The Break-Up Diaries

by Ni-Ni Simone

  How am I going to make it through the rest of the day?

  2

  Cheyenne, Todrick, and I are back at my house. We’re in my bedroom, staring at a pile of gifts from Mario. Cheyenne is holding a box in her hand and wearing a scowl on her face. I think she’s still mad that I fished the bracelet out of her trash. What-the-heck-ever!

  “Okay, hand over all of the Mario paraphernalia,” Cheyenne says.

  I am utterly skeptical of this. “What are you going to do with it?” I ask.

  “Well, since you dang near put me in a choke hold to save that cheap bracelet, we’re just going to put everything Mario related in this box.”

  “Then what?” I ask.

  “Then we will store the items in a neutral location until you are willing to be rational about Mario.”

  I cross my arms and plop down on my bed. “Your house is not a neutral location.”

  “Okay,” Cheyenne says as she hands the box to Todrick. “We’ll put the contraband at Todrick’s house.”

  “Gifts from my boyfriend are not contraband!”

  Todrick touches my arm lightly. “He’s not your boyfriend anymore. He’s your ex-boyfriend, Zoey. You should probably get used to saying that.”

  “No. I think that maybe we’re just overreacting. When I asked him if he was breaking up with me, he didn’t come out and say yes,” I explain. “I think he’s on the fence about it.”

  “She’s in denial,” Cheyenne says.

  “Just hear me out!” I say. “Maybe . . . just maybe he’s feeling some kind of way about us. Maybe he’s afraid of how deeply we feel about one another.”

  Big sigh from Cheyenne. Who does she think she is sighing at me? I don’t get frustrated when she tries to force all of her organic, vegan products on me. So, how is she soooo annoyed when I’ve got a real problem going on?

  “Let’s go,” Cheyenne says.

  “Where are we going?” Todrick asks.

  “Dorie and her whole crew are supposed to be at GoKart Heaven this afternoon,” Cheyenne explains.

  “And how do you know the comings and goings of Dorie?” I ask suspiciously.

  “My kid brother Marcus is her brother Ethan’s bestie. There’s a birthday party for Ethan, and he’s annoyed that Dorie is coming and bringing her friends.”

  I consider this outing. If Dorie is there, with Mario, I will probably freak out. I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle that. I haven’t broken up with Mario. Not in my brain and definitely not in my heart.

  “I don’t think this is a good idea,” I say.

  “Do you want to know the truth or not?” Cheyenne asks.

  “If the truth has anything to do with Mario dating Dorie, then no.”

  My cell phone buzzes on the bed. I reach out to grab it, but Cheyenne beats me to it.

  She reads the text aloud. “Hope you are okay—Mario.”

  My heart soars! I know that Mario still cares about me. He’s just feeling a little confused right now. That’s why he put “it’s complicated” instead of “single” on his Facebook status. Why shouldn’t he get to feel this way? We’re teenagers for crying out loud. I feel confused about stuff all the time.

  I feel my sadness evaporate like a pan full of hot dog water.

  “Take that, Cheyenne. I told you we were going to work things out.”

  “First of all, you’re not going to answer this text. Second of all, I don’t think this means anything other than the fact that he’s guilty. It probably makes him feel weird to think about you crying over him!”

  Todrick asks, “Are we going to GoKart Heaven? It sounds like fun.”

  Cheyenne cuts her eyes at Todrick, and he says, “I mean it would sound like fun if we weren’t going to catch Mario in the act of playing you.”

  “Okay, I’ll go,” I say. “But I won’t like it.”

  “Cool,” Cheyenne replies. “Let’s pick out an outfit.”

  I look down at my T-shirt, cargo pants, and Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers. This is standard kicking it gear as far as I’m concerned.

  “What is wrong with what I’m wearing?” I ask. “It’s perfect for go-kart racing.”

  “Your outfit is being planned for Mario, not a go-kart. And it’s got to be hot.”

  Todrick scrunches his nose into a frown. “Why would she be getting all dolled up for Mario? I thought we were helping her get over him, not trying to get him back. I’m not understanding.”

  Cheyenne replies, “She’s not trying to win him back. She’s making him realize what he lost. You are not supposed to understand. You are supposed to observe.”

