by S. Moose
Hands go up to her mouth as she shakes her head and her body shakes. Why the hell do women do this? It's not that interesting. "Holy crap! That's some crazy drama. You guys should all get your own reality show!" She leans back, crossing her arms over her chest. I try not to stare at her. There's a pull to Fallyn I can't explain. It's captivating to see her getting lost in her thoughts and looking relaxed. Sometimes, I wish I could get lost in my thoughts and not worry about the things that are going on in my life.
We sit in silence, but in my head, there's loud noise and voices.
She's beautiful sitting across from me, looking out the window. I can talk to her about everything and she doesn't judge or turn it around so that the situation connects to her.
Fuck, this isn't good.
"Thanks for listening to me and being here. You're a really great friend and it means a lot to me." She smiles.
"I'm glad you're smiling and laughing. I like hanging out with you and consider you a good friend. Whenever you need to talk or anything just let me know." The waitress comes back and we put in our orders.
After we're done eating, part of me doesn't want to say goodbye. Looking over at her, I notice her shoulders are a bit slumped and there's still that distant look in her eyes. I know this doesn't look good and I should go home and talk to Lisa. My girlfriend Lisa. The woman I love and the woman I want to spend my life with.
Then again, she's upset and we're friends. I want to be here for her so she doesn't feel alone.
"Where's Isaac tonight?"
"He left to go see his parents in Montana for a few weeks."
"You okay with being alone?"
There's no answer from her. I wait a few minutes before I talk about something else. It's obvious this topic isn't her favorite.
"I hate being alone. When I'm alone, I find myself talking to Brody's picture. I'm crazy or can't move on. I just feel closer to him and it's nice to see him. Is that crazy?"
"No. Not at all." I place my arm around her shoulders and kiss the side of her head.
Chapter 14
Fallyn
Going out with Jensen doesn't make me feel uneasy. But walking next to him, down the quiet road, seems too familiar. For the first time since losing Brody, I feel good. For so long, I've wanted to be with a man and feel what it's like to be in love and feel a man's touch on my body. I put others before me, especially my job, and haven't been able to let myself go. With the guilt from Brody's death still looming, I have to keep busy so I don't lose my mind thinking about the possibilities.
It's hard not to think about all of that when I'm with Jensen. I've been laughing and smiling more. Sure, I've been happy around Stephen, but Jensen's a different feeling. He's a different kind of happy, if that makes sense. This type of happy can lead to a crush, which can lead to me falling for him.
I smile again, thinking about the possibility of falling for him. Then reality hits me in the face. I cannot fall for him. It's not right and he has a girlfriend. I've been helping him with his relationship! What the hell is wrong with me?
"Sorry, Fallyn. Excuse me. Lisa's calling."
Lisa. His girlfriend. The woman he loves.
We're friends and friends hang out. He's like a Stephen. He has to be in the same category as Stephen. But why am I upset? Why do I care that he has a girlfriend? It's not like I like him or anything. I'm not supposed to like someone who is in a committed relationship. It's wrong on all levels. Distancing myself from Jensen is the only way I can protect myself and their relationship.
He's a few feet back from me, talking on the phone, and he's smiling. It's a happy relationship. Continuing my walk to my house, I take out my phone to see how Isaac's doing.
Isaac: I'll be home soon. I know you miss me and you're having a hard time. Mom is sick and Dad's out of town.
Me: No, I'll be okay. I'm a big girl. Please tell her to feel better and send my love.
Isaac: You know if you need me to come home, I will. In a heartbeat.
Having Isaac right now by my side is what I need.
Me: I'll be okay! Take care of her and I'll ttyl.
Isaac: K, love you.
Me: Love you too.
Opening my front door, I peek behind me to see if Jensen is coming. I don't see him, so I close the door and head to my bedroom. I know I shouldn't be upset or angry. I have no right to be. We had something to eat and walked and talked. There's nothing romantic about it.
