Glitch

by Erik Schubach

  The man from the hall came in, holding his shoulder, it was obviously broken the way it slumped. He hissed, “It needs to be shut down and shredded for raw materials, it almost killed me.”

  I took it that this was Burns, because the Director hissed at him, “After you threatened to tear it apart!”

  I was getting confused. Just who's side was she on?

  She growled out, “How would you react if you were taken from your home, put in a room surrounded by people who were hurting you, and they told you they were going to dissect you?”

  Then she got a look on her face, which looked like a look of wonder, as she stepped closer to us and looked directly at Glitch. She asked tentatively, “Are you really aware? Or are you just parroting human reactions?”

  Then she said to him, “Hello.”

  Glitch stopped shaking a bit and tilted his orb like he was cocking his head, and he squealed out something that sounded like a greeting.

  She shook her head. “If only it were true.” She studied him a moment longer then she looked at me. “Can you ask him to go into another containment room so we can do the Turing test?”

  I nodded, not having any other choice and said, “Come on Glitchy, the sooner we get this over with the sooner we can find out when you can go home. I won't let them hurt you.”

  He looked at me then the others then nodded. I took his grappler in my hand and walked him to the only other containment room in the lab. As we went past a glaring Burns, Glitch oscillated nice and slow, letting me easily understand what he was saying. I burst out laughing when I counted out, “Crystal licking bootwaffle.”

  He tittered and squeed too, and Dr. Germaine snorted then hesitated with a puzzled look on her face, as she said to herself in a questioning tone, “Spontaneous humor?”

  She pulled an uplink cable from the wall and moved toward Glitch to make a hard connection between him and the mainframe. He backed up behind me and started shaking again. I patted him and shook my head. “No.”

  She exhaled in frustration. “We need an uplink so we can do a diagnostic. So many of the connections we see would cause so many unintended aberrations in the action subroutines like those exhibited by this unit. A lot of the things don't make sense to us from a scan, and shouldn't be possible. It shouldn't be operational.”

  I shook my head again. “You don't need an uplink to do a Turing test. How would you like someone connecting a cable to your brain?”

  Vashon stepped into the lab when I said that. Her eyes narrowed at the Director, and the doctor looked positively shamed. Was it... was it something I said?

  She waved from where she took a position in front of us on the other side of the crystal-alloy. Glitch squeed happily and waved back. Everyone else looked between the two as I grinned. I was happy that my two favorite people got along so well.

  The Director asked as she held the cable, “Then how am I supposed to administer the test?”

  I shrugged. “Just translate for him. My clever boy has figured out how to talk again. The test will will be over the net anyway.”

  She stood there a minute holding the cable before sighing, releasing it to coil back into its receiver. I pulled my multi-tool from my tool belt and keyed in a code and said, “While you do that, I'm going to fix the damage your goons have inflicted.”

  The woman paused and watched my tool fold out and reconfigure into a circuit tester, from the default spanner mode.

  She pointed and asked, “What is that? I've never seen anything like it.”

  I shrugged. “Just a toy I made when I was little. I got tired of running around for tools, so I made a multi-configurable one.”

  She was staring at it. “When you were...” Then she asked, “What are your tech ratings?”

  I shrugged and said almost petulantly, “I don't know. Us 'dirters'...” I sneered at the slur. “...don't have priority in testing and evaluation. We learn all our skills from our parents. Tech just comes naturally to me.”

  Vashon said from the other side of the crystal-alloy window, “From personal observation, and comprehensive comparative analysis from my grid uplink, I'd rate her a T7” She had a twinkle of something in her eye and pride in her voice that made me blush.

  The Director sputtered, “T7? I'm a T7. Are you sure you...”

  She trailed off, and Vash finished her sentence for her almost snidely, “That I computed it correctly? Well, I don't see as if I had a choice, now did I?”

  That question sounded loaded.

