Tender Trust

by Tanya Stowe

  “How?”

  “You don’t smile much anymore. You used to smile all the time.” She dropped the cloth onto the table.

  “War will do that to a man.”

  “And your accent, you’ve lost it.”

  “I’m surrounded by Yankees.” This time his smile was wry. “It’s only natural I’d start to sound like them. Those are superficial things, Penny. Unimportant. Who we are inside, deep down, hasn’t changed.”

  “That’s what frightens me the most. We come from different worlds, Alex. You come from a world of fine suits, money, and possibilities. My world is this,” she gestured around her. “Saloons, dance halls, and drunks. Those worlds don’t mix, Alex. They never have.” All of the sadness she’d tried to disguise with anger finally broke through. The sound of her own voice hurt her, weakened her. She didn’t dare look at Alex. If she did, she’d lose the last of her strength. And she needed to be strong, needed to speak the truth because she knew he never would.

  “Our different lives never bothered you this much before.” His voice was quiet.

  “Yes, they did. But I wanted to believe, dared to believe. I was young and foolish and full of hopeless dreams. When I married you, Alex, I thought I’d never see the inside of a saloon again, and yet, here I am. Life knocked all of those romantic notions right out of my head. I know who I am now and where I belong. I’ve accepted that. You should, too.”

  He frowned. He was going to argue with her, deny it all, and try to justify their love.

  Penny didn’t think she could stand any more so she marched over to the coat rack and lifted his hat. Then she unlocked the door. “I’m tired, Alex, and Lexie wakes up early in the morning.”

  He hesitated, but he didn’t argue. He crossed the room and took his hat. “I know it seems like the cards are stacked against us, Penny. But I read a Scripture today that gave me courage. I want you to think on it.” He fingered his hat. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

  She made a rude sound and jerked open the door.

  The frigid air hit them both.

  Instantly, Penny started to shiver. “Maybe that works in your world, Alex. But Christ doesn’t seem to have time for the whores and drunks in mine.” She stood with her arms wrapped around her to keep warm.

  That Alex wanted to say more was written clearly in his expression, but he clamped down on his words and slapped his hat on his head. “I’ll be back in the morning.” Then he turned and left.

  ****

  Alex slept poorly, tossing and turning most of the night. He’d repeated the Scripture over and over in his head just to gain some peace and rest.

  All these years, he’d searched for Penny. And now he’d found her, but he may as well have been miles away. The years had changed his wife, hurt her, and made her sour. He wondered if she’d ever find her way out of the bitterness.

  I can do all things…

  Determined to have faith, he lunged out of bed and splashed icy water into the basin. One thing was certain. He wouldn’t solve his problems in bed. And one other thing had become clear to him.

  He couldn’t reach Penny with words. Her hurt was too deep and went too far back. He would have to show her God’s love. He didn’t know how, but he was sure God would point the way.

  He dressed quickly and hurried downstairs. It was too early for a meeting. Even the dining room was closed, but he knew one place that would be open.

  This morning he remembered to wear his heavy coat and gloves. As he hurried down the boardwalk towards the telegraph office, his breath made plumes in the air.

  In the distance a whistle blew, signaling the end of the midnight shift at the mines. He was joined on the boardwalk by miners, going to and coming from the Standard. Alex paused to watch the streams of men. He was surprised by the numbers. And this was just one mine! There were hundreds of smaller mines in the hills surrounding town. No wonder the businessmen of Bodie were poised for something great.

  Inside the telegraph office, it took a few minutes for his fingers to warm up to write his message. Once it clicked over the lines, he headed back to the hotel to wait. He had just finished his breakfast when a messenger arrived with a reply.

  Alex read the telegram from Royce. He folded it into his pocket and headed towards the business office of Preston Jackson to award him the contract for the warehouse.

  Then he stopped at the office of Hubert Wolcott to ask him to draw up plans for a new sawmill and to keep the estimate close to his previous bid for the warehouse. They discussed some details and points before Alex left for Andy’s office.

