The Stepchild

by Joanne Fluke

  “My mother always said to take a hot shower after you’ve been out in a cold rain,” David advised, trying to look solemn. “I just got home a few minutes ago myself, and I haven’t had time to take mine. We could save on water if we took a shower together.”

  “Always practical, aren’t you?” Kathi teased, ducking under David’s arm and running toward the bathroom. She didn’t have to look to know that David was following her. As far as Kathi was concerned, the shower was a perfect place to start celebrating their anniversary.

  * * *

  “Oh, David! We’re going to drown!” Kathi laughed and gasped at the same time. Their wet bodies were slipping together under the heated spray, and she gave another shriek as David fondled her playfully. “You’re a sex maniac, that’s what you are! Nothing but a—”

  Her protest unfinished, David’s strong arms were lifting her, carrying her dripping wet from the bathroom to a towel spread out on the bed. So he had planned it! The towel was ready and waiting for them on their big double bed.

  As David’s body covered hers, there was a singing in her veins, and the breath escaped from her lungs in an explosion of soft, loving sounds. His hands touched her moist skin, and a burst of heat shimmered through her body.

  “How’s this?” David asked, his voice husky as his head lowered and his lips found the secret places to kiss. “And this? And then this?”

  “Yes—” Kathi heard her own voice joining his as he caressed her. She raised her arms and put them around his neck, pulling him down to her. “Now, David . . . please,” she whispered.

  He raised up, spreading her legs gently. Filled with an aching tenderness for her, he leaned forward again, kissing with lips that trembled.

  “I love you, Kathi. . . . I love you.”

  She could feel it start to happen. Her body seemed to melt, and her heart was pounding in her throat—or was it his heart? Their lips were open, their mouths joined, breathing in the same air, together so tightly that they seemed to be one person. Then they were moving together, pulling back and joining again, over and over. Her hands were grasping him now, pulling him deeper, deeper, deeper, until the sweetness began to seep into her, and at last they fell back onto the pillows, exhausted, still holding hands.

  A long time later, Kathi heard the rattle of drops against the windowpane, and she gave a fleeting thought to the sodden bag of groceries sitting on the table. It was early, still plenty of time for their celebration later, or had this been the real celebration? She smiled and snuggled closer, drifting off to sleep entwined in his arms as she listened to the rustle of the branches outside, and felt the warmth of his body protecting her.

  * * *

  It seemed as if she had always felt the pain, throbbing and stabbing behind her closed eyelids. She opened her eyes tentatively, and then winced as the dim, dusky light coming in through the window told her it was long past time to start dinner. David was still sleeping, and she rose from the bed, hoping not to wake him until she could take some aspirin and get rid of her pounding headache. It felt like a migraine. Vivian had described them often enough for Kathi to recognize the symptoms.

  “Hot water,” Vivian had claimed. “Always take aspirins with hot water. They work faster that way.”

  But the sound of the water rushing from the tap seemed to be roaring in Kathi’s ears. This was no ordinary headache; it was a bone-crushing, blinding, stabbing pain that made her want to scream in agony. Strange images were running through her mind, and for a moment she wondered if she were still asleep and dreaming. The visions were blurred, but she could see them clearly enough to realize that she didn’t know the faces.

  A short, plump woman with curly gray hair was standing at an old-fashioned stove, stirring something. Then he was home, her uncle, lifting her up and hugging her tightly. He set her down in a rocking chair, and she realized she was not alone in the big chair. Her little baby brother was with her, swinging sneakered feet that didn’t even touch the floor.

  Kathi whimpered and held her head tightly between her palms, one hand over each temple as if she could imprison the images with her fingers. What in the world—? She didn’t have a baby brother, or an uncle, or an aunt. She must still be dreaming. If only the headache would stop, she could shake her head and make the confusing images disappear.