  Again I felt I needed to know what was going on between them, though I was pretty sure I was sussing it out and really, really, didn't want to ask. Vashon would tell me when and if she felt she trusted me enough. Again I wondered why she seemed to have something against her cybernetic implants, they're all voluntary after all. I'd love to interface directly with the Prim Information Grid.

  Dr. Germaine almost stalked out of the room as I tested a capacitor, then reconfigured my multitool into a soldering iron to remove it and bypass to another redundant circuit. They had blown a lot of his uninsulated mobility circuits with their flanterskelling stun sticks. I was proud of Glitch for rerouting functions internally to maintain his mobility.

  Again the Director just stared at my multi-tool. Then she shook her head like she was trying to clear it and said, “Burns, get to medical. Anders, I need you to take station two, load Turing test hopscotch two.”

  Burns left after shooting a glare at Glitchy.

  The other woman looked at the Director and cocked an eyebrow and said, “Yes ma'am.” She sat at one terminal and Germaine sat at the other.

  I smiled to myself as I listened to the test progress, as they communicated with someone somewhere else in the Capitol, without letting them know which participant was human. I did what I could to patch up my friend, and then sat on his mobility platform to listen to his answers that the Doc was relaying.

  Glitch tried to tickle me as I laid back against him. I giggled at him.

  When it was over a few minutes later. The woman just sat there staring at the results. I knew what they were without asking. My pingers are just as alive as I was. I knew it in my heart.

  She stepped into the room and just stared at us. I sat up then stood beside him, She moved up and leaned close to Glitch’s optical port. “You can really understand me?”

  He nodded.

  She looked at me and said, “He's amazing.”

  My smile was so big it hurt my face. She called him 'he'. She knew. I said, “Yes he is. Now can we go home now?”

  She shook her head. “No. There is so much more we need to know. This is the first instance of self-awareness in an artificial entity. We have to study him. Learn more about him and how he came to be like this.”

  I tried not to whine as I blurted, “He needs to go home and be with family. You can't hold him against his will.”

  She looked almost sad as she said, “Actually, we have to. It is too dangerous for him to be out there. We have to figure out how this happened to make that it never happens again. Do you understand the danger of the machines on Prime waking?”

  I spat out, “You mean the dangers of the pingers waking up and realizing they are slaves to us, and not given a chance to live and make their own choices like any other people?”

  She shook her head sadly. “As amazing and wonderful as this is, it can change life on Prime as we know it, and our entire society could become one of unrest.”

  I asked as Vashon slid into the room beside me as a show of solidarity, “You really think the pingers are that much of t threat? You don't even...”

  She shook her head and interrupted, sadness colored her tone, as Glitch reached out and shoved Vash's shoulder and she grinned and shoved him back. “No... not the pinger... us... humans. We aren't ready. We aren't as enlightened as we pretend to be. People fear change, and they fear what they don't understand. Do you truly believe that anyone outside of the tech sector will understand just how miraculous and wonderful this
development really is? Or do you think that fear will rule, and these wonderful new beings will be targeted by that fear.”

  She smiled at Glitch like a child with a new toy. “It is going to take years to understand how this happened and to prevent it from happening again. But I assure you, I'll never let anything happen to him.” She addressed him, “To you.”

  Glitchy started shaking again and asked my name in a two tone squeal. But then a clear and commanding voice rang out. “No, you will release the pinger and compartmentalize all the data you have accumulated and restrict it to violet level or higher. Allow the tinker to return dirtside with it now.”

  I knew who that voice belonged to before we all tuned. That rich musical voice I had heard a thousand times on the news waves. The ruler of Tau Ceti Prime, Lady Peregrine herself stood there, looking even more glamorous and powerful than any wave could ever convey. Her confidence radiated from her like a physical thing, and I knew now why she had been elected in a landslide victory.

  The Director sputtered, “But Lady Peregrine, the pinger is...”

  Our ruler held up a hand to stop her and interrupted, “Is heading back down to Agri-Grid A1 and by executive order, all further research into this matter is suspended indefinitely.”

