Feros and the Underworld Prince

by A. L. Bridges

  “Cole? What are you doing up at this hour?” Cheza groggily asks.

  “Oh, sorry if I woke you. Our daughter is hungry so I’m making her pancakes.” I explain. A few seconds later, Cheza’s face reddens.

  “Oh… alright.” Cheza replies and walks over to the couch to sit down next to Addie.

  “Good morning Mommy!” Addie exclaims.

  “Good morning Ada.” Cheza says, sleep still clinging to her tone.

  I finish making pancakes for Addie, Cheza, and myself before I put a cover on the remaining batter.

  “Breakfast is ready.” I announce.

  Addie runs over and sits at the table while I cut her pancake into bite sized pieces before applying a small amount of syrup.

  “Where’s Mommy?” I inquire.

  “Mommy is sleeping.” Addie says as quietly as is possible for a three year old, and points to Cheza’s sleeping form on the couch.

  “She must be tired. I’m going to go put Mommy to bed while you eat breakfast, alright?” I say. Addie nods and jabs at a square of pancake with her Disney Princess fork in response.

  I walk over to Cheza’s sleeping form and scoop her up in my arms before carrying her down the hall and into her room. After tucking her in, I brush a strand of hair out of Cheza’s face, bend down, and kiss her before I can come to my senses. Cheza starts kissing me back as she opens her eyes. She continues for a few moments before she reels back and smacks me.

  “…That isn’t our relationship anymore, Cole.” Cheza quietly says as she turns over to go to sleep. I exit Cheza’s room and return to the kitchen.

  “Daddy, why is the side of your face all red?” Addie asks with a mouth full of pancake. Despite the fact that I only put on a small amount of syrup, Addie still found a way to get it everywhere.

  “Don’t talk when you have food in your mouth. Daddy was a little clumsy and ran into the door.” I say.

  “Does it hurt, Daddy?” Addie asks after swallowing her pancake.

  “I’ll be fine sweetie. Now, we are going to take a bath.” I tell her.

  “I don’t wanna…” Addie pouts. Must. Keep. From. Caving.

  “Come on, Addie; you’re a sticky mess!” I exclaim.

  “Okay… are you gonna take a bath with me?” Addie asks.

  “I… Uh…” I reply, not sure what the proper etiquette is on this.

  “Please?” Addie pouts.

  “Sure!” Dammit… I’m going to be the world’s weakest father when Addie gets older; there is nothing that I will be able to deny her so I’ll have to keep telling her to ask her mother, which will cause Cheza to slowly start despising me for constantly making her play the part of the bad guy which will lead to our divorce and possible resentment of Addie, which will lead to a broken home, which will lead to Addie becoming a stripper… I might as well go to the UK and buy the children’s Peek-a-Boo Pole Dancing Kit from Tesco and get her started early for the future that I’ve already set up for her by being such a little bitch!

  However, that can wait. Now, how do I get through this while avoiding awkward questions about dangly bits that Cheza can answer when Addie gets older?

  (Wear swim trunks)

  “Perfect! Thanks Airi!”

  “How about you sit down and watch TV while I go run the bath? Just don’t touch anything, alright?” I say.

  “Okay Daddy!” Addie exclaims and then uses her sticky hands to climb onto the couch… at least leather is easy to clean.

  Addie starts watching Looney Toons, which I am much more likely to change than the Powerpuff Girls because I don’t want her to grow up thinking that a roadrunner, with a top speed of 20mph, wouldn’t be caught by a coyote, which has a top speed of 43mph, in an outright foot race. I head to the master bathroom to run a bath without turning the channel. While the bath is running, I quickly put on some swim trunks in my room before running to the kitchen to inhale my pancakes while I have time. I return to the bath and see that the water is at a nice temperature so I grab two towels and a wash cloth and set them on the bathroom counter before going to fetch Addie.

  “Alright, it’s bath time Addie.” I tell her as I pick her up.

  “Okay Daddy!” Addie cheerfully replies.