I push down my feelings and curl up in bed, where I've been for the past two days. My phone vibrates from under my pillow. When I swipe to unlock my phone, I see that it's a text from Jensen.
Jensen: Hey, where'd you go? Sorry about that. Lisa called and I needed to talk to her.
I don't respond.
Jensen: Fallyn? Well, I'm coming back to your house, so hopefully, you're here.
Damn.
Me: Thank you for having dinner with me. I'm tired and have a headache. I'll see you later.
Jensen: All right. Are you sure?
Me: Positive.
He doesn't respond and it bothers me. Pulling the pillow under my head, I scream a few times, cursing myself for these emotions.
The next few days, I find myself avoiding Jensen at all costs. I miss running outside and I miss my morning shifts at the hospital. I've been working the swing shift so I can avoid him and sleep the morning and afternoon away. He's been texting me, asking how I'm doing, and if I want to go for a run. I text him back with the usual responses.
I'm tired.
Overnight again.
Maybe next time.
These are the only responses I can come up with. Hopefully he'll get the hint and leave me alone. I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything. It's getting too close to comfort and I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea.
Sitting in the living room with Isaac and Stephen, watching Insidious, I want to curl up in a ball and die. I have no idea why I agreed to watch this awful movie with them. The living room is dark and the curtains are closed. The only light in the room is coming from the TV. If I die tonight, at least it'll be quick.
"Are you scared?"
I turn and swat Stephen away. I've been covering my eyes for the majority of the movie. I have no idea what's going on except for weird things happening and people dying in a gruesome way.
"Feel like cuddling?" He raises both brows. I slap him again. "Stop hitting me. That turns me on."
"You're such a pig. Why are you here anyways?"
"I wanted to spend quality time with my second best girl and my bromance."
"Second best girl?" I repeat back to him.
Stephen cocks his head to the side. "Yep. My first best girl would be Leslie. She's my girlfriend." He winks. "I listened to your advice and we talked. Taking things slow, but she's awesome."
Did I hear him right? Stephen actually has a girlfriend?
"She's pretty hot," Isaac adds. "And can cook."
"The both of you suck so much right now!" I huff, grabbing my blanket to go back to my room. Pulling out my Kindle, I click on my next read and get comfortable on my papasan. A few minutes later, there's a knock on my door.
"Stephen, leave me alone!"
The door opens and in walks Jensen. "Hey." He raises his hand, walks in, and sits on the bedroom floor in front of me.
"Hi. What are you doing here?"
"You've been avoiding me and I want to know why."
I sigh. "I don't know. I've been working the swing shift and I'm tired."
"But you have Stephen in your living room."
"He came over to hang out with Isaac and they wanted to watch a movie. Notice how I'm in my room."
"So you didn't go out there with them."
I bite my nail. "Well, I tried watching the movie until Stephen got annoying, so I left and came in here."
"Why are you avoiding me?"
Because I don't want to fall for you. "I really haven't been."
He points at me. "You're lying. Seriously, be
straight with me. What's going on?"
"Seriously! Nothing. I've been busy. You're being really annoying and I don't know what else I have to say to get you to believe that I'm fine and I've been working a lot lately."
"All right. Fine. I believe you. Do you wanna grab a drink and food?"
"No, I'm heading to bed. I have a sixteen-hour shift tomorrow." I shut off my Kindle and get up to walk Jensen out from my room. "I'll talk to you later."
"Have a good night, Fallyn." He squeezes my hand, smiles, and walks away.
Damn you, Jensen. Damn you.
Chapter 15
Jensen
"HI!" Karly waves her hand in my face. "Best friend here wanting to talk to her best friend, but he's ignoring her!"
"Sorry, sweetheart." I smile, picking at the food in front of me. It's Thursday night and I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out what's going on with Lisa and Fallyn. It's been over a week and they've been distant. I shouldn't care about Fallyn being distant. She made it clear that she's been busy with work. It bothers me that we went from having easy conversations and hanging out to barely talking to one another.
