Moment of Weakness - The Esquire Girls Series - Hailey (Book 1)

by Miller, Cassie-Ann L.

  Matt turns and he finally sees me.

  The look on his face is one of mild surprise.

  Not shame. Not guilt.

  The bastard doesn’t even have the decency.

  He bends and pulls up his pants at a leisurely pace.

  “The client cancelled the meeting,” he says nonchalantly tossing a quick, disinterested glance at Anna-Maria who is scrambling around the room, picking up her clothes. “I sent you an email.”

  “Oh.” That’s the only word that comes out of my mouth. I’m still frozen in place. My arms, my legs – they refuse to move. I feel a hot burning in the center of my chest.

  I thought tonight would be our night. I thought it would be the night that Matt and I take our fling to the next level.

  I was wrong.

  Anna-Maria can’t bring her eyes to mine as she slips by me and shrivels out of the room.

  The hypocrite.

  It hasn’t even been a week yet since she tried to shame me for allowing Matt to seduce me. Now, I find her naked and panting underneath him.

  I bring my attention back to Matt. He’s now at the bar in the corner of the room pouring himself a drink. He takes one big gulp, finishing off the contents of his glass. He looks over at me. “Anyway, I won’t be needing your services tonight.” His words cut me deep. I feel so cheap. I’m not sure that he realizes how I’m interpreting what he just said to me. He tosses a handful of peanuts into his mouth before he begins slowly buttoning his shirt. “You can go.”

  I don’t say a word.

  I can’t.

  I back out of the room and get myself to the elevator as quickly as my body will take me.

  Chapter 10

  “I wanna come hooommmeeee,” I wail into the phone as I sit in my bed, clutching my duvet to my chest.

  “Shhhh shhh shhh,” my best friend, Kimberly, says in her most soothing voice. “Calm down, Hailey Bear. Calm down. It’ll be okay.”

  I blot my eyes with a handful of tissues. “No, it won’t,” I cry helplessly. “I gave my – my body to him. I let him see my – my body – And he doesn’t give a damn about me.” I can barely string a sentence together between my sniffles. “And now – I have to see him at work everyday – knowing that I gave him my body and he doesn’t want me – I want to come home.”

  “Hailey – listen to me. You made a mistake. That’s all it was. That guy is a jerk. It’s his loss. You’re a fantastic, beautiful girl.” Kimberly is trying her best to console me but I feel so broken right now that I can’t even process what she’s saying.

  “Do you think it’s because I’m fat, Kimmy? Is that why he doesn’t like me?”

  I hear her sigh into the phone. We’ve had this particular conversation a million times.

  Is it because I’m fat? Is that why Ricky Freeman didn’t ask me to the prom?

  Is it because I’m fat? I that why that guy in my Contract Law class never asked me out?

  Is it because I’m fat?

  “No, Hailey. It’s not because you’re fat. You’re not fat. It’s because he’s a loser. There’s nothing you can do about that, except maybe take his name to the lord in prayer.”

  I know she didn’t say it to be funny, but that comment gets me to laugh. She chuckles a bit too although she was dead serious about me getting down on my knees and praying that god save Matt’s dark, ugly soul from eternal damnation.

  My sobbing calms a bit. “I feel like my heart is broken into a million tiny little pieces,” I say weakly.

  “You’re stronger than you realize, Hailey Bear. Remember that. Always remember that.”

  Chapter 11

  I’ve decided that I won’t be having sex with Matt anymore.

  Obviously.

  But it’s still hard to stop thinking about him. And it’s impossible to not feel hurt.

  That’s why I decided to work today, on Thanksgiving Day. I need to keep busy in order to keep myself from obsessing over how stupid I was to give my body to a man who doesn’t respect me. I spend the day at my cubicle reviewing recent tech startup jurisprudence in an attempt to distract myself.

  By 9:45, I’m exhausted and starving. I slip into my coat and grab my purse. It’s time to go home.

  When I step off the elevator in the lobby, Jackson is alone at the security desk. My heels click loudly as I make my way to the front door.

  Jackson looks up from the book that he’s reading. A wide smile spreads across his face. “Hey Cowgirl!” he says with his usual charm.

  “Hey Tough Guy,” I say, slowing my pace just a bit.

  “How come you’re working on Thanksgiving?” He puts down his book and rounds the security desk. His green eyes sparkle at me.

  “Lots of work to do,” I say simply. I don’t tell him the truth, which is that I needed a distraction today. Being alone in my apartment would only remind me of how unhappy I am. “Why are you working on Thanksgiving?”

  “Well, someone’s gotta do the dangerous work of guarding this ol’ building tonight.” He flexes his arms, the light polyester of his shirt tightening around his very ripped biceps.

  That gets me to smile. “If you say so, Tough Guy.” I resume my stroll towards the front door.

  The smile drops off of his face. “Okay, seriously? Everybody else wanted the night off to be with family. I don’t have family out here to celebrate with so I decided to pick up the extra shift.”

