by Sarah Dosher
My class schedule was actually perfect this semester. My first hour homeroom was AP - Advanced Placement - English with the nicest teacher in the entire school. I’d had Mrs. Straub for English every year since the eighth grade. She was nice to all the students and allowed me do my work without forcing me to be involved.
For the next three class periods I had the same science teacher, Mr. Roberts. He taught my AP Science class as well as the following hour of AP Science Lab, and I was assigned to be his teacher’s assistance for fourth hour.
Science and photography were my favorite subjects because they came easy to me. Mr. Roberts was a great teacher that made science almost as fun as photography, but photography was my true passion. My photos always came out looking grainy and rough, but that was how I viewed the world and that’s what my photography was - a peek through my camera at the way I viewed the world.
My three afternoon classes would be completely focused on my photography. I had journalism, where I mostly took pictures of school events for the yearbook, then two free class periods where I could focus on my independent study topic. It was overseen by my journalism teacher. My topic idea centered on my desire to document the aftermath of the disaster in Kolby and self-publish a book full of my photographs with a description of the town before and after the tornado.
First hour AP English was nothing exciting. I got a short nap in while Mrs. Straub was discussing the finer points of contemporary literature. Our assignment was to choose one novel of literary merit to read and defend our choice through class discussion and a writing assignment. The whole hour was spent discussing what novel to choose. I already knew my choice: The Sea of Tranquility by Katja Millay. Since I pretty much had it memorized, it would be an easy assignment.
After making a quick stop at my locker to switch books, I was ready for my AP Science class. I was always the first student to arrive since I didn’t feel the need to make the ten minutes between classes my own form of happy hour. I was looking down as I entered the room and saw shoes step in front of me. I looked up into familiar dark eyes as I collided with a hard body.
I turned to walk toward the front of the room and smacked into someone that was almost knocked down by the force of our collision. I reached to catch them and saw it was a short girl with long, blonde hair. Once we were both steady on our feet I looked down into her blue, stormy eyes.
Lily.
She quickly pulled away and hurried to the back of the room. Mr. Roberts said hello to her and started telling me his plans for the AP Science class this semester.
I was starting my semester of student teaching at Kolby High School. I knew Lily went to school here and I would see her, but I guess I never really thought about what it would be like if she was in my class. I was going to like this. It would give me another excuse to be near her and from the way things were going, I’d need all the help I could get.
The bell rang and Mr. Roberts started class.
“Good morning, clever scholars. While I hope you had an enjoyable holiday break, I am ecstatic to see your inquiring minds back where they belong.” He gestured for me to join him in front of the class.
“This gentleman is Mr. Haven. He will be with us this semester, completing student teaching for his bachelor’s degree in Science Education. I hope he can further enhance your learning experience while we, in turn, assist him in his educational endeavors. Today he will observe my distinguished teaching methods and your behavior as students from his desk at the rear of the room.” He waved his hand, effectively dismissing me.
I smiled at the students and headed back to my assigned desk at the back of the classroom so I could begin my observation of Mr. Roberts teaching methods. I tried my best to suppress an eye roll since some of the students were still watching me. However, one student had her head buried in her textbook, trying her best to ignore my presence, but I’d be sitting about a foot from her desk and facing her.
She wouldn’t be able to ignore me for long.
While Mr. Roberts did an annoyingly efficient job at detailing this semester’s syllabus to the class, I found myself mostly observing Lily. She was as beautiful as I remembered. Her skin was a few shades lighter than mine. I remembered how she hated her skin color. She always wanted her skin to be darker, like mine and Easton’s. Everything about us was darker than Lily - our eyes, our hair, our skin. She was perfectly blessed with light eyes, light hair, and even lighter skin. It never helped when someone would comment on how she looked like a porcelain doll.
She turned her body sideways so that her back was to me. I was staring at her hair and realized I’d reached out to run my fingers through the long, straw colored pieces draped over her shoulder. What was I doing? I felt her body jump under the weight of my hand bumping her shoulder. I tried my best to make it look like I was brushing something off her black shirt. I turned my attention back to Mr. Roberts for fear I might continue to stroke her hair if my mind wasn’t occupied with something else.
Since there was no lab to accompany his long winded review of the next five months of classes, Mr. Roberts had the class read the assigned chapters from their textbooks during third hour. He gave me a textbook and had me acquaint myself with the current topic. After the bell rang, Lily didn’t leave the room with all the other students. Instead she walked to Mr. Roberts’ desk and started to place her bag under a small desk at the end of his. He said something to her and she nodded, picked up her backpack, then left the room. Mr. Roberts saw me watching and walked toward me.
“Lily’s my best student so she’ll be our teaching assistant this semester during fourth period. I’m going to have the two of you go to the library so you can discuss the material we covered last semester and get an idea of how the class runs. Then you can start to prepare lesson plans.”
Score! My luck couldn’t get any better.
“Great idea, Mr. Roberts, I think that will be very helpful,” I replied.
