Flawed Beauty

by Potter, LR

  Grabbing Jace’s laptop, she went online to see if she could find the required software package less costly than what the school offered. But it was all similarly priced. Exhaling deeply, she once again clicked onto the help-wanted job sites. She looked through the sites seeking waitresses, but most needed someone for the times she was already working at Zeal’s. She really needed something for the daytime afternoon hours on Saturday and Sunday. She shoved aside her concern of when she was supposed to do her homework. She’d learned a long time ago, you did what you had to.

  Next she clicked through the photographers wanted sections, the graphic designs needed sections, and even the websites designers needed sections, but for a variety of reasons, she didn’t qualify for the jobs. Some wanted completed education; some wanted experience; and some wanted both. Snagging a Post-It from by the phone, she wrote down some of the contact information anyway – maybe, just maybe, something would pan out. The same sickening feeling from before hit the pit of her stomach. She logged off the system and carefully closed the lid with a resounding snap. She didn’t know what she was going to do. She had to have that program in order to complete the class. This was one of the times she wished she still had a family – a normal family – and not the train wreck of a family she actually had.

  She rubbed a hand over her gritty eyes. She rose from the couch and once again roamed restlessly through the apartment. At the end of the hall was Jace’s room. Even if he’d not given her the tour, she’d known this was his room. It carried his clean scent and there was a set of his scrubs draped over a chair with his name stenciled onto the breast pocket. She moved around the room, trying not to snoop too much. Feelings of desperation once more settled into the pit of her belly. She hated to think the previous three years of education would be for naught just because of one stupid software package. She curled up on the bed that smelled like Jace and buried her face into his pillow. It was soothing, and soon her breathing evened and she was asleep.

  Round and round, spinning and spinning. The angel’s smile was as bright as always. Her hands were warm and secure. She made me feel safe… and loved. I smiled up into her splendid face and she smiled back.

  “Be careful and don’t wander off the path. You promise?” the angel asked.

  I nodded solemnly to the angel. I’d promise her anything as long as she didn’t let go of my hand. She smiled down at me and we walked together down a path, it was a little dark and scary and I giggled to cover my fright. From far off in the distance, I saw sunlight at the entrance of our enclosed space. Peering as hard as I can, I saw a sign the color of oranges. I can’t read the words but know some of the letters. But suddenly, I know exactly what the sign says – The Lost Sea, Sweetwater, Tennessee.

  Tate jerked awake. How strange. She smiled at how funny the mind was. She’d just seen the picture Jace’s roommate had taken with that same orange sign and her mind incorporated it into her dreams. Maybe it was the family thing and she’d just been wishing for a normal family – like the ones who would go to the Lost Sea in Sweetwater, Tennessee.

  She rose and stretched. She wondered how long she’d been asleep.

  She was surprised to find Jace sitting on the couch with an amber-colored drink in a crystal glass pressed against his temple. It was one of the few times she’d ever seen him drink.

  “Jace?” she said quietly.

  He jerked his head in her direction. His eyes and his smile were strained.

  “What’s the matter? What happened?” she asked.

  He tossed the rest of his drink into his mouth before answering. “Nothing… work. I lost my first patient tonight.”

  She sat down next to him and laid her hand on his thigh. “I’m so sorry.”

  He blew a huge puff of air out of his mouth. “Me too. Ms. Nettlemeyer had cancer. We all knew it was coming. She’d come through the ER too many times to count. It’s better for her, really. She’s not suffering anymore. She was just a sweet old lady who deserved better, that’s all. Life can be so unfair sometimes.”

  “It really can,” she murmured comfortingly. Her heart burst with love for this man who cared so deeply about one little old lady.

  “The thing that got me the most was she was all alone. I hated that. It was the saddest thing I’d ever witnessed.”

  Tate understood alone. Would she die alone like Ms. Nettlemeyer? Would she at least have someone like Jace to come and hold her hand until she passed to the other side?