  With shaking fingers, Kathi snapped on the kitchen light. There . . . that was better. She was beginning to really wake up now, and her headache was going away. Her head was clearing, and the faces fading, until she saw only the red Rubbermaid dish drainer and the dishes she had left from breakfast. There was a lingering feeling of uneasiness that made her turn and look quickly behind her, but, of course, there was nothing there. She must remember not to get up so suddenly again. There was something very frightening about the half-awake, half-asleep state she had experienced.

  “You’ve been studying too hard,” Kathi chided herself aloud. “David’s going to write his master’s thesis about you if you flip out on him!”

  She laughed as she dumped the mushrooms into the sink and began cleaning them. David probably wouldn’t mind at all if she went crazy and volunteered to be the subject of his thesis. Then he wouldn’t have to run all the way out to the state hospital to interview patients. And she wouldn’t have to pay for expensive psychotherapy either. She had her own handsome shrink right in the apartment.

  “No way!” Kathi sighed, laughing at herself. She wasn’t flipping out, and she wouldn’t be the subject for David’s thesis. He was always bugging her to tell him her dreams. She really would have cooperated but she couldn’t remember them. Of course, she remembered this one, but for some reason Kathi didn’t think she’d mention it. She couldn’t really think of a good reason for not telling David, but some things were better off forgotten, and Kathi had the distinct feeling that her experience today fell into that category.

  CHAPTER 2

  Kathi let the book slip down to her lap, no longer seeing the words printed on the page. There was something wrong, and she knew it. She had never been this preoccupied and absentminded before. Just last week, when she had got the first headache on their anniversary, she had joked about it, but now it was no longer a joking matter. The headaches were coming more frequently, and aspirins didn’t seem to help. They were strange headaches, coming on suddenly and disappearing abruptly, leaving her disoriented and shaking. There was definitely something wrong, and she had to figure out what to do about it.

  With an impatient sigh, Kathi slipped off her reading glasses and closed the book. She simply couldn’t study anymore tonight. The best thing to do was to get a good night’s sleep and hope she didn’t have any more bad dreams. That was probably the source of her whole problem—not enough sleep and too much worrying about her upcoming exams.

  A smile turned up the corners of Kathi’s full lips as she turned and looked at him. David was asleep, lying there with his hair tousled like a small boy. A wave of tenderness rushed through her, and she reached out to brush his hair back from his forehead. At times like this, she felt almost maternal toward David.

  “Hm?” David questioned, sitting up with a jerk. For the space of a second, he looked angry, ready to attack whatever threatened his peaceful sleep. Then recognition came, and with it, an apologetic smile.

  “Hey,” David mumbled, grinning. “You scared me, honey. Don’t tell me you’re finally through studying?”

  Kathi nodded, almost wishing that she had let him sleep now, but she had promised to wake him when she was through. She reached up to flick off the light, and before her hand had lowered again, David was reaching for her, his body sleepy-warm. Kathi felt a knot of fear in her stomach.

  She shook her long, honey-colored hair and made a deliberate effort to force the invading chill from her mind. “And just what is it that you think you want?” she asked, trying to make her voice light and teasing. The frightened look in her eyes belied her light voice, but the room was too dark for David to see that.

  �
�You know what I want.” David’s voice was deep and husky. He was fully awake now, and he felt her body shiver against his.

  For one fleeting second, Kathi thought of resisting. Over the past few days, when David reached for her, she had felt a growing fear. The fear was almost worse than the headaches because it was so unfounded. There was no reason to be afraid of David. She loved him!

  Kathi knew that she could have pulled back, and David wouldn’t have pressed her, but it wasn’t her nature to deny a need from the man she loved. She pushed back the fear, and met his warm lips with her own. It was going to be fine this time, just like it had been before the headaches started. Nothing bad was going to happen.

  “Mmmmmmm.” She sighed, kissing him a little harder. This was better. The panic was firmly pushed aside now, and she knew she’d been studying too hard, worrying about her midterms. It was Sunday night, the fifteenth of October, and by Wednesday her midterms would be over. Then she had until the thirtieth, when classes resumed, to relax and vacation. But how could she relax when the election was only a little over three weeks away? Kathi knew how important the election was to her father. Being a United States senator had always been Doug Ellison’s dream.

