He pauses, and I’m hoping that’s the end.
But I’m terrified it’s not.
Listening to Javier hurts like it’s my own pain. I see too easily how he must have felt. I understand too well the anger that drove him. Stupidly, I want a happy ending to this story, although I know there’s no such thing.
‘The next thing I knew, a fireman was trying to wake me on the road outside my burning home. He’d carried me out, unconscious. He asked me whether there was anyone else inside.’ Javier’s head is in his hands. ‘I couldn’t help them. I was still so drunk my stupid legs wouldn’t work so I crawled along the garden and up the front steps but I was too late.’
For the first time since I’ve known him, I’m the one to offer Javier a shoulder. And he takes it briefly, resting his head against me before straightening.
He sucks in a lungful of air and is back in control. ‘They said it was an accident, an electrical fault or something, but I know better. I killed them as sure as if I’d lit a match. So, yeah. If I can save you from making the same mistakes, I will. If I can help … your family, I will. I’m under no illusion that it will bring back my wife or my child, but it’s something.’
‘It is.’ It makes a strange kind of sense. I feel like the dumbest of dumb kids for having questioned his motives. ‘But why us? Why me?’
‘Because you’re like me.’ The side of his mouth lifts. ‘Not as good-looking, obviously, but you’re decent and angry and good with animals. I want to help you. The offer is there if you want it.’
It’s the answer I kind of expected but hearing it loosens the permanent clamp of worry around my chest for the first time I can remember. Do I have a chance? Possibility opens up in front of me. ‘If I agreed to your offer, what would happen?’
‘You still need to get the right marks and we’d look into academic scholarships, but you’d have a loan from me to help. There’d be someone back here you can count on to watch out for your sister.’ He hesitates. ‘And your mum, while you’re away at school.’
The imminent parole hearing is a cloud over my family. ‘Even if Dad comes around?’
‘It won’t be a problem. I’ll take care of them.’
The tenderness in his tone when he mentions Ma reminds me of Scarlett’s theory. I fold my arms. ‘Are you planning to make a move on my mum?’
He considers the question. As far as I know, Javier has never lied to me. If he starts now, all bets are off.
The memories of his wife are raw in the lines of grief near his eyes. ‘Honestly, I don’t know. If I do, I’ll talk to you about it first.’
‘Fair enough.’
Javier holds out his hand. ‘Do we have a deal?’
I lift mine to shake, then pause before dropping it back to my side. I can’t forget the little dog asleep in the cage back at the surgery. If Callie’s right and Jonny did this as a warning not to tell, it will change everything.
It was hard enough to believe she’d rat out her brother for me. I don’t know if she’ll risk another ‘warning’ like that.
The dream of uni and a future flickers in my chest. I want it. I want it so bad. Javier looks at me quizzically, but I can’t explain.
I shove my hands in my pockets. ‘Ask me tomorrow.’
CHAPTER
17
Callie
After leaving the vet surgery, I call home and leave a message letting Dad know what happened to Lion. I explain about finding him and then stumble on Rhett’s name, wishing too late that I hadn’t mentioned who helped me.
Then I check my text messages, but there are none from Bree.
‘Going my way?’ Bree’s familiar voice nearly makes me drop my phone. She’s leaning out the window of her hot yellow sports car a few metres away.
‘How did you find me?’ I’ve taken the long way home, even though I’m sick of the thoughts looping in my brain. I’m not ready to deal with my family.
‘It’s not that big a town.’ Bree gestures for me to get in. ‘I’ll give you a ride home.’
She was so pissed with me yesterday, I’m not sure I trust the sudden change. ‘What do you want?’ My belly sloshes near my shoes. She should be at the hospital keeping vigil. ‘Is Hayden worse?’
‘No. He’s stable. Can’t I offer my best friend a lift home?’
I hesitate still, my hand on the door. ‘Have you considered acting?’
Her lips purse. ‘Why?’
‘Because you actually managed to say that with a straight face.’