  “I’m glad you were there. I’m sure it was comforting to her.”

  He shrugged his shoulders and exhaled heavily. “I hope so,” he said quietly.

  Drawing himself back into the world of the living, he nudged her with his shoulder.

  “What did you do while I was gone? You looked so cute all tangled up in my sheets. I didn’t have the heart to wake you.”

  “Nothing much. Looked at some things online and apparently took a nap.”

  He stared into her eyes for such a long time and with such intensity, she was finally forced to look away. He lifted a hand and placed it tenderly against her cheek.

  “You are so beautiful,” he murmured.

  She blushed and closed her eyes as he drew close to her. His lips were soft, yet firm against hers. With his free hand, he grazed the angles of her face with his fingertips. Easing his fingers into her unruly curls, he pulled her closer into him and deepened the kiss. She could taste the remnants of his drink and felt the coolness from the ice cubes which still lingered. He licked into her mouth softly – easy and gentle. There was no rush, no force, no pressure; only tenderness.

  He slowly eased her down until she was lying on her back on the couch and he was over her, shrouding her body with his own. She wrapped her arms around him. Her heart began to pound as he kissed her. It seemed to twist within her chest at the emotion he evoked, just from a kiss. Needing him closer still, she tightened her arms and arched her body up into his. He groaned into her mouth and shifted his hips against her. She felt the pressure of his erection through the cloth of his scrubs. Involuntarily, her own hips rose up and rubbed against it. She ran her hands up under his shirt to feel his bare skin.

  His kiss became more intense, more urgent, and unhurriedly, he lowered his hands and ran them over the length of her torso, then brought them back to gently cup her breasts. Through the barriers of her clothes, he rubbed his fingers against her nipples, causing her to gasp.

  “I want you,” he whispered, “I need you,” he emphasized.

  She moaned at the effect his words had on her body. She wanted him, she needed him just as much, but was too shy to say anything. This was all new territory for her. When he started to pull back, she tightened her arms even further, wanting to keep the contact of his hard body against hers.

  “I don’t want to do this here. Come with me,” he said raggedly as he rose and held out a hand to her. Without the cloak of invisibility passion had thrown over her, her stomach twisted nervously. But she wanted this memory of him – of them. She hoped tonight would be different from the others. She wanted it to be special with him – this dazzling, sexy, humble, softhearted man. With her hands trembling, she placed one in his and allowed him to pull her to her feet. He wrapped his arms around once more and pressed his lips against hers.

  Pulling back to look into her eyes, he seemed to hesitate.

  Softly he asked, “Tate, before we go any further, for your sake, I need to know, have you ever done this before?”

  A rush of cold water seemed to flow over her body, causing her to shiver. With her eyes downcast, she whispered ashamedly, “Yes.”

  He lifted her head with a finger to her chin. “We’re going to be so good together,” he whispered against her lips. Without another word, he turned and led her into his bedroom. He shut the door behind them, effectively darkening the room; the only light being a small sliver which filtered through the curtains. He intertwined both her hands within his and raised them shoulder-level and pressed her up again
st the door. He eased into her and slowly traced an outline with his tongue around her lips. With a groan, he thrust his tongue into her mouth, making her gasp. As their tongues mated, he lowered his hands and reached for the hem of her shirt. She raised her arms up to allow him to pull it over her head. He reached behind her and unfastened her bra. She was amazed at his ability to perform such a task in the darkness. It also pushed all her insecurities to the surface. His deftness in removing women’s clothing was a learned behavior. How many women had he been with? How would she compare with them? A shiver ran up her spine as she struggled to push down her fear of disappointing him.

  He wasted no time in unfastening her jeans. He leisurely brushed kisses along her jawline and down her neck. He grasped both breasts within his palms and leaned down to stroke her nipples with his tongue before sucking one, then taking the other into his mouth. The shiver running through her body this time was from desire, and not fear. He lowered himself to his knees and licked down the indent in the center of her belly to her bellybutton. He slowly pushed her jeans down and untangled them from her feet, leaving her standing in her panties.

