Diagnosis

by Lucy Clark

  ‘I thought you didn’t know that much about amnesia.’

  ‘I don’t, but from what I remember, what I’ve just said is the usual prescribed course of action.’

  ‘That and not thinking about it?’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Oh, you’re a valuable fount of information, Dr Hargraves.’

  Although her words were dripping with irony, Logan merely smiled and accepted them. ‘Why, thank you, Dr Summerfield.’ He motioned to her sandwich. ‘Are you going to eat that?’

  Charli eyed the sandwich and then shook her head. ‘Not hungry. Sorry.’

  ‘Hey, don’t apologise.’ Logan dragged the plate in front of him. ‘Saves me making another one.’ He picked up her lunch and began to eat. Charli watched him in surprise. ‘What?’ he said, after swallowing a mouthful. ‘You hadn’t touched it. I wasn’t about to let it go to waste and I was still hungry.’ He took another bite, chewed and swallowed. ‘I guess in Los Angeles you just toss food away left, right and centre.’

  Charli levelled him with a glare. ‘I wouldn’t know,’ she said pointedly.

  ‘Touché.’ Logan laughed, his blue eyes twinkling. Charli felt her hackles rise at his attitude and he watched her closely. ‘You have that same look in your eyes that my daughter gets when I’ve said something wrong.’

  ‘Sounds as though she’s an intelligent young woman.’

  ‘She is.’ Logan finished off the sandwich before standing and carrying the dishes to the bench. ‘You’ve got to mellow out a bit more, Charli. Sure, you can’t remember and, believe me, I didn’t mean to be rude, but try not to take everything to heart.’

  ‘Perhaps that’s just the way I am.’

  ‘Perhaps. Perhaps now is your opportunity to find out who you really are deep down inside.’

  ‘Meaning?’

  ‘Meaning all you have to follow at the moment are your instincts.’

  The fact that his words mirrored her earlier thoughts surprised her.

  ‘We’re each born into a certain way of life and we go along with that life, sometimes questioning, sometimes following—’

  ‘Sometimes doing what’s necessary?’

  ‘Exactly.’ He stacked the dishwasher and turned it on. ‘You, on the other hand, now have the opportunity to simply follow your instincts. Listen to your heart instead of your head. Find out who you really are.’

  ‘Do you know something about me? Something you’re not telling me?’

  Logan crossed to her side. The woman he’d met in Melbourne had been uptight, brisk, efficient and looked as though she hadn’t laughed—really laughed—in a very long time. How was he supposed to tell her that? It was only his own gut instinct and observations which had told him that. Maybe he’d been wrong in those assumptions. ‘No. I told you. We were introduced, we shook hands and that was it, Charli.’

  ‘Honest?’

  ‘You were stressed, overworked. More so than your average genius.’

  ‘I don’t like that label being applied to me, Logan.’

  ‘Understood. Actually, I’m not surprised your brain has shut down in this way. It was either that or you were heading for a mental breakdown.’

  ‘And you know this how?’

  ‘Observation. Instinct. Look at your write-up in the conference folder and tell me when in the last fifteen years of your life you haven’t been studying or working or researching something. Probably longer than fifteen years. When would you have had time just to relax? To play? To do something special for yourself?’

  Tears began to prick behind her eyes. His words, somehow, made sense…and she didn’t like it. ‘How am I supposed to answer that?’

  ‘You’re not. I’m just saying I’m not surprised your mind is refusing to remember. It’s on holiday. Gone fishing.’

  ‘Gone fishing?’

  ‘It’s an expression. Why don’t you try and enjoy your self-inflicted break?’

  ‘You don’t think there could be anything else? Anything that might have caused my brain to…to go fishing?’

  Logan thought back to her skittish behaviour as she’d all but tugged him into the lecture hall. Now he wished he’d looked over his shoulder to see who she’d looked at which had triggered her reaction. Hindsight.

  ‘I can’t answer that.’

  ‘Can’t or won’t?’

  ‘Both.’

  ‘You’re protecting me.’

