by S. Moose
Before meeting Jensen, I was a player and never truly wanted to settle down. I've never been in love before and never thought that love was for me. All of the emotions since starting our relationship were worth it. It was a little rocky because he dated my best friend Karly, had a baby with Jamie, and kept his heart guarded. It took a while to break down his walls, but once he opened his heart to me, he loved me unconditionally.
Jensen Toscano is an amazing lover and a man with a big heart. When he loves, he loves with his whole heart and shows it with his words and actions. Having Jensen here with me makes things better, but hard. He believes we're going to get through this and I want to believe it too. Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain. My mind yells at me to stop doubting him and us. Then the other irrational part of me says to give him up and take a chance to be alone so I can experience the full being-away-from-home-in-college effect. I know this is selfish of me and I should appreciate Jensen and what he's done for me. I love him, don't get me wrong; it's just hard.
"I love you," I whisper, kissing his sexy back up to his neck. I close my eyes for a few moments, reveling in this quiet moment, remembering the amazing night we shared. I feel his kisses over my body and the way he moved in and out of me. My body tingles for him and screams for more. I'll always want more when it comes to him.
People want perfection and the fairytale without trying or making sacrifices. If Jensen and I didn't have the obstacles, we wouldn't be as strong as we are now.
"Stop thinking," Jensen mutters, turning over and bringing me to his chest. My favorite place.
"I'm not. And how would you know?"
We separate for a moment; our eyes connect. "Because I do. You breathe a little slower and you get sweaty." He laughs. "We're together, Lisa, and that's what matters. We've been doing great since you've been here. Since I met you..." He pauses, stroking my face. "…my life has meaning. You give me reason, Lisa. I was lost and broken, and you found me."
I sigh. "You always know how to make me smile." He leans to kiss my cheek. "I know that we love each other and it'll work out. It's hard, babe. We went from spending every day together to just whenever you can find the time to come see me. I wish you could come every weekend."
"Me too, but you know I can't." He sighs, stroking my arm. "You need to focus on classes and getting your work done. You said it yourself, that Fisher is a lot harder. I'm willing to make these sacrifices so you can have a great future. Your dream is my dream. Whatever you want, I'll work my hardest to give it to you. But if I come here every weekend, then we're not going to appreciate the time we have together. I know it's tough." He cradles my face, giving me a kiss on my forehead, nose, and cheek. "We'll make it through."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
As I wrap my naked body against his, my hand gets curious as I run it down his toned abs. His eyes close as my hand inches closer to his cock. Damn, I love his cock. Stroking it up and down, I kiss his chest and hear him moan. Within seconds, he flips me onto my back and hovers over me, giving me more kisses until his tongue takes over my mouth. The wetness pools between my thighs and I want him.
His fingers brush my shoulder down to my breasts, rubbing my nipples with his fingers. "Oh God," I mutter. His mouth finds each breast, taking his time to suck and nip, causing me to arch my back.
"Shh. I need you to be quiet, baby." He laughs, kissing from my chest to my belly. "You want more?"
"Yes," I moan, raising my hips. That's all he needs to hear before he pushes himself inside me without warning.
"Fuck," he hisses, rocking back and forth. "I love the way you feel around my cock, babe. Fuck so good."
"Keep going," I scream, moaning his name, gripping his strong arms.
He slows down and looks at me. "You are my life," he whispers between soft kisses. "Everything about you is perfect, babe."
I wrap my arms around his neck and bring his lips closer to mine. I've never been good with words; I'm better with actions. Jensen knows how I feel about him without me telling him. Our tongues meet again as I wrap my legs around his waist. He picks me up, still inside me, and settles me on his lap. I love riding his hard cock and the control I have. He makes me feel beautiful and I don't care if my boobs are bouncing or if something jiggles. Jensen doesn't care. He loves me for me.
His finger slides down my face, past my nose, and down my neck, sending chills down my body. I pull away from him, bringing his other hand to my lips and I suck on each finger and hear him hiss. His hooded eyes are full of desire and need. I move back a little and guide his hand to my wet pussy as I start fucking him. As I throw my head back, his fingers dominate me.
