The Right Cowboy

by Rebecca Winters

  “If you don’t look too closely, the symptoms mimic the flu,” he said, realizing she understood. “My mother had it all, including agonizing back pain.”

  Tamsin was aghast. “How did she get infected?”

  “While she was helping with the birth of a cow in trouble, she wasn’t aware of a cut on her forearm. It got exposed to the fluid from the cow infected with brucella.”

  “Oh Cole, no—” she cried. “Wasn’t there a treatment for her?”

  “Yes. The doctor strung it out as long as possible, but with the wrong antibiotics. He’d misdiagnosed her illness. He tried many kinds that became terribly expensive, but it didn’t matter because she never recovered. Both he and Dad kept up the fiction that her pneumonia was getting worse. The doctor understood what it would mean if word got out there was a sick cow on our ranch and he hadn’t realized what was really wrong with her until it was too late. No one was allowed to see her.”

  “So that’s why I never got to know her after you introduced me to her.”

  His eyes glittered with pain. “You have no idea how hard that was for me. I told her all about you, but the doctor warned me to keep everyone away while she was dying.”

  Tamsin took a struggling breath. “Wasn’t there a vaccine that could have made her better?”

  “For the livestock, yes. And there is a cure for humans with the right antibiotics.

  “But she didn’t receive them and my parents were petrified. If the truth had spread, it would have set off panic in a small town like Whitebark where we were surrounded with cattle ranches. Neither of my parents could bear the thought of that. It was a source of embarrassment to Mother.”

  “How could she possibly have been embarrassed?”

  “She felt she must have done something wrong for it to happen to her. That kind of thinking doesn’t make sense, but it did to her. She didn’t want anyone to know about it. The scrutiny would have been too hard for her to handle.”

  “Oh, the poor thing. So no one ever found out you had a cow with the disease?”

  “Tamsin—we had more than one sick cow.”

  “What?”

  “We lost a lot of calves during the calving season. Dad and Sam transported the aborted calves to the farthest boundary of the ranch and burned them before the other cattle could become exposed. No one knew about it. We thanked God the disease didn’t spread to all the cows, but our herd was diminished and Dad lost his source of income.”

  “That’s horrible.”

  “You’re right about that. My parents held their breath while they waited to hear of any other outbreaks, but it appeared our ranch was the only one affected that year. To my knowledge your father never had an infected one on the Circle R.”

  “Not that I know of, but maybe it had happened to our herd, too, and he kept quiet about it.”

  “I suppose that’s possible.”

  “If he didn’t tell anyone, maybe someone knew and that’s why they set fire to our barn.”

  “No.” Cole shook his head. “I can promise that’s not the reason.”

  “How do you know?”

  “There’s still a lot I have to tell you. You have to understand I was sworn to secrecy about the situation and something else. Dad had no money to bury my mother and was forced to mortgage our ranch to the hilt to pay bills and keep us alive.”

  “Cole—” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

  “By the time I graduated from high school, there was no money left. He couldn’t buy more cows to rebuild our herd and he’d developed heart trouble. It’s a miracle that Sam and Louise stayed with him. They were saviors, looking after him while I had to be the one to get out there and make a decent living to save all of us and the ranch.”

  “So that’s why you took off like you did!”

  “Yes. Dad gave me the truck and the horse trailer. That was all he had left. Before I drove away, he made me promise I’d eventually go to college and work on a cure for that disease so no one else ever had to go through what our family did.”

  A gasp escaped Tamsin’s lips.

  “After three years of driving all over the country and winning rodeos, I gave it up, sold my horse and started classes. But I had to find another way to earn money. That prompted me to train to be a firefighter so I could draw a salary that would keep me supported while I finished graduate school.

  “Even that wasn’t enough, so I began selling some of the music I’d been writing over the years. It didn’t bring in much revenue, but it kept me in razors and toothpaste. A year ago I was doing gigs in Boulder on my acoustic guitar on the odd weekends when I wasn’t fighting fires. That’s where I met Patsy. She was making records and talked me into doing a few, promising it would be lucrative.”

  Tamsin could hardly see him because her eyes were glazed over with tears. “And was it?”

  “It could have been, but that was never my goal. After burying my father, I didn’t want to do anything but go home. The minute I graduated, I didn’t stay for commencement. Instead I left the rooming house where I lived, loaded up my truck and trailer and returned to get started on the rest of my life.”

  She turned away from him, unable to handle all the information. Nothing was the way she’d imagined. But the truth brought fresh pain. She didn’t know where to go with it.

  “Tamsin, it killed me when Dad swore me to secrecy where you were concerned. I couldn’t take you with me without asking you to marry me. I had no way to support you at the time. Your parents wanted you to go to college and would never have given us their blessing because you didn’t turn eighteen until after I left.”

  Tamsin knew he was right about that. “At the time, I would have gone with you no matter what if you’d begged me.”