  I carry her into the bathroom, set her down, and she just stands there. Right… I forgot that I’m going to have to remove her clothes because she probably doesn’t know how. I unbutton her flannel pajama top and take it off, followed by her pajama bottoms. Wow, this is awkward… Putting clothes on a small girl is one thing, but taking them off just feels wrong. With the hard part over, I pick her up and sit in the tub before setting her down. I use the wash cloth to try and get her cleaned up.

  “Daddy! That tickles!” Addie squeals.

  “You think that tickles? How about this!” I start tickling her which only makes her squeal louder. I decide to stop before I accidentally drown her.

  (Ah, the sign of the world’s greatest parent: stopping before you accidentally drown her)

  I grab the shampoo and move onto her hair, which is also covered in syrup.

  “Now I need you to close your eyes and don’t open them until I say so.” I tell her. I lather up her hair and work on getting the syrup out of it.

  “Owie! Daddy, owie! IT HURTS DADDY! IT HURTS!” Addie screams.

  “Sorry Addie, I’ve never done this before.” I tell her while trying to extract the soap from her eyes.

  “COLE! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?” Tia screams as she barges in. She looks at the situation, before looking away in embarrassment. I glare at her for her misunderstanding.

  “This is a new low for you, Tia.” I say quietly under Addie’s crying.

  “It looks like you forgot new clothes for Adelaide… I’ll be right back.” Tia says and leaves. I’m able to get the soap out of Addie’s eyes and Tia comes back while I’m drying Addie.

  “Hey Tia, where is Natasha?” I ask. Since Naia is in the guest bedroom and Natasha wasn’t in the master bedroom, I have no idea where she is.

  “Natasha drove home last night. Anyway, I’ll just be going now.” Tia says as she retreats out of the bathroom.

  I get Addie dressed and settled down on the couch before I run to my room to get dressed. I sit down on the couch and Addie crawls over to sit on my lap. We watch cartoons for several hours while I teach her all of the things that are wrong with them.

  “No sweetie, animals can’t actually talk.”

  “If you put your finger in the barrel of a gun to try and block it, your finger will come off.”

  “St. Bernard dogs don’t actually carry around alcohol.”

  “No, lemmings don’t actually jump off of cliffs and kill themselves. The only reason that myth is around is because of a documentary called White Wilderness where… never mind.” I was smart and stopped before I had to tell her why the nice film makers tossed a dozen lemmings off of a cliff.

  “Yes, fairies are real but they are bigger than that.”

  “How big are they, Daddy?” Addie asks.

  “Well, one of my fairy friends is Mommy’s size and the other one isn’t much bigger than you. Do you want to meet them?” I inquire, thinking of Aine and Lila, whom I haven’t seen in over a year.

  “Yeah!” Addie exclaims while standing up off of the couch.

  “Alright, let’s go!” I reply while picking her up. I carry her over to the entryway, set her down, and cram her shoes on her feet.

  “Okay, hold on tight!” I tell her as I pick her up, use my left forearm to support her against my side, and touch my triskele.

  “AHHHHHH!” Addie screams in my ear and starts crying as we arrive at the gate in Tir na nOg.

  “Shhhh, it’s okay. I’ve got you; Daddy’s got you. Shhhh.” I soothingly say as I try and calm her down by holding her tightly. Once Addie sees that she’s okay, she stops crying about a minute later.

  “Alright, you’re going to have that feeling again, but don’t worry; I’ll always have you and I promise that I won
’t let anything happen to you.” I reassure her.

  “*Sniffle*… Okay Daddy…” Addie quietly replies.

  I port us to Aine’s foyer as Addie grasps my shirt tightly. I walk down the right hall and into the dining room, where I see Aine reading with a cup of tea and a scone… the cup of tea and the scone being a snack, not implements for reading with… as far as I know, these are not magical items with the ability to read like a more cannibalistic version of Beauty and the Beast… because the inanimate objects in the Beast’s castle were originally human servants and the little boy becomes a talking tea cup and thus the scone? Is nobody else getting this?

  (I get it, Master)

  “Thank you, Airi.”

  “Hey Aine… it’s been a while.” I greet.

  Aine looks up at me and her eyes grow to the size of saucers as she drops her teacup, which shatters on impact with the marble floor.

  (Nooooo! Not Chip!)