  ‘I’m giving your brain a chance to rest a little. You have to relax, Charli, or you’ll just find yourself going around in circles like a dog chasing its tail.’

  ‘But I don’t know who I am!’ The words were whispered with total fear and the tears which had been threatening to fall before slid silently down her cheeks. Logan groaned, wanting nothing more than to gather her close to him and never let her go. Instead, he handed her a tissue.

  Charli wiped her eyes and blew her nose before putting the tissue in the bin. Then she reached beneath the collar of her top and pulled out the chain. ‘This says, “Love, Chuck” on the back.’ She watched as Logan stared at the love-heart pendant, his jaw clenching slightly. ‘Who’s Chuck? Do you have any idea?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Was I with someone at the conference?’

  ‘You had a personal assistant but I think his name was Ira. I’ll let Wil know and he can check it out with the conference committee. Perhaps this man Chuck was registered.’

  ‘I just need to know,’ she said, her voice still wobbly. ‘It’s only been a few hours and already it’s driving me crazy.’

  ‘I know. As hard as it is, let’s leave the detective work up to Wil. He’ll be contacting the hospital where you work to get some information. We’ll get to the bottom of this. I promise.’

  Charli took another tissue and blew her nose again, feeling a little better. ‘I know.’ She bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling. ‘But that’s all? That’s all you remember from the conference?’

  Logan raked a hand through his hair, appearing a little self-conscious.

  ‘What? Tell me, Logan.’

  ‘We…well, we shared a…moment.’

  ‘You and I?’ His words didn’t surprise her. There was something…she had no idea what but there was definitely something between them. ‘A moment? What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘You asked me out for a drink.’

  That jolted her. ‘What about…Chuck?’

  ‘Hey, you asked me.’ Logan paused. He didn’t like it one bit that she was wearing a necklace which might indicate she was already spoken for. Then again, she had asked him for that drink. How he wished, now, that he’d taken her up on her offer. ‘Perhaps Chuck is your brother or a family friend or something.’ At least, that’s what he was hoping.

  ‘Did you come? Did we have a drink together?’

  ‘I couldn’t.’ Regret was clearly in his tone. ‘I had to work.’ The way he was looking at her, the way his gaze held hers in such an encompassing way, made her feel as though she were the only person in the world he cared for. There was no pity, no judgement. It made her feel…special. It made her feel…nice. The word seemed so insignificant but nevertheless it was a nice feeling which warmed her through and through when Logan Hargraves looked at her like that.

  It was then she realised she was also powerless to look away. Their gazes remained locked and time seemed to stand still. In those moments she saw a veiled passion burning deeply in his blue depths and the knowledge stirred her all the way to the centre of her being.

  Her eyes widened in surprise and Logan knew he had to break the contact between them—the words which weren’t being spoken by either of them—but it was extremely hard to do when the urge to move closer to her and capture her lips beneath his kept growing stronger and stronger with each passing second.

  Charli shifted in her chair and the sound of the wood scraping against the wooden floor jarred them both. Logan took a step backwards and raked a hand through his hair again. ‘I’d better get ready for house calls
,’ he mumbled, before stalking from the room.

  Charli sighed and slumped forward on the table. What on earth had just happened? Was that the same as the ‘moment’ he’d just referred to? Logan was a married man and a married man had no business looking at another woman the way he’d just been looking at her—just as she had no right to be looking at him in exactly the same way. She might not remember anything about her past, but of those facts she was certain. And then there was the mysterious Chuck. Was he her brother? She thought hard but no answers appeared.

  She sat up, gathered all the papers together and placed them back in the leather folder. She knew Logan was getting ready for house calls and she had to decide whether to go with him or whether to stay here, in this foreign house…alone with her thoughts.

  ‘Coming or staying?’

  She jumped as he spoke from behind her.

  ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.’

  Charli stood and turned to face him. ‘That’s all right. I was lost in my…thoughts.’ As she said the words, she smiled. ‘Very lost.’

  Logan returned her smile, glad she was making a joke herself. ‘Coming out for house calls or would you rather stay here and rest?’

