Cake: A Love Story
Page 37
“What was happening?” I asked, my eyes wide with shock.
“I had no idea at the time. I thought he was reacting to the pain from the stab wound but I later learned that the blade had pierced his heart and he was actually having a heart attack. I kind of watched the whole thing play out, still trapped under him. Ray screamed a strangled cry and grabbed for his chest. Then the knife dropped from his hand landing next to us. Ray was too preoccupied by the heart attack to realize his mistake until I reached for the knife. He saw me and grabbed for it too but I got to it first. We both struggled for control over it, but at that point, I was actually the stronger of the two of us and I came up swinging. I stabbed Ray two or three more times until he toppled to the side, falling off me. He rolled onto the ground screaming in pain. There was blood everywhere. I was slipping on it. He kept trying to grab for the knife so I kept stabbing him. It seemed like forever before he stopped moving.” Jake looked away. Silence filled the air.
After a minute I finally found my voice. “Why have you never told anyone this story, Jake? I mean you let the media rip you to shreds on a daily basis. You let them call you a killer. If they knew this story…my God.”
I stared at him. When he didn’t respond I moved on. “How did you get away?”
“At first, I didn’t. I just assumed I was dying. I’d been stabbed four times and I couldn’t breath because one of the stab wounds had punctured my lung and partially collapsed it. I had a brief thought to try to escape but I couldn’t get my body to cooperate. At that point, I just had nothing left. I collapsed and rolled back onto my piece of plastic and wrapped myself into it. I never expected to leave the basement. I just lay there and waited for death.”
“How long did you lie there?”
“I don’t know really. I think I might have been going in and out of consciousness. I just lay there and waited and waited. And when death didn’t take me right away, fear took over. I started thinking about my mom and how much I wanted to hear her voice again. That is when I decided to try to get out of the basement. I thought that if I could get myself up the stairs, I could call my mom and she would give me the peace I needed to pass on.”
Tears that I’d been holding onto began rolling down my cheeks.
“Anyway, I got out and called my mom and got rescued in the process. And…that…is my escape story.”
I stared at him in awe. “I...I don’t know what to say, Jake.”
“Don’t say anything.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
“No. I mean. I told you about the escape and now it’s done. I don’t want to ever talk about it again. Okay?”
Shocked, I could do nothing but nod in agreement.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jake
The feeling of impending doom had consumed me for weeks leading up to the surgery. I tried to force myself to be positive but nothing eased my fears. If I was going to die on that operating table I needed to make plans…lots of plans…not only to protect the people I loved but also to safeguard my legacy.
Getting my sixth studio album finished was incredibly important to me. I felt it was some of my best work and a great way to say goodbye, if it came to that. I also visited my safe deposit box at my bank and retrieved an unreleased album that I recorded years before. It was once a concept album called 36 Days, and it was special because it told the story, in musical terms, of the entire kidnapping from start to finish. But, upon completion, the finished product was too raw and revealing. It would have been like opening up my life for the world. In the end, I couldn’t release it so, instead, I hid it away in a safety deposit box and recorded new tracks and released a different album. I’d never been back to the box until yesterday. If something happened to me, 36 Days would tell the story I was never brave enough to tell while I was alive.
I had my attorney draw up a new will and left strict instructions on when the album could be released, five years to the day of my death, and who would benefit from the profits. I also made sure to include Casey and her family in my will. If something happened to me, I wanted to know she would always be taken care of.
But all of that paled in comparison to the most drastic step I took to keep my legacy alive. I sent for the owner of one of LA’s largest sperm banks. He left our meeting with a vial of my jiss. Casey would never have to find out, unless, of course, I died. Then she would be totally shocked that I’d thought far enough ahead to consider her future. I knew Casey loved me. I knew that our love was deep enough that it would take her a long time to move on…just as it would for me if, God forbid, something were to happen to her. I also knew she wanted my babies. I looked at it like an insurance policy. If I died during surgery, at least there was a chance for a part of me to live on. And I knew without the slightest of doubt that Casey would be an excellent mother to my child. And, of course, if I did have children, the will stipulated that all my wealth would transfer to them.
I felt ready. Everything had been completed and there was nothing left to do but get the surgery over with and hope to God I survived. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have cared. My life meant nothing to me then but now, when I had the world at my feet and an amazing woman to love me, I wanted to live. I had so much more to accomplish and to experience.