  “Cole!? But… how!?” Aine asks in a state of shock as I stifle my laughter.

  “I came back. Aine, I want you to meet my daughter, Adelaide. Addie, this is Daddy’s friend Aine, Queen of the fairies.” I say as I walk towards Aine, putting extra emphasis on my declaration of Addie being my daughter so that Aine knows not to ask any questions right now.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Adelaide.” Aine says with a warm smile.

  “Hello…” Addie shyly say before turning her face in towards my shirt.

  “Daddy, if this lady is a fairy, where are her wings?” Addie asks in a child’s whisper, i.e. one that is very loud because she doesn’t know how to control her volume yet.

  “Do you mean these?” Aine asks. Behind her, two rainbow-colored butterfly wings, which appear to be made of light, flicker into existence and unfurl themselves. I stare dumbstruck as Addie’s face lights up.

  “They’re so pretty! Look Daddy, pretty!” Addie exclaims.

  “They sure are, Addie. Aine, I wasn’t aware that you had wings, unlike Lila whose wings are immediately noticeable. Speaking of, where is Lila?” I inquire.

  “Lila is at school.” Aine answers.

  “Oh, when does she get home?” I ask.

  “You misunderstand; Lila is going to a boarding school. She won’t be home until her next holiday. She left last week, but Dagda gave both of us special cell phones so she calls almost nightly. I’ll let her know that you’re back the next time she calls.” Aine says.

  “That probably isn’t the best idea… it will most likely only serve as a distraction so it will be better if you just tell her the next time she comes home.” I explain.

  “Yes, that most likely is for the best. She should be home for winter break in December. Uh-oh, it looks like someone is ready for a nap!” Aine exclaims as Addie yawns and rubs her eyes.

  “I think you may be right! Let me just port home and put her to bed, then I’ll come back and we can catch up. Tell Dagda for me, will you? Knowing him, he is most likely about ten seconds away from breaking your door down!” I exclaim and port to the gate before porting back to the house.

  I carry Addie’s sleeping form into my room and tuck her into bed.

  “Hey, I just set Addie down for her nap. I have some things to take care of in Tir na nOg but I’ll be back soon.” I tell Cheza in the living room. Cheza just ignores me, but I trust her to take care of Addie if she wakes up and I’m not here.

  I touch my triskele and port to the gate, where I’m ambushed and a sword is pressed to my throat. I see that Manannan mac Lir is the one holding the sword, which I am guessing is Fragarach and that Dagda has a few questions for me.

  “Who are you?” Dagda asks with his familiar Irish accent.

  “Cole Treyfair.” I reply.

  Fragarach is a magical sword in Irish mythology that makes it impossible for one to tell a lie when the blade is held to their throat, or it may just be a magical lie detector; either way, it is no cause for worry to me.

  “Are you being controlled by anyone?” Dagda inquires.

  “No.” I answer.

  “When I approached you at Lila’s birthday party and told you that your ‘public opinion campaign’ probably wasn’t going to work, what was your response?” Brighid asks.

  “That it was better than doing nothing at all.” I respond. Brighid nods and Manannan mac Lir lifts Fragarach from my throat.

  “Welcome back Cole!” Brighid exclaims and gives me a brief hug.

  “Welcome back boyo, but how are you back?” Dagda asks.

  “I’m sure Aine wants to know too, so let’s go to her dining room where we can sit while I recant my tale.” I suggest.

  Dagda nods and disappears with Brighid and Manannan mac Lir close behind him. I port to Aine’s foyer and walk to the dining room. We all sit down and Aine calls for a maid to bring refreshments. I spend the next hour recanting my experience, starting with my amnesia and ending with my adoption of Addie and the investigation into the supernatural enhancements.

  “Well, that is quite the story, lad!” Dagda exclaims.

  “So, how does it feel being a dad? Adelaide is just too cute by the way.” Aine warmly says.

  “Honestly, it’s terrifying. I feel that every second I’m with her, the closer she gets to death because of me. I want to push her away, but every time I hear her call me Daddy, I just feel so… happy?” I say while staring down at the table.