"Mine." His voice is low and deep. "Always mine."
"Yours."
Chapter 3
Jensen
All I want is to be back in my bed with Lisa and cherish her body all night long. But no, she insisted on leaving the apartment and getting dinner. I guess eating food is more important than eating one of my favorite parts of her body. My desire and need for Lisa is on a level even I don't understand sometimes. She's captivated me and pushed herself in my life, taking a permanent stay where I need her to be.
When I first met Lisa, I was in a dark place. Jamie controlled me and made me do things I regret every day. But I did what she wanted for Karly and my daughter, Emma. Lisa saw past all of that and accepted me. I admire her. She fought hard for us when I pushed her away. She's everything I want and makes me want to be a better man. I guess that's what love does to you—it makes you feel like you can conquer the world and, when you fall, you have someone who'll catch you and guide you on the right path.
I glance over to my girl as we're sitting at dinner, enjoying a wine at her new favorite place—Black and Blue. She's beautiful and everything I want. I've never felt like this before, never in my life. My heart squeezes, sitting here and looking at her. I know this is hard for her.
"Are you okay?" she asks me.
"Yeah, babe, no worries. Just thinking." She doesn't respond to my answer and goes on about her classes. I can hear her excitement, but also sadness. I know she misses me and wants me to move here with her. Unfortunately, picking up and leaving, especially leaving Emma, is too difficult. Even though she'll never know me as her dad, I'm her favorite uncle. I'd do anything for my daughter, and this is why I can't ever tell her the truth. In her eyes, Nicholas is her dad and I'm her uncle. That's how it has to be. Sacrifices are made to protect the ones we love. And I love that little girl with my life.
"So you're leaving tomorrow," she pouts.
"Baby, I'll be back in a few weeks," I say, reaching for her hand. "I need you to be the strong woman I know you are. Everything will be okay. I promise."
We spend the rest of the night talking. It's moments like these that I love with her, and it's moments like these I hate because I know it'll be two weeks until I see her again.
Resting on the couch back in her apartment, my fingers twirl her hair as she watches TV. Neither of us has said anything, not knowing what to say. But it's these times when words aren't needed.
When you meet someone special, you feel it in your heart and she's all you think about. No matter how far the distance, if you love someone, you'll make it work. Words can't explain love. It's a feeling that makes life better. We feel wanted and needed and we have the capability to make someone smile. All the obstacles and bullshit that come along the way are worth it when the love is real.
"I wanna show you something," I pull out a picture from my bag on the side of the couch and hand it to her.
She studies the picture, her eyes going wide with surprise, I'm hoping. "Is this what I think it is?" I nod. "You got a house?" I nod again.
"Not just any house." I pause, making sure I find the right words. "A house for us. When you're home from break, I want you with me and, when you're done with school, I want you to move in so we can start our life together. Before you freak out, I'm not asking you to marry me yet." I s
mile, thinking that spending my life with Lisa feels right. This feels right. "Just a step towards that direction."
The house is near Nicholas and Karly's. The living room holds a stone fireplace and a little nook for Lisa. I think that little spot was the deal breaker. Everything in the house is open and wide. The kitchen's been remodeled with granite and marble, the floor a stone granite. With large bay windows surrounding the house and a balcony in the master bedroom, I know this is the house for Lisa and me.
"I love it," she whispers. She throws her arms around my neck, I pull her against me, feeling her heart beating with mine. "Thank you for doing this for us."
"I would do anything for you, Lisa. You're my world."
I slide my hand up her thigh, placing it on her stomach and tease her lips with mine. Little whimpers leave her lips causing my dick to strain against my jeans. Lying her down on the couch, I push her dress up, sliding her thong off.
"Yes, Jensen," she moans as I kiss her stomach down to her pussy.
Pushing two fingers inside and spreading her wider open I bury my face between her legs. "You fucking taste so good, babe."