  “That’s the best news I’ve had all week!” Andy grinned.

  “I thought you might be pleased. Royce will wire you with arrangements for the additional funds for the mill later today. In the meantime, can we count on you to advance us the funds to start?”

  “You know you can.”

  “Good.” Alex lifted his hat. “I’ll be in touch.”

  “I’d like to speak to you about another matter, if you can spare the time,” Andy said.

  Alex really didn’t want to spend one more minute away from Lexie and Penny, but he agreed.

  “When Bodie first showed signs of a boom, a business bureau was established with seven members. It’s been around for almost four years and has proven to be very influential in decisions regarding local business.”

  “Influential?” Alex repeated, his tone heavy with sarcasm.

  “So far, their influence has been positive.” Andy raised a hand. “The goal has been to support business through political channels with some financing and a lot of mentoring. It’s all been legal, but I’m afraid that’s about to change.”

  “Why?”

  “Some time back, one of the members died. After months of searching and quibbling, the bureau invited a lawyer by the name of James McNeal to join them. He agreed. Everything was set, and then he suddenly backed out. Claimed his wife’s health had taken a turn for the worse and he could no longer commit the hours.”

  “He ‘claims’ that’s the problem?”

  “There are rumors that his wife’s health suffered because she found out about his latest indiscretion.”

  “I see.” Alex began to understand where this was going.

  “I’d like you to consider taking the position, Alex. As the manager and owner of two new businesses, you more than qualify, and you’re much more dependable than the other candidate.”

  “Let me guess.” Alex made a rude sound. “Holloway?”

  “So far the bureau has been evenly divided on issues. If Holloway is able to secure a position, that will change.”

  “Why don’t you take the position? You would be the right man.”

  “The bureau represents the different business sectors. The banks already have a voice in our senior member. The board would never go for another banker. But you’re a newcomer with no ties and we can trust you. Believe me when I say how important that has become.”

  “Andy, I’d like to help you, but you know what’s happening in my personal life. I have enough problems without taking on the bureau and its issues. I’m sorry.”

  ****

  Penny knocked on the closed door of McDougal’s saloon. The wind whipped up and sent its icy touch down her back. She wrapped her shawl higher around her neck and knocked again.

  At last, a curtain lifted in the far corner of the long window. She caught a glimpse of McDougal’s face, low to the ground before the curtain dropped again. For a moment, she thought he wouldn’t open the door. But then the curtain lifted again and he gestured for her to come in.

  She opened the door.

  He was lying on a cot.

  “Penny,” he said with a nod as she quick-stepped inside, out of the cold wind.

  “Hello, Angus. I came to see—” The words froze on her lips as she saw the trays of food and water stacked by the cot. She stared at him.

  “I would have come to see you, Penny. But as you can see,
I can’t even get up. The doctors sent a woman to help me. She comes once a day.”

  “You didn’t need to come and talk to me. Holloway took care of that for you.”

  “I figured as much when I saw you standing at my door. I don’t have any choice but to drop the offer, Penny.” McDougal’s voice was raw with pain. “I can’t even take care of my own place. The doors are closed and will stay that way. I figure with the money I was going to use to buy your saloon, I’ll get by until my leg heals.”

  “Is it badly broken?” She looked at the cast that started above his knee and worked down.

  “The doctor says it could take up to a year to heal. I didn’t know how I was going to get by. Then Holloway offered to buy me out. I have to take it, Penny…I have to.”

  The distress in his voice made Penny ache. She touched his arm. “It’s all right, Angus. I understand. I would have done the same thing.”

  “You should do it. Holloway will make you an offer. Count on it. You should take it and leave. I say, let him have all of Bonanza Street and good riddance to this place! It won’t be fit for decent folk when he gets done with it, anyway. Take the offer; take your family and go!”

  Penny didn’t bother to tell him she wouldn’t get a good offer from Holloway. She didn’t have the heart.

