Beautifully Broken

by KB Winters

  “I won’t. Later, brother.” I headed back out into the sun, threw on my shades and helmet and aimed my bike towards my little house. I lived in a regular ass neighborhood and I did it on purpose. Brandt had assured me that living among the people—the families and kids—I fought to protect would make shit easier. It did, but not in the way he meant. Kids didn’t give a shit if you were grumpy, especially when their parents had them convinced you were a goddamn hero. I wasn’t a hero, but I couldn’t tell them that, and the truth was I liked having those little faces look up at me like I was their god given protector. If I could bottle those looks and keep them for late at night when I couldn’t sleep, I’d be fucking cured.

  The block I lived on would be described by a realtor as idyllic. Trees lined streets wide enough for cars to park and pass with no problems. There were basketball hoops, goal posts, bases and bats littering the yards and sidewalks. Bikes were turned on their sides everywhere to serve as proof this street was run by the ankle biter set.

  “Hey Mr. Ellison!”

  The engine still purred when Elijah Walker called out to me. “What’s up kid?”

  “How do you keep that motorcycle up?”

  I turned and grinned. “The same way you stay up on your bicycle. Muscles and good balance.”

  “So if I can stay up on this, I can stay up on that?”

  “Basically, but you need a lot more muscle and height before you can hold this baby up. You’re too short.”

  He pouted but he considered my words. “Cool. Do you go fast?”

  I looked over my shoulder at his house next door and found his grandmother smiling from the porch. I waved to her. “I love to go fast, but I shouldn’t because it’s dangerous.”

  “And you’ll have to pay a ticket. My dad always swears a lot when he gets a ticket, says it’s state sponsored robbery.”

  I grinned. “Your dad is right.”

  His bright smile said he was happy with my answer as he slid back onto the seat of his bike. “Thanks Mr. Ellison. You think you can teach me to ride when I’m older?”

  “Sure kid.”

  “See ya later Captain!”

  “Bye, Lieutenant!” He saluted for a moment before clutching the handlebars and letting his bike go as fast as his scrawny legs would allow. Yeah, living in this neighborhood had helped.

  ***

  After a quick shower and shave, I got dressed and made my way to Jana’s. With a gift. What the fuck was wrong with me? I never bought anything other than drinks or a meal for a woman I intended to take to bed. If they required any more than that, I moved on. The Reckless Bitches were always up for a hard fuck with nothing more than the hope of becoming something more. But here I was, buying a gift. Another gift.

  Shit.

  The door swung open and a woman who was not Jana answered. “Well, hello. You must be Max. I’m Teddy, the best friend.”

  I nodded as recognition dawned. I could see why Jana thought I might want her friend, she was beautiful with long legs, bright red hair and big blue eyes that offered just enough promise to drive a man insane. But she seemed high maintenance as fuck. “Nice to meet you. Yeah, I’m Max.” I shifted the gift and shook her head. “Jana home?”

  She opened the door further and stepped back. “Yep. Don’t worry, I’m not staying. I’m very happy to meet you Max but even though you look like you could snap me in half with two fingers, I have to tell you that I grew up in foster care and I know how to fight dirty. Don’t hurt my friend.”

  Shit. “I have no plan to do that. I like Jana.”

  Her gaze studied me, took me in as if she’d already measured me and knew my worth. Then her gaze shifted, maybe it softened, I don’t know. It changed. “Good. Just don’t let her stay in the house all the time. She’s beautiful and she belongs out in the world.”

  “Just because I don’t know what you’re saying doesn’t mean I can’t hear you!” Jana’s voice sounded affectionately annoyed from deeper in the house.

  Teddy laughed and I removed my jacket and hung it up. “Don’t worry, she’s just threatening me.” She laughed even harder and motioned for me to follow her. “Damn what smells so good?”

  “You didn’t think we were just going to eat chocolate and cheese, did you?”

  I frowned at her question, scanning the kitchen to see she’d been up to some serious cooking. “I did, but I’m happy to be wrong. Can I help?”

