by Sarah Dosher
“Hmm, sounds like we have the same goals.” She laid down on the blanket with her knees bent and her arms folded over her eyes blocking them from the sun. She looked so relaxed and that brought me comfort. I laid down with my head next to hers and we stayed this way for a while, just enjoying the silence and merely existing together. I hadn’t felt that calm and secure in...well, I couldn’t remember the last time, but I did know all those times had included Lily, Easton, or Grandma Violet. Finally she rolled over on her side, facing me, so I did the same.
“I was afraid you'd fallen asleep,” I admitted.
“No way I’d sleep right now and risk missing a minute of being here with you,” she said. I moved her long hair over her shoulder. She grasped my hand, moved it to her mouth, and kissed my palm. She laid it on her cheek briefly before lacing our fingers together. I heard a rustle in the trees behind me. I turned to see a bird fly from a tree branch and land close to Lily - it was Lily’s hawk. They stared at each other for a few seconds before the bird flew to a nearby rock.
“I think your friend decided to come for a visit.”
“Yeah, I call him Red. We’re buddies, but I kinda think he's been following me around lately,” she laughed.
“What do you mean?”
“Well it's hard to explain and you'll probably think I've lost it, but I swear I see Red everywhere I go. He always seems to be sitting on a random fence post that I drive by or in a tree when I get to school. I guess it could be a different hawk, but it sure looks like him. You see that red colored spot on his head? That's how I keep track of him.” She shrugged her shoulders.
“Maybe he's just looking out for you? Trying to make sure you’re safe?” I said.
“Yeah, I've thought that too. I'm not sure if I believe in that sort of thing, but he always seems to be there to help me when something bad happens, like last night.”
“What do you mean? What did he do last night?”
She opened her mouth to speak and then paused, looking away from me. “Well, it was after my father left. I feel asleep outside and he woke me up by making this loud shrieking noise. Then, before I went into the house, he flew right up next to me and I swear he wanted to talk to me.” She laughed sadly and shook her head, refusing to continue.
“It's okay, you can tell me. I don't think anything you've said so far is crazy,” I reassured her, as I took her hand and slowly rubbed my fingers over her soft skin.
“Well he started coming around four years ago, right after the tornado when things got bad with my father. He kinda comes and goes, but he’s always around when things are bad for me. I think I've wanted to believe that Red was somehow Easton watching out for me. Maybe not truly my brother, but...well, I don't really know how to explain it, but somehow, since my brother isn't here, Red is trying to take his place and keep me safe. Well, as best a bird can.”
“You know I don’t think that sounds crazy at all and you're probably right. It would be just like Easton to show up here and try to ruin our time together.” We both laughed.
“So, about this food you brought?” She pointed to the paper grocery sack and we both sat facing each other.
“Well it isn't going to be a gourmet dinner, but I did bring some of your favorites, or at least your favorites from when we were kids.” I started pulling them out of the bag and placing them in front of her. “Apple juice. Red grapes, I know you like the green ones better, but this is all they had. Funyuns, guess I shouldn’t have gotten these when I intended to try and kiss you.” She laughed, but immediately opened the bag and popped one in her mouth, then fed one to me. “Peanut butter, crackers, and a banana. And last, but certainly not least, every kind of chocolate you could ever want.” I dumped all the chocolate onto the blanket between us.
Her eyes lit up before a lone tear rolled down her cheek. I wiped the tear away with my thumb and then lightly stroked her cheek several times. “I can’t believe you remember me eating all of this when we were younger. I remember you guys hating it when I’d make my mini sandwiches out of crackers, peanut butter, and banana.”
I shook my head. “No, Easton hated it. I thought it was cute, but that didn’t mean I wanted to eat them with you.”
She laughed then tilted her head to the side, giving me a questioning look. “I think I’m going to have to reevaluate everything I thought I knew about you when we were kids. Either I didn’t pay very good attention or you were a good actor.” She wagged her finger at me accusingly.
“What can I say? Acting like you were my best friend’s pest sister made your brother happy, but I think deep down he knew how I truly felt. I don’t think Easton would be surprised by any of this.” I leaned in to kiss her. Just as my lips touched her soft mouth, I felt something warm fall onto my shoulder. I looked up to see Red flying above our heads and saw something white on my shoulder out of the corner of my eye.
That damn bird had shit all over my shoulder and down the sleeve of my jacket!
Lily pulled away and started laughing, but quickly placed her hands over her mouth. “You are one hundred percent correct. That bird is Easton. There is absolutely no other explanation,” I said, unzipping my coat and taking it off. I considered burning it when I got home.
Lily tried her best not to laugh, but she couldn’t contain it any longer. “Yup, I think we have our answer. Only Easton would rather crap on you then let you kiss his sister.”
“And of course he had perfect aim. He managed to get it all over me, but completely avoided you,” I pointed out.
“Yup, I noticed that too.” She laughed.
It was a magical sound.
The last few months had gone by faster than I could have ever imagined. Happiness. It was happiness that caused it. When you’re miserable, time moves at a snail’s pace, but the minute an ounce of happiness enters your world, its full steam ahead.
