Close to His Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

  She felt a measure of fear and, below that, a curious sense of expectancy—she wasn’t sure what it would be, or if she could even welcome it. But when Jace smiled at her, for a moment, she thought she might.

  “Yeah. I’m fine.” Her voice wobbled on the words, and to her shame, his face grew shimmery as moisture pooled in her eyes. Would he understand?

  She turned away, but not before catching his slight frown. She swallowed once, then again as a fresh wave of sorrow came over her. Then Jace’s hand rested on her shoulder.

  She blinked and tears slid down her cheeks. She didn’t brush them away, hoping Jace wouldn’t notice. Then, his hand tightened, and she knew he had.

  She drew a steadying breath, thankful for his support and thankful for his nearness. She had missed him so much, she realized, as she slipped her hand into his and curled her fingers around his hand.

  They sat this way until the pastor announced the closing song, and Tess reluctantly got to her feet. When the pastor pronounced the blessing, she chanced another look at Jace. Her heart leapt when she saw the smile on his face.

  It was as if the years had been swept away.

  He still cares about me, she thought.

  On the heels of that thought, came one just as earth-shattering: I still care for him. Way too much.

  “This is beautiful work,” Jace said, running his hand over the smooth wood of the chair.

  The chair was made of hundreds of small pieces of wood laminated together, and then painstakingly shaped and sanded.

  “Of course it is,” muttered Arnie. “I don’t make junk.”

  Tess looked at the chair’s creator. His dark brown hair was streaked with gray and liberally flecked with sawdust. He hadn’t smiled since Tess and Jace had come onto his yard, which wasn’t unusual. Arnie was as generous with his smiles as he was with giving out his chairs.

  Tess turned to Jace. “You should try out the chair. It’s so comfortable.”

  Thankfully, Arnie couldn’t see Jace’s skeptical look.

  “Sit in it,” Tess urged.

  Arnie sucked on his pipe, then waved it at the chair. “Try it, mister. Guaranteed you won’t find anything as well-made in any of your fancy city stores.”

  Tess was surprised at the flare of irritation flashing across Jace’s face. Did it matter to him that Arnie DeVries saw him, a onetime inhabitant of Sweet Creek, as an urban dweller?

  “Sure. I’ll try it.”

  When he sat down, his face showed that he was surprised at himself at how comfortable it was. “This is amazing,” he remarked.

  Perfect. Precisely the reaction she hoped for. She knew if Jace complimented Arnie, the man would soften toward him.

  “I could sit in this chair for a long time,” Jace said. “It’s really comfortable.”

  “It’s the loving care that goes into making the chair that makes it so comfy,” Tess said with a touch of irony in her voice.

  Jace bit back a laugh as he glanced from her to Arnie, leaning against his workbench with his pipe clamped between his teeth and his eyes glaring at Jace from the leathery folds of his face.

  It always surprised Tess that something so beautiful could come from someone as antisocial as Arnie was.

  Tess turned to Arnie. “This is fantastic. I appreciate your generosity in donating this.”

  He shrugged the thanks aside. “Just make sure you take care loading it. Get a dent in it, it will lose value.”

  “Or gain some character,” Tess teased. “We will be very careful with it and treat it with the respect it deserves. It’s not every day we get to handle an Arnie DeVries chair.” She flashed a smile at him.

  A wreath of smoke surrounded Arnie’s face, but Tess saw the beginnings of a reluctant smile tug at the man’s mouth as he pushed himself away from the bench.

  Jace got up from the chair and stood back as Arnie wrapped the chair in a couple of old blankets. “I want these back,” he said, as he tied a couple of lengths of knotted rope around the chair. “I’ll need them for the next chair.”

  “We’ll make sure I get them back to you as soon as possible,” Tess said, flashing him another charming smile.

  Fifteen minutes later, after helping Arnie secure the chair to his satisfaction, Tess and Jace were driving off the yard. Tess leaned out the window, waved to Arnie, then pulled her head back in the truck and buckled up.

