Tender Trust

by Tanya Stowe

  A rock settled in her stomach. He actually believed he was going to sleep in her room. The rest of the night went by in a blur as her mind focused on that.

  He’d moved into her life lock, stock, and barrel. He’d claimed her in front of the whole town, made decisions for her, and even divided her daughter’s loyalties to her. But this was one area he was not going to control. She absolutely refused to live with him as man and wife.

  After all these years, he thought he could just step in and take over without her permission. The idea angered her, but most of all, it terrified her. The last time Alex had claimed her in front of a town, it almost cost him his life. She could not let that happen again.

  Her anger and fear hardened into a steely resolve.

  People filtered out until everyone was gone.

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted.” Alex was at the door locking up.

  “Yes, I am, too.” She snuffed the wall lantern out and turned to face him. “Bed is going to feel very good tonight. I hope you won’t be too uncomfortable on the cot.”

  In the process of lifting the kerosene lamp, Alex halted. Surrounded by darkness, the light wavered over his features. “The cot?”

  “Yes. You’ll be sleeping on it in Jann’s room until we can make other arrangements.”

  “I thought after today—”

  “Don’t think for one minute I don’t appreciate what you did today, Alex. Lexie means everything to me. That’s why I have to stay strong. I can’t afford to let you or anyone else make my decisions or control my life. I have to stay strong for her.”

  “We’re partners. We’ll make decisions together.” His voice was low, tight.

  “Did you ask my opinion even once this afternoon, Alex? No. You just took over and assumed we would all obey.”

  “It was an emergency. I only did what was necessary. You can’t hold that against me.”

  “I don’t. I told you, I’m thankful you found her. But don’t forget, she would not have been missing if you hadn’t inserted yourself into our lives.”

  “She wouldn’t have been missing if you’d been honest and told her who I was.”

  “Why? So you can be driven out of her life and leave her alone again? Why in the world would I want that for my daughter?”

  “Penny, I understand your fears, but you can’t let them control you.”

  “I won’t. I’m not going to let anything or anyone control me again. That’s why you’re not going to my room.”

  His features hardened.

  “I am not sleeping on the cot.” Each word was tight, hard, and cold.

  Penny swallowed. That man was back, the one she’d seen this afternoon, the one who inspired fear in her. “Fine. Have it your way, but we’re not living as man and wife.” Her words were just as steely. “I told you I almost died when I lost you. Parts of me never came back. I can’t feel…don’t want any man. Do you understand, Alex?

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Does it matter? That part of me died, and I don’t need it back. I have to stay strong, independent. I tried to tell you, to make you understand. I’m not a fit wife for you, or any man. Maybe now you’ll believe me.”

  His features were flat. He was furious, but he didn’t speak. Instead, he gestured towards the stairs. “Let’s go.”

  They climbed the stairs in silence.

  Once inside her room, he set the lamp on the nightstand and turned.

  Penny stood at the door, her hands gripped in front of her, not moving.

  Alex shook his head and began to undress. He slipped her garters off his sleeves and unbuttoned his shirt.

  Penny turned away, but it was too late. In spite of what she had told him, the image of his strong shoulders and taut stomach were etched into her mind.

  When she heard the sweep of the covers and the bed ropes creak, she blew out the light and undressed in the dark. Much later, covered from head to toe in her flannel nightgown, she slipped into bed and turned her back to her husband.

  ****

  Alex woke up on the wrong side of the bed the next morning. He wanted to be on his wife’s side.

  But Penny had risen early enough for her spot to be cold.

  He stretched a hand out and smoothed the wrinkles in the sheets.

  Did he believe her quietly spoken words last night? Was she dead to his touch? It would explain a lot. How she stood rigid in his arms every time he tried to hold her. How she resisted even the slightest show of affection, even a companionable smile.

  It was hard for him to accept. His Penny, his lovely sweet bride, had always been so happy, so affectionate, and filled with joy.