  “Damn,” Teddy sighed. “You look like that and you’re offering to help? Jana you lucky bitch.” She chuckled and wrapped her friend in a hug. “Have fun and be a little crazy. He’s hot and he seems nice, that’s like a fucking unicorn.”

  Jana’s skin flushed pink and she looked over her shoulder at me. “Your whispering game needs work, Teddy. Now get out of here.”

  She laughed. “I’m leaving. Be bad tonight. Very, very bad.”

  And then we were alone. “Sorry about that,” Jana said with a sheepish smile. “She means well.”

  “She seems nice and she gives a damn, that’s always a good thing to me. But if you think I’d ever choose her over you, then I’ll have to make sure you know that’s not true before I leave tonight.”

  She sucked in a breath and released a shaky breath. “Put that smile away, please. Have a seat and tell me about your day. Booze or wine?”

  “No beer?”

  “Too filling. I like to drink and snack at the same time, and with beer you get too full to properly snack.” She said it with the expertise of a neurosurgeon. “So?”

  “Booze. I’ve never gotten into wine. It tastes okay, kind of bitter.”

  She smiled like that was the right answer. “Then I just have one question to see if this can ever be more than friendship.”

  I stared at her serious expression and wondered for a moment if I’d read her and this whole situation wrong. “I’m ready.”

  “Jack or Maker’s Mark?”

  In that moment, I thought I might’ve been half in love with her. “Maker’s Mark of course.”

  She kept her face emotionless as she reached below the counter and pulled a bottle up. “This is the 46 but I think you’ll like it.”

  “My mouth is already watering.” A grin lit up her face as she poured two fingers into two hexagonally shaped glasses.

  “Perfect. Let’s toast to good friends, great booze and great kisses.”

  Fuck. “Hear, fucking, hear.” Damn that hit the spot. “How’d you know?”

  “I didn’t. I work and live here, so I like to enjoy different things. Like cocktails. Bars aren’t exactly my scene, but I like to drink.”

  Her face, that’s why she didn’t go out a lot. I could only imagine the assholes she came across, especially with the model beautiful Teddy at her side. “Nothing wrong with that.” But I would try to do what Teddy suggested and taking her out. Next time.

  “So, your day?”

  “It was good. Productive.” I told her all about my trip to the club and getting back to it. “It felt weird because I’ve been, I don’t know, vacant for so long. But everyone greeted me like I never left. It was weird.”

  “You loved it,” she accused, lips pulling into a smile around her glass.

  “I think I did.” It felt like things were just back to normal. They weren’t but for a short period of time, I remembered who I used to be. “It was nice.”

  “That’s good. You look like you’ve been sleeping.” A timer sounded and she turned, bent to look into the oven, giving me a great view of her ass cupped in blue denim. Heart shaped and more than a handful, I wanted to just fucking sink my teeth into it. “Damn,” I groaned a little too loud.

  I blinked and looked up into big, laughing brown eyes. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. So, sleeping?”

  “The night we kissed, I slept like a baby,” I told her honestly.

  She smiled and her pale skin turned bright pink. “Me too.”

  I let those words sink in, but more importantly their implication. “I cou
ldn’t think about anything but you all night, Jana.”

  “I know,” she admitted and fanned her still reddening cheeks.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at how easily she blushed. “I can’t say I’ve ever reacted to a kiss like that before.”

  “Like what,” I asked, curious if she would answer. I knew I shouldn’t push her but I knew she could take it. I could tell.

  “All hot and bothered,” she answered honestly. Her skin still burned but she spoke plainly. “It was weird. Hot but, I don’t know.” She shrugged and turned towards the fridge, sticking her head in the freezer for a few seconds. “Okay better. Ready to eat?”

  I stared at her for a long time, letting my gaze rake over her until her skin pebbled with desire and her nipples peaked behind her t-shirt. “Oh, I can’t wait to eat.”

  She sucked in a breath and I grinned. “You’re bad.”