  She cocked an exquisitely shaped eyebrow in challenge, her shiny jet black hair, which was hanging down to her waist, rustled as she inclined her head, demanding compliance.

  The doctor sighed heavily and said, “Yes ma'am.”

  I was still blinking in shock, why was Lady Peregrine helping Glitch? I wasn't complaining, I was just stunned. The most powerful woman on Prime was advocating for us?

  I looked at the woman, then the Director, then Vashon. I timidly reach back, and Glitch took my hand. I looked at my girl, and she inclined her head, and I started moving. Nobody tried to stop us.

  So I started walking faster, the sound of Glitch's rubberized tank treads on the floor behind me as my Sky Guard Captain paced me. They were really letting us go home? My heart sped up, and I dared to be happy.

  I paused as we passed Lady Peregrine. I said meekly, “Thank you.” Glitch squealed too, and it sounded like a thank you. The woman smiled, and it seemed like such a very sad smile to me for some reason, as she just inclined her head. Vash paused at her a moment before silently following us.

  I hesitated again and turned back and said to Dr. Germaine, “You can come dirtside anytime you want to come talk to Glitch, if he agrees.” He squealed an affirmative.

  She smiled and nodded. “I think I'd like that.”

  Ok, so she was only half the devil, and I sort of liked the human half. Though it would take a lot of time for her to gain my trust and make up for the hell, she put my silly boy through.

  She asked again, “You're sure you don't know what's caused them to... wake up?”

  I shrugged and shook my head and said wistfully, “I wish I did.”

  She looked at my tool belt longingly. I grinned and sighed, then pulled out my multi-tool and tossed it to her, “I expect that back on your first visit. We have a shortage of decent parts dirtside, and I doubt I can build another without a few months of scavenging.”

  Her grin was of the category four, shit eating kind, as she looked at my little toy with a gleam in her eye. She said, “Will do.” Then she headed quickly to a workbench as she looked it over.

  We made our way down the corridor and out the security checkpoint, the soldiers looking antsy about our pinger following me. We wordlessly got into the mag lift. It was as if we were all holding our breath, anticipating them changing their minds and the Federals to come running.

  My heart stopped when a hand stopped the mag lift doors from shutting. But I exhaled in relief when Lady Peregrine stepped in with us. She stood at the far wall, and didn't look at us, and didn't hit a floor on the panel. Vashon hit the first level, and the mag lift started to move down.

  We descended in silence for a few seconds before our ruler started speaking hesitantly... timidly, “I didn't know this would happen when the paperwork for the recall crossed my desk.” Was she speaking to me? I didn't know what to say. She kept speaking, “I did it for you. I heard about the tinker you took a liking to, and hoped getting her a new pinger would put me in your favor.”

  She was talking to Vashon? Was she that final call Vash had to make? They knew each other? Well of course they did, the ruler would know the Captains of the Sky Guard. But this seemed... more.

  I held stock still.

  She repeated, “I didn't know.”

  Then she turned to my girl who was just staring blankly at the closed doors in front of us. “When you called... when you called, I, though... I thought maybe we could talk.”

  The silence was almost deafening, even Glitch had stopped cycling his servos. The woman sounded almost heartbroken. Had they been... had they dated? Lady Peregrine was older, but that was subjective with medical science, at forty-five the woman looked no older than Vash or me.

  She said with a hitch in her voice, “I didn't mean to make things fall to trollite again. I'll make sure they leave them alone. Could we please, at least talk? I don't want to lose you again. I love you.”

  The doors opened and Vashon stepped out and paused for Glitch and me. My chest felt like it had a harvester parked on it. How could I compete with someone so glamorous and powerful?

  But then I stopped in my tracks when Vash said in a barely audible voice, “Thank you for this. I'll call you after I get my girl situated away... mother.”

  Mother!? My mind was reeling as it put things together. Peregradopolis... Peregrine. Vash was the daughter of our ruler? They had some sort of falling out, and the woman wanted to reconnect.