  Rising, he pulled her with him to the bed and stepped away. In the darkness, she heard a drawer open and the crinkle of foil, then the rustle of clothing as he undressed. He returned to her, and with the lightest of touches, he ran his fingertips over the silhouette of her body, causing her to tremble. He turned her to face him, licked his way back into her mouth, and without breaking the kiss, he lowered them to the bed. She felt the heat from his naked body against her own bared skin. Again, as if he had all the time in the world, he began the journey down her body. She inhaled sharply when his hands found her panties and slowly lowered them down her thighs.

  Once she was completely naked, he rose once more over her and kissed her sweetly. He brushed his fingertips softly against the angles of her face. Her stomach ached as she waited for the inevitable slam of his body into hers, of his hands holding her down by her shoulders.

  He brushed his fingertips over her eyes and murmured, “Keep them closed, okay?”

  She swallowed and nodded. Praying it would be different this time.

  Removing his body from hers, he sat up and sensually ran his fingers slowly down her neck, over her shoulders, and sinfully over her breasts, making her gasp and arch her back at the tantalizing sensation. With her eyes closed, the glide of his fingers seemed even more intensified as every one of her senses seemed focus on where he was and the texture of his fingertips on her tingling skin. He swirled his fingertips over the soft, taut skin of her stomach, and backing off the bed, he ran them slowly down her thighs and shins. Starting at the arch of her foot, he ran the tip of his tongue up her leg, slowly, ever so slowly, causing her breathing to become erratic and fast. Her stomach clenched when he reached the inside of her thigh. She nearly bolted from the bed at the feel of his wicked tongue against the folds of her most intimate core. She cried out and thrashed against the rioting sensation he created within her. How could she have ever thought Jace would be like any of the others? They’d just held her down and pounded mindlessly into her, while Jace worshiped her body. He was more intent on her pleasure than his own.

  As he licked and stroked her with his tongue, the pressure began to rise in her and she tangled her fingers in his hair to bring him closer into her. As her passion ignited, he became agitated and aggressive, more frenzied in his administrations of her until with one last flick of his tongue, she bucked against him as tension within her reached its breaking point.

  Breathing heavily and trying to regain control, he once again continued licking his way back up her body. He lapped at her nipples and nipped them to the point of near pain with his teeth before soothing them once again with his tongue. He drifted one hand down to her sex and parted the soft folds. She arched her back and tangled her fingers into his short hair. As he probed her with his fingers so intimately, she was filled with such conflicting feelings: she was on fire, but shivered in need; she wanted the pleasure to continue, but needed resolution. She was filled with need and want for something she wasn’t sure of. The intensity of the feelings scared her, invigorated her. She arched her back and writhed beneath him as the intensity built within her again.

  “Oh, God! Please, please,” she begged, forgetting everything except his lips, his hands, and his body.

  His chest heaving from the effort to restrain himself, he lifted himself off her for just a few seconds to sheath himself with a condom, then returned the heat of his body back to hers. He lowered his hands to her thighs and raised her knees up. He settled his body in the cradle her legs created. Capturing her face within his hands, he kissed her gently.

  Against her lips, he whispered brokenly, “I’ve wanted you from the moment I turned and saw you picking up those damned bottles of water.”

  Flames of desire and confidence as never before licked up body at his words. He wanted her. She wasn’t just a vessel for him to relieve himself in, as it’d been for all the others.

  Thrusting his tongue once more into her mouth, he placed his manhood at the entrance of her body. She trembled at the intimate touch and tangled her hands in his hair, needing relief from the building pressure within. She arched her hips to further the contact. He seemed to hesitate and she once more arched her hips to encourage more of him.

  Breaking the kiss, he whispered raggedly against her ear. “Are you sure? We can stop.”