  “You have no idea.” She really didn’t, but I hoped this thing between us burned out before she had a chance to realize it. I liked the idea of being a good guy, a good memory for her.

  “No,” she said, tilting her head to the side and looked at me. “But I’m starting to think I might want to find out.”

  Chapter 6

  Jana

  “He’ll be here soon, Teddy. Should I or shouldn’t I?” I rolled my eyes even though she couldn’t see me, the phone in a precarious position between my shoulder and ear while I pulled Francesco’s from its delivery packages. I invited Max over for painting and more.

  “I can’t tell you what to do with your body, Jana. That’s just wrong on so many levels.”

  Times like this made me wonder why I so desperately wanted friends. “Fine, do you think it’s too soon to consider sleeping with Max?” I knew after the first kiss that I wanted to lose my virginity to him, because no man had ever made me feel so wanted. So desired. And if I was going to open my body up to a man, it would be one who made me feel like the most desired woman on the planet.

  “No, I don’t. He’s hot and clearly he’s hoping for a taste of you, I say go for it. Just go in with your eyes open.”

  I nodded as I put the risotto Milanese into a big ceramic bowl and covered it. Next was the chicken marsala and then tiramisu. “Meaning don’t fall for him?”

  “Fall for him if you want, it might do you some good. But before you decide, ask yourself if you’re okay with him walking away.”

  I froze. “You think he’s going to walk away?”

  “Honey no, but there’s always that chance with men. Usually we don’t know until it’s too late. I think you should go for it, but if you let whatever happens between you and Max color what happens for the rest of your life, you’ll regret it.”

  That didn’t really give me any answers. “Come on, Teddy, it’s not like guys are pounding down my door and certainly not men like Max. I want, just once, to have sex with someone who wants me. Not just any warm body.”

  “Then that’s your answer. Good luck and make sure you use condoms. Bye, love you,” she said in one breath and hung up before I could ask another six dozen or so questions.

  “Thanks Teddy,” I grumbled and put the tiramisu in the fridge. Max would be here in the next fifteen minutes and I still needed to get dressed. We were painting tonight so I couldn’t get too dressed up, but I opted for a lacy tank top to wear under my smock and a cute little denim skirt. It felt flirty and cute, like something a woman might wear on a first date. Or a third, if I didn’t chicken out.

  So maybe I kind of chickened out right away because when Max arrived, I already had on my painting smock. “I figured we could paint in the back until the sunsets. Then, we eat.”

  He grinned, a hungry look in his eyes. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He walked beside me, our fingers lightly brushing as our hands swung back and forth. He smelled good, like what a man should smell like, outdoors and leather. Man and musk. I didn’t know what exactly it was, only that it made me want to flare my nostrils just to take in more of that intoxicating scent.

  “What are you going to paint tonight?” I didn’t want to paint, I wanted to sketch and I wanted to sketch him.

  He stopped dead in his tracks. “You mean you don’t have a nude model or a plate of cheese for me?”

  I laughed at his convincing delivery. “I would consider being your nude model but I’m afraid that the end result might give me body image issues.”

  He pouted and then his face transformed into a magnificent smile that made him look a decade younger. Lighter. Like a man without a care in the world, rather than a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “That’s a good point and we can’t have a body like yours thinking there’s anything wrong with it.”

  The man was potent and I had no protection against it. “Um, thank you.”

  “This is nice.” He stopped and looked around the yard where the lights strung throughout my trees were on, providing a soft glow to the early evening sun. “What are we painting?”

  “The setting sun.”

  He grinned again. “Sweet.”

  Quietly we both sat and began mixing paints and sliding our brushes across the canvas. I had bigger canvases than Moon had at her shop, but with the stunning view we had tonight, I didn’t think it would be a problem. When I snuck a glance to my left, Max had already began splashing red and orange paint across the canvas. His face was a rugged mask of concentration, so compelling that I knew I had to at least paint him now. I’d commit every plane of his face to memory to sketch later.