She shifts in her seat. Almost a squirm. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Really? You’ve been ignoring my texts since the hospital yesterday and now you show up out of nowhere and act like nothing’s happened. Suspicious, much?’
She sighs, her shoulders sag. ‘I want to talk to you. Do you have to make it such a big deal?’
Remorse doesn’t completely erase my doubts but I slide into the passenger seat. I keep my arms across my chest, still uncomfortable with the tight top Scarlett lent me, and surprised that Bree hasn’t commented on it. ‘Talk, then.’
She doesn’t move to put the car into gear. It idles quietly and it says something about her inner turmoil that she doesn’t touch up her lipstick in the mirror or check her phone when it buzzes.
‘I should have listened to you at the hospital,’ she says at last. ‘I’m listening now. Tell me what you saw.’
I hesitate.
She touches my shoulder. ‘Please.’
So I do. I explain about running outside to vomit, and then seeing Scarlett with Hayden and the other boys from the football team. I tell her Rhett tried to intervene. And that he tried to walk away. Finally, I tell her that Sean is the one who put her boyfriend in hospital. It’s a relief, to put it all into words.
‘I didn’t want to believe it could be true about Hayden and Scarlett. It really sucks to think of your boyfriend screwing around behind your back. Worse, that he’d try to hurt someone. What they were planning to do to her …’ She can’t get the words out. ‘I thought I knew him.’ And then she’s crying. ‘I can’t believe it.’
‘I don’t really want to either, but there’s more. Last night a group of idiots from the bonfire went and ransacked the Barkers’ house. Jonny led them … Right after we broke up.’
Her head comes up. ‘You broke up with Jonny?’
‘Things have been off for a while, and when I confronted him about the other girls, he admitted he’d been messing around. After that he got all fired up and went looking for Rhett.’
‘Did they fight?’
‘I warned Rhett in time. I had to.’
‘Are you okay? This sucks.’
‘Tell me something I don’t know.’
She seems to consider my throwaway line as a genuine command. There’s a long silence and finally she takes a deep breath. ‘It’s just that I’ve never been enough for you,’ she says quietly.
It takes me a second to process her words. As far as I knew, we were fighting about Hayden, and Jonny and Rhett and what happened Friday night. This seems to be something else. ‘What do you mean?’
She stares out through the front windscreen, but I don’t think she’s seeing the sea in the distance.
‘I’m not Roxy.’ Three words, but with more sadness than I thought Bree capable of feeling.
Shows how much I know.
‘I don’t expect you to be.’
Her hands rub along the steering wheel. ‘I know. God, I know that, and I think that’s worse, in a way. I’m the other friend. Not even good enough for you to imagine I could replace the friend you lost. The amazing Roxy.’ She holds up her hands before I can comment on the sarcasm. ‘I’m not one to speak ill of the departed, but you do know she might have grown up to be a real bitch?’
Automatic denial springs to my lips. ‘Roxy would have been perf—’
Bree’s looking at me now, her lovely eyes wide, like she knows exactly what I was going to say. And that in al
most saying that, I’ve proven her point.
‘You’re my best friend,’ I say lamely.
‘Out of your living friends, maybe, but that’s all,’ she retorts. ‘It’s no fun to be compared to a dead girl and be found wanting.’
‘I haven’t done that.’
‘Really? How many times have you called me looking for advice?’
‘Um …’
‘You’ve been there for me over breakups and things but how many times have you let me be there for you? You always, always handle things alone. Study pressures, your family stuff, boy stuff …’
‘I don’t. Or, at least, I haven’t meant to.’ I stare down at my hands twisting over each other. Thinking back over the times I’ve sat alone in my room with my guitar instead of reaching out to my friend.
Maybe she’s not entirely wrong. While I’ve done all the usual friend things—sleepovers, constant phone calls—I’ve always held a part of myself back. And not just from Bree. I’ve been unwilling to let anyone get too close, for fear of letting them down and losing them like I lost Roxy.