  I feel a small twinge in my chest because I can relate to what he’s saying. As much as I love New York, it sucks being so far away from home on a holiday like this.

  “I’m missing out on my aunt’s Turkey this year,” he says with a sad smile.

  “I’m missing my mom’s sweet potato pie,” I confess softly.

  He gives me a light pat on the shoulder. “How about you and me order some dinner right now?” he says, his face brightening up. He rounds his desk and sinks into his chair. He shuffles through a drawer and pulls out a handful of takeout menus.

  I hesitate, searching my mind for the most convenient excuse. I’m not sure that spending time alone with such an attractive man is exactly a smart plan for me right now. I feel vulnerable. I don’t want to do anything stupid out of desperation. “You’re working, Jackson. It’s not very professional of you to be having Thanksgiving dinner with me while you’re on the clock.”

  “Hailey, not one soul has walked through the doors of this building in the past two hours. Having dinner with you won’t be a problem.”

  I fumble again, searching for a better cop-out.

  “Look Cowgirl, I can tell that you don’t have any plans for tonight. So please don’t try to make up an excuse.” He cocks an eyebrow and pats the seat of the empty chair next to him.

  I push a sigh past my lips. “Okay. Let’s order dinner.”

  Chapter 12

  We went online and found a restaurant that would deliver a Thanksgiving meal to us. Jackson had ordered first – turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce, macaroni and cheese, collard greens and apple pie. When I placed my order – glazed sweet potatoes and green beans, he poked and prodded to find out why I hadn’t gotten some turkey. Laughing, I told him that I’m vegan and that I haven’t gone near meat in months. He immediately changed his order to what I was having so that I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with him eating turkey in my presence. This is even though I explained to him that my friends eat meat around me all the time and it isn’t a big deal. Still, it’s sweet of him to take my comfort into consideration.

  We swap stories about going to school in Texas and growing up on a farm. He makes me laugh. A lot.

  And he makes me blush.

  Those emerald green eyes are so captivating and that boyish smile of his makes my stomach tie into a knot. Even the stubble on his chin adds to his rugged charm although I’ve always liked my men clean-shaven. He’s attractive. I can’t deny it.

  I swivel backwards in the chair at the security desk as I close my takeout container. “I’m stuffed,” I say pulling a napk
in across my lips.

  Jackson lifts an eyebrow at me. He doesn’t look satisfied. That’s to be expected. He’s a Texan man so I’m sure he has a Texan appetite. I can’t help but laugh.

  He glances at the time on his phone. “Oh – my shift’s almost over. The other guy should be here by midnight.”

  “Midnight?” I toss a glance at my wristwatch. I hadn’t realized that we’d hung out that long.

  Jackson gets up and starts gathering our empty containers and dirty napkins. I catch a glimpse of a hand-drawn sketch underneath all the mess.

  “What’s this?” I ask tugging on the edge of the sheet of paper and pulling it towards me.

  Jackson glances at it and his expression goes coy. “It’s a mock-up of the military app that an old buddy and I are working on.”

  An expression of surprise colors my face. “You have an app? Wait – you’re in the military?”

  He gives me a small smile. “Did two tours of duty in Iraq. Now, a buddy and I are working on an app. It helps veterans to track down local businesses owned by other military men. We think it’s a pretty solid way of connecting vets to support each other when we get home from active duty.”

  I feel my heart soften. “Wow – that’s an awesome idea, Jackson,” I say as I bring my eyes back to the sheet. “My dad was in the air force,” I say in a small voice. “His plane got shot down over Baghdad. He owned a ranch but he always dreamed of opening a dive bar when he got back home. Except he never made it back.”

  I see the sympathy in Jackson’s face. “Aww man. I’m sorry to hear that, Hailey.”

  I put on a brave smile for him. The same brave smile I’ve donned every time I’ve mentioned my father’s death to a stranger. “It’s okay. He died serving our country. He died an honorable death.” I can tell that Jackson’s mood has been sobered by my confession so I try to change the conversation. “Tell me more about your app.”

  “Well, we’ve done the beta testing and there are still a few tweaks that we need to make, but for now, the problem is that we’ve run out of money. We need to eat and pay our bills and until we have a few thousand users, that just won’t be possible. So, that’s why I’m here in New York. When I’m not here at work, I’m out meeting with investors and trying to get funding so that we can have a marketing budget and pay ourselves a salary.”

  “Wow – I’m so impressed.” I see him in a whole new light now. At first, he was just a cute security guard, but now, I see the ambition and drive and passion in him.

  He gives me a small smile just as his replacement pushes through the front door. The two men chat briefly before Jackson slips into his jacket and we say our goodnights to the replacement security guard.

  “It’s late. I’ll take a cab,” I say as we walk down the stairs towards the sidewalk.

  “Good idea,” Jackson says as he jogs down ahead of me and hails the first cab he sees.

  “Thanks,” I say as he opens the door for me and I slip inside. “What are you doing?” I ask apprehensively as he slides into the cab next to me.