"What's wrong?" She pouts, picking up her wine glass and taking a sip.
"I don't know," I grumble, trying not to be a complete douchebag. Karly and I get together as much as we can and talk. She's been there for me since I came to Wilmington and has forgiven me for what I've done to her and her family. I'm lucky to have her as my best friend and someone who accepts me and my faults. "Lisa's been acting weird and Fallyn's avoiding me."
"Why?"
"That's the thing. I have no idea. Lisa barely texts me back and, when she does, it's simple responses. I'll text her and wish her a great day and that I'm thinking about her and love her, but I get nothing back from her. Every time I call her, I get her voicemail. She's been online too. I see her Facebook updates, so I'm not fucking dumb. And Fallyn's been picking up these overnight shifts."
"She wants to work so she doesn't let her mind wander. That's all normal, well, minus Lisa. But the thing with Fallyn, don't sweat it. Wait; why are you sweating it?"
"No reason. She's a friend and I like hanging out with her."
"Right. Okay, so that's cool. Now, about Lisa. She's in school, and you said it yourself that she's busy with classes. I mean, science and bio and all that stuff is hard." I raise a brow at her, taking in everything she's said. "Okay, so she's on Facebook and not talking to you. I wouldn't worry. You worry too much."
"Thanks, Stephen."
"Hey, don't get mad at me because we gave you advice that you don't like." She pauses, taking another sip of her wine. "I think you're worried about nothing. Just keep trying with Lisa and understand where she's coming from. You need to talk to her and stop fighting. Both of you are so stubborn!"."
I see Karly grinning before me, shake my head, and immediately change the topic. "So tell me more about Emma and Sebastian."
* * * * *
Another day in the office. I check my phone and there's still nothing from Lisa. I texted her a few times this morning with no response. She's busy with classes—I get it—but a message back wouldn't hurt.
My computer beeps, letting me know I have a meeting in fifteen minutes. I grab the files needed along with my phone and coffee. When I leave my office, I hear Fallyn calling my name.
"Morning." She hands me a bag.
"Morning. What's this?" I look inside and the smell of pumpkin hits my nose. "Thank you!" I excitedly say. I love pumpkin anything.
"You're welcome! I made it this morning after my workout."
"Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve met up with you."
"I know and I’m sorry. Honestly, it was a quick workout because my knee started bothering me."
"What happened?"
"Sports injury. It was my freshman year and ugh." She shakes her head. "I was about to score and bam! Everything got dark, and the next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. The doctor said that, with my injury, it was best to stop playing. I cried for months. Soccer was my life."
"I'm sorry about that."
"It's all right! Live and learn, yeah?"
"Yeah." I laugh, holding the door for her as we both walk into the conference room. During the meeting, my mind is reeling. She's been avoiding me and now, today, she's bringing me breakfast and sitting next to me during the meeting. Maybe Karly's right and I'm overreacting.
Hanging out with Fallyn is different. When we hang out, I don't have too many worries on my mind. It scares me how relaxed I am with her. I'm not sure if it's because our friendship is new or if there's something else going on. Being with her helps and I don't want to lose that connection.
On a piece of paper, I write her a note.
I miss our talks and hanging out. I want my friend back, please.
I slide her the note, still keeping my eyes on the presentation. She takes it from beneath my fingers and, in a few moments, slides back her response.
I miss hanging out too. Wanna go for a run tonight?
Yes, please.
The meeting lets out after a few hours. It's been a long day and I'm ready to head home. Karly texted me earlier and told me to come over for family night. Not sure when this started, but she wants all of us over to hang out. It'll be nice to see everyone and not be locked in my office. Looking over the last few emails, I then log out of Outlook and shut down my computer. After making sure my cabinets are locked, I head out of the office and see Fallyn walking in my direction.
"Wow, you're getting out on time?" I laugh, nudging her arm.
