The Break-Up Diaries

by Ni-Ni Simone

  I smiled at his sarcasm and tried to relax a bit. If I didn’t calm down, I’d talk myself into leaving. And after a night like this, DeMarco would probably write me off as high strung.

  We sat on the couch and he said, “I’m sorry for how Jimmy treated your friend.”

  “It’s okay I don’t hold that against you, I know you didn’t have nothing to do with how he was acting.”

  “No, it’s not okay, and I told him that he shouldn’t have done that, told him he could have us both locked up.”

  He sounded sincere. Maybe he was sorry.

  Our eyes met and held.

  He put his arm around me. “Shorty, I want you to be my girl.”

  “Where did that come from?”

  “My heart.” He pointed to his chest.

  Ahhh. I thought he looked so cute and I believed him

  He kissed me and grabbed my booty. Dang, I thought. He was trying to see my blue thong tonight. I didn’t know if I could resist.

  4

  Candace called the next day and the first thing she said was, “I can’t believe you hooked up with DeMarco.”

  “Why not?”

  “Him and his boy are so dang trifling and disrespectful.”

  “What are you talking about? DeMarco didn’t do anything to you.”

  “Yeah, but he acted like he believed what Jimmy was telling him.”

  I stared at my phone. I really wanted to hang up on her. Who was she to tell me who I could hang out with. I understood why she would be upset. I was there, and I was upset with her. I wished that what happened wouldn’t have ever happened, but it did and there was nothing I could do to change it.

  “So you’re gonna pick a dude over your best friend? That dude hasn’t been there for you since the second grade. I was there for you when your parents divorced.”

  Now one thing I hate is when somebody does something for me or is supportive of me in a certain way and then brings it up. Candace was pissing me off.

  “Candace, what is your point?”

  “My point is we’re in high school. There will be more boyfriends, but you only have one best friend.”

  “Okay . . .”

  “This dude is bad news, I told you that before, you need to leave him alone.”

  “You need to stay out of my business.”

  “Zori, I’m just being a concerned friend. There is nothing wrong with me being concerned.”

  “A friend? Is that what you call being a friend.” I put the phone down for a second, trying to gather my thoughts and keep my composure. I didn’t want to curse my best friend out, but she was making me so mad. I picked the phone up again. “Listen, Candace, I’m not going to stop seeing DeMarco for something he had nothing to do with.”

  “O.M.G. He had nothing to do with? You must have forgotten. He was the one that invited Jimmy to come with us in the first place. It was DeMarco’s idea. It was DeMarco’s friend.”

  “Okay, but he apologized. What else do you want me to do?”

  “You need to stop seeing him.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  “No you’re crazy, you’re the one with the thug boyfriend.”

  “Listen Candace, just because he didn’t come from a nice neighborhood like us don’t mean that he’s bad.”

  “Neighborhood has nothing to do with him being a thug, he’s a thug because he sells drugs.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Duh . . . You know he sells drugs, now what if we would have gotten pulled over with that weed on us.”

  “We didn’t, Candace.”

  “I know we didn’t, but we could have.”

  She was being ridiculous and argumentative, I didn’t want to keep arguing with her. I knew she was talking like this because she was upset and she was clearly trying to make me feel guilty about what happened, but that was not my fault. There was an awkward silence on the phone.

  Candace finally said, “You should not be with him.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he’s a hoodlum and a drug dealer.”

  “That’s not all true, and even if it was, it wouldn’t stop me.”

  “I’m telling your mom.”

  Now this chick was being ridiculous. How was she gonna tell on me. Why was she going to tell on me. I knew so many of her secrets. “You remember Barry the college boy, don’t you?”

  Barry was a senior at the University of North Carolina. And Candace had gone out with him several times. He took her virginity. She would still see him from time to time and I’m sure they were still sleeping together.

  Again there was silence on the phone. She was thinking. I knew she was trying to decide if her information was worth sharing. While I knew my Mom would be pissed at me and probably take my car away, her Dad would go ballistic. He thought she was still a virgin.