  Kathi could feel the tension build in her slender body as she thought of all the things that could happen to keep her father from winning. How could she think of the election at a time like this, when David was kissing her and stroking her? Somehow her doubts and fears were all tied up with the coming election, and David, and what would happen if the voters found out that she was living with David without being married. Was that what was making her anxious and tense? But she couldn’t think about that now. She had to think of David and forget about everything else, and maybe then everything would be all right.

  The night sounds were heavy in Kathi’s ears, but soon the swooshing of the cars on the street outside was erased by the sound of her own quickened breathing. David’s lips were on her breasts, warm and familiar, teasing her nipples until they felt as if they’d burst with heat. There was a pounding in her head, and it drove out all thoughts. His hands were sliding down her body, touching her, making her gasp with awakening desire. Then he was over her, and in her, pushing her back and forth in the familiar rocking motion that reminded her of something else . . . something not quite as pleasant that hovered on the fuzzy edge of her awareness.

  She moved more quickly, stepping up the rhythm as she tried to concentrate on David. But suddenly, she was cold. Her passion evaporated in a chill wind, leaving her caught in the middle of something she could not finish. The warm, wonderful embrace of David’s arms was like a vise now, holding her down, making her feel as if she were smothering under his heavy weight. And that awful rocking rhythm went on and on, until she wanted to strike out at him and scream in terror.

  Still, Kathi forced herself to pretend. She opened her eyes, made out David’s face in the dim light from the street, and smiled, a tightening of her facial muscles that felt false. Her hips moved automatically, accepting the lie, denying the fact that something was keeping her from being his completely. Why was this happening?

  It seemed as if it would never end, the jiggling, bouncing motion. Even though there was a pleasant smile on her face, her teeth ground together in anguish. The barrier was still there, the fear that remained nameless. And there was nothing she could do about it. She hated him for bringing her to this sharply honed edge of fright, and she loved him desperately at the same time. It was getting worse, more terrifying by the minute.

  * * *

  The dream started slowly, with a feeling of foreboding that invaded Kathi’s exhausted sleep. It was a feeling of something she had lost or forgotten, surfacing in the dark, heavy curtains of her slumber. At first, it was not terrifying, just a vague uneasiness that made her roll over and snuggle a little closer to David’s warm back. But that only seemed to make the uneasy feeling grow, as if he were part of the nightmare. With a sharp indrawn breath, she rolled back to the far corner of the bed, huddling on the edge of the mattress with her legs and arms curled inward for protection.

  Now there was a heavy sound, gathering in momentum like a harsh panting. Louder and louder it grew, until Kathi felt her body tremble, and she hugged herself into a ball, tighter and tighter, to keep it away.

  “It’s gonna be fine, Miss Kathi . . . see? There’s nothing gonna get my baby. Sally’s gonna chase all those bad dreams away if I sit right here. Now you go back to sleep, lamb, and I’ll watch over you.”

  But Sally was gone, and she knew it. Sally wasn’t here; there was only David in the big, comfortable double bed. Only David to ward off the nightmares, but his presence seemed to invite the terror.

  The dread crept over her in numbing, icy waves. She tried to open her eyes and stop the dream, halting it before it went too far. If she could just open her eyes, she would see the mahogany dresser at the foot of the bed, her doll collection sitting there, real and tangible. Of course it was only a dream . . .

  But her eyes refused to open. They seemed to be weighted down, sealed against the comforting reality of the familiar room. The dream was pulling her down, and the gathering horror drew her mind deeper and deeper into that unfamiliar black place. She was helpless, caught in the hideous pattern unfolding before her closed, locked eyelids. Her body was frozen. She could not move. There was someone with her, whispering in her ear like the rushing wind.