  He threw an arm over his eyes. Maybe Penny was right. Maybe the woman he loved was dead. In her place was a stranger he didn’t understand and probably could never love.

  Disturbed by the thought, he threw the covers back and climbed out of bed. The smell of bacon drifted up. He dressed and headed downstairs. The sounds of Lexie’s laughter reached him as he opened the door to the kitchen.

  Inga had biscuits already on the table and was busy frying bacon. She asked him how he liked his eggs.

  He told her and seated himself as Jann filled Alex’s cup with coffee.

  Lexie and Jann talked about horses. Jann asked Alex a hundred questions about their care and feeding.

  It gave Alex an idea and another purpose for his day. He soon forgot his concerns about Penny, and the fact that she stayed shuttered in her office doing bookwork while they all enjoyed each other’s company.

  Even Jewel seemed to open a little more and smiled as he teased Lexie.

  After breakfast, Alex headed to the stables where he kept his horse. The owner, Charley Breckenridge, was a slender, quiet, sometimes surly man. But he took great care, better than most, with his horses.

  Alex had also seen a three-legged collie dog and some stray cats around. Usually a man who took such care with his animals had a tendency to take care of people, too.

  “Could you use the services of a slightly slow, but upright and dependable young man?” Alex asked.

  “Depends on the young man, don’t it?” Charlie squinted at Alex over the rough wooden rail of a horse stall.

  “Jann Swensen.”

  “The tall kid what lives at The Copper Penny?”

  “He’s a hard worker. He loves horses and he’s anxious to learn. I’ll vouch for him. I’ll even pay his wages if you’ll give him a chance.”

  “I don’t really need more help, but let me think on it for a while. I’ll let you know in a few days.”

  Alex didn’t know any of the other stable owners, and he wouldn’t trust Jann with anyone he didn’t know, so he’d have to be patient. Given his circumstances right now, patience was high on his list of things to pray for.

  Somewhat irritated, he headed over to check on the progress at the warehouse. Afterwards, he visited the site of the new mill and signed paperwork at the bank. When he finished it was late afternoon, but he still had time for his main purpose.

  He hadn’t forgotten Sheriff Andersen’s response yesterday.

  Penny was right.

  Holloway owned the sheriff. Even his opinions seem to come straight out of Holloway’s mouth. A dangerous situation, and the kind of attitude that had impacted Alex’s life in the past. Twice he’d been driven away from his loved ones by embittered men and angry mobs. He wasn’t going to sit around and wait for it to happen again.

  The sheriff’s position was an elected one, and that made him responsible to the public. How many other important people did Holloway own?

  Alex walked into the office of The Bodie Reporter, one of three daily newspapers in town. Andy had introduced the editor, Thomas Wingate, to Alex the night of the party at the Metropolitan.

  When he entered, Thomas was seated at his desk. Alex could hear the furious scribble of his pen five feet away. Three other men chatted as they set type at the printing press.

  “May I have a word with you
in private, Thomas?”

  A little surprised, the shorter, wiry, young man gestured to the back. They entered a storeroom rife with the smell of printer ink, dusty paper, and thinner.

  “Sorry, this is the best I can offer you,” Thomas said with a slight smile. “We’re the newest of Bodie’s papers and still building.”

  “I hope your small size doesn’t deter you from taking on big stories.”

  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  “I just found my wife and daughter after two years of looking. We were separated by the war. My family had no idea I was alive, and my wife had to make a living the hard way. She told my daughter I was dead. Yesterday, my daughter found out I was her father, and the shock made her run away. She thought her mother was lying to her all this time.” Alex then told the young man about Sheriff Andersen’s response.

  Thomas’ lips thinned into a tight line. “I’m not surprised.” His tone was taut. “Outraged, but not surprised.”

  “Didn’t I hear Andy mention there’s an election in the spring?” Alex prompted.

