sauce, salad, chicken with artichoke hearts and cheese, green beans, rice pilaf and crusty bread. He informs me that these are the meals he had made for us over the last two nights. It smells so good that it makes my stomach turn over and growl. As we tuck into our food, the first food I have had in days I motion to Mac to start talking and keep up with his end of the bargain.
He tells me about his first days in the Marines and then about how he met Holly. He tells me that they were just starting to casually date in secret because it is frowned upon to become romantically involved with someone from your unit when their unit was captured. He tells me that she was traumatized and ultimately took her life a few months later.
“Why are you thinking about this now after all this time? Do you still think about it all the time or was it something that happened recently that brought back the memories?”
I look at him for an answer but he remains silent so I continue, “You never told me everything that happened, you know with my husband and my best friend. I’m ready to hear about it now. I need to hear it so I can start to heal Mac, please tell me what happened in that house that day.”
Mac sighs and looks me straight in the eyes, “Okay, fine if you think it’ll help you I’ll tell you but if I start and you want me to stop just say the word and I’ll shut up, okay?”
I nod at Mac and push my plate away. He refuses to start the story until I eat some more but I argue that if I eat any more I’m afraid I’ll throw up. Mac continues with the story…
“When I walked up to the house I had to find a way in, the front door was locked and then I saw how the perps got in. They broke a window to the basement. I found Asia and Ted in their bedroom already dead, I’m sorry I know they were your friends. This never should have happened to them. I heard a ticking sound and I knew it was a bomb so I ran out of the house. After that you were with me so you know the rest.”
“Um, why do I feel like you are leaving out something that you are afraid is going to upset me? Is it what reminded you of Holly? Is that why you don’t want to tell me?” I ask
“I am trying to spare you the details that you don’t need a mental picture of; they don’t change the outcome Brook. Trust me; it’s better for you this way.”
“I’ll be the judge of that. Tell me what you’re hiding from me Mac.” I demand.
Again he sighs before continuing on. “Okay when my unit was captured that day a long time ago it was only Holly and I that they got. The rest of the unit saw us get ambushed and hid so they could follow us and try to save us. Only Holly and I got caught because in a moment of weakness you are most vulnerable. I was too busy looking out for her and I suspect her for me that we didn’t see the trap.” Mac looks away from me for a minute. “That’s why it’s not a good idea to be romantically involved with someone from your unit. I learned my lesson early in my career and I never made that mistake again. I was beat pretty bad and I had a concussion so I was in and out of consciousness. When I came to I was bleeding from my head and I was sitting in a chair restrained by the ankles and wrists. Holly was on the floor and I tried to wake her but she wouldn’t wake up. I thought she could be dead but then I saw her moving a little. I blacked out again and when I woke up the guys that captured us were standing over Holly who was now awake and the ringleader we were after was standing in front of me. I tried to figure out a way to get free so I could save Holly but I was so weak and they had me bound in a way I could never have gotten out of with them watching me.” Mac sighs and I can tell it pains him to continue. “The leader told one of the guys to hold Holly while the other one ripped off her clothes. They took turns raping her in front of me because I wouldn’t give them something they wanted.”
Mac gets up and turns his back to me, he slumps his shoulders and drops his head. “We were saved by the rest of our unit but by then she was ruined. I tried to get her help while she was on leave but she lied about going. She started drinking and one day when I went to her apartment she had killed herself with a heroin overdose. The funny thing is she never used drugs. I never knew she was using. I still think it was the only time she did it. I think she did it on purpose to kill herself. I can’t believe she could have been addicted to heroin without my knowledge. And I think she got it from the very same people that captured us.”
He looks so broken, this strong powerful man that I can’t help but go to him. I stand behind him and wrap my arms around him as best as I can. He puts his hands over mine on his chest and he sighs. We stand there like that for some time then Mac takes a deep breath and turns to face me. His face is strained and his eyes are still holding more secrets.
“I’m glad you finally ate something, you’re wasting away.”
“Don’t change the subject. Mac, why did what happened at Ted and Asia’s remind you of Holly?”
“I don’t want to upset you with the details of their deaths. You don’t need to know, trust me its better if you don’t.”
“I need to know Mac, please. I can’t move on if I don’t know.”
Mac sighs and finally gives in to my request.
“Ted was tied to a chair and gagged facing the bed where Asia had been bound and gagged in a standard bondage hold. They were both shot twice, once in the chest, once in the head.”
“So you think they raped her in front of Ted before they killed them? That’s why it reminded you of Holly?”
“Yes, that and to be honest with you Brook I was already thinking about Holly before I went into the house.”
“Oh, do you think about her a lot? Did you love her?”
Mac begins to explain, “I don’t think about her much anymore, I did for a long time after it happened but to be honest we didn’t know each other that well. We had only worked together for a few months and we had only hooked up a couple of times. I doubt it would have turned into anything more, I don’t know maybe it would have. I’ve never been in love with anyone so in my mind I often wonder if maybe I could have been in love with her but I never got the chance to find out. I doubt it though; I was too young back then to settle down. I would have blown it. But after what happened I promised myself I would never allow myself to get involved with or have feelings for anyone I work with and I have kept that promise to myself for a long time.” Mac abruptly changes gears, “We’ll talk about this another time, you’re tired. I’m sorry I woke you up, you should go back to sleep.”