I was happy. Dean returned to Kolby and had brought my happiness back with him. One day I was alone and miserable and the next I could feel the warmth of the sun shining on my face again. There was no real turning point, things just seemed to fall into place. No huge gesture, merely a new beginning.
We spent as much time together as possible. We were able to see each other every day at school and maintain an “appropriate relationship” as Dean called it. We always saw each other after school, but tried not to be alone too often. Following a few steamy encounters, we had decided it was best if we kept our relationship a little less “friendly” until he was done being one of my teachers, but it was far from easy keeping my distance from him. Just looking at him made me lose focus until all I could think about was where I’d like his lips and hands to be. Based on the number of times I caught him staring at me, and how often he would miss entire portions of a conversation, I knew he felt the same way. We would always laugh about it while trying to focus more on the non-physical side of our relationship. Just one more reason I could not wait for graduation.
It was a warm spring day and we were taking advantage of the sun by working on Violet’s house. Well, technically Adley and I were lying on a blanket in the grass soaking up the sun while Dean and Derek did all the work. Derek had quickly become a member of the family since he and Adley had become a couple. I think Derek might have been at Violet's house more than Dean.
Dean was at the top of a ladder cleaning leaves and other unknown items out of the gutters that ran along the roof. Derek was on the ground, raking together everything that Dean pulled from the gutter and dropped on his head. The view from my spot on the ground was perfect. Dean had his shirt off and was wearing the best pair of worn jeans I’d ever seen. They fit his body perfectly. I could have sat there all day and stared at him. I knew Adley felt the same way about Derek. Although I’d never thought of Derek as attractive, I could see why a lot of girls would.
He was shorter than Dean by several inches, probably what I’d consider average height for a guy. He had sandy blond hair, standard issue blue eyes and looked exactly like what a st
ereotypical southern farm boy should look like.
“I’m so glad you girls are here to help. I don’t know how we’d get this accomplished without you,” Dean shouted over his shoulder.
“You’re welcome, honey,” Adley called to him with a little wave.
“Hey, we’re a very valuable part of the team. Someone has to supervise and make sure you get the job done right. Violet would expect nothing less,” I pointed out and Adley enthusiastically agreed with me. Both guys muttered something softly while Adley and I laughed.
“Where is Ms. Violet today?” Derek asked.
“Who knows what trouble she's into today. She left this morning and said she'd be back before bedtime. I'm starting to wonder if she has a boyfriend she runs off with every Saturday afternoon.” Adley winked and we all shook our heads to disagree.
“For starters, that's a bit of information I didn't need to know, so no more talking about it. And second, I think as soon as we get this crap done we do something that doesn't include manual labor,” Dean said and Derek quickly agreed. Dean came down from the ladder and they both moved to the other side of the house.
As soon as the guys were out of sight, Adley leaned over and took my face with both of her hands, forcing my attention to her. “So exactly when are you going to fill me in on this thing you and Dean got going on? I've been patient and kept my mouth shut, waiting for you to get around to telling me, but I give up so you better start talking right now, sister.”
I wiggled out of her grasp. “I don't know what you're talking about. We're just friends.”
“Whatever. I've been watching you two and while I’ll admit you've actually been doing a good job of appearing to just be friends, I know you well enough to know that's not it. And I saw the drool you had to wipe off your chin when Dean came outside without a shirt on.”
I felt a huge smile spread across my face which Adley quickly mimicked and I knew I'd been caught. “Okay, yes we like each other. But since he’s my teacher we can't really do anything about it, which is why we hang out with you two losers every day.”
“So if you two already know you can't be left alone, then I can assume something has already happened?” Adley accused.
I took a deep breath and slowly released it, trying to calm myself. “Yes, a couple of times and it wasn't what you're picturing in that dirty little mind of yours, but it was great, Adley. It was what I've always dreamed of, but now it's so hard because all I want to do is have him hold me.” I closed my eyes and tried to get rid of those thoughts. “That's why it's easier for us to not be alone, but I can't stay away from him completely. Not anymore.”
“You don't have to explain it to me, Lily. I'm pretty sure I understand because that's how I feel about Derek. And while I'm really happy that you guys are getting along so well, I just want you to make sure you're past everything that made you second guess him to begin with. I don't want you to be blinded by your feelings now and not work through the issues you two had years ago.”
“I know, Adley. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it and honestly it’s because Dean’s changed. I didn’t make it so easy on him at first, but he didn’t run from the challenge or me. Actually, he chased me and that’s something I thought I’d never see Dean Haven do. He hasn’t given up on me, even though I’m not sure I deserve it. Four years of torment can make you appreciate a second chance when it's given to you.” She nodded in agreement. “I've been alone and hurting long enough that I'm not going to pass up what might be my only opportunity for true happiness because Dean made some bad choices and mistakes when we were younger. We all deserve a second chance, right?”
Adley nodded and pulled me into a hug. “I completely agree. I've done stupid things in my lifetime and if I wasn't given a second chance, I wouldn't be here today.”
