Merlyn's Magic

by Carole Mortimer

  Naked pain showed in the darkness of his eyes. 'Drake killed her.'

  'Because he knew she had accepted and come to terms with the decision the two of you had made, that she loved you,' Merlyn prompted forcefully.

  'He said he did it because he loved her.' Rand shook his head disbelievingly, tears in his eyes, his face ravaged. 'That isn't love, it's obsession!'

  Merlyn wasn't as successful in holding her tears in check, her body moving convulsively as she watched him stand up to pace the room.

  'The irony of it is,' he continued, seeming to be talking to himself, 'I'm sure Suzie wasn't even aware of his feelings until—until that last day. She told me he always flirted with her when they worked together,' he said dazedly. 'But it was never anything demanding.'

  'Christopher was always demanding of his leading ladies,' Merlyn said with remembered pain. 'He either gave them hell or had an affair with them.'

  Rand frowned. 'Suzie always said he was very kind to her—'

  'Christopher was never kind,' Merlyn exclaimed, vividly remembering his humiliating cruelty to her the first morning they worked together. 'Rand, how did you find me? How long have I been here?' Daylight streamed through the tall windows.

  'They arrested Drake yesterday, you've been unconscious since then. They had to operate to get the bullet out of your shoulder.' He drew in a ragged breath. 'We might not have discovered you were missing until today if Hillier hadn't kept insisting he'd had nothing to do with your so-called accidents, demanding to know why the police didn't talk to Drake and me as we were the two having affairs with you!'

  Merlyn gasped. 'That isn't true, there was only ever you!'

  'I know that, but Hillier insisted he had seen Drake coming out of your suite a couple of times. He assumed you were playing us off, one against the other.'

  She swallowed hard. 'Christopher never came to my suite.'

  'Not when you were in it, no,' Rand acknowledged huskily, his profile harsh in the brightness of daylight. 'He came in a couple of times when you weren't there though, and Hillier saw him.'

  'What's happened to Mark now?' she frowned, feeling guilty about her own suspicions of him, knowing he must be furious at being held at a police station 'for questioning'. It wouldn't do his precious career much good!

  Rand's mouth twisted. 'He's probably being consoled in Jenny's waiting arms.' He sighed. 'Thank God the police decided to check into his story on Drake, otherwise we might never have realised you had left the hospital with him. As it was, a young nurse had reported you had checked yourself out voluntarily—'

  'I did leave voluntarily, I was coming to see you,' Merlyn explained. 'I'd read the notebook that afternoon—'

  'Only that afternoon?' Rand looked puzzled.

  She shrugged. 'It took me a while to get up the courage to read it. And after I had I—I knew I had to see you, to talk to you. Christopher offered to drive me,' she rushed on as she saw Rand retreat from what she was obviously trying to tell him; that she still loved him. 'I fell asleep on the drive, and when I woke up we were almost at London and he was calling me Suzie…'

  Rand breathed raggedly. 'I knew there was something wrong when Anne telephoned me to say you had discharged yourself. I went to the hospital myself, I just didn't believe you could have been in any condition to go anywhere. And then I saw the roses.' He shook his head. 'I told the police I believed Drake had you, and I flew down with them to try and get here before the two of you did. Suzie used to get a bouquet of white roses every week.' His expression softened. 'I used to tease her about having a secret admirer she didn't want to tell me about. He sent them to her, didn't he?' he groaned.

  Merlyn nodded. 'He had convinced himself that Suzie didn't really love you, that she only stayed with you because you were so possessive you wouldn't let her leave. I know,' she soothed at Rand's angry protest. 'You aren't in the least possessive. But Christopher had to explain Suzie's staying with you to himself somehow; he just couldn't accept that she genuinely loved you.'

  Rand's hands were clenched into fists at his sides. 'A madman's obsession robbed me of the woman I loved!'

  'Yes.' What else could she say, it was the truth. Suzie had survived a serious illness, the loss of her child, the knowledge that there would never be another one, had come to terms with all those things, only to be destroyed by another man's obsessive love. Rand was going to need time to come to terms with the way Suzie had died.