"Ahhhhh, keep going."
I flick my tongue against her clit as her legs wrap around my neck. Her body squirms against my lips. "Stop moving, babe," I whisper, holding her down with my other hand. Hands are in my hair and her breathing quickens. She's about to come as I pull away from her, kissing her stomach up to her lips. Grabbing her from the couch, she wraps her legs around my waist. Her lips find my neck and I feel her licking and sucking. Kicking my bedroom door open I throw her against the wall and thrust inside of her. Desperately needing to feel her lips on mine, I gently bite on her lower lip, teasing her, before our tongues meet.
"Lisa. I'll never get enough of you. Every day, every minute with you makes me feel alive." I kiss her lips and cheek, slowing my pace.
"I love you," she whispers against my lips in between our kisses. It's all I need to hear before we both find our release. "I don't want you to go." We sink down on the floor together as I hold her in my arms, breathing her in, never wanting to let go.
"Come on and shower with me before we go to bed," I smirk, hoping to lighten the mood and see her smile.
* * * * *
Holding her in my arms at the airport, I whisper how much I love her and tell her it'll be okay. Looking in her eyes makes me feel whole again. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to keep her beautiful smile. Right now, it's hard, but it's worth it.
We'll get to see each other at least every other weekend as long as there are no emergencies at the hospital. I've worked it out where I can be gone every other weekend. I'll mostly travel to see her, since her workload is heavy with classes.
"You'll see me in two weeks."
"That's so long, though," she cries. "Why can't you move here?"
"You know I can't," I start responding. "When you're done with school, you'll be back home. We'll make this work, babe. Don't worry, okay?" She nods, pressing her face closer to my chest.
After a few more minutes like this, I let her go and tell her I'll call her when I'm home. Leaving is hard, but I know I'll see her again. We don't need to see each other all the time to make our relationship work. The distance is good and healthy for us. It'll make me miss her and we'll appreciate the time we have together.
Lisa has a chance to live and enjoy her college life without me being her shadow. It'll be worth it when she's done with school. Stepping through security, I get situated and wait for my plane to leave.
Life is slowly settling down and I'm able to focus on the important things in my life, like Emma and Lisa.
Boarding the plane, I put in my ear buds and relax for the long flight home.
* * * * *
Monday morning comes too soon. After I park my car in the garage, I send Lisa a text message, wishing her a good day. Picking up my bag and files, I head inside the hospital and go to my office. Sitting down with my mug of coffee and blueberry scone, I review some files. My mind is only on Lisa and my focus is shit.
It's fine that she's not texting me back right away. I look at my clock and notice the time. She's been in class for ten minutes. God, I sound like a crazy stalker. My phone vibrates and, instantly, I'm sliding my finger across the screen to unlock my phone. It's not a text message from Lisa.
Karly: Lunch?
Me: Sure. You bringing =)
Karly: Of course. Sushi?
Me: Please.
Karly: See you at 12!
Chapter 4
Fallyn
I make my final rounds and stop to see Eric. He's watching TV and his mom, Connie, is on the couch, reading on her Kindle.
"Go take a break," I suggest to her, "I can stay with him for a few minutes."
"Thank you, Fallyn." She gets up and kisses Eric on the cheek, telling him she'll be back.
"Hey, buddy. How are you feeling today?" Grabbing his chart, I take a quick look and smile. "Looks like you've been having a few good days."
He smiles. "I feel so good. I hope to get out soon and play basketball with my friends. Did you know that a girl I like came to visit me last week? Her name’s Hannah and she said she'll come to see me more often."
"That's so sweet, Eric!'
"So, do you have a boyfriend?"
Typically, I don't talk about my personal life, especially with my patients, but it's Eric and he's so sweet, I can't resist. "I don't, but that doesn't mean anything. I love being here with everyone."
"Everyone deserves love. No matter where you are in life or how you're doing. I mean, look at me. There are days I don't think I'm going to make it, and then there are days I'm feeling great. Love is weird like that."
