In His Corner

by Alexandra Warren

  I needed to talk to my mom.

  &

  Standing on her doorstep was surreal. The fact that she was on the other side, only a few steps away for the first time in well over a decade, enough to have my palms sweaty and my anxiety sky high. And while I considered turning around, getting back in my car and driving home, I knew this was something I had to do if I expected to get my life back on track.

  So before I could run away like a coward, I pressed the doorbell, keeping my hood low as I peeked out towards her neighborhood that reminded me of my own while waiting for her to come to the door. But just because I was waiting didn’t mean I was fully prepared for the moment she actually pulled it open, fully prepared to see the eyes that looked just like my own or the different ways the years had aged her from her now graying hair to the extra creases in her face when she smiled and said my name.

  “Princeton… come in. Please.”

  I kept my hands in the pockets of my hoodie as I ducked into her front door, surprised to see framed clippings from my career covering the walls of her hallway. There was everything from my Golden Gloves days to my most recent fight with Boston, even pictures that included the man who had caused us both a lot of pain as we celebrated my victories. But knowing she had kept up with my career somehow made me feel closer to her, like I could get right to the point of this visit instead of spending time catching up. And that was exactly what I did once we made it to her kitchen, not even the familiar smell of freshly-baked snickerdoodle cookies enough to stop me from asking the question that had haunted me for years.

  “Where have you been?”

  To know she was still around, still in the same city as me, probably shopping at the same grocery stores that I did and strolling the same trails that I ran every morning only made me feel more uneasy since that meant she had deliberately stayed away, deliberately avoided me. And even now, she didn’t stop plating the cookies, avoiding my eyes as she answered, “In the shadows watching you become a superstar. I’m so proud of you, son.”

  For whatever reason, her approval still held weight, maybe because it was something I didn’t get very often from my father. But just thinking about him was enough for me to say, “A lot of time has passed, a lot has changed, you could’ve accessed me without going through him. Why didn’t you... try?”

  While I hadn’t been able to get much detail on the circumstances Bella had described, I still had a hard time understanding what had kept her away long after the fact when I could’ve protected us both, when her life was no longer in danger. And it didn’t exactly bring me any relief when she replied, “You seemed to be doing so well without me that I… I didn’t think it mattered to you if I was around or not. Didn’t think you cared so much.”

  “I’ve always cared!” I shouted in response, my fist clenching as I attempted to calm myself down so that I could continue, “You… you left me, Ma. You left me in a dangerous situation with a man you knew wasn’t shit!”

  She smacked her hands against the counter in front of me as she yelled back, “I didn’t have a choice, Princeton! Our lives were on the line, and it was my word against his.” Then she rounded the counter, bringing her hand to my cheek as she added, “ I didn’t just make that decision for me. I made that decision for us. And look at you now, baby. You’re on covers, in commercials, killing the game and on top of the world with a child of your own on the way. You didn’t need me for any of that.”

  “But I did, Ma. I’m still putting up with his shit on my own to this day, still trying to keep it all together, still trying to give a love I know nothing about and learning how to accept that love in return. I needed you, Ma. I still need you,” I confessed directly into her eyes, pouring out feelings I didn’t even realize I was carrying until they spilled from my lips.

  But it was the truth. Even in her absence, I still needed her guidance, still needed her to balance out my father’s tough love with her genuine kind. Still craved her presence, her warmth, her… hugs.

  As if she had read my mind, she pulled me into one, my head resting against her frail shoulder as she rocked back and forth while saying, “I’m so sorry, Princeton. I had no idea. I figured King had already filled your head with enough lies about me that it didn’t matter to you if I was even still breathing. But that grandbaby? He wasn’t keeping me away from her.”

  I pulled my head away so that I could mention, “And that only hurt my feelings even more. That you’d skip right over your absence in my life as if I don’t need you just as much as she does.”

  “I didn’t know, Princeton. I swear I didn’t know,” she whispered, a new wave of tears springing from her eyes as she ran her hand against my cheek once again.

  I was fresh out of tears to shed with her, but I still held a knot in my throat when I replied, “I didn’t know either. All those things Bella shared, the check, I can’t blame you for what you did.”

  “I only did what I thought was best for the both of us at the time. And look at us now, son. I’m safe and sound. You have a successful career and a beautiful woman who adores you. And you’re having a baby. That’s a blessing in itself.”

  Just the thought of Bella and the baby was enough to bring a smile to my face, even if we were on rocky terms. But regardless of the current state of our relationship, that didn’t stop me from telling my mom, “I’m glad you reached out to her.”

  She was already busy dabbing away at her tears with a towel when she replied, “I’m glad she took me up on it. She really cares about you, Princeton. I can see it in her eyes, hear it in the way she talks about you. And while I may have been a fool for love in my own life, I still know what it looks like.”

