Vision of Hope

by S. Moose

  "But it's okay because Jensen found me and I found him. He makes me smile and, with him, I feel like I can take this next step. I don't feel guilty. This is what Brody would want and I think Brody would like Jensen."

  Thinking about Jensen heightens my body and I lose my mind. But in a good way. "Okay, can we please stop being sad and watch Suits?"

  "Yes!" Lexi says. We bring our plates and wine glasses to the living room and get comfortable. We get comfortable on the couch and soon a whole lot of sexiness comes on the TV.

  * * * * *

  Kisses all over my face. I know he's next to me, holding me in his arms, but I don't want to wake up yet.

  "If you want to see your surprise, you need to wake up, beautiful." My eyes open and a smile comes on my face. "Go to your closet and get your present."

  I leap out of bed and run to my closet. When I open the door, I find a large box in the middle of the floor. Grabbing it with both hands, I bring it back out, sit on the floor, and open it. Lifting the top of the box, I see there is a pair of black boots.

  "Oh my gosh!" Jensen bought me knee-high Stuart Weitzman boots. "Are you serious?" I squeal and try on one of the boots. It zips up perfectly until I realize that the material stretches.

  “Don’t do that.”

  Instantly I feel fat. I’ve been doing really well with keeping up with my gym schedule and not eating a lot. I’ve been losing inches and I’m a little more toned, but my weight is still the same. I stand up, look in the mirror, and curse my 165 pound body.

  “I don’t know why you’re upset. Babe, you’re beautiful.”

  I spin around and glare at him. “Because I can’t wear normal boots. The material has to stretch in order for me to wear something like this. Don’t get me wrong. I love that you bought these for me and I appreciate it. Just wish I were skinny like Lexi and Karly. I mean they’ve had babies and are still a size two!”

  “Fallyn…”

  "Stop," is all I'm able to say. I take off the boots and put them back in the box. "I'm gonna shower." Closing the door, I turn on the water, strip out of my clothes, and break down, feeling the water on my body.

  Pulling myself out of the shower, I wrap a towel around my body and walk back to the bedroom. Jensen's standing before me, wearing his boxer briefs, and he's staring at me.

  "Jensen?" Without saying a word, he takes three long strides to me and kisses the tip of my nose.

  "Fallyn, you're everything to me. I want you to be happy because your happiness means the world to me. I hope I didn't offend you."

  I shake my head. "It's still hard."

  "Close your eyes," he mumbles. I do as he says and feel his hands on my shoulders, guiding me a few feet to my right. I feel the towel fall from my body. I want to cover myself. The thought of Jensen staring at my naked body is making my stomach hurt and my heart want to leap out of my chest.

  "Open your eyes," he says. When I open my eyes, I see him staring at me in the mirror. "Do you see what I see?"

  "No." I shake my head.

  "Well, I see the most beautiful woman before my eyes." His hands trace my collarbone, down my breasts, to my soft belly. "I don't care if your stomach isn't flat." His hands grip my hips and he pulls me back into him. "Do you feel me?" My breathing is erratic and I'm not able to answer.

  "I need you to answer me," he says in my ear. Our eyes are still on one another. "Do. You. Feel. Me?"

  "Yes," I croak.

  "What do you feel?"

  Trying to find my voice, and failing miserably, I close my eyes. Tipping my head back, I wrap my arms around his neck and bring it down to my neck so I can feel his lips on me. Moving my head to the side, giving him enough space, he kisses the sensitive spot by my earlobe.

  "I feel how hard you are. I'm making you hard."

  "Yes." He kisses me again, dipping his hand down to my center. "And do you feel how wet you are for me?"

  "Yes," I let out. "Touch me."

  "I want you to say something."

  "Anything."

  He stops kissing my neck and grabs my chin so that I'm looking at myself in the mirror. "I want you to say Fallyn, you are beautiful and have a sexy-ass body."

  He sees my hesitation and grips my hips tighter, causing me to let out a little whimper. His grip isn't hurting me, but I know he needs me to say this.

  I need to say this.

  "Fallyn, you are beautiful and have a sexy-ass body."