  “No, don’t stop. Please, don’t stop,” she whispered huskily.

  “Thank God,” he groaned.

  She whimpered when he raised his hips from her. An instant later, he grabbed her hips to keep her positioned where he wanted and then eased himself into her trembling and overheated body – inch by titillating inch. She gloried in the feel of him buried deep within her. They were joined as one. She belonged to him – no matter what happened in the future, in this moment in time, she belonged to him. She tensed slightly at the unusual and tight feel of him inside her. Gasping as he struggled to maintain, he stopped to allow her body time to adjust to his. He wrapped his hands around her face once more and kissed her deeply and passionately.

  Lifting slightly from her lips with his voice trembling, he asked, “Okay?”

  She swallowed and nodded in the darkness. He lifted slightly from her body and eased back into her depths. This time, there was no discomfort, and desire once more licked up her spine and seemed to settle in her belly. He repeated the process over and over again. The tightening in her stomach and her groin made her moan against his lips.

  “God, you feel so good. I want you so much. You are so slick and warm. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you,” he whispered as he buried his face into the curve of her neck.

  The silence of the room was broken only by their pants and groans of pleasure. Slowly, he increased the pace and the pressure continued to build within her. As she gyrated her hips against his in the age-old sexual dance, like a wild animal, she pressed her fingernails into the hard flesh of his back, clawing at him in her desperation of want and need.

  Whimpering, she murmured incoherently, “Please… I need… I can’t… it’s too much… please…” as the pressure mounted beyond anything she’d ever experienced. His hard, slick thrusts became harder and faster and her body tightened around him in direct proportion to his thrusts. Her chest heaved as she struggled to drag air into her lungs. Desire pushed everything else out of her mind except for her body’s need to reach its fulfillment. As the pressure reached its zenith, she dug her fingernails into his hips and arched her body to meet his thrusts, then blissfully she was tossed over the precipice she’d been suspended.

  “Yes, oh yes,” she cried.

  She felt him begin to move quicker and rougher within her then on a straggled oath, he reared back and slammed into her again and again. As he reached his own release, he continued to ease in and out of her a few more times drawing out the pleasure before collapsing on top of her. As she struggled to catch her
breath, he eased his body off hers by rising up on his elbows.

  Tenderly and gently, he rained kisses over face. “God, that was amazing. You were amazing. Are you okay?” he panted against her lips.

  With a shaky voice, she whispered, “Yes.”

  As he began to pull away from her, fear lanced through her and she grabbed his arm. He lifted questioning eyes to hers.

  “Are you coming back?” she asked through her tightened throat.

  Confusion clouded his eyes, and clearly not understanding her question, he smiled down at her and brushed hair from her face. “Of course.”

  With one last kiss, he said, “I’ll be right back,” and untangled their bodies and rose from the bed. She followed her slight view of him in the darkness as he made his way into the bathroom. What happened now? Did she get up and dress? Was she supposed to wait for him to return? It was understood with the many nameless guys of her past, that once they were done, she was free to leave, or they left, sometimes before she was redressed. Did Jace expect her to slip on her clothes and leave without another word?

  Now that passion and desire were gone, her old insecurities returned. While the things he’d done to her body were amazing, how could her fumbling compare to others he’d been with? She couldn’t help compare this loving act of making love to what Nick Tracey and all the others had done to her. But the acts were total poles apart from each other. Jace made her feel special and wanted. The others had made her feel dirty and ruined.

  As she pondered what she was supposed to do, Jace opened the bathroom door and light filtered into the bedroom. She saw his naked form and his hard, chiseled body sent a tingle of warmth through her body. This gorgeous creature had wanted her – had made beautiful, sensual love to her. She sighed when he crawled back into the bed, turned her away from him, before spooning her from behind. She liked the feel of his bare skin against her own. He draped an arm over her, drawing them even closer together.