Change of Heart

by Jennifer Moore

  Val stood aside to allow Marielle to precede her into the kitchen. “And if you gentlemen want to wait out on the porch, you’ll find a nice breeze is blowing. Seth said the salmon has just a few more minutes.”

  Lawrence followed his wife. He darted a questioning look at Nathaniel.

  Nathaniel fought back a smile. She had certainly thrown the Lassiters off guard.

  Ruby and Finn followed their grandparents into the house and pounced on Val, both talking at once.

  She lifted Finn and held onto Ruby’s hand, catching Nathaniel’s eye just long enough to wink then joined the women in the kitchen. She introduced Melanie and Mrs. Lassiter, and poured the women’s drinks then helped Ruby and Finn wash their faces and hands and listened as they described their day.

  The outing was apparently much more exciting in the retelling. Nathaniel stepped through the screen door and a smile pulled at his lips. The smile grew as the full realization of what he was looking at sank in. Val had somehow managed to bring the picnic table up onto the porch from the lawn. The table was set, with a cloth and vases of fresh flowers.

  Val turned sideways to squeeze by and placed a pitcher of lemonade on the table. “I figured we still have at least a few hours of daylight left, and the porch is too nice to waste.” She disappeared back into the kitchen.

  Nathaniel continued to stare after her. He looked at the table full of food. Alongside the cornbread, and coleslaw was a pot of baked beans, warm rolls sat in a basket and a large bowl held cut-up fruit . He leaned to catch her eye again when she came back outside, raising his eyebrows in question and tipping his head toward the table.

  Val just smiled.

  The gesture reminded him again how much he loved the dimples in her cheeks. He couldn’t believe all the work she’d done.

  “You like salmon, Val?” Seth scooped the fish from the grill onto a serving plate.

  “Can’t say as I’ve ever tried it, but the smell is delicious.”

  He set down the platter with a flourish. “You’ll love it.”

  Once the food was served, Val asked Marielle about her day in Lobster Cove. She listened politely and only turned away her attention if one of the children needed her.

  Nathaniel was impressed with the way Val looked Marielle in the eye and directed the conversation. He knew she fought to hide her discomfort, although he was likely the only one at the table who recognized the tension around her eyes, or the lack of light in her smile.

  “I’m sure you’ve already heard a vacant seat will most likely be opening soon in the Massachusetts Attorney General’s office,” Lawrence said to Nathaniel.

  Nathaniel’s stomach turned with dread as one of his late wife’s favorite topics was brought up. “I’d heard rumors.”

  Lawrence rubbed his chin. “You’re more than qualified for the position, and Clara always wished to see you further your political career.”

  At the reminder of his wife’s aspirations, Nathaniel felt a flush of heat. If his career were up to her, he’d have spent every moment campaigning and promoting himself to the right people to get ahead. And even if he were chief justice on the Supreme Court, his efforts still wouldn’t have been enough

  “Norah Sutherland’s throwing a garden party on the twentieth, and she’s assured me Myron Quinn will be there. Attending would definitely be in your best interest.” Marielle raised a brow and fixed him with her direct gaze. “And, of course, you should bring Ruby and Finn.”

  Nathaniel had met Myron Quinn, the Attorney General for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, on a few occasions. He had a chance of impressing the man on his own merit without pulling the “poor widower with adorable kids” card. “I can probably attend. I don’t think bringing the children is necessary.”

  Marielle’s lips pouted. “But Myron Quinn loves children. He has grandchildren of his own, you know.”

  The familiar expression turned his blood cold. Nathaniel didn’t respond. He buttered a roll and took a bite.

  Luckily, Seth asked Marielle a question and turned her attention away.

  Good, he needed a minute to think. His mind turned over the possibilities. An appointment to the Attorney General’s office at such a young age would put him in position to move up in the nation’s legal system. Who knew how far he could go? He thought of the long hours he’d work, longer undoubtedly than those he was pulling now. The image of returning late at night to his cold Boston home arose in his mind.