“Okay, well if you’re done with the third degree I think that's enough dwelling on the dark times in our lives. Let the relaxation commence.” We both laughed as we laid back down on our blanket.
The sunny afternoon quickly turned into a chilly evening before the boys got the gutters cleaned. We played a quick game of rock, paper, scissors to decide who had to cook dinner since Violet wasn’t home yet. Dean's strategy of playing rock every single round left him searching through the kitchen cabinets for something he actually knew how to cook.
“I can help you cook something if you need me to,” I offered.
He shook his head while reading the directions of a box of Hamburger Helper. “No, I actually like the idea of cooking for you. However my limited culinary skills apparently pose a problem.” He closed the cabinet he'd been searching through and looked around the room before making eye contact with me. He tucked my hair behind both of my ears and then softly touched my cheek. He leaned in and brushed his lips across my forehead. I inhaled his smell that I’d missed more then I probably should have.
“I miss you,” I whispered.
He groaned in my ear. “I miss you so much. I think I'm losing my mind. All I can think about is the feel of your lips and how soft your skin is.”
I heard Adley cough as she entered the kitchen and I moved away from Dean. “You find anything you can make yet that takes more skill then pouring milk over cereal?”
Dean let out a ragged breath as he eyed Adley. “No and I'm not really in the mood to cook anymore. Pizza, that's what we're gonna do. Everyone to the truck. We're going for pizza and I'm buying.”
“Sounds good to me, but you do realize that Derek can eat an entire pizza himself?” Adley asked.
“At this point I really don't care how much he eats or what it'll cost me,” Dean snapped at Adley. We both laughed as he stormed out of the kitchen to find Derek.
Adley turned to me. “Moody when he gets cock blocked, isn’t he?”
“You’re bad, so very bad,” I teased as we left the kitchen arm in arm.
We all got in Dean's truck and drove twenty minutes to the closest pizza place. The ride was filled with football stories between Dean and Derek and the occasional attempt by Adley or me to change the subject. We were never successful at accomplishing a subject change, but that didn’t stop us. However, we had different reasons for not wanting to hear their nostalgic stories. Adley simply wasn’t a fan of any kind of sport. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to hear stories that reminded me of sitting in the stands on a winter night, huddled under a blanket with a steaming cup of hot chocolate, watching my brother play a game that brought him endless hours of joy. I could still feel the cold metal stands freezing my bottom through three layers of pants. I could hear the roar of the Friday night crowd chanting for their small town warriors. Watching Easton play football were memories that I’d cherish forever, memories of watching the person I loved most in this world do something that brought him as much happiness as he gave me, but they also reminded me of what I'd lost and would never have again. I kept quiet for most of the ride and tried to focus on something other than how much I missed my brother.
Sitting at a table while my three friends ate pizza should have been an enjoyable Saturday night, but I couldn’t help feeling like the bottom was about to fall out from under me. The memories of Easton on the drive here reminded me of times in my past when I was almost happy, until the day everything changed. I didn’t want to be all doom and gloom about my life, but at that moment I knew I was just waiting for something awful to occur, ripping it all away and sending me back.
Dean placed his hand on my leg, under the table where no one could see. “Lily, are you okay? You've been very quiet since we got here.”
I looked around the table at my three friends who had concern clearly written across their faces. I knew it should fill my heart with love, but at this moment I was truly surprised to find I felt nothing. “Yeah, I'm okay.” Dean opened his mouth to speak, but I quickly continued talking to try and pacify him. “Really, I'm okay. It's just...well, honestly, the stories about football just made me think of Easton. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin everyone’s din
ner.”
“Sweetie, it's okay. Don't you worry about us. We just want to know you're okay,” Adley said so quickly that I got the feeling she knew I wasn’t telling the whole truth.
“Sorry, Lily, I didn't even think about that upsetting you,” Derek added.
“No, don't be sorry. You should be able to talk about things without worrying about it upsetting me. I'm the one with the problem, not you guys.”
“See that's where you're wrong. We’re your friends and we want you to enjoy your night. That's why we worry about saying something that might upset you.” Dean said, lightly squeezing my leg and nodding at me. I smiled to reassure them and was pleased when the conversation turned to the loud table of teenagers at the back of the restaurant.
The group walked toward our table, led by a guy wearing a varsity letterman jacket. Dean stood to greet him as he neared us.
“Hey, man. How are you? I haven’t seen you in years.” Dean reached out and hugged him.
“I know, it’s been too long. You guys go off to college and don’t look back at us young’uns. What are you doing in my town?”
“Just out for some pizza.” Dean motioned to all of us. The guy looked us over and I felt heat rush through me as his gaze lingered a little longer on me.
A girl ran up behind him and put her arms around his waist. “C’mon, Ian. It’s time to go.”
He nodded and held his hand out to Dean. “It was great to see you, don’t be such a stranger.”
I must have fallen asleep on the ride home because I woke up to hear Adley giggling. Derek picked her up and placed her in his truck before they pulled away from Violet's house.