"I have to be in at five tomorrow morning," she whines, pushing her hands back through her hair. "I'm exhausted and all I want is my bed, but Karly wants me to come over tonight."
"So come hang out."
"What about our run?"
"Let's do that now and then we'll head out to Karly's."
"I'll think about it."
"If you don't, then Karly's going to be pissed, and I'll be hurt that we missed a run." I know she won't, but I want her to come over tonight and have fun with us. "Please?"
She rolls her eyes and scoffs, "Fine. What should I bring?"
As if on cue, my phone vibrates and a text from Karly comes in. I open the message and show Fallyn.
Karly: Don't forget my peanut butter chocolate ice cream =)
"Got it! See you in a little."
I wave goodbye and walk to my car. Getting in, I send Lisa a text, knowing it'll go unanswered like every text I've sent her lately.
Me: I miss you.
* * * * *
I pull up to Nicholas and Karly's house with a pack of beer for the guys. I enjoy nights like this with my friends. Not only do I get to let loose a little, but I get to spend some time with Emma. With my busy schedule, it's hard to spend time with her. I've been trying to take her out at least once a week, but I'm a few weeks short. I know she's in good hands with Nicholas and Karly, and I think that's another reason why I'm okay with them raising my beautiful little girl.
As I ring the doorbell, I hear laughter on the other side. My girl opens the door with the biggest smile on her face. I kneel down and hand her a bouquet of wild flowers.
"Thank you, Uncle Jensen." She throws her little arms around my neck and I carry her inside.
"You're welcome, Angel. How are you today?"
"Good. Mommy said that you might be coming to my show next week?"
"I'm going to try my hardest." As I walk in the kitchen, I see Karly, Lexi, and Fallyn around the island, laughing and drinking wine. The guys are in the living room and Stephen's outside on the deck on the phone. I put Emma down, kiss the girls on the cheek, and say hi to Fallyn. I head outside to check on Stephen.
"You need to talk to him. Stop playing these games. If you don't want to be with him, then call if off!" he screams. I have a feeling I know what's going on. "I gotta go," he says when he sees me sitting down.
"Was that Lisa?" Stephen nods, joining me and taking a beer from
my hand. "What the hell does your sister want?"
Stephen sighs. "All I can say is talk to her and go see her, man. I don't know if you want to hear this from me. You're my best friend and I love you, man, but this is something you and her have to figure out together."
"Fuck," I groan.
Chapter 16
Fallyn
Running today with Jensen and spending time with him is messing with my head. I shouldn't care about him or think about him. I shouldn't want his lips on mine. When we're together, I don't think about Brody and the pain in my heart isn't there.
Does that make me a bad person?
Of course it does. Of course, it makes me an awful person. Here I am falling for my friend who has a girlfriend. A girlfriend he truly loves. I don’t want to get in the way of his relationship. I’m still mourning Brody. It hasn’t been a year, so I shouldn’t be thinking about another man or moving on.
My mind goes back to the shadows. Thinking about Brody is like a knife to my heart. I'm trying to get on with my life and doing what I love to do. I don't feel guilty for leaving because this was the plan. Brody is always on my mind and my heart will always be broken without him. But I think back to Beth's words, about moving on with my life and finding happiness. I think back to Jensen's words about moving on. It hasn't come across my mind until now. My focus has been on my patients and work.
"So Nicholas thought he was being romantic and sexy when he was doing his sexy dance." Karly laughs and snorts, trying to hold her wine. "And then Emma…Emma walked in and Nicholas ran to the bathroom. Needless to say, we didn't do anything."
"Baby, really?" Nicholas yells from the living room.
"Oh, that's nothing! Larry and I haven't been doing much of anything because of Kayden."
"Little man's a cock blocker!"
Lexi shakes her head. "It's true. I haven't had a real orgasm in forever. Karly, I have no idea how you do it with Emma and Sebastian."