  The decision wasn’t one he’d make lightly, and he wanted to talk it over with Val. As soon as he had the thought, he realized the insanity of looking for career advice from his nanny. She was a good listener, and she had nothing invested in the decision. Not that he could even call it a decision yet. He hadn’t been offered the position.

  After dinner, Val stood. “I hope y’all saved a bit of room for dessert. Miss Ruby, I might need some help.”

  Smiling, Ruby ran to her and held her hand as they went into the kitchen.

  Nathaniel watched them leave and then glanced toward Seth.

  His friend smirked.

  A few moments later, Val and Ruby returned. Between two hot pads, Val held a rectangular pan and Ruby carried a bowl of whipping cream.

  “Where in the world did a southern girl learn to make blueberry slump?” Seth asked as he sniffed at the sweet scents coming from the pan on the table.

  Val grinned. “I asked at the farmer’s market and the lady selling blueberries was nice enough to share her recipe.” She scooped a dumpling into a bowl and covered it in blueberry sauce then set it down next to Ruby who plopped whipped cream on top.

  Once the guests had left, dishes were done, furniture returned, and kids were in bed, Nathaniel found Val on the porch listening to the waves. Calm washed over him and his muscles relaxed. This porch truly must be magic. “I can’t believe you did all this. Putting dinner together must have taken you all day.”

  “Not all day.” She spoke in a tired voice, leaning her head back against the chair with her eyes closed.

  “But why?”

  “Why what?” Val turned with her eyes squinted and her head tipped to the side.

  “Why did you put so much effort into this dinner when you didn’t even want to be here in the first place?” He sat in the seat next to her.

  “Because I knew tonight was important to you.”

  Nathaniel’s heart did a slow roll. He hadn’t expected her answer. Knowing she’d do something so out of her comfort zone for him was astonishing. “Thank you. Dinner, everything was perfect.” He followed her lead and rested his head back with his eyes closed. He allowed his mind to wander for a moment, wondering about looking forward every day to returning home to Val’s smiles and surprises. But how could he even entertain the thought? She had her heart set on Paris, and…he could take his pick of the millions of reason the relationship couldn’t ever work out.

  “Then the effort was completely worth it. I admit I considered wearing my bikini when I served Mrs. Lassiter’s cornbread.”

  He could hear the smile in her voice. Nathaniel laughed. “I’d have loved to see it.” He glanced at her, and when he saw her raised brow, he realized what he’d said. “I meant I’d have loved to see her face, not you in a bikini. Er, not that I wouldn’t want to…”

  “Aren’t you supposed to be a smooth-talking attorney?” Val spoke in a teasing voice.

  Nathaniel wondered if the lights were on if he’d see a blush on her cheeks. Her comment was the perfect segue way to what he’d wanted to discuss. “Did you hear what Lawrence said about the Attorney General’s office?”

  “Are you considering it?”

  “Of course.” He sat forward with his elbows on his knees. “I’m qualified, and my case record speaks for itself. That position would be a huge step in my career.”

  “Is it what you want?”

  He couldn’t see her face in the darkness, but he could imagine her expression, open, guileless, interested. Was it what he wanted? This so
rt of appointment was exactly what Clara had wanted. He’d gone along with her plans for so long, he wasn’t sure exactly when her goals had become his.

  “I think so. This position is what I’ve worked toward. I think I’m a strong candidate.”

  “But you aren’t sure about it. Why’s that?”

  He wasn’t sure how she could tell exactly what he was feeling but was relieved she’d seen right to the heart of the matter. “The appointment would be a huge commitment. I’d be giving up a lot of time with my kids.”

  Val stayed silent.

  He wondered whether she was just thinking it over, or if she disapproved. Was she disappointed he was even considering the matter?

  “Are you asking for my advice? Or do you just need someone to listen?”

  He hadn’t expected such a question. “Both, I guess.”

  “I know how hard growing up is with a daddy who’s not there and no momma. You don’t want that for Ruby and Finn, do you?”