  “Well, if he’s comparing my looks to Dorie’s, I don’t have a chance. She’s got a great body and mine hasn’t grown in yet. Plus she’s popular. Who am I kidding?”

  “No ma’am,” Cheyenne says. “Nobody cares about having a chance because you aren’t getting back with him. And you are not going to sit here and get down on yourself. You are smart and pretty. You’re popular, too!”

  Cheyenne walks over to my closet and flings the door open. Todrick and I watch in awe as she rifles through my closet, pulling out clothes. She mutters angrily as she puts together ensembles.

  Man, Cheyenne is serious about this.

  Todrick says, “Cheyenne, you’re so angry! It’s like he broke up with you or something.”

  Cheyenne replies, “I just hate jerks like Mario. They get all the girls and nobody holds them responsible for all the people they hurt.”

  Talk about taking it personal.

  After looking at a few options, Cheyenne holds up a cute khaki skirt, cream leggings, a brown and gold baby tee, and a jean jacket. I can rock with this. Definitely fiyah!

  “Okay, I’ll change. But Cheyenne, can I ask you a favor?”

  “What is it?”

  “Can you please not act all charged up when we go to GoKart Heaven? I don’t roll like that.”

  Cheyenne lifts an eyebrow. “If you see what I think you’re gonna see, I’m gonna be the one holding you back.”

  I shrug off Cheyenne’s warning. I believe what they are telling me about Dorie. Todrick wouldn’t say anything like that if he didn’t absolutely know for sure.

  I grab my cute outfit and run into my bathroom to change. I look in the mirror and am not thrilled about my red, puffy and swollen face. This will not do at all. I take a cool face cloth and press it against my eyes, hoping that the swelling will go down some.

  I’ve got to look completely chill and cool and pretty and fresh to death. All of the things that make me Zoey.

  Because, my plan, no matter what Cheyenne says, is to convince my boyfriend, the one that I love, that we should still be together. If I put my game face on, it shouldn’t be all that hard . . . I hope.

  3

  GoKart Heaven used to be one of my favorite places to hang out when I was in middle school. The food is awesome! They have cheddar bacon fries, hot wings, pizza, milkshakes, and a bunch of other perfectly prepared junk foods! All the stuff we love for our pig out sessions. And they have six humongous go-kart race tracks. Some are for beginners, some for the bit more advanced, and some for the daredevils. I’ve done them all!

  I have great memories from here! And I’m hoping to keep all of them intact.

  Cheyenne, Todrick, Cheyenne’s little brother Marcus, and I walk up to the ticket counter to purchase our tickets for the rides. I feel nervousness in the pit of my stomach at what could happen next. I hate feeling nervous.

  If I see Mario here with Dorie, I will remain calm. I will ride the go-karts a few times. I will split some fries with Todrick, and then I’ll go home to lick my wounds. Maybe, I’ll even change my Facebook status!

  That is the plan.

  We walk indoors to the table area where they set up the birthday parties for little kids. Marcus takes off running with his little birthday present for Ethan.

  Dorie is helping her mom set plates out in front of the kids. Pretending that she’s a nice person who helps h
er mom. Yeah, right. If I see her with Mario, I won’t have anything nice to say about her. She’ll be nothing but a boyfriendstealer to me.

  Everyone in glee club knows we’re together. We sit together on every bus trip. I decorated his locker for his birthday. He gave me a singing telegram for mine. Everyone thought it was cute.

  Everybody knows. Including Dorie. So if she’s kicking it with Mario, this makes her a boyfriendstealer.

  I can’t say that I’m friends with Dorie, though. That would make it much worse, I guess. If she was my friend, I’d be losing a boyfriend and a bestie.

  But, I’m getting ahead of myself. I haven’t lost anyone or anything yet. Because until I see it with my own eyes, I’m still in the game.

  Now Dorie is waving for us to come over to the table. She’s got a huge smile on her face like she’s happy to see us. That’s funny, because I’m feeling quite the opposite about her right now.

  “What the what?” Cheyenne asks. “Why is she trying to play like we’re cool, when we so obviously are not?”