  “So. Now you’ve met one of Sweet Creek’s resident artistes.” Tess chuckled as she rolled up the window.

  “He’s certainly a character,” Jace said with a grin. “I’d heard of the guy but never met him.”

  “He’s a recluse. But you have to admit, he makes beautiful stuff. I’m pretty tickled that he donated one of his chairs. He usually sells them to people only after he’s done a thorough background check on them.” Tess sat back in the truck with a heady sense of satisfaction.

  “Yet he seemed happy to give one to you.”

  “Arnie would never admit it, but he owes me.”

  “How so?”

  “I saved him from a casserole widow. She was coming on to him and Charlie every Saturday at the farmer’s market. I convinced the woman that Arnie was still pining for a long-lost love, and how hard it would be for the widow to capture his heart.”

  “I take it the long-lost love didn’t exist?”

  “Not that he’s ever told me, but I drew on my own vast experience and convinced her.”

  Jace glanced her way. “Your own vast experience?”

  Her heart flopped over in her chest at his emphasis. Had she really said that? Was he thinking she’d been pining for him?

  Tess flapped her hand at Jace to make him think otherwise. “I was being sarcastic. I mean, it’s not like I’ve spent a lot of time pining for you...or anyone else, for that matter—”

  Stop, stop before you stumble into a minefield you can’t retreat from.

  Despite her desire to keep the past in the past, memories slipped in.

  She and Jace, driving to the lookout point where they would sit and talk. And kiss.

  Like the kiss they had shared at the river. Tess fought the emotions of past melding into present. Needing a distraction, she reached for the radio. “Does this thing work?”

  “No. Sorry.”

  She sat back, tapping her fingers on her arm as a few more miles slipped by. Then Jace slowed the truck by a road that veered left, and a premonition fingered its way down her spine.

  “This is the way to the lookout point, isn’t it?” Jace asked.

  “Yeah. But we usually came at it from the other way.”

  He turned to her. “Do you mind if we check it out? I haven’t been here in ages. I’d love to see what the river valley looks like now that the trees are leafed out.”

  Tess shrugged casually, wondering if he’d been able to read her mind. “Fine by me.”

  Jace flashed her a thankful grin, then spun the steering wheel and turned onto the road.

  “You do realize we’re trespassing on Nate Krickson’s land,” Tess said.

  “If he catches us, I’ll say it was your idea.” Jace gripped the wheel as the truck bumped and jolted over the tree-lined road that was little more than a rough path, exactly the width of a truck. “See how my keen mind is always working?”

  “Your keen mind better keep its focus on the road,” Tess grunted, as the truck bounced over a deep rut. “I don’t want to get any scratches or marks on that chair in the back.”

  “Sorry.” Jace grabbed the wheel and righted the truck. After a few more bone-jarring bumps and turns so tight that branches scraped along the sides of the truck, they broke out into an open field.

  Jace stopped the truck, turned it off, and got out. Tess hesitated a moment before following.

  Below them, the sparkling river spooled away in either direction. A hawk circled lazily over the field below them, and from the riverbank came the muted chatter of wild swans.

  She hugged herself, letting the peace and silence of the
place wash over her.

  “I missed this,” Jace said, his hands resting on his hips as he glanced over the valley. Jace sighed, then, to Tess’s surprise, sat down on the grass. She wasn’t sure what to do, but it looked like he was staying a while. So, she eased herself beside him. Not too close, yet not too far either.

  Jace plucked a dry piece of grass left over from last fall and twirled it between his fingers. The afternoon sun warmed Tess’s neck, offsetting the cool breeze wafting up from the river.

  “Do you ever come out here?” Jace asked.

  His question was quiet, but Tess sensed that he was asking if she made any forays into the past. If she missed what they had shared enough to remind herself of it.

  She shook her head. “I’ve had no reason to.”

  He said nothing twirling the grass around and around.