  Angus’s face was gray and he was perspiring. Just talking had tested his strength.

  “You don’t look well.”

  “I don’t sleep or eat, and I can’t seem to get warm, either.”

  Penny looked across the room at the cold potbellied stove. She went and opened the door. As she stacked wood inside, she listened to the list of McDougal’s difficulties with a heavy heart. She’d held out hope that somehow, some way, she could sell and escape. But she’d known the truth all along.

  “Where will you go?” She struck a match and started a fire in the stove.

  “My sister and her husband have a place near Sacramento. They said I could stay with them until I can walk.”

  “Well, first you have to get better. You sit here and rest. When I left, Inga had some of her famous chicken noodle soup on the stove. I’ll bring you some, and Jann will come over and move your cot closer to the stove. You can’t get well if you’re frozen.”

  He stared at her and moisture filled his eyes. “You shame me, Penny.” His voice was just above a whisper. “You’re still willing to help me after what I’ve done to you.”

  “You didn’t do anything to me, Angus.” She gripped his hand. “It’s not your fault.” She stopped short of saying the fault lay with Daniel Holloway. “I’m going to get you a bowl of soup and some biscuits left over from breakfast. Some hot food will do wonders for you.”

  Hurrying towards the door, she pulled her shawl up over her head so he wouldn’t see the tears she could barely contain.

  Just as she returned to the warmth of her own place, Alex, Lexie, and Jann trooped in, carrying their wrapped bundles. The crisp, cold air flowed in with them and snowflakes rested on their shoulders.

  “It’s starting to snow again.” Lexie placed her smaller bundle on the table and tugged off her mittens.

  “Inga’s soup will taste especially good then,” Penny strove for a happy tone.

  “Did you talk to the new bartender?” Jann asked.

  “No, he didn’t show up for the interview.”

  “Why not?” Jann unwound his muffler.

  “I don’t know. He just didn’t show up.”

  “Good. Now Alex can still be our bartender,” Lexie declared.

  “Maybe we should ask him if he can do it, first.” Penny focused on her daughter, not daring to meet Alex’s gaze.

  “I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

  Penny nodded, with one quick glance in his direction. She couldn’t see them from where she stood but she knew Alex’s dark brown eyes were filled with gold flecks. And even from this far away, the sincerity she saw in them made her heart flutter.

  For the first time in months, she didn’t feel alone and frightened. It was a good feeling, a comfortable feeling. And one she didn’t dare get accustomed to.

  Fortunately, Lexie broke the moment. She grabbed Alex’s hand and pulled him towards the kitchen.

  “Come on. Let’s go eat lunch.”

  “Wait just a moment. First we put away these groceries for Inga,” Alex said. “Then we wash up, and then we eat.”

  Lexie nodded, grabbed her paper wrapped bundle, and headed towards the kitchen.

  Penny shook her head.

  “What?” Alex hefted the wooden crate full of dry goods from the table.

  “If I’d said that, I would have had to endure ten minutes of whining.”

  “You need some backup,” Alex said. “That’s why God gave children two parents. It’s what fathers do.”

  “I wouldn’t know.” Penny picked up her skirt and swept past him. “I never had one.”

  She caught his frown as she walked by. Good. Someone needed to keep the right perspective and if these reminders of her past were going to keep him on track, then so be it.

  In the kitchen, she helped Inga ladle the chicken noodle soup into bowls.

  Jewel took fresh biscuits out of the oven while the others put the groceries on the dry sink shelves.

  Alex directed the children to set the table. By the time they were ready to eat, he had taken the place at the head of the table…Penny’s place.

  As Jann moved to sit next to him, Alex motioned him to the seat beyond. “That’s Aunt Penny’s place,” he said matter-of-factly.

  Penny had no choice. She had to sit next to Alex. She bit her lip and slid into the chair.

  After Inga sat down, they all reached for their food.