“Good. I like your enthusiasm, Mr. Haven. That kind of attitude will get you far in life.” He patted me on the back. “Lily has already headed to the library so why don’t you join her. We have lunch period after this class, so feel free to occupy your time as you see fit and I’ll see you back here promptly at 12:10.”
The library hadn’t changed since I’d graduated and I was amazed that some tables still sat in the exact same locations with the same worn plastic chairs that were yellow, red, and blue. Lily was sitting at a large table at the back of the room with her head hidden in her science book. I headed in her direction, but stopped at a table I knew had my name carved into it.
Dean and Easton, Class of 2008.
I ran my fingers across our names as I remembered the day we skipped class just to sneak in here and put our mark on the place we’d called home for so many years. I remembered Easton flirting with the library aide while I used my pocket knife to quickly scroll our names into the wood. I felt an ache in my chest at how much I still missed my friend. Lily cleared her throat, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I’m making notes on last semester. If you give me about twenty minutes, I’ll have them ready and you can be done with me,” she stated harshly.
“Lily, it’s okay. You don’t have to write everything down. You can just tell me. Most of what you covered last semester I’ve already experienced, so I don’t need much detail.”
She shook her head. “No thanks. This won’t take long.”
I didn’t understand her reluctance to speak to me about something as simple as this, but I’d let her continue writing her notes. She handed me a page with notes covering the front and back. I glanced at it and saw that she’d noted all the chapters with the activities completed in the lecture and labs for most of last semester.
“Thanks, Lily. This will be very helpful.”
She didn’t reply; she just kept making notes. After another ten minutes passed, she scooted a couple more pages of notes to me, closed her book and stood up from the table, walking toward the exit.
“Lily, wait. Can’t we talk at all?”
She didn’t stop walking. In fact, I think she might have sped up. I stared the doors she had just gone through for a few seconds, trying to decide the right course of action. She obviously didn’t want to speak to me, but I had so many things I wanted to explain. I finally decided to chase after her. I was an impatient man and I couldn’t sit by and watch her disappear from my life again. I rounded the corner coming out of the library, but I didn’t see her anywhere so I rushed down the hall and passed the girls restroom. I figured she was hiding in there, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I know she had her reasons for hiding from me, but I would get my chance to talk before I’d allow her to write me off completely.
I retreated to the administration office and was greeted by a face I recognized, which wasn’t exactly a good thing.
“Well hello there, Dean Haven. You’re looking very well,” Mindi said as she winked at me. I immediately felt my skin crawl.
“Hey, Mindi. I didn’t know you worked here.”
“Yup, you’re looking at the new high school counselor. I was a teacher last year, but was moved to counselor this year.”
“Well that’s good to hear, congratulations.” I tried my best to look happy for her and not like I was about to tuck my tail and run - which I was.
I walked further into the room, ready to get what I came for and leave. Mindi moved from behind the large counter separating the room into two spaces, the official side and the side for students and visitors.
“Oh, Dean, I was glad to hear you would be here this semester. I haven’t seen you in forever,” she reached out and ran her hand down the length of my blue tie.
“Yeah, college was a crazy time for me. Sorry about that.” I reached up and adjusted my tie with the hope that she would take her hand off of me. All I accomplished was making her move her hand to the side and onto my chest. “I actually came to see if I could get the locker number of one of Mr. Roberts’ students. She’s helping me catch up on last semester’s work.”
“Of course, Dean, you’re one of us now so you can access any information about the students that you need. Here, I’ll show you how.” She laced her hand with mine and led me to a computer at the back of the room. “All you need to do is access the student information on this computer. It has all their demographic information as well as schedule, locker number, that sort of thing. If you ever need any additional information you just let me know and I’ll be more than happy to help you.”
I took my hand from hers and placed it on the computer mouse. “Thanks, Mindi, you’ve been very helpful.” I turned my attention to the computer, hoping she’d get the hint and leave.
“No problem, Dean.” I hated how she continued to use my name, like that somehow connected us. “So, I was wondering if you wanted to get together while you’re in town? Maybe pick things up where we left off?”
I looked up from the computer. She was very pretty; I could see why I was attracted to her in high school. It didn’t hurt that she was a couple years older and every high school guy wanted a college woman. She had the curliest red hair I’d ever seen with light green eyes and a body that would turn most women green. But when I saw her, all I could think about was how I used her to hurt Lily. I’d never forget the pained look on Lily’s face.
“That’s very nice of you. But I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I’m staying with my grandmother and want to spend as much time with her as possible. Plus I’ll be busy with my student teaching. I hope you understand.” I tried to be gentle because the last thing I needed was another scorned woman making my life harder. I could accomplish that without anyone’s assistance.
She smiled weakly. “Oh I do, Dean, but I’m here and so are you. If you get bored or need some company, just call me. I still have your number, so I’ll text you in case you’ve lost mine.” She finally turned and entered an office with a placard stating Mindi Bartlett, Counselor next to the door.