  “We’ll have to spend the day of the fundraiser putting the auction items out,” Jace said after a while, thankfully moving the conversation to the events binding them together. “Will you be able to spare the time?”

  “I’m sure I can get the day off.” Tess fiddled with the zipper pull on her cardigan. “I also spoke to Helen yesterday,” she continued. “Just to make sure things were still okay on her end. She’s nervous but looking forward to it.”

  Jace rested his arms on his elbows. “I can’t tell you what a windfall that was, getting her on board. You never did tell me how you managed.”

  “Not sure myself. That night we went to their place, when you and Charlie were outside, we talked.”

  “I know she had a rough childhood and a bad marriage. Did she say anything about that?”

  “Just that the counseling program and the center was something she wished she’d had access to growing up.” Tess thought of the pain she had seen in Helen’s eyes. A pain that was frighteningly familiar.

  For a moment, sitting across from Helen as she doled out small parts of her past, Tess felt as if Helen was a kindred spirit. As if she, of all people, might understand. But shyness in the presence of such a well-known singer and six years of suppression had kept her own secrets locked up.

  “The center was one of the reasons she wanted to help out. I didn’t have to do much convincing,” Tess added.

  Jace nodded. “When we were talking, I sensed that she was a woman who had suffered deep pain.” Jace’s quiet words sent a shiver down her spine.

  “How did you know?” she asked.

  “Just a feeling I had.” Jace held Tess’s gaze for an extra beat as if probing for her own pain.

  Tess wanted to look away, but felt herself drawn into his gaze.

  Can I tell him everything?

  Her heart stepped up its erratic rhythm as words fought to be spoken.

  Then he gave her an enigmatic smile and looked back at the river, and the moment passed. “Well, I’m glad she is involved,” Jace said, “The tickets are close to sold out.”

  Tess drew in a long, steadying breath. She had been so close to telling Jace what had happened to her that horrible night. She choked it down. He wouldn’t understand or believe her. And if she saw him turn away from her, it would devastate her. Far better that she make that choice and not him.

  “Is Stuart still not feeling well?” she asked, thankful that her voice was so steady.

  “Last I heard, there wasn’t much improvement.”

  “What will you do if he can’t come?”

  Jace shrugged his shoulders. “We tried to contact some backup people we had in mind, but they’re also booked. So far, our only chance is prayer.”

  His word hung between them, a reminder of the differences between them.

  “Good thing you still have faith.”

  A faint smile curved his lips. “Trusting in God has gotten me through some rough times in the past. And praying helps me build my relationship with the Lord.”

  “Has God answered all your prayers? Is that why you’re doing so well?” As soon as she asked, she regretted giving the question voice. She was striking out, blindly trying to keep him from probing into her own life.

  “I know how I got here,” Jace said, but he seemed uncomfortable at her question. “I’ve been blessed, but also worked hard. And I will keep working until I get to where I want to be.”

  “Where’s that?”

  Jace twirled the grass between his fingers. “Partner in Carson’s business.”

  Tess wondered why he wouldn’t meet her gaze. “You don’t sound convinced.”

  Jace sighed and raised one eyebrow, which pulled up the scar that ran along the side of his face.

  Tess remembered tracing that scar with her finger. After the accident, he’d been self-conscious about it, but Tess had told him that combined with his dark hair and blue eyes, the scar gave him an air of brooding mystique. Now, she had to twine her fingers around each other to keep from reaching across the slight distance between them.

  “Sometimes, I feel like I’m doing exactly what I want to do. But I would be lying if I didn’t say there are times I have my doubts.” He lifted his shoulder in a vague shrug. “I like the challenge and I like the paycheck.”

  Tess felt a tinge of regret. “I guess that has value.”

  “Lots if I become partner.” Jace flashed her a wry smile. “But you sound disappointed.”

  “Money isn’t everything, Jace Scholte.”

  “That’s easy to say when you’ve grown up with it.”

  “Maybe, but it gives me another perspective on it. I love my parents, but I don’t think they were any happier than yours were.” She had always enjoyed going to Jace’s parents’ home. It always seemed more welcoming and cozy than the house she grew up in.