  I finally lean into his body and let him take control. "Put your hands on the mirror and don't take your eyes off me."

  "Yes," I pant, wanting him, desiring for him to be inside me. "Please," I beg,

  He plays with my clit and slides two fingers in me. I moan, placing my hand on top of his. I don't break eye contact. His eyes are hooded and full of desire. Shit, I'm about to come right now.

  "I need you to fuck me," I order him. "I need to feel your hard cock in my pussy." I have no idea where these words are coming from, but staring at him while he pleasures me with his fingers brings out the animal in me.

  "My pleasure," he smirks and enters me, filling me hard and quick.

  His eyes stay on mine as he fucks me hard. It feels so good and so naughty. I love it. My boobs bounce from him entering me and pulling out. I don't care, though. This is turning him on and making him want me. Desire me.

  This isn't a simple one-time fuck. This is a love fuck. We love each other and I do this to him. I make him hard and make him moan. The sexy noises coming from him are because of me. It's broad daylight and the sun shines in the room. He doesn't care that I jiggle or my body isn't tight. If he doesn't care, then I shouldn't either.

  "Fallyn, come, baby," he shouts. "Fuck. Come, now."

  And on command, I fall apart, and soon he does too. My whole body tenses and relaxes. Jensen picks me up and carries me to bed.

  "Now that I've properly fucked you, I'm going to make sweet love to you. But first, I need to taste your delicious pussy and spend some time getting reacquainted with you."

  "Oh God, Jensen."

  * * * * *

  Today, we're leaving for Montana and to say I'm nervous is an understatement. I check my suitcase for the millionth time to make sure I have everything. Then, I check Jensen's bag and zip both suitcases. Julie and Phil are excited to see us and Isaac's really proud of me for doing this.

  "Hey, sis," Isaac says, coming into Jensen's room. I relax when I hear his voice and slide down to the bedroom floor.

  "This is okay, right?"

  "Yeah, it is. You're over thinking this. Brody would want to meet the man who is responsible for putting that smile on your face."

  I haven't thought about Brody in days. "Sometimes, I feel like I'm forgetting him. Am I?"

  Isaac shakes his head. "It means you're doing what he wants and you're moving on. We're proud of you."

  I get up and give Isaac a hug. "Thank you for saying the things I need to hear."

  "Always."

  Isaac brings down the suitcases and we head down. Jensen's checking the house to make sure everything is turned off and we're ready to leave. Being away for one full week is necessary. Work has been up and down, so this vacation will be spent with us relaxing and forgetting about home for a little.

  We gather our things and Jensen turns on the alarm system before we load up in Stephen's SUV.

  "I wish you were coming too," I tell him.

  "Well, me and my beautiful girlfriend are heading to New York City to be with her family," he announces. Ever since Stephen committed to Leslie, he's been on cloud nine. I still haven't met her and I'm so mad he's hiding her from us.

  "Well, we'll be here for Christmas, so I expect to meet my best friend's girlfriend."

  "Deal. She wants to meet everyone too."

  "Wait; what about Lisa?" Isaac asks.

  "She decided to spend it with Ian's family," Stephen quietly answers.

  "Good for her," I say, leaning back in the seat and looking out the window. Maybe now, she can l
eave Jensen alone and the fear of her around will go away.

  Since the day at Nicholas and Karly's party, I haven't been able to shake off what she said about maybe leaving Fisher to come back to Wilmington. I know that she'd be back during her breaks and summers, but to have her back full time scares me. I know I need to be secure in my relationship with Jensen and I am. Lisa pushes my buttons and it takes everything in me not to want to hurt her.

  Jensen gently shakes my shoulder. "Ready to board?"

  I look at the passengers lining up to board then, to my loving and beautiful boyfriend. "Ready."

  Chapter 29

  Jensen

  Our flight is about to land and I can see the anxiety in Fallyn's eyes and her body. Her arms are crossed across her chest and she's been looking out the window for the past hour. I tried calming her down, but she keeps telling me to go to sleep and she'll be fine. I know this is a huge step for her and I can't begin to understand how she's feeling. I'll be here for her, whatever she needs, and I hope this trip will help her heal and not push her back.