  “Yeah,” Todrick adds. “This is Twilight Zone type stuff.”

  Actually, this makes me feel good. If Dorie’s being so friendly toward us, then maybe she’s not trying to be that chick that stole my boyfriend.

  “Cheyenne!” Dorie squeals as we approach. “Thank you so much for bringing your brother! He and Ethan are so close.”

  She sounds ridiculously bubbly. Too bubbly if you ask me. This makes me extremely suspicious.

  “Hey Dorie,” I say. “Happy Birthday, Ethan.”

  Both Cheyenne and Todrick wave without saying anything. I guess I’m more willing to give her the benefit of the doubt than they are.

  Dorie’s little brother just stares at me like he wants to yell out, “Stranger danger!” or something.

  Then Ethan says, “See, Mom! Why are Dorie’s friends here?”

  Dorie’s mother looks at us and squints. Then, she pats little Ethan on the back.

  “Oh, honey, these aren’t Dorie’s friends. They’re just people she knows from school. They’re dropping Marcus off. Isn’t that right?”

  Wow! Way to let us know that we’re not welcome. Apparently Dorie gets her clique behavior honestly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone’s mom be so rude.

  Cheyenne says, “Come on y’all. Let’s go get some food.”

  We go to the snack counter and place our orders for fries and pizza and then take a seat in front of the counter to wait. Everything at GoKart Heaven is cooked to order. That’s why it tastes so good.

  OMG! I just sounded like a random commercial.

  “Dorie’s mother is rude,” Todrick says. “She didn’t even want Dorie to introduce us.”

  “Yeah! Really rude, especially since I was in Girl Scouts with Dorie for all of elementary school,” Cheyenne says. “She and my mother had a fight one year over some Thin Mints and it was all over. She probably hates that her son is in my dad’s Boy Scout troop. That’s how Ethan and Marcus got to be friends.”

  Todrick laughs out loud. “Thank you for giving us all this hater history before we went over to meet the lady!”

  I join in the laughter. “I’m just trying to figure out why Dorie called us over to the table. It’s like she knew her mother was gonna front or say something crazy. Maybe that’s what she wanted.”

  Cheyenne waves a hand in the air. “Dorie’s skanky mama is irrelevant. Let’s stay on task here.”

  “Dang!” Todrick exclaims. “You called Dorie’s mother skanky! Harsh!”

  “Listen here!” Cheyenne fusses. “We are not about to debate whether or not Dorie’s mother is a skank. We’re waiting for Mario to show up.”

  “He’s not coming,” I say. “Because I’ve got a feeling he’s still into me. All the gossip y’all heard was just that. Gossip.”

  Our food is ready and Todrick goes to the counter to get our trays. Cheyenne watches Dorie’s group like a hawk, but I only glance over in their direction every few minutes or so. I don’t want to seem like we’re here stalking them, but apparently Cheyenne doesn’t care what they think.

  Dorie’s cheerleader friends stream in one by one, all wearing our school colors, black and gold. They all look so pretty and perfect with their high ponytails, ribbons, and bear paw face paint. Just like a Disney movie or something.

  “I can’t stand them,” Cheyenne says. “They think they’re all that, and they’re really just a bunch of fakers.”

  “They look pretty real to me,” I reply.

  Todrick sets our food down on the table, and rubs his hands together. “I hope y’all are hungry, and if you’re not I can finish what you don’t eat.”

  I thought I was hungry, but as soon as I saw the pretty perfects walk up in the spot, my stomach started doing flip-flops. Now, I don’t know if I want any food. Actually, I feel those random bites of French toast churning like a miniature tornado in my midsection. This is not a good thing.

  “Go ahead,” I say. “Chow down on the fries. If I get hungry later, I’ll grab some.”

  So far, no Mario, and that’s good. There are some boys with their group now, but none of them are Mario’s friends so I’m feeling good about that. To keep from looking at them, I watch Todrick vaporize the food like it’s his last meal on planet Earth.

  “Isn’t there anyone else you have a crush on?” Todrick asks. “I mean, I feel kind of like a stalker, waiting for Mario to show up. If he wants things to be complicated, I don’t see why you can’t just be on to the next one.”