Until this weekend. Until Rhett.
He snuck in under my guard in less than a day. Bree has been by my side for years without really getting close. I didn’t even realise what I was doing, but obviously she did. No wonder she’s been a bit distant.
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘You could start with sorry.’
That’s the Bree I know. I chuckle. ‘Sorry.’
She smiles back. She’s never been very good at staying mad. It’s something I haven’t let myself appreciate until now. ‘Me too. I should have told you I thought Jonny was being a first-class slime merchant.’ She looks at her hands, picking at a tiny chip in her pink nail polish. ‘I guess I was worried that if you guys broke up we’d have even less in common. Then you’d have no reason at all to hang out with someone like me.’
She’s taken my world and flipped it. This has been brewing for longer than a few days. How could I not have seen that the friendship I took for granted was on shaky ground? Probably the same way I didn’t see what was happening with my dad’s job. Pretending everything is fine is easier than trying to work out why it’s not.
Now I need to make things right between us. ‘Why do I need a reason?’
Her long eyelashes shield eyes bright with tears. Unlike me, Bree’s emotions are never far from the surface. ‘You have this super-detailed plan for your life and it seems to be all you care about. I was afraid just hanging out wasn’t important enough. Not when my goals consist of getting through this year and hoping I’ll figure out what I want to do with my life later.’
I take her hand and give it a squeeze. ‘I love hanging out with you.’ I start out saying it to make her feel better and then realise it’s the truth. I know a lot of people only see Bree’s snobby, bitchy side but she makes me nearly wet myself laughing when I’m feeling down, and apart from the last couple of days, she’s always been around when I’ve needed her. And she’s never asked for anything in return.
Time spent doing nothing with Bree has been some of the happiest time I’ve spent.
‘Really?’ She’s painfully hopeful. ‘Even though I’m nothing like you?’
I clear my throat. ‘Maybe we’re not so different. You talk like I have it all together but … I’m not so sure about my plan anymore.’
Her eyes bug. ‘But you’ve been going to be a doctor since, well …’
Roxy hangs between us again. Right where she’s been for so long.
I hesitate. Opening up doesn’t come easily. ‘I don’t know,’ I admit. ‘It’s not that I don’t want it anymore, I’m just not so sure that it’s everything.’
Bree nods sagely. ‘It’s about Rhett, isn’t it?’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘The way you spoke about warning him last night. You’re different.’ There’s no censure in her tone.
She’s right. And I don’t want to pretend I’m not. I can’t act as though the last couple of days haven’t changed everything, as terrifying as that is. ‘I am different. It’s not just Rhett, it’s everything. Jonny, Mum … I’m tired of trying to make everyone else happy. I don’t want to be the person they want me to be.’
‘And that means telling everyone about Hayden?’ she asks in a small voice.
‘I can’t let Rhett pay for someone else’s mistake. He was only trying to protect his sister.’
She swallows. ‘I know, but telling …’ She doesn’t have to finish.
‘Jonny came by my house this morning.’ I shiver despite the late sun and the car’s cosy interior.
Bree notices. ‘But you guys broke up. Why?’ I don’t know what she sees in my face but she frowns. ‘What did he do?’
Before now I’ve managed to stay calm by convincing myself Lion might simply have escaped, but it’s hard to keep up the belief. ‘He let my dog out.’ It’s hard to say the words. ‘Lion was hit by a car. He might not make it.’
‘That scumbucket,’ she says, but she doesn’t look surprised. ‘A few of Hayden’s mates came by the hospital. That’s when I knew I should find you. They wanted …’ Her voice trails off and her neck goes bright red like it always does when she’s nervous.
‘What did they want?’
Bree sniffles. ‘They wanted me to get you to bring Rhett to the top of the bluff. Just to talk, they said.’ The sniffle becomes a sob. ‘But I couldn’t. I’m not … I mean, that’s not why I’m here. You have to believe me.’ Her gaze is on my hand, which has gone to the door handle. ‘Believe me,’ she whispers. Her make-up tracks twin black smears down her cheeks but she still doesn’t glance at the mirror.