  I grab our bags from the overhead compartment and notice Isaac has his arm around Fallyn. He's whispering something to her and she nods to what he's saying. To say I'm not hurt would be a lie. I want to be the one she turns to when she's feeling down and scared.

  "Baby, are you okay?"

  She looks at me and gets up from her seat. "Yeah," she softly answers. "Just really nervous about this week. Thank you for coming along. I don't know if I could do this without you."

  I kiss the tip of her nose and help her out. Isaac follows us and we walk through the airport to meet his parents. When we walk through the sliding doors, Fallyn lets go of my hand and runs to, I'm assuming, Julie and Phil.

  "My parents," Isaac says. "Come on so I can introduce you."

  We walk over and Isaac hugs his parents as well. "Mom and Dad, this is Jensen Toscano. Jensen, my parents, Julie and Phil Andrews."

  "Hi, Jensen." Julie kisses my cheek and hugs me. "So nice to meet you."

  I shake Phil's hand and he says the same.

  "I'm sorry." Fallyn blushes. "I was so excited to see them. Thank you so much for getting us from the airport and insisting on having Jensen come."

  "No problem, honey. Come on; let's go get some dinner."

  Fallyn takes my hand again and my worries about this week go away slightly. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I have a feeling when we go back to the Andrews house, she might not be okay. I'm holding on to the hope her strength, the beautiful strength she has, will be stronger than her broken heart.

  We get to dinner and are seated around the hibachi table. The conversation is full and I can't help but fall in love with Fallyn's smile. She looks happy. The simple touch from her made me happy to be here. At first, I didn't think it was a good idea. I didn't want Isaac's parents to think I was marking my claim or anything along those lines. I'm here because she wants me here. I'm here to help her with she needs.

  "So, Jensen, tell us more about what you do."

  "I don't want to bore you, Phil." They laugh and Fallyn chimes in.

  "He's the medical director and has been making such amazing improvements to the hospital. He's great and brilliant."

  Julie's eyes light up. "I'm so glad to hear that. Fallyn, I must say," she adds, "you look so happy."

  "Yeah," Fallyn answers. "I am. I won't lie. It's hard being here, but I'm okay."

  "This was Brody's favorite place to eat," Isaac tells me, "He'd come here at least twice a week."

  "I'd love to hear more about him." Julie's and Phil's eyes are on me. Wide and full of surprise. "Fallyn has told me some, but I'd like to know more, if that's okay."

  Julie wipes a tear from her cheek and slowly nods her head. "Brody," she says, "was a great man. He was always so curious. It's because of him we have a love for sushi and hibachi."

  "When we first came here," Fallyn laughs, "Phil looked at the sashimi and poked it a few times. He asked the hibachi chef if he could cook the salmon."

  We start laughing. Fallyn holds her stomach, falling over. "The chef looked at him in surprise, and Phil was one hundred percent serious."

  "What the hell was I supposed to do with raw fish?" he says. "I like my food cooked, thank you very much."

  "Brody always liked to try new things. He didn't have any fears," Fallyn explains. "I never had sushi until I came here with Brody. Now, I love it."

  "Same here," I agree. "I could eat sushi every day."

  I listen to a few more stories and look at Fallyn. She's trying so hard to stay strong and not break down. This is good for her. Listening and talking about him. I take her hand in mine and bring it to my lips, lightly kissing the top of her hand.

  "What's that for?"

  "Just letting you know I love you and I'm happy to be here with you."

  "You're amazing."

  "You are too, baby. I love you." I kiss her hand again.

  "I love you too."

  The dinner starts and goes off without any issues. The chef is entertaining and keeps the room alive. He tosses balls of rice and sake bombs into our mouths. Phil's face is as red as a cherry and we're laughing, having fun.

  After dinner, Julie insists on paying and gives me her don't mess with me mom look. I back down very fast.