  ‘I’ll come with you, if that’s all right.’

  ‘Not a problem. Let’s get you rugged up, then.’

  He gave her one of his pure-wool jumpers and one of his jackets to put on.

  ‘Gorgeous,’ he said, when she glanced down at herself.

  ‘I hardly look like the picture-perfect professional from your conference information.’

  Logan shrugged and picked up the black medical bag he’d packed earlier. ‘Let’s go.’ He headed towards the front door, holding it open for her and then locking it behind her. ‘There are only three patients on today’s list so we should be home just after noise time.’

  ‘Noise time?’ They walked out to a blue Jaguar and Logan once more held the door for her. ‘Thank you,’ she responded, trying not to breathe in too deeply as his scent seemed to surround her.

  ‘Noise time is the time between half past three and half past seven, Monday to Friday.’ He grinned at her as he walked around to the driver’s side and climbed in. They had their seat belts on and Logan started the engine before he said any more. ‘Those are the hours between my children coming home from school and going to bed. Four hours of constant noise.’

  ‘Sounds as though you’re not looking forward to it,’ she said as he reversed out of the drive and turned onto the main road.

  Logan smiled. ‘And miss the squabbling, the excited chatter, the tired laughter and all those hugs and kisses? Never.’

  ‘You enjoy being a father?’

  ‘You sound surprised.’ Logan glanced across at her, wondering how much experience she’d had with children. There was no point in asking, he realised as his mind began formulating questions to ask her.

  ‘I guess I don’t know much about it—parenting, that is.’

  ‘I don’t think anyone does. Unfortunately, there’s no manual and you just have to muddle through the best you can, using your common sense.’

  ‘That’s it?’

  ‘Well, that’s all I’ve been doing.’ He laughed as he turned into a street and then into a driveway. ‘Mrs Jenkinson,’ he said as he set the handbrake and cut the engine, ‘suffers from emphysema. She’s not been doing too well lately. Spring isn’t a good season for her so instead of her coming to see me in the clinic, I drop in and check on her once a week, sometimes twice a week, depending on her needs.’

  ‘Isn’t that the sort of thing a community nurse would do?’

  ‘She does. Between the two of us we share the job of checking up on those patients who need a little more attention.’ Logan climbed from the car and Charli followed him. ‘Besides, the district nurse who works this area also works most of the Grampians so her schedule is sometimes busier than mine. I don’t mind doing these house calls and it gives me the opportunity to keep in touch with everyone on a regular basis.’ He collected his bag from the car and then headed to the front door. He knocked twice before twisting the handle and going inside.

  Charli wasn’t far behind him but she could still smell his scent and it was starting to drive her insane. It was so fresh and spicy and warm and yummy…And then she realised it was the clothes she was wearing which were doing the damage. She shook her head, determined to block the information coming from her smell receptors.

  ‘Mrs Jenkinson?’ he called, and headed into the kitchen where he found her sitting at the table enjoying a cup of tea.

  ‘Oh, Logan, dear,’ the elderly woman wheezed. ‘Come on through. Oh, look, you’ve brought a friend.’

  Logan introduced Charli as a colleague who was visiting from overseas and left it at that. ‘Have a seat, dear. Cup of tea?’ Mrs Jenkinson coughed her way through her words but didn’t seem to mind. She had an oxygen bottle beside her and a tube around her ears which ran beneath her nose.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘And what about for your new friend?’

  ‘Er…no, thanks, Mrs Jenkinson.’

  ‘Ooh.’ Mrs Jenkinson stopped and coughed. ‘You’re American. How lovely. If I’d known you were coming I’d have baked some scones.’

  Charli looked at Logan, trying to figure out why Mrs Jenkinson would have baked scones, but Logan merely shrugged, indicating he didn’t know either. Charli smiled and decided to wing it.

  ‘I’ll pour, shall I?’ Logan asked, and Mrs Jenkinson seemed happy with that. He continued to help out by offering Charli one of the cookies from the plate on the table. She took one and thanked her real host.

