by S. Moose
Vision of
Hope
Infinity #3
By S. Moose
Copyright © 2015 S. Moose
Vision of Hope (Infinity #3)
All rights reserved. No part of this publication, may be reproduced,
distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including
photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are
the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Editing by
B.Z. Hercules
www.bzhercules.com
Cover Design by
K Keeton Designs
https://www.facebook.com/KKEETONDESIGNS
http://www.kkeetondesigns.com
Photography by
Golden Czermak
https://www.facebook.com/FuriousFotog
http://www.onefuriousfotog.com/
Model
Ryan Patrick
https://www.facebook.com/RyanPatrick0615
Other books by S. Moose
Never Letting Go series
Reaching Out For You
Holding Onto You
Next to Forever
Infinity Series
Vision of Love
Vision of Destiny
Interrupted Series
Interrupted Vol 1
Interrupted Vol 2
Interrupted Vol 3 (Coming soon)
Standalones
Teach Me Love
Beautiful Lessons with Rebecca Brooke
Dedication
To Ryan Patrick.
Thank you for everything.
To the first day we met until now.
Vision of Hope Playlist
Just a Dream - Carrie Underwood
Be Your Everything - Boys Like Girls
Time of Our Lives - Pitbull
Cry Me a River - Justin Timberlake
On And On - Nick Lachey
Feel Again - One Republic
Angel Eyes - Love and Theft
Buzzkill - Luke Bryan
Crash and Burn - Elise Estrada
Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke
Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran
If You Told Me to - Hunter Hayes
With You - Jessica Simpson
Good to You - Marianas Trench Ft Kate Voegele
Take Your Sweet Time - Jesse McCartney
Love Somebody - Maroon 5
Fall into Me - Brantley Gilbert
Table of Contents
Vision of Hope Playlist
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Prologue
Do you want to hear a story?
It's about a girl who had everything. She was so happy and loved her life. She had an amazing family and a boy who loved her with his whole heart. Then, one day, the girl became lost and wasn't sure what to do. She was scared to leave the one place that held her heart. She asked herself how she could move on and be okay. She looked for signs, but nothing came to her.
Were the signs coming?
Would she know what direction to take?
These were the questions she asked herself. Then, one night, she found herself in her bathroom, staring at a pill bottle. She stared for so long, wondering what would happen if she took the pills.
* * * * *
Putting the bottle to my face, I wonder how fast it would be. My grip around the pill bottle gets stronger. Sobs escape my lungs and slip through my lips. The shattering pain that blisters through pushes me forward. I look at the reflection in the mirror and anger spews from me. Lifting my right arm, I punch the mirror several times, feeling the shards of glass slicing my hand. The pain sears through, but I don't feel it. The pain of my broken heart is stronger.
I grab a piece of the shattered glass and hold it tightly in my hand. I want the pain to go away. I want to feel alive again. I want to breathe, and I want to let go. Since losing him, I've been hiding. No one can pull me out of this. I don't want anyone to. Honestly, I like being alone to think about how I feel without him. When I'm alone, I don't have to pretend to smile to please whoever is around me. Believe me, no one likes to be around suicidal and depressed people. We're the downers, and there's only so much someone can take before they disregard the person.
I'm being disregarded.
Pushing down the top of the bottle, I toss the cap aside and look at the white pills. This is the only way I can be with Brody again.
He's my rock.
My home.
My everything.
Brody.
Chapter 1
Fallyn
"I love you, Fallyn. I…" He closes his eyes, coughing up blood, struggling to talk. "I love you. Always."
"Don't leave me," I sob. "Please don't leave me."
Blood everywhere. Our white sheets soaking in his blood. My clothes and hands covered with his blood. I try to stop the bleeding and grab the sheets to use as band-aids.
"Fallyn, sweetheart, stop."
"No! I have to try! I have to!"
"It's too late. Please stop and look at me." I do as he says. I stare into his hazel eyes. Eyes that I love. Eyes that have saved me so many times. "I'm not going to make it."
"Stop!" I sob, burying my head in his neck. This can't be happening. I'm dreaming and I'm going to wake up in his arms, and we'll be happy and together forever.
"Shhhhh. I want you to promise me that you'll be happy. Live your life and please be happy."
"Not without you. Never without you." My heart shatters into unfixable pieces. The walls around me grow smaller, and I'm falling.
"Brody!" I scream, looking around my dark room and looking to the side. I'm alone in a pool of sweat. The sheets are twisted around my body. I'm gasping for air, closing my eyes, and willing myself to breathe. The raging panic in my chest erupts, leaving me feeling the torment of being alone.