  Her words weren’t a reprimand, but he felt chastised just the same. His defenses rose. “You don’t think I should do it.” Why did he think his nanny was the one to go to for career advice?

  She twisted in the chair, holding onto his armrest and leaning toward him. “That’s not true. I think you should do what’s best for your career. But also for your family. If this Myron Quinn meets you, the job’s yours for the taking, I guarantee. You’re the hardest worker and best person I know, and if he doesn’t see that, he’s dumber than a bag of hammers.”

  “But you don’t think—”

  “What I think doesn’t matter. Ruby and Finn will love you either way. And I know you’d never do anything to hurt them.” Silence stretched for several moments. “You don’t have to take the job because other people expect you to. Your kids will be proud of you no matter what you do. And so will I.”

  She spoke the last sentence so quietly he strained to hear her. Her advice was the complete opposite of Clara’s urgings. Because Val didn’t give me any advice at all. She wouldn’t push him either way, but trusted and supported him. Val’s words warmed his chest, and his heart rolled again. “Come with me to the garden party.”

  “You’re taking Ruby and Finn after all?”

  He shifted his body to face her. “No, not the kids. You.”

  “I don’t—” Val scratched at her nail polish.

  “I want you there, Val. The event is just a few days before school starts, so the children and I will be going back to Boston anyway. We’ll need to find you an apartment…” The reminder they were parting ways struck him harder than he would have imagined and made his eyes itch.

  Val remained silent.

  Is she dealing with the same rush of emotion? “I’m sure my friend Jason will be there, and his wife, Lisa, from the museum. His parents are old friends of the Sutherlands. You’ll have a chance to meet them.” He reached for her hand, feeling her jolt slightly when he held it. “Please? Your support would mean a lot.”

  “I appreciate you inviting me, but I have no idea how to act at something fancy like that. What would I wear?”

  “You’re in luck. Did I ever tell you about my sister Rachel? Shopping’s a particular talent of hers. She’ll find you something.”

  “If you want me to, then I’ll go with ya.”

  Nathaniel sat in the darkness and rubbed his thumb over the back of Val’s hand. They had only a few weeks left in Lobster Cove, and the knowledge weighed on him. He swallowed, knowing Val was thinking the same thing as he was. The garden party was a farewell—their last time together before going their separate ways. He vowed to himself to make the night perfect. She deserved it.

  ****

  Two weeks later, Val packed her last clothes into her suitcase and snapped it shut. Then she glanced around the room she’d grown to love, resigned to the lump that wouldn’t leave her throat. She slipped her stuffed squirrel into her purse before walking across the hall to check on Ruby and Finn. Yesterday, she’d packed the kids’ clothes and toys, smiling at the pictures she and Ruby had drawn and the books they’d read.

  Can a heart hurt this badly?

  She took the kids to the car and strapped them into their seats. Nathaniel loaded the luggage into the trunk, and Val walked through the house one more time, claiming she wanted to make sure no toys were forgotten. In truth, she hoped to fuse every inch of the cottage into her mind. She brushed her finger along the windowsill where they’d kept their shell collection, squeezed the arm of the couch they’d all cuddled in during the storm. Eventually, she ended up on the porch and couldn’t hold back her tears, wiping them furiously with her fingers.

  His footsteps sounded behind her.

  But she didn’t turn. The last thing she wanted him to see was his nanny bawling over the vacation cottage.

  Nathaniel stepped closer and placed his hands on her shoulders, turning her and pulling her into his embrace.

  Val clung to him, feeling utterly ridiculous, and at the same time completely content in his arms. “I’m sorry,” she said, once she trusted her voice.

  “The summer’s been good, hasn’t it?” Nathaniel laid his cheek on the top of her head and held her tighter. “I’ll miss this porch most of all.”

  “Me, too.” She pressed her face against his chest, a fresh wave of tears rushing into her eyes. She’d sat in this very place, unloading her darkest secrets, her greatest fears, been comforted and listened, and even… The memory of Nathaniel’s kiss was nearly more than she could take. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed, and she gasped for air. She took a step back, releasing her grip.