  ‘How have you been during the past few days?’ Logan asked once everyone had a drink and some food. He knew his patient wasn’t satisfied until everyone who came to visit had had something to eat and drink.

  ‘Not bad, dearie. This poor old woman is getting worn out.’

  ‘Well, I have some good news for you. The blood test you had last week when you came to the clinic has come back quite good. Your arterial blood gas level is closer to normal, which, as this is spring, isn’t bad.’

  ‘Oh, that is good news, dearie. Isn’t that good news?’ she asked Charli, who nodded.

  ‘Has the physio been helping much?’

  ‘Oh, yes, but you know, I’m trying to stay indoors as much as possible so I don’t breathe in too much wattle.’

  ‘Wattle?’ Charli was interested.

  ‘It’s a flower, dearie. Bright yellow, beautiful to look at but not good for those of us who have trouble breathing.’

  Logan drained his small teacup and rubbed his hands together. ‘Let’s get your check-up under way, then.’ He listened to her chest and did her obs while Charli chatted politely.

  ‘Lost your memory!’ Mrs Jenkinson gasped in horror, then proceeded to have a coughing fit. ‘Oh, dear. How dreadful. Just as well Logan’s looking after you, then. He’s such a brilliant doctor. We all love him, don’t we, dearie?’

  ‘I have many fans,’ he remarked with a satisfied smile.

  ‘His kiddies would be the biggest fans. He’s done wonders for those children.’

  ‘I’ve hardly done it alone.’

  ‘You expect it of grandparents. It’s just the way the world is now. Oh, and would you mind asking your mum to do another copy of that breast self-examination article in that magazine for my great-niece, please, dearie? I’d be ever so grateful.’

  Logan’s smile was smug as he looked at Charli. She rolled her eyes, acknowledging his smugness, but didn’t say anything.

  ‘She’d be delighted to do that for you, Mrs Jenkinson. Now, if we could just check your peak flow, that should about wrap everything up for today.’

  ‘All right. I’m feeling a little tired after the day’s exertions.’

  ‘I know exactly what you mean.’ They did the test and Logan noted the results before packing his equipment away. ‘Prescriptions are fine? Don’t need any more?’

  ‘No
. I’m fine, dearie. If you’d just help me to have my medication and get me into bed, I’d be grateful.’

  Logan and Charli did just that and let themselves out of Mrs Jenkinson’s house.

  ‘She will be all right, won’t she?’ Charli climbed into the passenger seat, feeling strange there wasn’t a steering-wheel in front of her, and turned to face Logan.

  ‘Her daughter will be home within the next twenty minutes to take care of her.’

  ‘Good. Where to next?’

  ‘Angie Morrisey. She’s forty-nine and works at the general store in town—and I do mean general. That place sells everything, including the most delicious ice creams you’ve ever tasted. You’ll have to try some while you’re here.’

  ‘I’ll put it on my list. So what’s wrong with Angie Morrisey?’

  ‘She hasn’t been feeling too good lately. She came to the hospital on Sunday evening…’ Logan stopped and glanced across at Charli. If he hadn’t driven back to Stawell and worked that night, they would have had a date after the conference. Even if they’d had the date, Charli wouldn’t remember it. He pushed the thought aside.

  ‘Sunday evening…’ She prompted.

  ‘She felt lethargic, had a sore throat and a cough. There was nothing wrong, though. Chest sounded all right, throat was a touch red but nothing out of the ordinary. I gave her a complete check-up but everything seemed fine. I told her I’d check on her this afternoon just to touch bases and make sure everything’s OK.’

  ‘Maybe her symptoms were emotional? Has she had any big upsets recently?’

  He looked at her again and smiled. ‘Don’t tell me you’re a holistic doctor as well?’

  ‘Our emotions drive our everyday living so why wouldn’t they affect our health? Stress, for example, is triggered by emotions as well as situations.’

  ‘You know, you could be right where Angie is concerned. Her daughter is doing her last year of high school and will be going to university next year.’