My belly is churning.
The thought of the tall bluff overlooking the sea is enough to give me sweats. And Jonny knows I hate heights.
So does Bree … who didn’t have to tell me. Who could have tried to convince me to take Rhett there, but didn’t.
I deliberately loosen my grip on the door handle and rest my hand in my lap. ‘Thanks for telling me. But what about you? What will you do now about Hayden?’
Her mouth twists into a grimace. ‘We’re through. I’m done sitting by his bedside.’ Her words are tough but I can hear the pain beneath them. He’s still in a coma and, no matter how angry she is, they’ve been together for a long time. She waves her problem away. ‘I’ll deal with him when he wakes up. Aren’t you scared of what will happen if you tell the truth?’
I meet her gaze and let some of the fear show in my face. ‘I’m terrified.’
‘But you’re going to tell.’
‘If I don’t I’ll have to live with the guilt of someone innocent getting blamed.’
‘Someone innocent and hot?’ she teases. ‘Someone who would hate you if you didn’t tell?’
I can’t pretend I don’t care about Rhett. For a second I intend to brush her off, but I meet her knowing gaze without trying to disguise how worried I am. Keeping my feelings to myself is something I’ve gotten used to, but it’s not fair. Instead I open up.
‘I don’t want to lose him.’
She offers a supportive smile. ‘Then don’t.’
If only any of this was that simple.
CHAPTER
18
Rhett
‘How’s Little Miss Perfect’s dog?’ Scarlett doesn’t look up from the TV as she asks the casual question, but I detect concern in her voice.
‘I was about to check on Lion. Thanks for your kind enquiry.’
My sarcasm makes her look up from Javier’s black leather couch. She glares. ‘She’s going to use this as an excuse not to tell the truth. It’s obvious. Wouldn’t surprise me if she let him out herself.’
If I thought Scarlett meant what she was saying I’d argue, but I know she’s not that mean. Too many times I’ve had to deal with stray kittens she’s brought home, and I’ve seen her nurse wounded pigeons back to health. She’s a softie.
Instead, I focus on her real issue. ‘
I can’t blame Callie if she’s scared. Neither should you.’
‘Her brother had no problem blaming you because he was.’
My teeth grind together. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Talk to her. Pull a few romantic moves.’ Her voice wavers. ‘Something.’
I show her the mobile phone I’ve just borrowed from Javier. ‘I’m going to call her once I’ve checked on Lion, if you must know.’
I don’t bother to explain that I’m as worried for Callie’s family situation as I am about whether she’s going to support me at school in the morning. I don’t want her to take any unnecessary risks.
Not for me.
Scarlett’s gaze is focused on the phone. ‘Do you think I could use it first?’
I adopt my sternest big brother expression as I hand it over. ‘Keep it short and local.’
She salutes. ‘Yes, sir.’
I leave her dialling and head next door. Lion is the only animal we have overnight. I spend some time checking his condition and then give him a good pat. He’s holding steady, which I think is good news. Getting through the night will be the big test.
‘Sleep well, little guy.’ I give him a final pat and cross to wash my hands at the sink.
The back door of the surgery opens, then slams.
‘In here,’ I call.
Footsteps click across the linoleum floor. High-heeled footsteps. I had assumed it was Javier.
I turn towards the woman in the shadows of the doorway. ‘Sorry, we’re closed.’
She’s wearing dark glasses but she can’t hide the tremble in her hands. ‘Are you Rhett Barker?’ she asks.
I nod. Wary.
‘I’m here to check on the dog.’
We only have one here. ‘Lion? But that would make you …’
‘There was a message at the house. My daughter brought him in. Callie. But you know Callie, don’t you?’
I can see the resemblance now. Similar features, honey-coloured hair. But despite saying she’s here about the dog, she hasn’t glanced once towards the animal cages lining the wall.
What I Saw Page 19