  The drive to their house is quick and soon we're walking through their quaint home. Fallyn's shoulders tense and her breathing is fast. She looks around the house and sees pictures of her past. There's one picture that catches my eye. It's of Brody and Fallyn in the park. She's laughing and on his back. I can tell the love between them was strong. Am I jealous? No. I understand Fallyn had a life before me and she's still in love with him. I'd never try to take that away from her.

  "I need a minute," she whispers and walks outside. I watch her walk away and I want to chase after her. Before I do, Julie grabs my arm.

  "Give her some time. Phil and I want to talk to you, if that's okay. I nod my head and follow them into the living room. We sit down and Isaac joins me too. "Before Fallyn goes upstairs to Brody's room, which I know she will, we want you to know that his things aren't in there. We cleaned out the room last month and donated his clothes. Now there's a bed and we've turned it into a guestroom. It was hard walking by his old room. Now," Julie sniffs, wiping her tears, "please don't think we're cruel and heartless. We'll miss our son for the rest of our lives, but this is what he'd want. Brody wouldn't want anyone to mourn over his death forever."

  "I understand," I respond. "But how will Fallyn take it?"

  "She's gonna be a mess, man. This trip means the world to us, to my parents, to see her smile and be herself. But we know she's going to be a mess and she might push you away. So if you can, be there for her and understand where she's coming from."

  "Of course. Whatever you need, I'm here. I love Fallyn and I want to spend my life with her." Julie gasps, while Phil and Isaac smile. I know that Fallyn and I haven't been together for long, but when you know, you know. The way her eyes meet mine, the way she makes me feel, I want to feel this way for the rest of my life. This is real love; a forever love with her, and I hope to make it a reality soon."

  "I think you're what she's been looking for, Jensen. Thank you for making our girl happy," Phil says. "We were afraid she wouldn't ever find happiness again. When Brody died," he chokes a bit, "we all lost a piece of ourselves that night. It's been a very difficult road and, like Julie said, we'll miss him for the rest of our lives, but we know that our children are in good hands and we know Brody's with our Heavenly Father."

  "Like I said, whatever you need, please don't hesitate to ask."

  "Love her," Julie exclaims. "Cherish her, and make sure she knows how special she is."

  "That's easy." I smile. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check on her."

  I walk out the front door and find Fallyn sitting on the porch chair. She doesn't look up when she hears me walking to her. I sit down and think about taking her hand, but wait. We sit in
silence and it's okay.

  "Brody and I would sit here when we were younger. I used to be afraid of the dark, so we'd sit out here and talk. When I got tired, he carried me to his room and slept on the floor. My parents would get so mad that I spent the night with him." She laughs. "I've loved Brody for most of my life. I remember everything about him, but when I'm with you, I feel like I'm forgetting him." She looks at me with tears in her eyes. "I don't want to forget him. I don't want to be without you."

  "What makes you think I'd let you forget him?"

  "I don't want you to think I'm crazy or something."

  "No." I shake my head. "I want your past, your present, and your future. I want it all, Fallyn. A piece of me is afraid I'm taking you away from this life, and I don't want that. I know that Julie, Phil, and Isaac are your life. I'm jealous that you turn to Isaac. I want to be the one who dries your tears. I want to be the one you turn to when you're feeling sad. Will you let me be the one?"

  She takes my face in her hands, cupping it ever so softly, and kisses me. When our kiss releases, her eyes look deep into mine and tears slowly start to form. "I don't know what to say."

  "Tell me what's in your heart." My hand rests on her chest, feeling her heart beating. Doesn't this woman know I would do anything for her? I'd do anything to keep that beautiful smile on her face and make sure nothing will ever hurt her.

  "You. You are in my heart." Her hand rests on mine. "I know you love me and I know you want to make sure I'll be okay. You're part of the reason I'm okay. I'm so thankful for you. Even though I get sad, or seem distant, that doesn't mean you aren't on my mind. I think about you all the time." The words she's speaking cut through me. It's hard not to get emotional by the honesty of her words. "I love you. I love Brody. I love you both. But you have me."

  "I know there's another but."

  She nods her head. "There're some things I have to do, but that doesn't mean I'm leaving you. Until I do these last few things, then I'll be able to open myself up to you fully. I hope you can understand that."