  “Fine then, just don’t speak to me anymore,” she said.

  I hung up the phone.

  Three days later, I was still mad about my conversation with Candace. But as I sat with DeMarco in his brother’s truck, waiting for classes to start, I knew I’d made the right decision. He held me tight and kissed me softly. Then he whispered, “I really wanna be with you.”

  As much as I wanted to hear those words from him, I wondered what he meant. I really liked him but I didn’t know if there was more to it than my fascination with being with a bad boy.

  Luckily, I didn’t get a chance to answer ’cause a phone buzzed and it wasn’t mine. I always kept my phone off at school ’cause we weren’t allowed to have our phones on. “I think your phone is ringing.”

  DeMarco didn’t move an inch toward his phone; he just kept kissing my neck. And at that moment I wanted to leave school. I wanted it to be just him and me. But the buzzing of his phone interrupted my thoughts.

  I spotted his bag in the backseat of the car. The buzzing noise came from the book bag. I grabbed it.

  He yanked my arm hard. “Gimme my book bag.”

  Oh no he didn’t try to snatch that bag from me. His D Boy was showing.

  We tussled until he finally gained possession of the bag. Just then, the bag opened and the phone—and four bags of marijuana—spilled from the book bag.

  A hardened look appeared on his face. He scooped the baggies up and placed them back in the book bag. “Yo, get out of this car.”

  “What?” I knew I’d heard him right. But it startled me a little.

  “Get out, now.”

  “I won’t.” I crossed my arms and refused to move.

  “Why do you have to be so nosey?”

  “Why you gotta be a drug dealer?”

  “Drugs? Who got drugs? This ain’t nothing; this is weed.”

  My face became stern. “You can go to jail for this.”

  “I ain’t afraid of jail.”

  “Well, I am. I got my whole life ahead of me and there is no way that I’m going to jail for you or nobody else.”

  I uncrossed my arms and looked at my watch. It was almost time for us to go to class. “Well, then, you’re stupid. And I don’t wanna be with a stupid guy.”

  He dropped his head. Looked down at the floor. There was a brief silence as he gathered his thoughts and I gathered mine. It was funny that what had drawn me to him—that bad boy image—had also turned me off. I guess I liked the fact that he was a bad boy until I actually saw the drugs. Seeing those bags of weed changed the way I felt about him. The way I felt about the whole bad boy persona. I still liked him, but I knew it was like mom said: People won’t change because I want them to change. They will change when they want to change.

  He looked at me with sad eyes. “Hey, I’m sorry.”

  “Look, I just don’t want you to go to jail, because this is something you don’t have to do.”

  “You don’t know what I have to do. You have your mother.”

  “And you’re a gifted athlete that takes advanced classes.”

  “I don’t need you to give me a speech.”

  I co
uld see he was going to stand his ground on this, so I opened the door of the car and got out. “See you later.”

  “Later, shorty.”

  I was on my way to my homeroom when Jay appeared. “Can I speak to you for a minute?” His voice was businesslike. Not friendly at all.

  I looked at my watch. I was going to be late for homeroom. So was he. “Can it wait till after homeroom? I will meet you in front of C building.”

  “It won’t take long.”

  “Okay.” I studied his face. Why wasn’t he smiling ? This is not what I was used to with Jay.

  “Are you DeMarco’s girlfriend?”

  My mind raced. Why did Jay ask me this? Where had he gotten this information from? Though I wasn’t officially DeMarco’s girlfriend, I felt like I’d been caught.

  “Jay, where is this coming from?”

  “Yes or no?” he said. His voice still stern like Mr. Addison the principal.

  “No.”

  “Okay, I saw a picture of you and him.”

  “A picture of me and him?” I thought back. Then I remembered the picture that DeMarco and I had taken the night of the double date.

  “Okay, we went out before and we’d taken a picture. I am in high school as you are in high school, I have to focus on my work, as you should. I have no time for boyfriends, but I do date. Jay, I don’t owe you an explanation.”