I’m not sure why I told her about the escape last night. I hadn’t intended to. It was a moment of weakness, or a moment of courage. I’m not sure which one applied. I don’t know why I hold onto the truth so tightly. Casey was right. If the media knew the real story behind the escape, I would be treated differently…maybe with more respect. But that was the thing…I preferred the contempt. I preferred that people thought of me as some deranged killer over the scared, weak, helpless kid I was. There was nothing brave or heroic in my escape. At that one horrible moment in time, luck swung in my favor.
I woke up with a jolt early on the day of the surgery. Oh God…I forgot! In all my doomsday preparations, I completely overlooked some of the most important people in my life…my fans. After everything they had done for me over the years, how could I go out without giving them something? Without disturbing Casey, I eased my wary body out of bed and grabbed my computer.
A few hours later I was back in bed but this time with a hospital gown on. My family was there, circled around me like I was lying dead in a coffin and they were at my viewing. Everyone was upbeat and positive, assuring me that the surgery would go fine. Only Casey knew of my fears. She stood in the background looking terrified. I wished I’d never told her. How stupid could I have been?
A doctor came in to inform me that they were ready to sedate me. I asked him for a minute. Then I turned to my family and smiled.
“No worries. I’ll be fine,” I lied to them. We said our goodbyes as one by one my family members exited the room until it was just Casey and my mom and Dad.
“I’ll be here when you wake up, Jake,” my dad said, patting my shoulder.
“Okay. I love you Dad.”
“I love you too, son.”
He walked out of the room, worry etched upon his face. I saw a tear roll down his cheek. My dad had always been more the emotional one.
I turned to Casey and held my hand out for her. She grabbed it and I pulled her down and kissed her. Casey rested her forehead to mine. She was overcome with emotion.
“Remember what we talked about?” She whispered.
I nodded.
“I’ll kick your ass.”
“I know,” I smiled.
Then she whispered in my ear so my mom wouldn’t hear. “Come back to me Jake. Promise.”
“I promise,” I whispered back, hoping and praying that I could keep my promise.
“I love you,” she said. I could hear anguish in her voice.
“I love you too.”
Casey kissed me one more time then slipped out the door. I saw the tears in her eyes too! Damn! I had to make it. I would crush my family if I didn’t.
My mom walked up to me after Casey left and grabbed my
hand.
“Are you okay? You seem…”
She didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t have to. I knew what she meant. My mom and I had been through a lot together. She could read my emotions very well.
“I’m okay. Just a little scared, I think.”
“You’re going to be okay. That girl is counting on you.”
“I know. I’m going to fight mom. I always do.”
Tears flooded my mom’s eyes. She valiantly held them off. “Yes. You do. You have fought so many battles, Jake, but you always come out the winner. And you will again today.”
“Yeah,” I responded but there was hesitation in my voice.
“You have to believe. I feel like you’re doubting yourself. Don’t ever do that. You’re too strong and too brave to let doubt creep into your mind. This is just another battle to win.”
“I’m tired of always fighting, mom. I’m tired of all this shit. I just want…,” I sighed, gulping back my emotion. “I just want peace.”
“I know you do sweetheart,” she said, stroking my hair. “And it will come.”
“When?”
My mom didn’t have an answer for me. We were silent for a moment.
“Sometimes we just have to be happy with what we have. And you have so much…a family who loves you, an amazing career and a wonderful girl who adores you.”
I smiled at just the thought of Casey “I know. I shouldn’t complain.”
My mom shook her head. “It’s okay to feel the way you do. Just never forget what’s most important. You’ll get through this and be stronger for it.”
I nodded.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“I want you to promise me something.”
“Okay.”
“I want you to take care of Casey. Make her feel like a part of our family. She’s scared. She hasn’t been through this with me like you have. Let her lean on you if she needs too.”
My mom nodded. “I will. I promise.”
“I love her.”
“I know,” she said, holding back the tears.
“Thanks…for everything. You’ve always been the best mom. You never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself. I love you so much,” my voice broke.
“I love you too,” she replied, her voice cracking. “You’re going to be fine!”
It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself of that more than that she truly believed it.
“I know,” I lied.
My mom smiled then and let go of my arm. “I’ll see you soon.”
I nodded as she walked out of the room.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Casey
The surgery was scheduled to take upwards of five hours. I was a nervous wreck. What Jake had shared with me the other day played over and over in my mind. An hour into the surgery, I heard Quinn call over Keith and Kyle. They all hovered over Quinn’s phone. Moments later they looked up with shocked expressions on their faces.
“What is it?” Michelle asked them. Kyle took Quinn’s phone and walked it over to Michelle. I saw her read whatever it was and then she too looked up in surprise. “When did he post this?”