  Alex cleared his throat. “I’d like to say grace.”

  Everyone froze.

  “What’s grace?” Lexie asked.

  Alex’s lips parted and his expression was dumbfounded.

  “Prayers,” Penny said quickly. “Prayers of thanksgiving for our food.”

  “Oh.” The child dutifully bowed her head and folded her hands. “I didn’t know what that word meant.”

  Alex bowed his head and said a short blessing.

  Inga and Jann said amen.

  Lexie followed suit.

  Penny kept silent.

  Prayer and church had never been a part of Penny’s life—or Alex’s for that matter. At least, not when they were together. She wondered what had changed him, but asking would only open the door to more conversation, more talk. That was the last thing Penny wanted.

  She had taught Lexie a little about God and how to pray in the privacy of her room, so she had nothing to be ashamed of. Still, she kept her head bowed over her bowl as she ate and didn’t look at Alex.

  Inga began to clear away the plates.

  Penny laid her spoon aside. “I need to talk to you all about the saloon. I’m sure you know business is not doing well.” Pausing long enough for everyone to pay attention, Penny forged ahead. “It’s made a good living for us until recently, but it’s more difficult now. It will be a while before we’re able to sell, so we have to make some changes.”

  “What happened to McDougal’s offer?”

  Penny didn’t look at Jewel. She was afraid she’d give away the truth.

  “He broke his leg and had to withdraw his offer. He can’t even run his own place right now. The point is, with our latest expenses, we can’t leave. We have to stay here and make a go of it for a while. There are a couple of things we can do.”

  She outlined her plans to run specials on drinks. She couldn’t offer meals, but she would offer specialty foods. Inga made the best pies in town. With a little help in the kitchen, she could bake two or three pies a day. Hard-boiled eggs on the bar and tins of peanuts would do well also. They were small things, but they were a start.

  “I have a suggestion.” Jewel sent Penny a level gaze. “You could sing. That would bring them in.”

  Penny’s stomach tightened. “I d
on’t think that would help. There are professional singers up and down the street. I can’t compete with that.”

  “Then you weren’t looking the other night. You had those men in tears, Penny. Your voice is pure and sweet and filled with sadness. It’s powerful. I think the men would come every night if you sang. Ask Alex. I think he’ll agree with me.”

  Alex leaned back in his chair, fiddling with the flatware, never taking his eyes off Penny.

  She nervously stared at him, silently pleading for him to say what she wanted to hear.

  “They’ll come,” he said. “In droves.”

  Something sank inside Penny. She knew they were all waiting for her to say she would sing. But she couldn’t force herself to say the words.

  “Come on, Aunt Penny,” Jann pleaded. “You could do it and you wouldn’t have to be afraid. Alex would take care of you.”

  Alex leaned back in his chair, his long legs stretched out, his weak arm resting against his body. His good hand turned the spoon up, end upon end, with perfect rhythm and without making a sound. It was such a simple thing and yet, incredibly complicated. Like the man himself.

  She looked away and cleared her throat. “I can’t depend on someone else to take care of me, Jann. I have to take care of myself.”

  One side of Alex’s mouth tilted in a wry smile. “Then this would be the best way. You have a fine establishment. A cut above. They come here for good company and pleasant drink. If you offer them fine entertainment, they’ll stop in more.”

  Caught in a trap, she had to admit he was right. If singing improved her business, she would be in control of her own fate, her own future. She wouldn’t need him, or his help.

  She couldn’t understand why Alex suggested it. It would make her completely independent, especially from him. She jerked to her feet, carried her plate to the sideboard, and watched it slide into the tub of soapy, hot water.

  “Just think about it, Aunt Penny.” Jann came to stand beside her. “Say you’ll think about it.”

  She could never resist Jann’s appeals. She gripped his hand and squeezed. “I promise I will. But right now, I have something for you to do. Mr. McDougal needs our help. Why don’t you grab your coat and come with me?”