I laugh so hard. I never would have thought someone as young as Eric would know anything about love. It's inspiring and touching.
"Don't give me that look," he mocks. "My mom's obsessed with reading books, so she sometimes reads aloud and I listen. Chicks dig that kind of stuff."
"I'm sure you're going to be the best boyfriend."
"I hope so."
After talking to Eric and Connie, I head out of the hospital and drive home. All I want is my couch, wine, and TV.
Dropping my purse on the counter, I head to the living room and plop on the couch. It's been a very long sixteen hours at the hospital and I honestly need to unwind. Having a few moments of peace to myself is needed. Some people take moments of silence for granted, but not me. After all the hustle and bustle at the hospital it's nice to be alone and let your mind clear.
"Oh! Wine," I mutter, getting up from the couch. Walking to the kitchen, I open the fridge and pull out a bottle of wine. Pouring myself a healthy glass, I settle back on the couch and turn on the TV. Flipping through the channels, I give up and head to my room. I sit on my bed and stare at a picture of Brody and me that is on the nightstand. It was taken the night he proposed to me.
"Brody, what are you doing?"
"Close your eyes."
I do as he says and feel his hand in mine. "Open them, sweetheart." When I open my eyes, my jaw drops and tears soon fill my eyes. "When I was ten years old, I met this adorable girl. She was so shy and so unsure of herself. I sat next to her and we became best friends. I fell in love with this shy girl and knew I had to have her. But she kept me as her friend, and that was okay for a while. While I dated other girls to get my mind off her, it didn't work. So I stopped dating and waited for her to see that I was standing right in front of her. When we turned sixteen, I knew I had to have her. See, the shy girl was growing up, turning into a beautiful girl, and people noticed. I asked her to be my girlfriend and, to my surprise, she said yes. We fit together and she took my breath away. And now, at twenty-one, I'm kneeling on my one knee, looking at this amazing and beautiful woman who has had my heart for the past eleven years. Fallyn Nicole Phillips, will you grow old with me?"
I smile, touching the picture, savoring the tender moment from that day. "Hi, Brody." I look up at his picture aga
in. We do this a few times a day. "Another shift down. So Eric's doing really good! Part of me is scared that his fever will come back, but I'm going to be strong and believe he's going to make it through. I've been pulling doubles and I'm so exhausted. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making a difference in their lives." I pause, pondering about being a nurse. Then I remember his words. You're only one person who will touch millions of lives. You'll do your best and never give up. Sometimes, you'll feel defeated and lose a patient, but remember, you are one person who is giving her all to help strangers because she loves, she cares, and she comforts. "I heard you saying that to me today while I was sitting with Eric." A tear rolls down my face and hits my lap. "I miss you every day." Silence. "I love you, Brody. Always and forever."
I hear the door open and put down the picture. Knowing it's Isaac, I walk out of my bedroom and join him in the kitchen. His back's to me. "Hey!"
"Hi, sis." He turns around and leans against the counter, looking at my glass of wine. "It's five o'clock somewhere, right?"
I smile. "It's only been one glass. I'm not going to overdo it." So me and wine are best friends. Sometimes, we get along too well, and I wake up in a wine-induced state.
"Just making sure. How was your day?"
I shrug and sip on my wine. "Busy. I have tomorrow off and we have to do some major cleaning!"
"Why?" he whines, taking my hand and walking me to the couch of our living room. Settling down, I place my wine glass on the table and bring my knees up to my chest. "Fine. But seriously, the house is clean, you OCD freak."
"I resent that comment. Sorry; I like to have a nice house, you know, for when we have company or stuff."
"Company? You never have them come over. It's always just Stephen."
I think about what he said. He's right. I don't have anyone come over. This house, my home, is my safe place. It's where I can come home after working and relax. It's where I talk to Brody and tell him about my day when I know he'll never answer back. If people come here, they may see his picture and ask about him. No one knows about my past in Montana except for Isaac. The wounds from my past can't come to surface. I buried them the day I buried Brody.