“Just before the surgery,” Kyle answered.
Now I was curious. I stood up and walked over. “What’s up?”
“Jake…um,” Kyle started.
“Is he okay?” I cut him off, fear circulating through my bones.
“It’s not about his surgery. Did you know he was going to post this?” Michelle asked, holding up Quinn’s phone.
“Post what?” I replied.
“Jake issued a public statement.”
I shook my head. “About what?” I asked.
Michelle handed me Quinn’s phone.
To my Fans,
Today I’ll be having surgery. This will be my 15th operation in the past ten years and my third knee replacement. There is a chance that, during the surgery, it may become necessary to amputate my left leg just above the knee. Because I’ve never publicly spoken of my past, the possible outcome of this particular surgery will undoubtedly come as a shock to my devoted fans. Please know that this isn’t a decision I’ve taken lightly
For the past ten years I’ve struggled with a variety of health issues as a result of injuries sustained from a crime committed against me as a young teen. Over the course of the month long ordeal I was subjected to a wide range of cruelties and my life was repeatedly threatened. It was a world I did not understand and one that I struggled to survive in. Extreme desperation pushed me to make difficult decisions. I attempted, and failed, to escape on multiple occasions. The price I paid for those botched attempts was always swift and brutal. One such punishment, the repeated bludgeoning of my kneecap with a blunt object, resulted in the injury I’ll be having surgery for today. I’ve fought long and hard to save my leg but sometimes even the best efforts fail. My hope is that today will be a whole new beginning.
And in the spirit of new beginnings, I’m calling out the media for the years of attacks on my character and for unfairly scrutinizing me for the actions I took all those years ago to save my own life. On the day in question, I was a critically wounded thirteen-year-old kid fighting to stay alive at the hands of a knife-wielding serial killer. To all who condemn…it’s easy to judge from a position of safety. I have not, nor will I ever, apologize for defending myself. I’m only alive today because he’s dead.
And finally, to my seriously incredible and faithful fans…thank you. Through it all, you’ve stood by me, supporting me unconditionally. Your acceptance and love has given me the strength to push forward in times of weakness. I’m only where I am today because of your loyalty and compassion. For that, I’ll forever be indebted. Jake
“Wow,” I breathed out. “I’m shocked.”
“Me too,” Michelle replied as she sat down next to me looking defeated. “He has always been so private. I can’t believe he would open himself up in that way.”
I nodded, knowing what Michelle didn’t. That was Jake’s way of saying goodbye to his fans. No way would I tell his mother that. It upset me that Jake felt the way he did. He could not possibly know how this would end.
“Has he ever spoken to you about the kidnapping?” Michelle asked quietly.
“He has told me some things.”
“Like what?”
“Um…about his knee and how he escaped.”
Michelle nodded. “He obviously trusts you.”
“Well, it’s hard for him to talk about. I don’t push him.”
“That’s smart. I’ve never been successful trying to pull information out of him. That’s been hard for me…not knowing. He came home so broken. You would not even recognize him from the man he is today. But when he was that shattered boy I wanted to know everything because I felt like it was the only way to protect and help him but the more I pushed the more he pulled away.”
“Did you ever get the story out of him?”
“No. I got bits and pieces. I mean I know some of what happened to him because of his injuries but, to this day, I have no idea what Jake went through.”
“Jake told me the only people who know things about his kidnapping are you and Scott, Kyle and Lassen.”
“Lassen? Really?” Michelle said, clearly surprised. “I didn’t know they were that close.”
“They are. I think Jake has confided a lot in Lassen.”
“Huh, that is interesting. Jake always manages to surprise me.”
I laughed. “Yeah, he’s a never boring or predictable that’s for sure.”
“No,” Michelle smiled. “He definitely isn’t. He’s always been that way though…since he was little. I used to call him my free spirit.”
I nodded, smiling.
Then suddenly Michelle’s face turned sad. “That man…he tried to take Jake’s spirit. He did everything he could to break him. And he almost won but Jake, even when he had nothing left in him…Jake fought. He always fights, Casey. He always wins.”
Finally the doctors came out to deliver the good news. The operation had been a huge success. Not only had Jake’s leg been spared but also the doctor was successful in removing previously unseen bone fragments, which he believed were a major cause of Jake’s recurring pain. A new, state of the art, knee replacement was surgically inserted. Jake had done remarkably well during the surgery. The doctors were incredibly pleased.
Jake woke up in recovery and was moved to the ICU. When I came in he was groggy but awake.
“You made it,” I beamed.