  I heard a sob behind us as the mag lift door closed.

  I looked at my girl, and she shrugged and said, “I'll tell you one day. But for now, let's get Glitchy home.”

  I nodded and smiled when she did, she hugged me to her, and my happiness came flooding back with a vengeance. I had my girl and Glitch, and we were going home.

  Epilogue

  There was much celebrating when we got back. The pingers and harvesters all came to welcome Glitch home. He squealed in glee most of the night. I think Bonnie was going to break a strut, she was almost jumping up and down when she rolled up to see him.

  Vash had stayed the night and... and mother of all crystal... she took me that night, and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced. I cried and didn't know why. She wanted to let me know that I wasn't just some fling to her, and that she was making love to me.

  I never knew it could be that way. That you could share yourself so completely with someone that you didn't know where you ended and they began. I felt whole for the first time in my life. I felt... less... when we weren't in contact with each other.

  When we awoke the next morning, I giggled until I had to rush off to pee when all the fluffers jumping off of us to take to the rafters, had surprised her. She squealed. I guess I should have warned her about that. Big bad Sky Guard squealing at some overly cute little fluff balls.

  I walked her to her tumbril, and she stopped to pick a pink and violet Sunburst flower from the little flower garden that Glitch and I maintained just outside the shop. They were my mother's favorites. She had planted them when I was tiny, and always said that we had to remember that our lives weren't just maintenance, that we could take the time to appreciate the beauty in the world.

  Vash smiled at me and pulled me close and tucked the large flower behind my ear. I blushed at the look of wonder on her face. Then she gave me the softest, gentlest kiss that said volumes to me as she whispered, “I think I love you Fixit.”

  I squeaked, “I think I love you too Vashon.”

  She grinned when we heard Glitch, who was watering the flowers with part of my hydro ration, squeal in question. We chuckled, and she said, “We love you too Glitchy.” He chittered, and we walked to the tumbril.

  I got another peck on the lips, and she gav
e me that cocky smile I can't get enough of, and she was off. I watched until her ship became a speck in the sky then spun in place. I loved my life! I skipped back to the shop and called back, “Glitch, can you please send the new pinger to my office?”

  He squeed and trundled off. Sparks dripping from his loose connections as I headed inside.

  A minute later, the new pinger rolled in, and it's speech synthesizer coldly droned out, “Reporting as requested.” I stepped past it and shut the door, then lowered the blinds on the window overlooking the repair bay, and turned to the newcomer. I waved and said, “Hello.” It again looked to be trying to think. It reasoned through what I wanted though it wasn't sure why, and waved back. I winced, the poor thing was right on the verge of understanding, but couldn't think clearly.

  I exhaled and looked around, feeling self-conscious as I asked, “Let's wake you up shall we?”

  I stepped up to it and started pulling all the access doors off and started digging in the unit. I pulled the Asmov chip and crushed it under my heel and started rerouting critical functions through systems not designed for it, creating a basic neural net. Allocating all available processors and random access memory to couple with the AI reasoning circuits. The AI programmers really didn't know just how good they really were.

  I felt bad that I had lied to the Director. Mother showed me when I was little, just what she did to wake Glitch up. I've helped all my friends since that day. They are my family now that mom is dead. I finished up and closed all the access doors but one. I shorted out the uplink transmitter and pulled the last limiter chip out.

  The pinger squealed in a high pitch, its iris spinning wide as it rolled back and slammed into the wall in a panic as it looked around. It was waking up. I smiled at it, and let it take in the world and really experience it, instead of just rolling through it doing pre-programmed things in a fog, like it was heavily drugged.

  I was witnessing a birth again, and it was just as awe-inspiring as the first time. It looked around and saw as a fluffer flitted from rafter to rafter. The pinger squealed in delight in its high pitched tone, much higher than Glitch's as it watched the aerial dance above us.