Mac tells me that more of my things should be here tomorrow; I hope one of them is a laptop so I can start my playlist for Tate that I have not mentioned to Mac.
When I get to my room I close my door but I don’t lock it. Am I afraid of having another nightmare and needing Mac to come to my rescue yet again or am I leaving it unlocked hoping Mac will just come to my room? I lay there awake my head filled with possibilities and unanswered questions.
The next morning I sleep until I hear Mac knocking on my door. I lay still trying not to make even a rustle of the sheets. If he’s here with packages for me I know he’ll leave whatever packages he has, if he’s here to talk me into coming out of my room, I’m just not ready yet and after last night I’m more perplexed than before. After I hear him pad away down the hall, no doubt feeling rejected again, I quietly go to the door and peek into the hallway like a child on Christmas morning. There are bags with my favorite hair care products, more clothes, the laptop I asked for and a printer. On the laptop I find a note with Mac’s handwriting on it. There are instructions on how to access a special iTunes account so I can’t be tracked through the site and an invitation to workout with him and someone named Sven in one hour.
I bring the bags into my room and place them on the floor. For the first time since I have arrived here I finally make my bed and tidy up my room. I go into the bathroom brush my teeth and put my hair in a ponytail. I throw on some of my new clothes and power
up the laptop. I start to think about what I want to say to Tate with this playlist. “Fuck you” is the first thought that comes to mind. I open up a word document and start to type a letter to include with the playlist…
Dear Tate,
I want you to know that I am safe and doing fine no thanks to you. I cannot give you any more details than that and to be honest you don’t even deserve that much. I am confused and saddened by the recent turn of events. But if I’m being completely honest I’m not surprised. Why should I be? I have been waiting for this moment to happen since the day we met. I guess after all this time I had finally started to believe you that I was the only one you wanted, silly me. I can’t help but wonder how many others there were, when it all started, but I don’t really want the answer to that, do I? Anyway…we have always communicated best through music and so I thought it would be fitting to send you this playlist that says it all. Do not try to find or contact me, I will obtain legal representation shortly and be in touch with you through them.
Brooklynn
I spend the next twenty minutes trying to think of songs that will convey my feelings but I am agitated and anxious, I can’t focus or think. I need something to clear my head. That’s when Mac knocks on my door. This time I open it. I find him standing there in his workout clothes looking like a Marine at boot camp. He is wearing a tight black t-shirt that emphases his broad shoulders, narrow waist and bulky arms. He has cut off camouflage pants on that give enough of an impression of a man in uniform to make me get a little hot under the collar. My eyes casually roam over the bulge in the front of his pants inappropriately. Well, well what have we here? A Marine standing at attention? Why is my mind doing this to me? I snap out of my sex stare when I hear Mac speaking to me.
“I thought maybe you’d like to work out with Sven and me for a while, clear your head and all that. Don’t worry; he’s no worse than our trainer back home.”
I did just say that I needed to clear my head. And I can’t very well not work out ever again or I’ll go to flab in no time so I agree. I wish I could shower and spend some time on my outfit selection but Mac says, “Great see you in the gym in five minutes. It’s in the basement. Don’t be late or Sven will really kick your ass.”
I change into a work out outfit that Mac had sent over for me as fast as I can. I put on some deodorant and spray some perfume on my pressure points. Not ideal after not showering since I left my house days ago but it’ll have to do. I race out of my room and realize I have no clue where the stairs are that lead to the basement. I try door after door with no luck. I frantically turn and race to another hallway, that’s when I smack right into Mac’s rock solid chest.
“The basement’s right over here, come on, you’re going to get both of our asses kicked now for being late.”
Brook finally agreed to come out of her room. She’s coming to my workout session with Sven today and I’ve warned her not to be late but it seems like she’s not taking that warning very serious as we are starting in less than two minutes and she’s nowhere to be seen. I rush up to the main floor to see what’s keeping her when I see her rushing from door to door. I stand there and watch her in the workout clothes I picked out for her. I went online and ordered a bunch of stuff and had it all sent here overnight. Today she’s wearing an outfit from Athleta. She has on midnight and pacific blue shorts with a midnight blue tank top and silver sneakers. She looks cute and sporty, I imagine like the cheerleader she once was. Her hair is in a high ponytail and swinging from side to side as she runs through the house. She doesn’t see me as I stand there watching her and when she gets closer she runs right into me. I grab her by her arms so she doesn’t fall backwards to the ground and I am rewarded with a burning sensation on my chest where she has placed her hands. I smile down at her and tell her to hurry up.
We enter the gym to find Sven leaning up against the wall with his arms folded. When I make eye contact with him he glances at the clock on the wall and smirks. “Two minutes, two hundred pushups, go” he says in perfect English without a hint of his German decent. Sven is a large man, he’s at least six three and weighs in at two hundred fifty pounds of pure muscle. He is versed in Kickboxing, Krav Maga and Karate. Today we are in for a session of Krav Maga once our two hundred pushups are done. I look at Brook and she shrugs and drops to give him two hundred so I quickly follow suit.