  I look up to see everyone smiling warmly at me, which is embarrassing, but it is also infinitely creepy coming from the gruff Manannan mac Lir.

  “You’re going to be a fantastic father, Cole. Don’t worry so much; I doubt there are safer places in the universe than by your side.” Brighid says with warm conviction.

  “Thanks Brighid; I hope you’re right. Anyway, I need to be headed home so I’ll see all of you later.” I say as I stand up.

  “Alright, don’t be a stranger boyo; remember that you’re still the god of love and youth!” Dagda reminds me.

  The irony of my love life being in the shitter when I’m the stand-in for the Celtic god of love is not lost on me. I port home and plop down on the couch.

  “Did you have a long day, Cole?” Naia asks from her adjacent position on the couch.

  “Yeah, I’ve been awake since 5am. So, are you excited about going to school?” I inquire.

  “Oh yes! I am very excited!” Naia exclaims while turning her body towards me.

  “What is school like? How many people will there be?” Naia asks excitedly.

  “I’m not too sure. This school is bound to be different compared to what I’m used to.” I reply.

  “What if no one likes me…? What if I cannot make any friends?” Naia quietly inquires.

  “Don’t worry Naia; I’m sure you will make friends and I’ll be there as well!” I reassure her.

  “Thank you, Cole.” Naia smiles with an almost imperceptible sadness in her eyes as she turns back towards the TV.

  …

  I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, Addie is jumping on my balls.

  “Wake up, Daddy! It’s dinner time!” Addie exclaims as I struggle not to double over in pain.

  “Alright… I’ll be there… in a second… sweetie.” I struggle to say.

  “Okay Daddy!” Addie smiles, crawls down from the couch, and runs into the kitchen.

  “You alright there, Cole?” Tia asks as she appears beside me.

  “I think she popped one…” I groan as I reach into my pants… okay, there’s one… where’s two!? I can’t find two!

  “Shit! I can’t find the second one!” I exclaim in a hushed tone.

  “Let me see.” Tia replies as she reaches into my pants and grabs my crotch.

  “Ah!” I yelp. This is actually really awkward…

  “Cole, hurry up! What are you doi—” Cheza says as she walks into the living room. She glares at me, turns around, and walks away.

  “Daddy said we can start without him.” Cheza says rather pointedly from the kitchen.

/>   “Okay, there it is.” Tia announces as she locates my second testicle.

  I limp into the kitchen behind Tia and we sit down for dinner while Cheza glares at me from across the table.

  “You know what you two should do tomorrow? You two should take Adelaide to the park.” Sara suggests to Cheza and I.

  “That actually sounds like a good idea.” I reply.

  “Around sundown would probably be best; the park should be empty by then so you won’t need to worry about disguising her ears and tail.” Sara adds.

  “Yay! I get to go to the park with Mommy and Daddy tomorrow!” Addie exclaims and then looks confused for a moment.

  “What’s a park?”

  …

  Chapter 21: The Essence of Fatherhood

  [September 17th]

  The day was rather uneventful, but I did get to sleep in until 7am. I got up and went to the bathroom for my normal morning, pre-shower shit. On this particular morning, Cole Treyfair learned what being a father is all about.

  “Hey Daddy? What are you doing?” Addie asks through the door, which I thankfully remembered to lock, about one minute after my cheeks hit the seat.

  “I’m using the bathroom, sweetie.” I try to answer as calmly as possible.

  “Why?” Addie asks.

  “How about you go see what Mommy is doing?” I suggest.

  “Okay!” Addie replies and runs off.

  “Hey Daddy?” Addie asks about a minute later.

  “What is it sweetie?” I reply.

  “Mommy told me to tell you to stop reading and get out of the bathroom.” Addie informs me.

  “How about you go see what Auntie Tia is doing?” I suggest.

  “Okay!” Addie replies and runs off.

  “Hey Daddy?” Addie asks about twenty seconds later.

  “How about you go see what Auntie Sara is doing?” I suggest.

  “Okay!” Addie replies and runs off.

  And with that, I was able to finish my business and take a shower. The rest of the day included Sara starting to teach Addie how to read, Addie drawing a picture for me, and me teaching Addie more of the differences between cartoons and reality.