  “Val?”

  Swallowing against her tight throat, she raised her gaze to his.

  He lifted a wet strand of hair from her face, and his gaze dropped to her lips before returning to hers.

  If only she could look into those blue eyes every day, be held by him every time she cried, if only…

  “Daddy! Val!”

  The sound of Ruby’s voice broke Val’s blissful bubble. She must have gotten impatient and unbuckled her carseat.

  “We’re on the porch, Ruby.” Nathaniel’s gaze didn’t leave Val’s face.

  Val rubbed her fingers over her cheeks one more time before hurrying to meet Ruby. She glanced back and saw Nathaniel still watching her until she rounded the side of the house.

  They arrived in Boston in the late afternoon and drove toward Val’s new apartment. Nathaniel explained how to find the subway. “Make sure you’re on the green line—outbound toward Heath. The train will drop you off right across the street from the MFA.”

  “Got it.” Val acknowledged his instructions and kept her gaze directed out the window, memorizing her way through the narrow, curving streets and brown brick buildings that were all smashed together and looked the same.

  Nathaniel drove through the neighborhood, showing her the closest grocery store, and finally stopped in front of the apartment building, double checking the address. Cars lined both sides of the street, and so he left the car idling as they got out. He lifted her suitcase from the trunk. “You sure the manager is meeting you?”

  Val nodded as she took a hold of the handle, knowing she didn’t dare raise her gaze to his face. “He just texted me.”

  Nathaniel looked at the building, and then back, clearing his throat. “You still planning on tomorrow night?”

  “If you still want me.”

  He took her hand, squeezing it. “I’ll bring Rachel over in the morning—nine o’clock. Will that work?”

  “Thanks for doing that.” She tried to smile but the gesture fell flat as she looked through the back window where Ruby and Finn slept in their seats. Who would feed them supper tonight? Pour extra bubbles in Finn’s bath? Put a sleeping spell on Ruby? “Tell them good-bye for me. And tell them…” Her throat tightened, and she couldn’t make her voice finish the sentence.

  “I’ll tell them.”

  ****

  Nathaniel drove through the familiar streets to
Beacon Hill, but the trip didn’t feel like he was going home. The word should invoke a feeling of warmth, happiness, and love. While his house was beautiful, set in one of the most desirable neighborhoods in the country, he didn’t consider it to be any of these things.

  His mind kept returning to Val. Of course it did, because his brain was determined to torture him. The image of her waving from the front of the apartment building with her old orange suitcase while she faked a smile brought an ache to the back of his throat.

  How would he explain to Ruby and Finn Val wasn’t living with them anymore? How could he explain it to himself? His feelings for her were pretty obvious by now. He was in love with her. Of course, Seth had been right.

  And he thought Val may love him too. Did she? His breath caught at the memory of their kiss, the way she’d looked at him this morning when he’d held her as she cried. Her unrestrained smile and dimpled cheeks, the laughter that bubbled up from her toes, and the simple moments like sitting in silence on the porch or sharing a look when one of the kids said something funny. How would he live without these things? And why should he? Why wasn’t he driving back to that apartment, breaking down her door, and kissing her senseless?

  His fingers tightened on the steering wheel. He knew exactly why. Paris. Val had a dream, and if he saddled her with two kids and a husband who worked twelve to fourteen hours a day in a city she didn’t know, she’d come to resent him for taking away the dream. Not to mention, Boston High Society would eat her alive. Marielle was mild compared to how cruel people could be to someone who didn’t fit in.

  Val deserved a chance at an exciting life. She was smart, outgoing, and she’d make friends wherever she went. And she should to find her way, rather than being tied down and following his career instead of her own.

  This was the right thing. The decision hurt, but they both knew parting was for the best, and in time the pain would ease.

  Tomorrow, Rachel would find Val a dress. Then Val and he would be together one last time at the garden party. He’d make sure she knew how special she was, how beautiful.