  'He would have killed you too if you had opposed him,' he realised raggedly.

  Merlyn had discovered exactly how dangerous Christopher was, but she couldn't help wondering how Rand would really have felt if Christopher had harmed her.

  He seemed to become aware of that question the same time that she did. 'Merlyn—'

  'It's all right,' she told him huskily. 'I've never asked you for anything, and I'm not going to start now.'

  'All this has—I can't comprehend—'

  'Of course you can't,' she soothed, knowing that even their baby would have to wait for the shock to wear off before Rand was told of its existence; he just couldn't handle any more pressure just now, especially emotional pressure. She was going to have to wait for him to come to her. If he ever did.

  'I do care for you, Merlyn.' His eyes were silver. 'More than I ever wanted to. I'm just not sure it's enough. For you.'

  She held back the tears stinging her eyes. 'Shouldn't you let the police know I've regained consciousness?' she prompted lightly. 'I'm sure they must want to talk to me.'

  'They do,' he nodded. 'I just—Have patience with me, Merlyn?' he requested gruffly.

  She did have patience, but their child didn't, she thought ruefully as she received a painful kick against her rib-cage. At seven months she felt sure the baby was trying to kick its way out, not content to wait another two months to be born normally.

  It had been a long six months for her, would have seemed even longer, she acknowledged, without the steady growth of her pregnancy and all that entailed to occupy her time. This morning, for instance, she and her mother had been out shopping for nursery furniture, which was probably why Merlyn felt so tired and the baby didn't!

  Rand should have been here to share in the excitement of choosing their baby's furniture, should be lying on the bed with her now with his hand resting on the swell of her body as they both felt their child's impatient movements.

  It had been an easy pregnancy so far, and she had received a lot of help from her family, and friends like Liza and Anne. James and Anne had been told about the baby early on in the pregnancy, had visited her in London a couple of times, but they, more than anyone else, knew that Rand mustn't be told about it just yet. It was through them that she learnt he was slowly coping with Suzie's death at the hands of a man who had been certified as insane.

  But it had been six long months now, and Rand should be here!

  He will be, a gentle voice assured her. He's coming to you now. He loves you.

  Merlyn's eyes widened with shock as she slowly looked around the bedroom trying to locate that voice. She was alone, completely alone. And yet she had heard a voice. Hadn't she…?

  Take care of him, Merlyn—

  'Who is this?' She sat up in alarm, her hands tightly gripping bunches of her quilt as she realised she was talking to herself.

  She must have been on the edge of sleep, dreams often seeming more vivid then, chastising herself for her imaginings as she lay back on the bed.

  Love him—Please, don't feel alarmed, that voice soothed as she once again sat up in a panic. I mean you no harm, that whispery voice comforted.

  She wasn't dreaming at all, the voice was inside her head. She was going mad!

  No, Merlyn, you're perfectly sane, that voice chided her. Please, just listen to me.

  Merlyn lay on the bed stricken with terror now. If she wasn't going mad, then who— 'Suzie…?' she whispered chokingly.

  Yes… The voice sounded relieved. Be good to Rand, Merlyn. And love the daughter you carry a
nd the sons you have yet to come.

  She had to be dreaming this, Merlyn realised as a curious calm settled over her. She would wake up in a minute, these naps never lasted long.

  'I'm having a son,' she told that dream dismissively.

  It's a girl, Merlyn. Rand will love you both so much. So much…

  Only she and Suzie had ever called him Rand! But it was a dream, that calm reminded her, and dreams could do anything they wanted to.

  I'm no dream, Merlyn, that voice spoke softly. I just want you to know he's all yours now, that he loves you completely. There will be no more ghosts now that I can leave him with you, as I always intended I should…

  'Suzie, I—Suzie?' She half sat up on the bed, turning her head from one side to the other. But not even the voice was there now.

  Merlyn was trembling all over as she got up unsteadily. Had she imagined it or—? The doorbell rang to interrupt the question she was frightened to find an answer to anyway. Because if she accepted that Suzie had come to her just now she had to accept that Suzie had been the one guiding her from the moment she attempted to get that part in the film.