  “That would have been no life for you. There was only one way I could survive and I had to do it by winning money while I rode the circuit. If you’d gone wi—”

  “I know,” she cut him off, facing him again. “I couldn’t have worked a job and would have been a burden that defeated the whole purpose of your leaving. With hindsight I get it.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I just wish I’d known the truth about your situation.”

  “If you’d known, it wouldn’t have changed anything.”

  “How can you say that?” she cried. “As far as I was concerned, I believed you didn’t love me the way I loved you.”

  He studied her for an agonizing moment. “After you stopped answering my letters and didn’t take my calls, I decided it was better you thought that so you could get on with your life. I knew I wouldn’t be back for a long time.”

  “I think your father was cruel to make you promise to keep it a secret from me. If you have a son one day, do you think you could ask the same thing of him? Walk away from the woman who loves him without telling her the real reason why?”

  “Probably not, but nine years ago my father was in desperate straits. I owed my parents everything and had to figure out the best way to help him. If you’d read any of the letters I sent you that first year, you would know I had plans for the two of us once I started college. Though I couldn’t tell you the truth of everything, I wrote letter after letter telling you I loved you, and that one day I’d be back.”

  She averted her eyes. “I read some of them... You asked me to be patient for three years. Once you left the circuit, you hoped I would join you and we would work things out.”

  “But you didn’t write me back.”

  Anger flared inside her. “That’s because I couldn’t believe you would leave me. I loved you too much to let you go, but I was forced to and almost died with the pain.” She took a quick breath. “So now you’re going to tell me that in the end, I didn’t love you with enough depth to reassure you I’d wait forever. That’s what three years sounded like to me.”

  He shifted positions. “It sounded like a hundre
d to me, so I forced myself not to think about it. When I arrived in Boulder to start classes three years later, I wrote you again, but there was no answer. I was terrified I’d lost you, and I knew I was going to lose my father.

  “At that point I threw myself into work day and night, praying he wouldn’t die before I finished school. When that prayer wasn’t answered, I had no more hope for anything that had once been important to me.”

  Aghast over these revelations, Tamsin got to her feet and walked toward the lake. When she reached the edge, she started sobbing and couldn’t stop. It angered her that Cole’s father had destroyed their lives so a secret could be kept. She couldn’t comprehend it that a father could do that to his only son, no matter how much he’d loved his wife and wanted to protect their reputation.

  Mr. Hawkins could have sold the ranch. They could have moved into town and Cole could have gotten a job there so he didn’t have to leave. It amazed her that his son had done everything his father had asked him to do. Tamsin never stood a chance.

  If she’d left home and had gone to find Cole, he would have told her to go back without telling her why. She could see that now. His determination to carry out his father’s every wish had set him on a path she hadn’t been able to follow. Now it was too late with a trail of nine years’ worth of lost opportunities that would never come again.

  Tamsin had come with him today for answers.

  You have them now, Tamsin. More closure than you ever wanted.

  She wiped the moisture from her cheeks and turned around. He stood behind her, his handsome face a study in anguish.

  “How am I supposed to respond now that you’ve told me the truth, Cole? You have my word that your secret will always be safe with me. Beyond that there’s nothing more to say. Now if you don’t mind, I don’t want to spend the rest of the day with you. I’d rather go back to my apartment.”

  He stayed right where he was. “There’s more I need to tell you.”

  “What good would it do?” she cried softly. “We’ve lost nine years!” The honesty poured out of her. “What an emotional waste this has been for both of us.”

  She walked past him. When she reached the blanket, she picked up the unopened plastic bags and carried them to the truck. He wasn’t far behind and put everything in the truck bed while she climbed in the passenger side without help.

  Within minutes they reached the main road leading out of Elkhart Park and headed back to Whitebark. Nothing was ever going to be the same again. Deafening silence accompanied them all the way home.

  When Cole pulled into the guest parking of her apartment building, he jumped out to help her. She wanted to get away from him, but he reached in the back for her parka before walking her to the apartment on the second floor.

  “You didn’t need to walk me to the door.”

  “Yes, I did. I took this day off from work to be with you. Let’s not waste it. If it weren’t important, I wouldn’t ask.”

  “What more do you want?”

  “We need to talk about the trouble your father could be facing before fall. If you’d invite me in, I’d like to explain.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Please, Tamsin.”

  No, no, no. Don’t let him in.

  But he was being insistent. The only thing to do was to let him come in long enough to have his say.

  Without comment she opened the door and walked inside the living room, putting her clothes over one of the two chairs. He followed.

  “Excuse me for a minute while I freshen up. I’ll be right back.”

  When she returned, she found him in the little kitchen drinking water from the faucet the way he used to. Some habits never went away. Tamsin could have offered him a soda, but decided not to. She didn’t want him to think she desired his company any longer than necessary.

  “You’re welcome to use the bathroom.”

  He lifted his head. “Thanks.”

  She waited in the living room on the couch until he came back. He sat down on the chair opposite her, extending his long legs in front of him.