  He looks puzzled. “I’m gonna ride with you to make sure you get home safe.”

  No. no. no. He’s a stranger. There’s no way I’m letting him know where I live. “You’re a real gentleman but I don’t need a bodyguard, Tough Guy. I’ve been in New York for a while. I can get home on my own.”

  His expression is a mix of skepticism and disappointment. “You sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure,” I say trying to sound as convincing as possible.

  “Hey buddy, the meter’s running,” the cabbie interrupts rudely. The frown on his face lets us know that he doesn’t want to idle around while Jackson and I argue about whether I can make it home without him escorting me there.

  “Alright, then,” he says as he reluctantly steps back onto the curb.

  “I had fun hanging out with you tonight, Jackson,” I say as I reach for the door handle to pull it shut.

  “Same here, Cowgirl. Same here.”

  Chapter 13

  His keys and wallet were on the seat.

  Goddammit!

  The cab pulled up in front of my building and I realized that Jackson’s keys and wallet were on the goddamned seat. They must have fallen out of his pocket when he climbed into the cab with me. That means that he can’t get into his apartment and he has no money. It’s a damned cold night, too, and I can’t imagine what I would do if I found myself in this situation.

  We never exchanged phone numbers so I can’t call to let him know that his possessions are with me. Luckily, his address is on a card in his wallet. So, I ask the taxi driver to drive me the eight blocks over to his place.

  Once we get to Jackson’s building, the damn cabbie refuses to wait for me while I try to figure out how exactly to find Jackson. The asshole demands payment, then drives off and leaves me standing on the curb.

  Ugh!

  So now, here I am outside of Jackson’s apartment building, holding his wallet and keys. He’s nowhere in sight and I’m not too sure what my next move is. After about two or three minutes of standing outside of his place, a group of giggly college-aged girls exit the building and I use it as my opportunity to slip in. Maybe, he got into the building and he’s now sitting outside of his door wondering how the hell to get into his apartment.

  I climb four flights of stairs and go through the labyrinth of apartments before I finally come upon apartment 438. I press my ear to the door and hear loud country music inside. Hesitantly, I knock on the door. I wait and wait and just as I’m about to walk away defeated, the door swings open.

  Jackson stands there wearing nothing but a fluffy white towel around his waist. Beads of water roll down the ridges of his chiseled chest. His shoulders are broad and powerful. His stomach is tight. A light sprinkling of hair covers his pectoral muscles. I have to pry my eyes away from his gorgeous body and bring my attention back to his face which just happens to be gorgeous too.

  He looks incredibly surprised to see me. “Hailey – what are you doing here?”

  “You dropped your wallet and keys in the cab,” I say, frustration seeping into my tone as I wave his stuff around in the air. “How did you get inside anyway?”

  He laughs. “Hailey – I’m ex-special forces. Getting into my apartment without the keys really is no big deal. But thanks for dropping off my stuff though.” He’s still laughing.

  “Y’know what, Tough Guy? None of this is funny. I’ve had a really long day. I’m tired. I’m cold. And now I have to go grab another cab to get home –“

  “Okay, okay. Calm down. I just turned on the kettle. Come in warm up that little, red nose of yours. I’ll make you some tea.”

  Every part of my brain tells me to turn down his offer.

  But my body?

  My body tells me to rip that damn towel right off of him.

  He can sense my hesitation. He moves out of the way and gestures for me to enter. His silly boyish grin tells me that it’s okay. I’m safe with him.

  I feel my body move over the threshold and enter the small studio apartment. The tiny space is dim and cozy, but it’s far from fancy. A dated suede sofa sits near the window and a large computer screen is set on the desk in the corner of the room. A small ceramic lamp sits on the table next to the couch. There’s a dark wooden coffee table in the center of the room and a worn rug covers most of the floor. Aside from the papers strewn all over the desk, the apartment is pretty tidy for a guy’s place.

  Jackson is busy in the kitchenette preparing the tea. “Sorry – I don’t have guests very often. All I’ve got is peppermint tea. Is that okay for you?”

  “Yeah – it’s fine,” I say as I settle onto the couch staring at his sculpted back. I wonder what it would be like to run my fingernails down its carved ridges.

  I shake my head to chase the thought away.

  Jackson sets a cup of tea down on the table in front of me with a jar of brown sugar and a spoon.

  “Thank you,” I mutter softly as
I bring the cup to my lips.

  “No sugar?” he asks as he sinks into the couch next to me with a hot water bottle he’s just filled with scalding water.

  “No thanks. I’m on a diet,” I say feeling self-conscious. I feel slightly embarrassed discussing my eating habits with him so I change the subject quickly. “No tea for you?”

  “Nah.” He shakes his head as he brings the hot water bottle to his left shoulder. This movement causes his entire chest to flex and my, is he delicious.

  “What’s up with the water bottle?” I ask as I take a sip of tea before setting my cup down on the table.