  Her movements were necessarily slow as she moved to the door, her slender body bearing the added weight of her child with an ungainly gait that made her appear slightly front-heavy.

  'Who is it?' she called through the closed door, still slightly shaken from the vividness of that dream.

  'Special delivery for Miss Summers,' came back the muffled reply.

  She gave an irritated frown; surely by some miracle of organisation the shop hadn't managed to deliver the furniture on the same day? Her mother! She could organise anything she chose to, was taking great delight in preparing for the advent of her third grandchild.

  'Just a minute,' she called out as she unlocked the door, frowning as, instead of meeting someone's gaze on eye-level she stared at fresh air. A small squeaking noise at her feet made her look down, giving a small gasp of pleasure at the sight of the two kittens in the box that looked back at her, a pure black one, and a long-haired tortoiseshell.

  'Where did you come from?' She looked up and down the corridor but there was no one in sight. Someone must have just dumped them on her doorstep and run. 'You poor little things,' she crooned as she picked them both up out of the box. 'Doesn't anybody want—' Her stunned gaze was fixed on the label attached to the red ribbon about the tiny black neck, 'MISSY not Ms' it read. She turned quickly to the tortoiseshell, the small brown body squirming as she tried to read the label on the green ribbon, 'BISCUIT'. Rand!

  Her heart began to beat faster than ever. 'Rand…?' she called uncertainly. Suzie had said he was coming… And who else could know the significance of the kittens' names? 'Rand!' she called again, more desperately this time.

  He stepped out from the corridor that adjoined hers, thinner, but with none of the bitterness in his face that she had always associated with him. 'I thought we could have two kittens to start with, and as they are a male and female I'm sure they will soon solve the problem of the "houseful", although one of them might have to change his name! The rain seems to be something we can't stop falling this year, and Mrs Sutton has baked enough burnt biscuits to—My God.' His stunned gaze lowered to the swell of her body, his throat moving convulsively. 'No one told me you were pregnant!'

  'We're pregnant,' she corrected, her throat full with emotion, putting the kittens back in their box as they drooped against her tiredly. 'We've been waiting for you.'

  He didn't touch her, just came to stand in front of her. 'I love you, Merlyn Summers. I began to love you that first night you came to me, but I felt guilty for allowing myself to feel again.' His silver gaze held hers. 'I felt responsible for Suzie killing herself, and that I didn't deserve to be happy again. Finding out that she was killed doesn't change the fact that I made her unhappy, and now that you're carrying my child I don't know how you feel about what I did—'

  She put silencing fingertips over his lips. 'The same way I always have; that you made the right decision.'

  'A part of me will always love and remember Suzie, but she's my past, and if you'll have me, you're my future!' His beautiful eyes looked down at her anxiously.

  'You have to be sure, Rand,' she told him earnestly. 'You said you couldn't bear to be anywhere with me that you went with her—'

  'Because being with you blocked out the memories I had with her.' His hands clasped her hands. 'And at the time I didn't want to forget—'

  'Are you sure you do now?' She was still wary, couldn't take anything less than total commitment this time. 'It's been six months.'

  'I can see that.' He looked indulgently at the swell of her body that was his child. 'But I wouldn't have come to you now if I wasn't sure the past is behind me, that I'm not offering you less that you deserve.'

  'And you?' she looked at him anxiously. 'What do you deserve?'

  'You,' he answered simply. 'As my wife. As the mother of my children.'

  'As far as I'm aware there's only one in there!' she teased him, a slight catch in her throat.

  'I'm hoping there will be others,' he said huskily. 'That other child—'

  'Rand, I knew before reading Suzie's notebook that you and she had lost a child,' she told him gently. 'Anne told me accidentally one day. And at the time I was glad she had; it explained your uncharacteristic aggression that first afternoon you came to my hotel room—before you made such exquisite love to me.'

  Rand shook his head. 'I couldn't believe the things I said to you that day!'