  “I told you I was at a meeting at the fire station earlier in the week. The big brass were there. Commissioner Rich, the head of the arson squad, is alarmed by the rash of fires that have been set on ranches in this part of the county since early spring. They follow the same pattern from last year.

  “Those of us assembled offered our theories. We’re all in agreement that there’s a group of ranchers who’ve been committing arson to stop the elk hunting in the county. Your father is just one of ten ranchers who’ve been targeted since April.”

  “Why exactly?”

  “Because all of them allow elk hunting. These crazy guys are afraid the elk who come down to eat the hay on your property will bring more brucellosis disease to infect the cattle.”

  She flashed him a glance. “That’s how the cows on your dad’s ranch caught the disease.”

  “Yes. So these arsonists set the hay on fire. In your father’s case, they went in the barn and deliberately lit what had been stored in there. They’re determined to drive the elk away so they’ll migrate down the mountains away from the cattle ranches.”

  Tamsin shivered. “They’re desperate, aren’t they?”

  “Oh yes, and it’s obvious the perpetrators aren’t going to stop. That’s the commissioner’s fear, Tamsin. And mine. They’re not worried about casualties. With every fire, lives and livestock are being jeopardized. My heart almost failed me to see you and Sally out in the paddock with the horses, especially when I realized she was pregnant.”

  “You’re right. It’s a horrible problem. What can I do to help?”

  “Talk to your father. Let him know what’s going on so he can speak to the foreman and hands on his property. They need to set up a guard rotation during the night for protection. The police are stepping up to catch these guys and put them behind bars, but in the meantime we’re asking for everyone’s cooperation.”

  She eyed him covertly. “Have you been called out every night to deal with these fires?”

  “No, but that’s because I’m not always here.”

  “How come?”

  “About four to five times a month my work as a biologist takes me up in the mountains. I go for a four-day period at a time. When I come back down, I’m on call while I work on the ranch with Sam and Louise.”

  How did he manage it all? “What do you do exactly?”

  “I’ve been assigned by the State of Wyoming to work in this mountain range. All winter long I catch elk and put transmitters on them so I can test them for disease. Then, the rest of the year I track the elk and study their movements to learn more about the spread of the disease. I did this on a regular basis my last year in Colorado.”

  “I don’t see how you do that. It must be so hard.”

  His half smile caused her breath to catch. “Sometimes it’s tricky. You have to put a GPS radio collar on the elk and use a portable ultrasound to check for pregnancy. If she’s pregnant, she gets another transmitter so I can track where she calves.”

  She found herself fascinated by everything he was telling her. “How do you know?”

  “It’s a vaginal implant transmitter. If the elk aborts or calves, this transmitter pops out on the ground and you know something has happened. It’s temperature activated and beats twice. I collect the transmitters and send them back to the Wyoming State Veterinary Lab. I’m in luck if I find an aborted calf I can ship off before the coyotes get it. The lab does the testing to detect brucellosis.”

  “Is it far where you have to go?”

  “The trailheads are twenty to fifty miles away.”

  “But how far up the mountain?”

  “This week I rode my new horse up to the eleven-thousand-foot range to escape the mosquitos and camp out. Sometimes I fly over the area and use a handhe
ld directional antenna in my backpack to keep tabs on them when they’re out of reach.”

  “Do you ever have any downtime?”

  “Of course. I take my guitar up and write music. Sometimes I write up proposals for an elk project, in order to apply for a grant to keep the research going. My salary is funded by hunts and angler dollars from license sales.”

  “You really did honor your father’s wishes.”

  “Not the way he might have envisioned. I don’t work in a laboratory to develop a cure for the disease that killed my mother. I can’t be shut in. The outdoors is my home, but at least this way I feel I’m doing my part in some small way.”

  “Do you miss riding in the rodeo?”

  “I’ve been too busy to think about it. I take it you’ve been so busy as a CPA, you haven’t looked back, either.”

  “You’re right about that.”

  His eyes played over her. “Where did you go to school?”

  “In Lander, but like you I worked at several jobs for a long time before I started college. Our family didn’t have much money. I had to make my own way and considered myself very lucky when Mr. Ostler eventually took me on with his firm.”

  “He’s the lucky one. You were always as smart as a whip in school.” With those words, warmth swept through her. “Do you like working there?”

  “Yes. Very much.”

  “And Dean Witcom. Do you like him?”

  Her pulse sped up. “Very much.”

  “Does he know about our history?”

  Tamsin stood up. She’d revealed her deepest feelings about the situation with Cole to Dean and knew he wouldn’t be patient much longer unless she could go to him and tell him she loved him from the depths of her soul.

  “I’ve been honest with him about you and the other men in my life.” So honest she’d hurt Dean terribly.

  “How many others have there been?”

  Heat filled her cheeks. “Not that many.”

  Cole got to his feet. “Does he want to marry you?”

  He did, but she didn’t want to tell Cole everything. “Yes.”