After our pushups and Sven’s introduction to Brook we begin our workout with heavy bag work. Brook and I begin using our own heavy bags with punch kick movements. I am very distracted working out with her today even though I have spent the last six months doing so. Sven picks up on this instantly and starts to work my ass over because of it. He steps in to replace my heavy bag and unlike the bag Sven fights back and fights back hard. I get knocked to my ass three times before I get a hit in knocking him right on his. This only makes matters worse for me when he tells us it’s time to switch to the medicine balls. Because Brook is new to this style of torture he claims it would be a good idea for us to show her how the next exercises work. He spends the next five minutes hurling a medicine ball at me catching me in the balls a time or two but I refuse to let him see me flinch. After he is satisfied that I have regained my focus he allows Brook and I to work together with the medicine ball. By the time we move on to the Kettle Bells Brook is looking like she is regretting agreeing to this. When I ask her if she’s alright she says that she’s fine, “Just picturing the serious ass I’ll be able to kick if I keep this up” she says. The Kettle Bells move and rotate within our hands offsetting the center of gravity and they demand our constant control and concentration.
Sven and I go through a few series of fighting techniques while Brook watches and gets a breather. This time around, back on my game, I bring him to the floor two or three times with clean shots that knock him off his feet. I glance over at Brook and she either looks scared to death or turned on. Her eyes look a little glassy and she’s playing with her hair. At one point when I glance over I think I see her lick her lips. That’s when Sven knocks me down flat on my back before calling me a “Pussy boy” and telling me it’s Brook’s turn.
He makes me do sit ups and pull ups while he gently shows Brook some beginner techniques. I think he’s sweet on her already and I’m going to be putting an end to that shit as soon as she’s out of earshot and I can remind him who is paying his exorbitant salary.
After completing the muscular strength and cardiovascular endurance section of our workout by jump roping we end with working on our dynamic flexibility. Brook will never have my strength but my God is that girl flexible. She’s like a ragdoll without bones. Sven of course just eats this up and makes me look like a fool. He has us stretching each other and when I have her on the floor with her leg in my hand stretching it up over her head all I can think about is doing that while she’s naked and I’m inside her. Maybe asking her to workout with Sven and I was a mistake.
By the time we are done I am covered in sweat, some from the workout, and some from watching Brook. Sven and I decide to hit the showers in the gym so Brook returns to her room. After his shower Sven dresses and heads back to the other guest house where he is staying and I realize I left my clean clothes in my room. I wrap the wet towel around my waist and head to my room. I never expect to find Brook with her hair wet and wrapped in a towel of her own in the kitchen. I freeze when I see her and we make eye contact.
I feel better now that I have worked out and showered but I am so thirsty I can’t wait till my hair is dried and I am dressed for a drink so I head to the kitchen in a towel to get a quick water. I figure Mac is still in the showers or getting dressed in the gym so I’ll be safe but I am so wrong. When I close the door to the refrigerator I am staring at Mac wet and with a towel slung low on his hips. His abs are ripped and still moist from his shower and there’s that bulge again. His short tight hair is already starting to dry and I find myself hoping that his towel just happens to accidently fall to the ground. He is standing there looking
at me and I finally realize why. I am standing here with my wet hair a complete mess and an unattractive towel wrapped around me like a potato sack.
“Great work out today, so do you do that every day?” I ask.
“Uh, huh? What? I mean yes well no, kind of. Um, Sven and I do Krav Maga two or three times a week. It’s pretty intense but helps me keep my fighting skills toned. The other days we do Karate or we kick box. Are you going to join us from now on?”
“Ah, yeah I think I might. I was wondering if I could maybe make some space to start dancing again. I think it’ll help me. I tried to listen to music earlier. Thanks for the lap top by the way, but the music isn’t enough. I need to dance to feel. So do you think I can find some space in the gym to dance?”
“Consider it done, there’s a room off the gym with mirrors and a sound system, it’ll be perfect. Let’s get dressed and I’ll show you. Meet you back here in ten?”
I don’t have time to dress and dry my hair so I just scrunch it in a towel and hope if I don’t touch it it’ll dry on its own and not look like a bird’s nest. I throw on a hot pink tight t-shirt and black yoga pants and I rush to meet Mac back in the kitchen. He’s already there waiting for me when I return. He’s dry now but still not wearing a shirt. He has on a pair of low slung loose black sweatpants; bulge still in place and his feet are bare. I really need to stop checking him out like this. As much as I am enjoying looking at him without his shirt on I think the fact that he’s barefoot is the hottest thing I have seen in a very long time. I really don’t know what has come over me; it must be because he saved me from danger or something. Or maybe I’m just trying to prove to myself that I’m still desirable even though Tate went to another woman when he could have done anything he wanted with me. That or I’m trying to become a slut before I hit forty, either way, whatever, it has to stop.