Completely in a daze from my dream, I focus on the reality of my life. I'm here and I'm okay. I'm not back in Montana. I'm in Wilmington, where I've been for the past six months. I squeeze my eyes shut, willing his body and the blood to leave my mind, and praying that I can go back to sleep.
Breathe. Stop and breathe.
His lifeless body is in my arms. I feel the weight against my body. Covering my eyes with my hands, the familiar numbness of agony plagues me. I scream uncontrollably, grasping the darkness for a rope to pull me out of my mind.
"Fallyn!" My door opens and Isaac runs in. He pulls me into his arms and rocks me back and forth. I sob into his chest, clenching his shirt. "Shhh, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay."
Exhaustion hits me like a ton of bricks. Exhaustion from c
rying and dreaming of the past leave my body wrecked and weak. I shiver, needing to find warmth to let out the stress of tonight and welcome sleep. I'm praying that my heart will heal and the tears will soon stop.
If I allow the pain to overtake my body, I'll never be able to see past that night. Willing myself, every day, to move on and live my life how he wants is difficult. How can I live my life when he can't? The absence of his love is strong, and if I let go, then does that mean I don't love him?
I need him to walk through the doors, pull me into his arms, and feel him. I need to feel his arms protecting me, and his kisses making my body swoon and feel like I'm flying. But I know he won't come back.
My breathing slows and soon my eyes close. I feel Isaac putting me down on my bed and pulling the sheets over my body.
"I wish I could take the pain away. I wish you could be happy. Fuck, sis."
I don't want the dreams to go because then he's really gone.
* * * * *
"Good morning, Fallyn!"
"Morning." I smile, taking a gulp of my delicious black coffee. Taking the elevator to the pediatric floor, I lean back against the railing and appreciate this moment of silence. It's been a hectic few weeks and I cannot wait to have tomorrow off.
Moving to Wilmington and accepting a nursing position at New Hanover Regional Medical Center is what I want and I don't regret leaving Montana to be here. I regret the events that happened prior to coming here. Every day is a struggle and I'm trying so hard not to let the weight of reality pull me. Should I have left as soon as I did? Probably not, but Montana stands as a reminder of what could have been.
Life was amazing with him. When I was ten, we met, and I couldn't believe the cute boy in my class was asking me to be his partner. From that day, we became instant best friends. Our parents were friends and we spent day and night together. At sixteen, we became boyfriend and girlfriend. At twenty-one, we got engaged and, at twenty-three, I lost the love of my life.
After his funeral, people frequently came over to send me their condolences, and everywhere I went, I was asked if I was okay. I stood there looking at them and I wasn't sure what to say. I'm barely living. I think about killing myself so I can be in Heaven with the love of my life. I can't walk by our bedroom because, when I do, I see his bloody body on our bed and the crazy bitch standing by the window, holding a gun to her head. But I don't say that. I thank them for their condolences.
The scene of that night plays in my head and is permanently on repeat. During the day, it's not too bad, but at night, when I'm alone in the dark, that's when it comes back, reminding me of the hurricane surrounding me. I want the dreams to stop. I want to get through a night without screaming and crying. Is that too much to ask for? Nearly everything I love has been ripped away, leaving me with permanent scars and a wall so high around my heart that no one can get through. It's been so long since I've felt a heartbeat with mine. Maybe it's better that way, since it seems as though anyone I love eventually leaves.
The elevator doors open and I make my way to the nursing station. Settling on the chair, taking more sips of my much-needed coffee, I read the notes from the overnight shift.
"Morning, sunshine!"
"Morning, Lexi. How are you?"
"Oh, just peachy." She groans, falling to the chair and tossing her arms in the air in frustration. "Kayden, ugh, kept me up all night and Larry's out of town. I swear, when he's gone, my sweet baby boy turns into the spawn of Satan. He's never this bad when Larry's around."
I burst out laughing, holding my stomach, and setting down my coffee. "You cannot call your son that!"
"Well, why the hell not! He's horrible. But he's with his Aunt Karly now. Hope she can handle both babies. Oh!" She slaps my arm. "When the hell are you coming over and hanging out? We miss you!"
I've known Lexi since starting at the hospital. She was a teacher, but got laid off. After a short time off, she went back to school and got her LPN degree. She's my first friend here and, after a few months, introduced me to her group of friends. Sometimes I wonder if I'm intruding in their lives, but they took in Isaac and me, and I never want to let go.
"Come over next week. We're having a BBQ."
"Next week? Saturday?" I squeak. It's not like I don't want to go out and have fun. I do. Sometimes being a social butterfly is hard, especially seeing my friends with their husbands and families. The ache grows. I think what if and wonder if I would be pregnant with Brody's baby if he were still alive.
"Yes." She nods her head. "You work until four that day and you can make it! Don't be a twatwaffle!"
"Did you really just call me that?"