  “Shouldn’t you be watching the sky?” He grinned to show me he wasn’t bothered at all by my blatant staring.

  “Nah, you’re a much better subject.” I don’t know what possessed me to act so bold, but his gray eyes flared with desire each time I did. I felt like I had some kind of power in the moment, but just power to turn him on. He wore an outfit that looked more at home on fifties biker gangs rather than what he was, which was so much more than a man who belonged to a motorcycle club. A crisp white tee clung to his massive chest and arms, looking even starker white against skin that had seen too many days out in the sun, and jeans. Good lord the man did things for jeans I didn’t even think were possible. They hung low on his hips, hugged his thighs and ass and fell to a rumpled heap over a pair of well-worn leather motorcycle boots.

  My whole body lit up like the Vegas night sky just looking at him, and that had never happened. Not even when I did research online. But I forced my mind to focus on the canvas and to look only at Max as a subject. At least until we were done.

  Almost an hour later the sun had set and Max sat back. “I don’t think mine is gettin’ any better than this, sweetheart.”

  I leaned over and stared, stunned. “Max, this is really, really good.” He’d captured the sky just as real and three dimensional as it appeared. Hot and fiery, transforming the entire desert landscape around it. “Wow.”

  “Don’t blow smoke, honey.”

  I laughed. “Not to worry. Really, it’s great.” He still didn’t believe me, but that was okay. He would. If he stuck around, that is. “Dinner?”

  He grinned and leaned towards me. “First let me see yours.”

  I put up a token protest just because I wanted to feel the heat of his body and when he stood behind me, staring over my shoulder at his own face, I got just what I wanted. “I know I should’ve asked but you were so deep in concentration and the lines…well, I just had to. Be mad if you want, but I think it came out well.”

  “You’re wrong. It came out fucking incredible.” He leaned even closer and I knew what he was staring at, that small puckered scar just above his clavicle and before his shoulder. “You see a lot, Jana.”

  “From a lifetime of being an outsider.” On the plus side, it has turned me into a pretty good judge of character. “Let’s eat.” He laughed behind me, but followed me in, we dropped the paintings in the formal dining area I never used because the kitchen had better light.

  “Did you cook again?”


  “Nope. I ordered from Francesco’s. They have excellent food and I had too much to do to cook today.”

  “I would’ve taken you out to dinner,” he said, his tone sounded upset and I didn’t know why.

  “I’m sure you would have, but I invited you over and it is customary for the person who extended the invitation to provide food, isn’t it?” This moment and the uncertainty reminded me of the other reason I avoided relationships. There were all these emotional landmines you had to navigate, and the shit part was that you could do everything right and still get it wrong.

  “Yes. I don’t want you buying me dinner.”

  “Why? Is it because you’re a man or because you think I don’t have a lot of money?”

  He sighed and grinned as he raked a hand through his hair. “I am the man and I should buy you dinner.” He lifted a heaping spoonful of risotto into his mouth, chewing angrily.

  I understood now. I remembered in college, the other girls all fretting about what would happen if they had to buy their own meals when they’d spent all the money their parents had sent them. I didn’t have that luxury but I learned a lot about arbitrary relationship rules. “Fine, next time you come over, I expect to be fed. Happy?”

  He grinned. “Sure, Jana.”

  We both dug in, absorbing the creamy carb deliciousness, at least I assumed so based on the relative silence. It wasn’t’ an oppressive silence though and I didn’t mind. It felt right. Like we didn’t feel compelled to fill the silence.

  I was halfway through my second glass of wine, just enough to blur the edges but not enough to make me reckless. Or forgetful. “Max, I would like to have sex with you tonight.”

  He choked on the beer I’d bought for him. “What?”

  “I would like to have sex with you tonight.”

  “Um, okay?” He stared at me like he was waiting for something, but I had no clue what. “I would like to have sex with you too.”

  My shoulders relaxed. “Oh, good. But what’s so amusing?”

  “Nothing, you’re just very straightforward. I like it.”