  “I see what you mean about the big stories. You’d like my new and faltering young paper to take on one of the most powerful, and probably the most dangerous, man in Bodie.” Thomas had a speculative glint in his eyes.

  “No single man should be that powerful. An editorial here and there at the proper place and time, might limit his influence. Unless, of course, the story is too big for your little paper.”

  Thomas burst out laughing. “Some men might take that as insult, Mr. Marsden.”

  “You’re not most men, and neither am I.”

  “I can see that.” He studied Alex. “I’m wondering if you just might be the man to give Holloway the tussle he needs.”

  “I’m certain of it,” Alex countered. “The question is which side of the fray do you want to be on?”

  “There’s no question. Right is always the choice for me.”

  ****

  The next day was overcast and stormy.

  Alex returned from his meetings at the warehouse and mill sites late in the afternoon. He stepped inside The Copper Penny and brushed a sprinkling of snow off his coat.

  Penny, Lexie, Jann, and Inga hunkered around the potbellied stove.

  Jewel was seated in a chair in front of it, a paper in her hands.

  The stove gave off welcome warmth, inviting Alex to hurry across and join them, but the taut anger on Penny’s face held him back.

  Lexie ran over and threw herself at him. “You must really be proud of us, Papa.”

  “Of course I’m proud of you. Why would you think I’m not?” He scooped her up in his arms, damp jacket and all.

  “I don’t know. I just thought…well, Mama wanted to keep us a secret. I thought maybe you didn’t want everyone to know about us.”

  Once again, his bold, bright little girl had cut through all the nonsense to the heart of the matter. His surprise turned to a slow simmer, and he glared at Penny, upset she had given Lexie that impression.

  Penny lowered her gaze and looked shamefaced. “Lexie,” she began, “I never meant—”

  Alex didn’t let her finish. “I have never,” he interrupted her in a tone so loud, the whole room could not mistake his intent. “Never been ashamed of you, or your Mama. You are the most important people in my life, Lexie. I love you, and I don’t ever want you to forget it or to doubt it.”

  “I won’t, Papa.” Lexie smiled. “You told everybody about us, even the paper. I’ve never been in the paper. Does that mean we’re special?”

  “You are special, newspaper article or not.” Alex set her on the ground so he could remove his jacket.

  “Can you read it again, Jewel, so Papa can hear it?” Lexie smiled and skipped back over to Jewel.

  Penny made a small sound and marched to the stairs.

  Jewel started to read in a subdued voice.

  ****

  Customers began to show up.

  Alex wasn’t able to find Penny alone until halfway through the night. She headed to the storeroom to fetch more liquor, and he seized the opportunity. Hurrying in behind her, he shut the door with a decisive click.

  She spun around, a bottle in one hand and the wavering lamp in the other.

  “I don’t know why you are walking around here like the offended one,” he began, anger low in his voice. “My daughter thinks I’m ashamed of her!”

  “I’m trying to protect Lexie.”

  “From me?” He was shocked when she nodded.

  “Yes, from you! I told you people wouldn’t accept us. I asked you not to invite trouble into our lives and what do you do? You put our life…my life in the newspaper for everyone to read. You didn’t even bother to ask me.” Her words caught him off guard.

  “You’re right. I should have discussed it with you. But even if you had disagreed, I would have done it. I’m not ashamed of you.”

  “Have you forgotten what happened the first time you tried to show the world how you felt about me? You ended up half dead.”

  “I haven’t forgotten, Penny. Those events affected my life as much as yours.”

  “But you didn’t seem to learn anything from it. Why can’t you just leave well enough alone? Why do you always have to stir the pot?” Her criticism went deep

  Weariness settled. “What would you have me do, Penny? Sit back and do nothing while they create problems for us?”

  “What I would have you do is go away! We were doing just fine until you came back into our lives.” She tossed the full bottle of liquor towards Alex.

  Startled, he reached out to catch it.

  Penny shoved him out of her way.

  He stumbled back against some boxes and almost fell. By the time he’d gained his footing, his wife had slammed the door open and stalked out.