  She tried to listen, but the whisper was drowned out in pain and screaming, contorted faces and bodies hurtling into the air, the shattering force of the ground coming up to meet her small body, and the splintering noise of bones snapping in her arms and legs. There was the deafening squeal, like a wounded animal, as metal met metal again and again in a series of horrid grating, screeching screams. Then . . . mercifully . . . there was only the blackness.

  * * *

  Perhaps there had been a small sound; David was not sure. He opened his eyes, suddenly alert, and felt the rigidity of Kathi’s body huddled there. It was happening again. He reached for the light, turning to gather her into his arms and give her what comfort he could.

  “He’s gone! My Baver is gone!” Kathi cried out in a child’s voice. “The bad people came to take him away!”

  “Kathi,” David soothed softly. “Wake up, honey.” He stroked her shoulders and hugged her as she started sobbing, still entrapped in her nightmare.

  “It’s all right, baby,” he assured her again. “Open your eyes, Kathi. It’s just a dream . . . see? You’re right here. It’s just a dream.”

  David saw her struggle to cast off the dream. Her eyelids flickered, and then her blue eyes were open, wide with fear. There was a wild, anguished look on her face that made David’s heart thud anxiously in his chest.

  “Just a dream, honey,” David repeated softly, stroking her as gently as he could. “You just had another nightmare, Kathi. There’s nothing to be afraid of. You’re awake now.”

  The fear left her gradually, and the terrified expression changed to gratitude. “Oh!” she gasped. “Oh, David . . . I . . . I was dreaming again, wasn’t I?”

  David nodded, not trusting himself to speak. His earlier suspicions were realized. In the past few days, Kathi had the nightmares every time they made love. It must be guilt . . . unless there was some sort of physical cause for it.

  David had been puzzling over the dreams ever since Kathi had mentioned them, trying to tie the clues together. There seemed to be no specific time of night for the dreams, nothing that preceded them to set them off except for one startling revelation that he had proved tonight. Sex set off the nightmares. It was the only constant. David felt guilty for experimenting with Kathi tonight. Of course he always wanted to make love to her, but tonight there had been an ulterior motive. Now that it was over, David felt like a first-class bastard. But at least he knew.

  “This has got to stop, baby,” David said firmly, cradling her in his arms. “We’re going to the doctor tomorrow, and you’re going to get a comple
te checkup.”

  “Oh, David,” Kathi protested, fighting back tears. “There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s just nerves, that’s all. I’ll be fine just as soon as midterms are over and Dad’s won the election. Really!”

  “It won’t hurt just to go in,” David insisted. His voice was soft, but he was determined to get Kathi to the doctor tomorrow, even if he had to drag her.

  “Maybe they can give you tranquilizers, or something, to make you stop worrying. That wouldn’t be so bad, would it, honey? Just until the pressure’s off.”

  Kathi smiled despite herself. David knew full well that she didn’t even take aspirin unless she had an awful headache. She hated pills. She wished that she could level with David, tell him that she’d always had nightmares, even when she was a child, but that would make him worry even more. And they had been getting worse lately. The dreams had been growing ever since she’d moved in with David. How could she tell him that? He might think that she should go back to the dorm, and she just couldn’t do that. How could she ever give up the only man she’d ever loved, just for a few nightmares?

  Kathi opened her mouth to try to dissuade David, but then her mouth closed again as she read the worry in his eyes. David’s determination was obvious. She would have to go in and see the doctor, even though she knew that there was nothing physically wrong with her. It was hopeless. But Kathi knew that she couldn’t share her deepest fears with David. He would never understand. No one would.

  “I . . . well . . . all right,” she agreed, sagging against him. “You’re right, of course. It won’t hurt just to go in.”

  David returned Kathi’s feeble attempt at a smile. Then he held her carefully as she began to relax. The nightmares never came twice on the same night, so she would be all right now. His strong fingers rubbed the tension out of her back, stroking and massaging until she calmed down and her breathing became regular and deep. A little more and she’d be asleep, and then he could try to piece together the pattern. It was like a giant jigsaw puzzle, and now he had another minuscule part of the pattern to fit in.