  “Really?” Jace sent a dubious look her way. “You never got to hear the fights I did. Most of them were over money.”

  “News flash, Jace. My parents fought over money, too,” Tess snapped.

  “Not the same way mine did. Your parents could buy whatever they wanted.”

  “Correction. They could buy whatever you wanted. Trust me, my parents had a whole different set of wants, just as unattainable and just as much fuel for fights.”

  He shot her a surprised look, but this time she held his gaze.

  “You sound like the old Tess again. Arguing and haranguing me into your point of view.” Jace leaned back, grinning at her. “You should have been a lawyer.”

  “No. I have no desire to be part of the corporate world again.”

  “Instead, you’re taking counseling courses. What made you want to pursue that?”

  Tess edged around the words to formulate her reasons. “I think it’s something that has purpose and meaning. I like that I can help people.”

  She let her eyes drift over to Jace. His expression was thoughtful as he watched her.

  Jace touched her shoulder, creating a gentle intimacy. “Tell me about the course you’re taking.”

  “I’m enjoying it and, surprise, doing quite well.”

  Jace angled her a curious smile. “I’m not surprised.”

  “Well, my mother is. She still thinks I should be pursuing a job that will give me more satisfaction which, in her world, means more money.”

  Jace held her gaze, his smile slipping away. “Is her opinion still important to you?”

  Tess blinked, then leaned back as well, the palms of her hands resting on the old, dry grass. “It shouldn’t be,” she admitted. “Goodness knows I’ve tried hard enough to show her I’m my own person.”

  “Maybe too hard?”

  “Maybe,” she admitted. “Mom’s never been that easy to please, so I guess it wouldn’t matter how hard I tried.”

  “I think her opinion has always been too important to you.”

  Tess shrugged, not looking at him.

  “How much longer is the course?” he continued.

  “I can do another few classes by correspondence, then I need to do a practicum and take one semester in school in Vancouver.”

  “Vancouver? Would you con
sider moving to the city again?”

  Tess shook her head. “I like it here—Sweet Creek’s my home. I feel safe here.”

  “Safe?”

  Tess pressed her lips together, regretting the slip. Trust Jace to pick up on it.

  She felt his hand on her neck before she even realized he had moved closer to her. His fingers teased at her hair, toying with it.

  “Do you feel safe with me?” he asked.

  Tess tested the question a moment then nodded. “Yes, I do.”

  Jace’s only reply was to move his hand, to trace the line of her eyebrows and then her lips. “I’m not pushing to ask you what happened in the past. But I want you to know that I missed you so much.”

  Her heart began a shallow rhythm, and she took a fluttering breath.

  “Did you miss me?” he asked, his voice no louder than the breeze whispering past them.

  She could only nod.

  A gentle smile drifted over his lips. “I’m glad to know that. I always wondered...”

  “Jace...I’m sorry...” She wanted to say so much more, but her throat closed off.

  “I’m glad you are. I’m sorry, too.” His eyes skimmed her face and came to rest on hers. “There’s a lot of water under the bridge, so to speak. But, maybe we don’t need to go back. Maybe we can start right here.”

  Tess caught his hand in hers, hope fluttering in her chest. “What do you mean?”

  “Can we keep things simple? Can we just be Tess and Jace? Here and now?”

  Tess felt a heady rush of joy and gratitude.

  “No questions asked,” he continued. “No looking back. Only now.”

  She turned her head and pressed her lips against his hand.

  “I think I can do that,” she whispered.

  “We don’t have to look back or try to fix what happened. We could just be together. I know we’re meant to be together. I feel it.”

  “I feel the same way.” And she did. She had missed him so terribly those first few months. Even though she was the one who had stayed away, she didn’t do it out of choice, she reminded herself.

  His smile created a welcoming warmth in her soul.

  He drew her close and their lips met. Once again, they were connected on so many levels.