  10

  Penny and Alex’s lives settled into a routine. They spoke to each other only when prompted by a conversation started by someone else.

  Penny rose at the first hint of dawn and came to bed long after Alex.

  They slept beside each other, but Alex was lonely…perhaps more lonely than he’d been before he found his wife.

  One morning he rose shortly after Penny and took his Bible downstairs to read by the stove.

  Inga asked if he would help Jann with his letters. Her request provided Alex the perfect opportunity.

  Shortly after sunrise, while Inga prepared scrambled eggs or flipped pancakes, Jann would painstakingly read a passage out loud.

  Just before they sat down to eat, Alex would finish the passage and read another.

  Inga and Jann, Tom and Jewel, even Lexie became a part of his morning Scripture study.

  Penny stayed in her office.

  Alex’s love for his newfound family grew every day. But the strain of his relationship with Penny wore him down. His day was full of hard work.

  Between his construction projects and his bartending duties, he fell into bed exhausted. But even his strenuous schedule couldn’t keep Penny out of his thoughts.

  When she spoke, his gaze went to her beautiful, bow-shaped lips. The scent of her light rosewater lingered in the air when she left a room.

  She kept a stringent distance between them in the bed, but he could still feel her warmth and occasionally, strands of her silken hair brushed against his skin like a hot brand. By the light of the moon, he glimpsed the curves beneath her gown before she slid between the sheets. Afterwards, he tossed and turned, his dreams filled with Penny in his arms.

  How much longer could he stay beside her and not have her?

  The strain began to show on Penny, too. Dark circles formed beneath her eyes, and a gaunt look hollowed out her cheeks.

  He wasn’t sure if his nearness simply put her on edge or actually frightened her.

  He hoped and prayed that when the breakdown happened, it wouldn’t shatter all of their lives into pieces.

  Then one day, a freight wagon slipped on an icy patch of the Bodie pass. The lumber
broke loose and tumbled down the hill. Fortunately, neither the driver nor the horses were injured, and the driver hiked into town for help. By the time Alex and his crew hauled all the lumber back up the hill, loaded it on a new wagon and made it back to town, it was dusk.

  When Alex arrived home, the saloon was empty and dark. Thankfully, the potbellied stove glowed with dark embers, and an inviting warmth emanated from inside.

  Frozen, tired, and hungry, Alex didn’t know where he’d find the strength to make it through the night, and the customers would start showing up soon.

  A light shone from beneath the kitchen door, and the clink of dishes told him Jann, Inga, and Lexie were busy with supper cleanup.

  Penny and Jewel were probably upstairs dressing for work.

  Wearily, Alex eased his half-frozen jacket off and sighed.

  From the shadows, something flew at him…a flurry of skirts and the scent of rosewater.

  “Alex, you’re home! You’re safe!” He caught Penny in his arms and turned.

  Light from the stove shone on her face and flickered in her wide eyes. She touched his cheek and he felt the tremble in her fingers.

  And then it hit him.

  Penny wasn’t frightened of him. She was frightened for him. Ever since the article had appeared in the paper, she’d been waiting, watching…expecting something to happen to him.

  Comprehension swept over him, and he grasped her hands. They were icy. He wished he could kiss away the cold…just crush her in his arms and ease the fear. But he knew in his heart, only God could heal a hurt as deep as the one in Penny’s mind.

  “Yes.” He spoke quietly, putting all the tenderness he felt into his words. “I’m home, Penny. I’m safe.”

  His tone held a hint of sadness, for what they had lost, what they might never regain. He looked into her face and saw the hopeful, yet vulnerable young woman he’d married, his beloved bride.

  But just as quickly as he caught her, she disappeared. In her place was the cold, hard woman she had become…or at least, tried to be.

  She wriggled her hands out of his tight grasp. “Of course. I was silly to be worried.” Then she turned and hurried to the kitchen.