Time for Raine

by C. Barry Denham

  She wanted to send her own message back to him—she forgave him. He wasn’t a jerk. She understood why he said what he did. She missed him, too. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Time might heal wounds, but it doesn’t erase the scars. The mind can never forget what the heart remembers. She had made a serious mistake with Raine, and she wasn’t going to compound it by taking him back or taking Raine as a patient again. And no amount of time could change the way things were. It wasn’t in the stars for her to be in a happy relationship. Like Raine in some ways, she had a gift, but one that only allowed her to fast forward to the end of her romantic relationships. And the end for her was always the same, and most definitely never happy. When all was said and done, it was hard to accept the possibility of any other outcome, so why take a chance?

  ****

  Well into the story, Sean knew he was spending too much time at his desk and not enough time with his daughter. A few days earlier, he had tried to remedy his guilt by offering to move her small desk into his room and situate it right next to his writing desk. She told him that she needed her own space, so she declined and opted to keep her laptop in her room.

  He was astonished at how much he had written in the last few weeks.

  It felt good.

  Although he wrote mostly at night after Raine settled into bed, he found himself writing more and more during the day. He compromised by taking frequent breaks and spending time with her at the beach, on the boat, or at the library. Raine was becoming quite the first mate on short sails. Sean was so encouraged by her propensity for understanding the principles of sailing, he was thinking about a longer trip. The planning was of a selfish nature, but she seemed to enjoy the time on the boat as much as he did, though she was still too small for a trip of any duration. But in a few years, who knew? In the meantime the short sails were a good way to escape the hordes of people who wanted to get close to Raine. In the boat, Sean could anchor near more secluded beaches to give them some much-needed downtime and privacy.

  He looked at his watch. He saved his work, stood, and stretched. A growling noise from his stomach validated his need to seek sustenance. Though Raine never missed lunch, he often skipped it. He was so engrossed in the writing he hadn’t heard as much as a peep from Raine in a long while.

  “Raine?” He slipped his feet into sandals and padded toward her bedroom. “Are you getting hungry? Daddy is starved. How about—”

  At the door to Raine’s room, he froze. She lay on her stomach, in front of the laptop screen, with her face buried in her hands. As she lifted her head, he could see the tears.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?” He knelt by her bed and pushed a wet strand of hair from her face. Her skin was damp with perspiration. “Are you all right?”

  She simply looked again at the computer screen. On it was an article from the Boston Medical Journal. The title of the article made his heart feel as though it might stop.

  “Lymphoma.” Her whisper revealed a fear he had never heard in her voice.

  “I’m not going to ask how you knew what your mommy…had.”

  “That’s not it, Daddy.”

  “Isn’t that why you were reading about lymphoma?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Sean stood nervously and then quickly sat back on the bed, taking his daughter in his arms. “Honey, you know you can talk to Daddy about anything.”

  “I know.”

  “I know this may sound funny, given you probably know much more about this disease than I do. But the doctors did everything they could to make Mommy better.”

  “I know,” she sniffled and then from nowhere, asked, “Daddy, who is the Castle Man?”

  “The Castle Man?”

  She lowered her head in her familiar brand of resignation. He paused for a moment and then squeezed her. “I think someone has been looking at the computer too long.”

  “Daddy, are you afraid of dying?”

  A freight train, head on, would have had less effect on him. For a moment he hesitated, knowing full well that hesitating was something he should not—could not do. “Honey, why are you asking this? Are you afraid you’re going to die?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Does this have anything to do with lymphoma or the Castle Man?”

  “I don’t know.” She took a shuddering deep breath. He was aware she probably didn’t know. She looked very confused, as if she didn’t understand what her own feelings were about. In spite of efforts to ignore the inevitability of it, his stomach growled loudly.

  She giggled. He smiled and shrugged. The rumble continued, and her giggle turned into a laugh.

  “Did you swallow the Castle Man, Daddy?” She laughed her renowned belly laugh. Sean laughed as well. “Should we get you something to eat, Daddy?”

  “You stole the question right out of my mouth,” he said and pretended to put the words back. “As you can tell, I’m very hungry. How about a pizza?”

  “I want popcorn shrimp.” Her eyes lit up. “Can we go to the Crab Trap?”

  “The Crab Trap, hmmm.” He rubbed the stubble on his chin. “An evening of beach dining, perhaps? Why, that’s an excellent idea, little one. We haven’t eaten there in a long time. What made you think of the Crab Trap?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He goosed his daughter. “Perhaps if we have to wait for a table, you can build me a castle, man.”

  “That’s not funny, Daddy.” Her face was serious. He could see he had hit a nerve.

  “Sorry, sweetie.” He stood.

  She smiled. “Just kidding! Gotcha!” She jumped from the bed and ran for the door.

  In his best wicked-witch-of-the-west voice he cackled, “I’ll get you, my pretty.”

  The little girl squealed all the way into the den, as if she might have a chance to escape.

  ****

  “Oh, come on, lady.” Connie curled her arm around Noelle’s elbow and forcefully guided her from her desk to the office door. “Whatever it is you’re doing can wait until tomorrow. I’m starved, and you owe me dinner. Remember? Your car? You never bought me the dinner you promised.”