"I did." She sticks out her tongue at me.
Having enough entertainment for this morning, I check on my patients and make sure they're doing okay.
I walk into Eric's room and see he's alone. "Hey, buddy. Where's your mom?"
"She's getting breakfast for us. I hate this hospital food. Seriously, Fallyn, hook me up with something!"
I smile. I love working with the kids. Some of them are here for long stays for treatment and some are here to recover after surgery. Being here on this floor puts things in perspective and, when I'm down and sad, thinking about Brody, I come sit down and talk to the cuties, especially Eric. He's been here for the past six months and the first day I started, I connected with him. A fourteen-year-old boy fighting for his life. He's my little hero.
"How are you holding up today?"
He shrugs. "Okay. Last night was hard. I ran a fever and it hit 102. But I'm okay now. Mom was scared." Eric hangs his head. "I wish my heart would work better. Is that too much to ask for?"
I sit down next to him and take his hand. "You know we're working so hard for you and you're doing so well, Eric. Honey, it's going to be a long road, but, hey, look at you. Look at us. We got this!"
I lift my fist and we bump fists. He laughs and leans back. "You're a dork, Fallyn."
"Only for you, buddy! I'll come back in a few and check up on you. Okay?"
"Sounds good."
Walking out of his room, I head back to the nursing station and place my head on the desk.
"Eric?" I groan. "Babe, don't be like that. He's doing a lot better."
"But his fever." I hear Lexi sigh. This is the downfall of being a nurse. We see the good, the bad, and the ugly. Do I hate my job? No. I hate seeing the kids in pain and wondering why them? I wish I had the answers to help them understand their circumstances. But instead, I'm here to help them, care for them, and make them live.
"Heads up; Stephen's on his way over."
Stephen Presley. My next-door neighbor. Isaac's bromance. One of the hottest, cockiest, smug bastards I know. He's part of the group of friends Lexi introduced me to, but I met him as soon as we moved in. He's been trying to take me out on a date, but the way his door works, that'll never happen. Each time I look out the kitchen window, I see a new woman doing the walk of shame. He's relentless, but oh-so-fine. If I thought with my lady parts, then I'd be all over him, but I use my head and my heart. And they're still not ready for anything, not even a coffee date.
I can't bring myself to be with another man. The guilt of losing Brody festers and rests in my heart, holding me back from the capability of having a relationship. It makes me nervous, thinking about moving on. I'm still getting used to waking up and not seeing his smiling face staring back at me. Right when I feel like letting go, the thought of moving on comes into my head, and it brings me back to square one. Even though Brody is gone, he's still very much alive in my heart.
"Ladies," Stephen smirks. "Looking sexy as usual."
"Oh, Stephen, why are you here so early in the morning? Need to find a new plaything?" Lexi laughs. "Where's Jensen?"
"With Lisa, duh. You know he's there almost every weekend."
"Damn, she's lucky. Larry's gone so much, and don't get me started on Nicholas. Poor Karly, having to deal with Sebastian and Emma. I have Kayden and my little demon spawn is more t
han enough for me."
"Man, I can't even think about having kids."
"The way you go through women, I'm surprised you don't have little Stephens or Stephanies running around!"
"Hey!" He points at me. "There is nothing little about Stephen." He winks and steals my muffin.
"Seriously? You stole my muffin?"
"Mmmm, so good!"
I throw a pen at his head and get up to check on Joey.
Chapter 2
Lisa
We're having a lazy Saturday, staying in bed, cherishing each other, and not caring about the outside world. Right now, in this moment, it's only us.
My eyes slowly open and my gaze turns to Jensen, admiring the slight stubble on his face. His eyes are closed, and his breathing is slow, yet calm. He's dreaming. I smile, lean over, and kiss his cheek. His grip around my body grows tighter. I love being in his arms and feeling safe. Taking the time to really look at him, memorizing his features because tomorrow, he'll be getting on a plane back to Wilmington, while I'll be here in Rochester. So many miles apart, and I'll admit I don't know how I'm going to handle being away from him. Even though we've been together for a year, we spent every day together. Every night, I'd see him and, every morning, I'd wake up in his arms. Three hundred and sixty-five days of pure bliss. How can you be okay with not experiencing that anymore? I'll admit that I'm dependent on Jensen and need him around.
I've been here since the middle of August. At first, it was okay because Jensen would be here with me every weekend, but now that classes are in session, his visits are going to be limited. This is how it has to be. The decision I made to transfer schools wasn't easy. Now that I'm here at Fisher, I'm starting over as a freshman. I didn't realize that the standard of knowledge and learning would be different between the two colleges, but this is what Fisher wants. Finding that out nearly made me want to change my mind and stay in Wilmington. Yet my head was telling me to go.