  Even if she hadn’t been around long, my mother had already picked up on nothing but facts; things that only made me feel guiltier about reacting the way I had to this news. And while I wouldn’t have believed you a week ago if you would’ve told me I’d be having this conversation with her of all people, it felt right to admit, “Sometimes I feel like… like I don’t even deserve her. She’s been nothing but good to me when I haven’t always been the same to her.”

  Instead of asking questions, she kept it simple, putting a hand to my shoulder when she suggested, “Well it sounds to me like you have a situation to rectify. If you don’t feel like you deserve her, then you need to get your shit together. Fix it before someone else swoops in ready to play stepdaddy, because believe me, men find pregnant women very attractive.”

  While the idea of Bella moving on - the idea of another nigga raising my child - made me sick to my stomach even though I knew just how true that pregnancy attractiveness was since I hadn’t been able to keep my hands off her my damn self, I could only shake my head as I muttered, “Man. To have had this kind of advice five years ago…”

  My mother caught my chin between her hand, lifting it to meet her eyes as she said, “I’m here now, Princeton. I’m stepping out of the shadows and standing in the sun. And I hope that you’ll allow me to not only be a part of baby girl’s life, but yours as well.”

  I wasn’t sure what my decision would be coming into things, wasn’t sure how I expected this whole thing to go nor what my reaction to my mother would be. But I was glad to have her back, glad to have her support. And it felt like the first step in the right direction when I replied, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  -Round Nine-

  Bella

  “Can we talk?”

  The message had been sitting on the screen of my phone for at least an hour, purposely left on read though I honestly didn’t know what to say.

  Did I need to talk to him?

  Probably.

  Did I want to talk to him?

  Not at all.

  And while it might’ve been a little selfish of me to not be eager to hear him out, I knew being selfish was the only way I’d be able to protect myself; the only way I wouldn’t end up more hurt than I already felt.

  It wasn’t just the fact that Princeton had accused me
of chasing a story about his mother, but also that he had belittled my work; the same work he claimed to have attracted him to me in the first place. He knew my writing career meant just as much to me as boxing did to him, and he had still fixed his lips to say I was looking for “another stupid write-up” as if I had ever put out anything below my best effort.

  The memory alone made me want to block his number, though I knew that wasn’t a long term solution thanks to the reminders from baby girl who had been wreaking havoc on my body as if she could sense the turmoil between her parents. But taking an internal beating from her still wasn’t enough to have me rushing to respond to his message, knowing this was a conversation I wanted to have on my own terms.

  At least that was the plan until I heard his special pattern of knocks against my front door, my heart instantly pounding in response as I thought about seeing him for the first time since that dreadful day. And not just seeing him, but speaking to him face-to-face, finding the words that backed up my claims of no longer being his scapegoat even though I wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in his strong arms.

  I wanted everything to be okay.

  But since I knew everything being okay didn’t start with me changing my mind on a whim, I straightened up, checking my constantly-changing reflection in the mirror nearby before pulling the door open.

  My tough act almost crumbled to pieces once I laid eyes on him, once I felt his always potent energy, once I heard his panicked voice say, “You didn’t respond to my text. I thought something might be wrong.”

  Crossing my arms over my chest seemed like the right thing to do to prove I meant business. So that was exactly what I did, leaning against the door frame as I replied, “You could’ve called to find that out.”

  He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets when he agreed, “I could’ve. But I was already in the neighborhood, so I figured I’d just stop by.”

  “How convenient,” I muttered with a roll of my eyes, knowing good and well just how giddy I was that he had stopped by instead of calling.

  But I suppose I was doing a good job of keeping up the act, which included keeping him outside of the door, his stance becoming uneasy as he pushed out, “How you feelin’? I would’ve come to your check-up, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted me there.”

  Not having Princeton at my check-up felt like a glimpse into the future, only making me sadder since I hadn’t envisioned doing any of this alone. But I had to stay strong, had to do what was required regardless of his participation; the participation I greatly desired even when I answered, “I’m fine. Baby is also fine. Anything else?”

  With his hand against the back of his neck, he pushed out another uneasy breath before he answered, “I uh… I talked to my mom. She confirmed everything you said, not that I didn’t believe you in the first place...”

  “That’s good for you,” I replied quickly, truly glad to hear they had reunited while also being reminded that that was what had caused things to go haywire in the first place. And by that point, Princeton was fed up with my cold shoulder enough to get to the point, saying the words I needed to hear even if I wasn’t fully ready to accept them.

  “Bella, I’m sorry.”

  “You should be,” I interrupted.

  Though that didn’t stop him from continuing, “Coming at you that way, taking my anger out on you, it wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve that.”

  “You’re right. I didn’t deserve that,” I co-signed, bouncing my leg and gnawing at my lip as I tried to stay composed.

  But I quickly realized there was no use in trying to keep it all together once Princeton started, “The truth is, that entire situation led me to doing a whole lot of much-needed reflection, healing wounds I didn’t even know were still wide the hell open, having conversations that should’ve probably been had years ago. And even though I haven’t had one of the most important ones quite yet, and I honestly don’t know if I ever will, I’ve already taken steps in the right direction to becoming a better me so that I can be the best for you and the baby.”