  Cheyenne gives him a high five across the table. “That’s the first great thing you’ve said all day Todrick. She should just kick this buster to the curb and start digging on someone else. That’s the most logical thing to do.”

  I shake my head. “Y’all don’t know Mario like I do! He’s the only guy I’d want to kick it with right now. I’ve already planned out our prom colors. I’m wearing teal and he’s wearing white. We’ve even talked about college. We’re either going to go to Texas A & M or Prairie View, unless he gets a basketball scholarship somewhere. With my grades, I can go wherever I want. So we’ll be able to be together no matter what.”

  Cheyenne and Todrick stare at each other and then back at me.

  “What? There is nothing wrong with planning for the future. That’s why so many young people look up their senior year and they don’t know what they’re going to do. I am a planner. That’s what I do. And there is nothing wrong with that. Even though y’all are looking at me crazy. I don’t care about y’all looking at me like that.”

  Blank, silent stares from both of them.

  Then finally Cheyenne says, “This is unhealthy.”

  I’m unhealthy? Wow, okay. Cheyenne calling me unhealthy is like the pot calling the kettle black. It’s not very healthy how she pushes every boy away like they have the plague. She doesn’t trust anyone! She thinks every boy has one prime directive—to hook up. And true enough most of them do, not all of them are the same. Mario never pressured me at all.

  Todrick lets out a small belch. “That was delicious. Can we go ride some go-karts?”

  “Rude! And yes, this staring at Dorie and her lame-o friends is getting on my nerves,” Cheyenne says. “I need a change of scenery.”

  We toss the remaining crumbs into the trash and head outdoors to the go-kart tracks. We pick one of the intermediate tracks to start, and then we’ll work our way up. The line is pretty long, so we get in it, before a rush of kids comes out of the food court and makes us have to wait even longer.

  “How are you feeling?” Todrick asks me as the line progresses. “You look a little stressed.”

  “Ya think? I just want this whole thing to be some nightmare I’m having. Any moment I’ll wake up.”

  Cheyenne says, “Usually, I can tell when I’m having a dream, because all types of weird stuff is taking place. It’s like my body wants me to know I’m dreaming.”

  “Like what?” Todrick asks.

  “Okay, for examp
le, if I have to use the bathroom while I’m dreaming, in the dream, I’m walking around looking for a bathroom. But I can never find one that has a closed door. Like it’s always something where people can see me, so I never go.”

  I burst into laughter. “That’s your body trying to keep you from peeing in the bed!”

  All three of us crack up laughing. Just like this is any other Christmas break day. But it isn’t really just any other day, is it?

  “Are you getting cash for Christmas?” I ask Todrick. “I asked for money and gift cards.”

  “Me too,” Todrick says. “Hopefully I got some kind of game system, too, and a gift card to Game Stop. Holla at ya’ boy!”

  Cheyenne sucks her teeth. “You two are so materialistic.”

  “What did you ask for?” Todrick asks.

  “Nothing. My mom knows what I like. I’ll be happy with whatever I get.”

  I roll my eyes. “You kill me acting like you’re so much more mature than us. You like Hollister T-shirts too. Stop acting like you don’t want gift cards.”

  Cheyenne giggles. “I didn’t say I don’t want them. I just never ask for anything. Then my mother thinks I’m all about the spirit behind giving. In turn, I get more stuff. Get hip to the game!”

  More laughing from us, and I’m glad we’re having so much fun, because the line seems to be moving much faster with us shooting the breeze.

  Then it happens.

  The exact thing that I was convinced wouldn’t happen.

  Dorie and Mario walk out to the go-kart line, arm and arm.

  My stomach drops and I swallow a mouthful of spit. Cheyenne and Todrick don’t see them yet. But they both stare at me. I probably look like a statue, frozen in time, because I cannot move. Cheyenne follows my eyes with her own.

  “Oh crap,” she says. “The jerk has made his appearance.”

  Dorie and Mario don’t want to wait in line, so they get in front of some of their friends. I hear Dorie saying to the people at the end of the line, “Sorry, we’re all together.”

  I don’t want them riding the same time as me. I don’t want them anywhere near me. I don’t want them on the same planet as me.