  “You’re absolutely right, I just don’t want to be caught up in the middle of no B.S. I’ve known DeMarco since we were little and he’s a pretty tough dude.”

  Wow, Jay sounded like such a wus. “Look, Jay, I’ll say it again. I don’t owe you no explanation and I don’t belong to DeMarco.”

  “I’m sorry, I just wanted to know. Wanted to know if I had to watch my back or something. I know how some guys can get over girls.”

  “There is no need to be sorry, Jay. Like I said before, I don’t belong to anyone. Not you. Not DeMarco.”

  “But does he know that?”

  I was a bit annoyed at that point. The warning bell rang and I didn’t have all day to be explaining to Jay that me and DeMarco were not an item, I’d just told him that I didn’t belong to him or nobody else. What was so hard about that to understand ? Why didn’t Jay get that. For somebody that was so intelligent, he really lacked common sense. He didn’t even have a spoonful. “Jay, I’m not DeMarco’s girlfriend.”

  “I understand.”

  “Anything else you would like to know?”

  He smiled. “I’m ready for the dance.”

  “I’m ready for class.” I looked at my watch. The bell rang.

  “I gotta go Jay.”

  After school, DeMarco called and told me to meet him at Southpark Mall. I met him at the entrance of the mall. He said that he wanted to take me shopping. No guy had ever taken me shopping, except my dad. At first I was kind of hesitant about going shopping with him, I didn’t want him to think I owed him anything and darn sure didn’t want him to think that I could be bought. But all my reservations went out the window when we walked into the Abercrombie and Fitch store and I saw these distressed jeans that I had to have and when I went to the Gap store I saw two belts that I wanted. I got two pairs of shoes from Aldo’s and a couple of dresses from Betsy Johnson. I know DeMarco had to have spent at least seven hundred dollars, maybe more. Every time he pulled a wad of money from his pocket, I would look away. Even though we’re just buying clothes I just felt like what we were doing was wrong, and it didn’t help that people stared at us probably wondering where in the heck were these kids getting all this cash. He carried my bags and when we walked out of the mall I said, “Thanks.”

  He just looked at me for a long time, as if he wanted to tell me something. I wanted to ask him why he was doing this. I wanted to ask him where he’d gotten the money to pay for everything we’d bought today, but I knew that would be a stupid question, because I’d just seen the weed he’d brought to school to sell. I knew that he’d bought me these things with his drug money. I looked down at the shopping bags, trying not to think about where he’d gotten the money to buy me these nice things. I knew that I would have to hide my new stuff from my mom, ’cause she’d want to know how I came by it and I didn’t want to have a conversation with her about DeMarco and his drug dealing.

  DeMarco put his arms around me and said, “I love you, baby.”

  And I believed him.

  5

  The next day, I was on my way to school when my phone rang. It was Daddy, I hadn’t heard from him in two weeks. He had been sent to New Jersey by his job. I answered on the first ring. “Hey, Daddy.”

  “Hey, how has my girl been?”

  “I’ve been good. I missed you.”

  “Well, that’s exactly why I called you to let you know that I’ll be in town later this evening. I want to meet up with you and maybe we can go get something to eat, and I want to take you to the mall, you know take you shopping.”

  Wow, I thought, I just gone shopping with DeMarco and now Daddy was going to take me shopping. This was perfect. This way if Mom ever came in my room and questioned the things that DeMarco bought me, I could just say Daddy bought them. She wouldn’t question him. She knows he buys me things all the time.

  “I can’t wait, Daddy!”

  “I can’t wait to see my little girl.”

  I hate being addressed as a little girl, but somehow when Daddy called me his little girl, it always made me feel special like I was cared for and protected, the same feeling I had gotten yesterday with DeMarco in the mall.