  “I bought you dinner that night at the beach.”

  “Take-outs don’t count.”

  “Okay, okay.”

  “Honey, you’ve been working so hard. And my God, look at you. You look like you haven’t eaten all week. You’re the only woman I know who can gain or lose five pounds and look more gorgeous.”

  “I will take you to dinner, but I won’t give you a raise,” Noelle promised, smiling. “So stop with the flattery. At least I think you were flattering me?”

  “I was.” Her friend laughed, still holding tight to Noelle’s arm. “But apparently it wasn’t enough if you aren’t going to give me a raise.”

  “So where would you like to dine, Miss Constance?”

  “I’m feeling kinda beachy tonight,” Connie answered.

  Noelle gave her a startled look.

  “I said beachy, girl, not bitchy. How about the Crab Trap?”

  “All the way to Perdido Key?”

  “Oh, my goodness, a thirty-minute ride? Forgive me for asking you to drive so very far. Okay, I’ll do the driving; you make sure you bring your debit card.”

  “Okay, okay. And I will let you drive.”

  During the first part of the drive to the restaurant, Connie talked nonstop about the practice and new patients. After pausing to catch her breath, Noelle sensed Connie’s attention had shifted as Noelle continued to stare out the window. The last light of the day faded quickly as they chased the western horizon.

  “You know, it sounds as if he really is sorry.”

  “I know.”

  “I really hate to see you lose out on something so good because Mr. Perfect slipped up once.”

  “Connie, it’s much more than that.”

  “But does it really have to be?”

  Noelle remained quiet. She didn’t have to wait long for her friend to continue.


  “My love, I think you might be losing sight of the forest for the trees. Hmm?” She hesitated, and when Noelle didn’t respond, she continued, “You think maybe your standards might be a tad high?”

  She shot Connie a quick, piercing look.

  “I know, I know. It’s none of my business. Honey, I hate to see you so down.”

  “I’m fine,” she lied and forced a smile.

  Connie opened her mouth to speak but said nothing.

  “Well, maybe I do need to talk.”

  “I’m all ears. I knew you weren’t spilling all when we talked earlier at your beach house,” her friend said. “We have plenty of time before we reach the Key.”

  “I’ve been having emotions that are so unfamiliar to me.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Well, never before had I thought about turning over control of any aspect of my life to anyone. Yet at times I yearn for him to take control of me…well, as he did the night in New York. That night was wonderful. I really have nothing in my life to compare with it. Granted, I loved Scott, but strangely, I was never in love with him. Certainly not to the point where I wanted him to take control of my life in any form or fashion. One moment I’m okay—even excited—about this fantasy of letting Sean in, and the next moment I want to run as far away from him as I possibly can. Maybe it’s because of his history, not mine, I don’t know. Maybe I’m scared of giving myself totally to a man who has been through such difficult times in losing his wife. And from what I know, it was a very good relationship. How am I supposed to compete with her? And with what’s going on with Raine, he certainly doesn’t need the extra pressure of taking me on, does he?”

  For once, Connie was quiet. Noelle was grateful for the chance to talk it out and use Connie for a sounding board.

  The last five minutes of the drive were quiet, as the horizon ahead of them yielded to the deep purple of dusk and the inevitability of night.

  ****

  Directly on the beach at Perdido Key on the western Florida Gulf Coast, the Crab Trap was located about eight miles from the Alabama state line. Although most of the dining area was indoors, there was a large area of wooden picnic tables out back under a roof but in the open air. The popular family restaurant often meant a wait time, but a small bar and adjoining playground adjacent to the outside dining helped patrons to pass the time while waiting for a table.

  Sean barely heard the announcement over the playground banter. Raine had picked a swing set farthest from the dining area.

  “Sampson, party of two.”

  “That’s us, sweetie.”

  Raine had already slowed the swing. He stepped over and gently stopped its motion and took her into his arms. He made his way up the wooden walkway, past the outside diners and into the restaurant.

  “Can we eat outside, Daddy?”

  He smiled. “I figured you would want to. That’s why I gave the greeter that as our preference.”

  “Goody!”

  Their server, a slender young woman, gave him an overly animated smile. “Mr. Sampson, please follow me.”

  He couldn’t help but notice the server put on a performance with exaggerated movements of her hips. Apparently, Raine noticed it, too. Following in the server’s footsteps, she mimicked her walk. When he noticed, he scooped her into his arms. An older woman sitting at a table watched them as they passed. She laughed and gave him a knowing smile. Since their arrival earlier, several people had recognized them but thankfully had not made a scene. A whisper here, a pointed finger there, but nothing blatant. This waitress was determined to be different.

  “Okay, you comedian,” he whispered to his daughter. “That’s about enough.”

  “Sorry,” Raine giggled. She whispered in his ear. “She walks funny.”