  She understood him well enough to know aggression with a woman was totally alien to him. And in the end it had been the gentler side of him that made love to her. 'I knew you didn't really mean them,' she assured him. 'And really there was no need for force; I was only too willing!' She looked down at the tangible evidence of that willingness she had had to belong to him from the very first moment she saw him.

  Rand's expression was agonised. 'Don't you hate me for what I did to Suzie?'

  She was shaking her head even as he voiced the question. 'I told you that nothing I read in that notebook changed my feelings for you, and it still hasn't. You did what you had to do, and I'm sure that if you had to make that choice again you would make the same one.'

  'I would,' he acknowledged flatly. 'There really was no choice.'

  She looked up at him with all of her love in her eyes. 'I'm sure Suzie knew that—and accepted it. She was just hurt and confused when she realised you had lied to her.'

  'She would have insisted on putting the baby first if I hadn't!'

  'I know that.' Merlyn smoothed the lines from between his eyes. 'And so did Suzie. More than anything else she knew she loved you, and that's why she was coming back to you. Suzie will always be a part of our lives, my darling, because she was the one to bring us together.' She believed that now in a way she could never tell Rand, knew that he had put his life with Suzie behind him, and that today Suzie had relinquished her hold on his heart.

  'She would have liked you,' Rand said with certainty. 'When she was so ill she told me that she—that when she was gone, she wanted me to find someone else to love, to be happy with them. I told her that would never happen, and at the time I believed it. But Suzie was so much wiser than me, and I began to realise how right she had been the first time I made love to you.' He framed Merlyn's face with loving hands. 'I do love you, so much, and you make me so happy. I'd like to hold you, to love you, but I don't want to hurt you or the baby.' Rand looked uncertain.

  'You won't hurt me,' she assured him huskily. 'And I think the baby would like it too!'

  'Would you have told me if I hadn't come here tonight?' He looked so vulnerable. 'I'd understand if you weren't going to—'

  'Of course I was going to tell you about our child,' Merlyn admonished, knowing he still found it difficult to believe there was a child. 'My mother has strict instructions to call you as soon as I go into labour!'

  'What a shock that would have been,' he said ruefully.


  'Not much more than it is now,' she derided. 'Pregnant women aren't very glamorous—'

  'You're talking about the woman I love, adore, worship,' he punctuated each endearment with a kiss, each more lingering that the last. 'Desire,' he added shakily. 'Do you think we might go into your flat for our lovemaking?' he remarked candidly, the evidence of his desire moving impatiently against her. 'I think we might be a little conspicuous out here!' His teasing lightened the mood between them. They smiled idiotically at each other as Rand carried the box with the kittens into the flat and closed the door. But their smiles quickly became sensual pleasure, their shared love deepening their love for each other.

  It was some time later, their love expressed in the most fundamental way possible as Rand made love to her with a tenderness bordering on reverence, that they returned to anything resembling rational conversation, the kittens both fast asleep in the box beside the bed.

  'I've seen a preview of the film.' Rand caressed the hair at her temples. 'You were absolutely beautiful in it.'

  After much confusion and indecision the film company had finally decided to go ahead and make the film under a totally new director, and it had been completed several months ago, before Merlyn's pregnancy was apparent to any but the most discerning eye. It was due for general release very shortly, and while Merlyn knew it lacked Christopher's obsessive genius, it was a more accurate account of Suzie's story.

  'Anne and James send their love, and of course Daniel Brandon does too,' he added.

  The Bentons' son had been born only a few months ago, and while Merlyn hadn't seen him yet she had been assured by his parents that he was the most beautiful baby in the world. As he had partly been named after his uncle, she didn't doubt it for a moment!

  'I think we should start thinking about arranging our wedding before our son decides to put in an appearance!' Rand still looked slightly in awe of the child he had felt move beneath him, his hand even now resting possessively on the squirming body.

  'Daughter,' Merlyn corrected softly.

  He raised dark brows at her certainty. 'You sound very sure about that, have you had one of those tests done to establish the sex?'