  With tears streaming down my face, I used the back of my hand to wipe at least some away so that I could share my own truth. “Princeton, I just… I can’t keep doing this back and forth thing with you. Either we’re in it together or we’re not. Either you trust me or you don’t. Either you love me or you don’t. Either you… Princeton, what the hell is this?”

  My heart was thumping through my ears as I glanced down at the open ring box he was holding, a sight that blinded me and made me sick all at once since I had always envisioned being proposed to as some joyous occasion with family and friends on deck to celebrate, not in the middle of delivering an ultimatum. I always thought I’d be filled with love and burst into happy tears, not tears that came as a result of my feelings being played with and an unplanned pregnancy that had me especially hormonal. And if nothing else, I thought I’d at least have a damn manicure. But none of that being true didn’t stop Princeton from grabbing my hand as he said, “Bella, we’re in this together. I trust you, I love you, and I… wanna make it official.”

  The basic elements were all there. This was a man who I loved and would do anything for, holding a ring I couldn’t have picked out better myself, ready to start a new chapter in our lives that I hoped would one day come.

  But it still didn’t feel quite right.

  And while it pained me to say it knowing it could ruin my chances of ever hearing those words again, for my own good, I knew I had to reply, “I… I can’t accept this, Princeton. I love you. You know that. And I know you love me too. But I need to feel that you truly have my back like I have yours before I can… be your wife.”

  Seeing the disappointment on his face almost had me wishing I could take back my words. But I also knew this wasn’t just about him and his feelings. This was also about me. Though that didn’t stop him from making me feel worse about it when he released a heavy sigh before he said, “That’s not exactly how I was expecting this to go.”

  “It’s just not the right time, Princeton. Not right now. There’s still so much we need to sort out before we take a huge leap like that.”

  “So much we need to sort out? Like what?” he asked, his face scrunched as if a solution to our issues was really as simple as tying the knot.

  But even if he didn’t see it as a big deal, I refused to let it go unacknowledged when I answered, “Like you coming for my career!”

  “You know I didn’t mean that, B,” he replied, his face full of regret as he shook his head.

  Still, that didn’t mean I was backing down about it, quickly reminding him, “Well you sure said it fluently as hell.”

  “Bella, you know I respect everything you do, everything you write. I’ve always been your biggest fan,” he reasoned, things I had always thought to be true until he uttered those words in the heat of the moment.

  So once again, I had no problem attaching an addendum to his statement when I said, “Except when you were angry. Then you suddenly turned into my biggest critic. How do I know that won’t happen again when something else goes wrong? How do I know you won’t attack me again for your father’s wrongdoings? How do I know things will truly be different moving forward?”

  By the time I finished, I wasn’t even sure what kind of answer I was looking for. But I surely wasn’t expecting his response to include him stepping inside of my apartment to wipe away my fresh tears with the pad of his thumb, giving a gentle kiss to my forehead that I didn’t even know I was craving before he looked down at me to reply, “I only have my word, Bella. And I’m telling you it won’t happen again.”

  My chest felt heavy and my throat felt clogged, but somehow I still managed to push out, “Well you know what you also have? Your actions. And if this is really what you want, if I’m really what you want, you’ll be willing to prove it.”

  He nodded, bringing his other hand to my cheek to clasp my face between his hands before lowering his mouth to mine, doubling d
own on every word of his apology as he poured his all into our first kiss in what felt like weeks. And while having him back only made me want to cry more, I instead focused on everything he was communicating without words, greedily indulging in every part of his claim on my lips - on my being - before he pulled away to ask, “Good start?”

  “Princeton…” I groaned, desperate for more and grateful that he knew exactly what to deliver as he used his foot to shut the door behind us then led us to my bedroom with a trail of kisses I couldn’t get enough of. And once we were there, getting rid of our clothes was a top priority, my now-undersized t-shirt and leggings loungewear working to my advantage as I yanked both off with ease while Princeton worked on his hoodie, t-shirt, and jeans.

  His quick hands came to a halt once he laid eyes on me. And I immediately felt uneasy, insecure, wishing I could cover back up since the late second-trimester bulge I carried in front of me didn’t particularly make me feel sexy. But that didn’t stop Princeton from gassing me up, his glare heated when he whispered, “You are so damn beautiful.”

  You would’ve thought he was complimenting the baby the way she gave an extra powerful kick in response, Princeton’s eyes going wide once he realized, “Was that what I think it was?”

  I nodded, bringing my hand to cover the exact location the action had occurred just in time to feel it again, unable to hold back my smile as I thought about her being just as happy to have him back as I was. But somehow, Princeton was able to completely ignore her for the moment, catching my mouth with another kiss as he lowered me onto the bed, then slid in behind me.

  His lips first went to my shoulder blade, giving a combination of kisses and nibbles that drove me wild as he pinched my especially-sensitive nipple between his fingertips while I pushed my ass against his dick.