  His suspicion concerning the server’s special interest in him proved true. She lingered for a long time after seating them, theatrically delivering the specials of the night and taking the drink order. She never took her eyes from him and bent low to point out the specials from the menu, flaunting her cleavage. He buried his face in the menu, politely shaking or nodding in response to her narrative. Raine looked back and forth between him and the server and giggled the entire time. Blonde with Swaying Hips ignored Raine, and continued to zero in on him. After a few more grueling moments, she must have picked up the chill. She left, and he took a deep breath of relief.

  “That lady was funny.”

  “Yeah, well…”

  “Why didn’t you want to look at her, Daddy? I think she likes you.”

  “I, ah, well. Never mind. You figure out which sides you want with your shrimp, shrimp.”

  “Don’t be so such a crab, crab.” Her belly laugh was back.

  He laughed with her, glad he had shaken the server. He reached across and lightly pinched her cheek. For a long moment, he couldn’t look away from her face as his love for her flooded his emotions.

  She looked at him and made a funny face. “What’s that face all about, Daddy?”

  “I love you.” He felt compelled to say it to her at that moment. He struggled to further label how he was feeling, and his throat closed. He took a sip of water. His thoughts meandered.

  In a matter of seconds, his mind took him on a blinding fast review of his life with her. From China, the first day he held her, to the Green Room at Global, to where she lay on the bed in her room earlier as her tears flowed. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he suspected this moment would be something he would someday look back on and realize that things could not be any better than they were at this very second. He promised himself he would be better at grabbing and holding on to these kinds of moments. So many of his friends and acquaintances had told him how lucky his daughter was to have been chosen to come to her forever home in America with him. They had no clue it was he who was the lucky one. He looked across at her once again, to ingest her image, and frowned at what he saw.

  Tears glistened in her eyes. “I love you, too,” she said, barely able to get the words out in a whisper.

  “Why are you crying, little one?”

  “I don’t know, Daddy. I’m just sad all of a sudden.”

  He took her hand and tried to ignore the fear that nibbled at his soul. He struggled to identify the feeling of impending dread that haunted him. Her face seemed to reflect a reciprocating fear. For a long moment, her tiny hand squeezed his, as if she might never let go.

  ****

  Connie slowed to make the turn into the full parking lot at the Crab Trap. Noelle knew there might be a wait. She thought about suggesting another restaurant, but then decided against it.

  “Perfect,” Connie said. “I say we check in with the greeter, then head for the bar out back so we can get a dose of the beach air before we eat.”

  The idea sounded good to Noelle.

  The heavy smell of summer permeated the late June night. A prevailing southern breeze caressed Noelle’s face as they made their way inside. After registering, they moved through the dining area and outside to the bar. Both the playground and the outside dining area were full, but the small bar was virtually abandoned. The greeter had said it might be more than a short wait, but this gave them more time for drinks. In no time, she was working on her second Chablis. The first one had given her a quick but welcome buzz. After all, Connie was right on the mark about her observation. Noelle hadn’t eaten very well lately.

  Her friend seemed to enjoy the mixture of fine wine and the night. She couldn’t seem to stop talking. The conversation was again one-sided, and she found it amusing how Connie jumped from one subject to another without the least bit of concern that she was continually interrupting herself.

  “I love this place,” she said and took another sip of her wine. “How come you don’t take me here more often? And the weather is getting so nice, I could stay here forever. Well, at least until the wine ran out. I have never seen so many different types of wine on the board over there. Have you? How come I’m the only one talking
?”

  “I am enjoying watching you enjoy yourself. Maybe you’re right, maybe we don’t get out enough.”

  Connie wound up again, and Noelle gave special attention to listening to the public address system that would eventually summon them, since her friend was lost in drink and talk. As the night progressed, the noise from the playground and dining area got louder, making it much harder for her to hear.

  However, the next announcement rang through loud and clear.

  “Sampson, party of two.”

  Connie heard the announcement also. She wore an apprehensive look. They watched as Sean and Raine passed across from the bar, making their way to the front. Thankfully, he never looked toward them. Noelle’s heart fluttered as he moved confidently and with determination through the outside dining area, chatting away with his beautiful child, whose arms were wrapped around his neck.

  With the sight of him she plunged back in time, to that morning at the Hilton, having breakfast. Watching him walk by made her want to leap from the bar stool and run to him. It took every bit of her courage to sit still.

  How could any man do this to her? Was it simply a physical reaction to seeing him? Was this the basis of her attraction to him? Without a doubt, that part of her feelings for him could not be denied.

  Would she always be in love with him? Would time ever be kind enough to allow her love for him to fade? She only knew when she saw him—even after all these weeks—the feeling was still there and if anything, stronger than ever.

  It wasn’t fair.

  Connie was kind enough to remain silent as she watched them emerge from inside and make their way to the picnic area. There he was, following a beautiful, slender, big-chested, long-flowing bleached-blonde hussy who practically displayed a Do Me sign on her backside as she led him via the scenic route to their table. Had he shown interest in her blatant display of flirtation? She honestly did not remember. Then the witch proceeded to throw herself at him, totally ignoring his child. Then she noticed he did indeed ignore the server and looked very uncomfortable as he buried his face in the menu. Great, another reason to love him more. Nine out of ten men would have stared down that cleavage and had her number so quick it would make her head spin.