  The next morning, I dressed for school in the new Abercrombie distressed jeans that I had gotten yesterday. I ordinarily wouldn’t have worn them this soon after buying them, but it was a perfect time to wear them. Mom had left for work when I woke up and I knew she wouldn’t get off till six o’clock, so there was no way she would see me with them on. I would have taken them off by the time she got off work. I saw DeMarco in the parking lot sitting in the truck with Lil Jimmy. I was actually hoping that they didn’t see me. I knew they were probably smoking or something. Or there was probably a few bags of weed in the truck. Either way I didn’t want to be involved in whatever they had going on. I kept walking. I would see DeMarco some other time.

  Lil Jimmy yelled out, “Shorty.”

  I turned and he said, “How you gonna walk past us? You see us over here.”

  I might as well get them out the way. I approached the truck and just as I suspected, a strong marijuana stench seeped through the windows. DeMarco’s eyes were almost closed.

  “Hey baby,” he said.

  “Hey, I guess y’all ain’t going to class, huh?”

  DeMarco looked down at his watch. “Debating it right now.”

  Jimmy turned to DeMarco and said. “Man, let’s just go home, let’s get outta here before one of these snitches spots us.”

  I made eye contact with DeMarco. “Don’t listen to your friend, you need to come on to class.”

  Jimmy looked at me. He was clearly upset with what I had said. “Now, shorty, you need to stay out of this.”

  “Jimmy, your energy is negative.”

  Jimmy looked at DeMarco and then back at me and then said “You need to check this broad.”

  I was upset now, because I did not like anyone calling me a broad. I swear I have never fought a boy but if Jimmy called me out of my name one more time I was gonna punch this little munchkin in his face. “Jimmy, don’t call me out of my name again. I didn’t call you out of your name, so please don’t call me outta my name again.”

  “You tripping. How you gonna say Jimmy is negative energy but I can’t say nothing to you.”

  “I just notice when DeMarco is around you, he’s smoking and debating skipping school. And you’re just so freaking disrespectful.”

  “Now how are you gonna call me disrespectful, when you’re the one that was trying to walk by without speaking after my man took you to the mall and splurged on little bourgie self.”

  I couldn’
t believe what I had just heard. It was obvious DeMarco had bragged to his friends that he had taken me shopping. Like I was in need or something. I didn’t ask him to take me shopping and I wasn’t about to let his friend talk to me like I was some low budget hood rat.

  “What is he talking about?” I asked DeMarco, though it was obvious that he was talking about our little trip to the mall.

  DeMarco’s eyes had been almost shut but at my tone, his eyes were wide open. I had his full attention. He looked at Jimmy. “He don’t know what he’s talking about.”

  “He just said that you took me shopping.”

  “I told him we went to the mall.”

  I was infuriated now. This dude Jimmy must have thought I was a charity case and DeMarco must have thought I could be bought with a few items at the mall.

  DeMarco got out of his truck and approached me, wrapping his arms around me. “Listen babe I’m sorry about Jimmy.”

  “How many times are you going to be sorry? I swear to you one of these days that dude is gonna get you in big trouble.”

  DeMarco looked at me as he held me. His eyes looked very sad, he said. “You don’t understand he’s like a brother to me.”

  I looked at my watch and said, “I have to go to class and you should too.”

  I was so glad to see my daddy’s car in the driveway when I came home from school. He was smiling brightly when he saw me. He looked magnificent today. Daddy was always a good looking man but he looked extra fit today. I knew he’d been working out a lot lately and it showed. Daddy was fifty but if it wasn’t for the few strands of gray hair in his goatee, Daddy wouldn’t look a day over thirty-eight. He gave me a warm hug. “I missed you so much, sunshine.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  I ran in the house and put up my book bag and came back and jumped in Daddy’s car.

  He said, “Let’s go pick up Candace.”

  I kind of figured he would want to go pick up Candace or at least ask about her. Both my parents had known Candace since she was a baby, and Candace and I were like sisters even though Candace had a sister that was ten years older than she was. She and I were closer since we were the same age. I didn’t want to tell Dad that we weren’t speaking, but I knew he was going to insist we go pick her up. “Daddy, Candace and I aren’t speaking.”