I printed Lily’s information and grabbed it from the computer along with a blank piece of paper. I wrote a quick note to Lily and slipped it into her locker on my way back to Mr. Roberts’ classroom. Lunch was almost over, so I grabbed peanut butter crackers and a bottle of water from my messenger bag. I finished them just in time for students to start filing into the classroom.
The rest of the day went by painfully slow. I tried to pay attention to Mr. Roberts’ rambling, but it was difficult. All I could think about was Lily and how I could attempt to make things right with her. The only plan I could come up with consisted of making her listen to my side of the last four years, even if I had to force her, but I didn’t know if it would change her mind. Even I had a hard time believing my excuses were enough for what I’d done.
The end of the day had finally arrived. The first day back at school was worse than I could have ever imagined. Apparently Dean’s arrival at the school stirred more emotions than just mine. I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing a female voice yammering on and on about him. Even now, as I walked to my locker, I could hear a group of the more popular Barbie-like girls trying to get information out of Adley about him. She saw me coming and used it as her opportunity to escape. She practically ran to my locker and threw herself against the one next to me.
“They are wearing me out. Like, seriously exhausting me with all the Dean Haven questions. Like I know a single thing about that boy. Who they should be asking is Y-O-U.” She pointed her finger in my face while accentuating every letter.
“Why do I even allow you to speak to me? I can’t figure it out,” I snapped at her.
“Because you have no choice. If you didn’t, Violet would hound you until you loved me again. We both know that old lady gets whatever she wants from whomever she wants it from and that includes Y-O-U.” She smirked at me and then laughed at her attempt at humor.
While I was pulling my books out of my locker, I saw a piece of plain paper folded several times with my name written on it. Either I had a new bully wanting to torment me or I had an annoyingly handsome man from my past wanting to torment me, just in a completely different manner. There was no way I was reading this while Adley was with me. I’d wait until I dropped her off to see which of the two evils I’d been blessed with. I placed my bet on the latter.
“Hello? Earth to Ms. Cold Hearted Fool. How many books you gonna put in that backpack? What’s that? Did someone pass you a love letter?” She gasped and tried to grab it from my hand, but I shoved it in my pocket quickly.
“Get a move on before I make you walk five miles home.” I glared at her.
“Puh-lease you would never leave me so you aren’t fooling anyone. Plus, I could just get a ride with Dean anyway,” she said, trying to play my bluff.
“Fine by me, traitor.”
I stomped off to my car with Adley right on my heels like I knew she’d be and it put a smile on my face. I’m not sure how we’d gotten to this point in our odd relationship, but what started as Violet trying to make us be friends had turned into a weird kinship. I didn’t trust that she’d never abandon me, but I allowed her into a small part of my heart that was already hardened so it couldn’t be broken again. Adley and Violet were the only two that were allowed in any part of my heart, but that was mostly because trying to keep them out proved too difficult. But the rest of my heart, the only part that could still be shattered, was well guarded against intruders and I had an iron clad protection plan to ensure I wouldn’t suffer that same fate twice.
When we got to Violet’s, she was sitting on the front porch swing. I assumed she had timed her need for fresh air perfectly with our arrival. She waved for me to get out of the car and of course I did, even though I wanted to speed away and never look back.
“Good afternoon, dears. I hope you both had a great first day back at school.”
Adley and I looked at each other, smiled, and nodded our heads in response.
“Well good, good. Adley, why don’t you go on inside and g
et ready for work while Lily and I talk.” She gave her sweet, innocent smile while patting the swing for me to sit next to her.
I gave her a small smile, knowing it probably showed the hesitation I was truly feeling. She reached her hand out to me and, like I always did with Violet, I gave her what she wanted by taking her hand and sitting next to her. She began to rub small circles with her thumb on the palm of my hand while she hummed and pushed off with her feet so we were slowly swinging. We stayed this way for what felt like an eternity as the tension built inside me. I knew what she wanted and she knew I couldn’t give it to her so we sat, stuck in a stalemate and waiting for the other to break. Usually in these games I clearly had the upper hand because I never cared as much as my opponent. However, Violet was the most stubborn human being in the county and might as well have her hand tightened around my throat. I’d grown fond of Violet over the past few years and for some reason always wanted to please her. Even though I had tried hard not to, I’d actually grown to love her.
She finally broke the silence and a small part of me felt like a victor, but that feeling didn’t last long. “Okay, let cuts the theatrics and get on with what we both know is coming. Dean’s back in town and you’re avoiding him.”
“He’s been here for less than twenty-four hours. How can you possibly be so sure I’m avoiding him?” I asked, even though I already had a pretty good idea what her answer would be.
“Because I knew you would avoid him before he even decided to step foot back in this town. I also know you’ll continue to avoid him until you’re somehow forced to face him and the feelings you’ve buried so deep that you probably don’t even know they still exist.” She lightly squeezed my hand in a show of support.
