by Joanne Fluke
Vivian watched Doug’s tense face as Dr. Merrill explained the surgery. Kathi had a ruptured spleen, which would have to be removed by immediate surgery. Her left femur was broken and had to be pinned. Kathi would spend a minimum of four weeks in traction. She had also suffered second-degree burns on her body and face, although Dr. Merrill anticipated that the burns would heal with no noticeable scars.
“She’s a lucky little girl, Mr. Ellison,” Dr. Merrill remarked. “Her injuries are relatively uncomplicated, although recovery time will be slow. I think she’ll pull through just fine.”
Vivian squeezed Doug’s cold hand as Dr. Merrill left to check on Kathi’s progress. “Everything’s going to be just fine,” she whispered. “Everything’s going to be just fine, Doug.”
In just a few minutes, Dr. Merrill came back with a hopeful smile on his face. “It’s going well, Mr. Ellison,” he reported. “They’re just closing now, and your daughter should be in the recovery room in a few minutes. You can take a quick peek through the window, but I warn you not to expect much. She’s still unconscious, and you won’t be able to talk to her until tomorrow.”
Doug nodded. He staggered a bit as he tried to get to his feet, and Vivian quickly slipped her arm around his shoulders to hold him steady.
“We’ve reserved a room for you right next to the recovery wing,” Dr. Merrill informed him. “It might be a good idea for you to get as much rest as you can. It’ll be at least ten hours before you can talk to your daughter.”
* * *
Vivian saw the tears slip down his cheeks as Doug peeked in the glass window of the recovery room. Kathi was such a small bundle on the high white bed. Most of her body was encased in bandages—including her head and face—and she looked pathetically tiny, lying there, barely lifting the sheet with her shallow breathing.
The ensuing night was a blur in Vivian’s memory. She remembered Dr. Merrill giving Doug a shot that made him collapse into a deep slumber. She sat in a chair by his bed, alternately dozing and thinking, her mind a jumble of images. Again and again she saw the crash and explosion, and she woke up from her naps with her heart beating wildly.
During Vivian’s vigil, soft-spoken nurses brought her coffee, and she stepped outside in the corridor for an occasional cigarette, pulling the smoke into her lungs in rapid puffs, alert for any sound from Doug ’s room. Thank God, he was asleep! At least he didn’t have to live this nightmare over and over the way she was doing. It seemed as if the long, anxious night would never end, but at last a gray dawn light seeped through the windows, and Vivian quickly washed her face and splashed water on her puffy eyes.
Dr. Merrill had been overly optimistic. Three days of waiting passed while Kathi lay unconscious. Vivian stayed at Doug’s side the entire time, afraid to leave him for more than a hurried minute. Her mother made all the arrangements for Roma’s funeral and helped them through the difficult days of waiting, bringing changes of clothing for Vivian, and packing a bag for Doug with clothes she got from his house. She stayed with them for part of the time, bringing in thermoses of coffee and sandwiches she had made. She was proud of her daughter for helping Mr. Ellison through this trying time. Hadn’t she always claimed that her daughter was loyal and dedicated?
Doug and Vivian spent long hours alternately pacing the quiet corridors and sitting on the stiff plastic benches that lined the waiting room, looking up hopefully every time a nurse or doctor passed. Still, there was no word until the afternoon of the fourth day.
“Dr. Mielke would like to talk to both of you in his office,” a nurse informed them at last. She patted Doug’s shoulder as the fear grew in his eyes.
“Your daughter’s just fine, Mr. Ellison. Her condition has stabilized. It’ll take a while, but she’s going to be all right.”
Vivian had to run to keep up with Doug as he rushed down the corridor to Dr. Mielke’s office. His back had stiffened at the good news, and the tortured grief on his face was lessened. She was going to be all right! Kathi would be all right!
“Sit down, Mr. Ellison.” Dr. Mielke smiled. “You too, Miss Sundquist. I’ve got some good news for you.”
Doug’s legs buckled in relief as he sank into the nearest chair. “The nurse said that Kathi’s going to be all right,” he whispered, leaning forward for confirmation from Dr. Mielke himself.
“That’s essentially correct,” Dr. Mielke agreed. “She’ll need some physical therapy for her leg, of course, but young children like Kathi have great recuperative powers. There will be no permanent disability, and in six months to a year, you won’t even be able to notice a limp. On the whole, her physical condition should be completely normal by that time.”
“Physical condition?” Doug questioned, picking up Dr. Mielke’s stress on the words. “Is there something else wrong, Doctor? Something you haven’t told me?”
“There’s a condition we hadn’t anticipated,” Dr. Mielke answered carefully. “I don’t see any cause for alarm, though. As you know, Kathi suffered a concussion in the accident, and I felt that I should discuss it with you before you see her. There is a slight problem, Mr. Ellison. Kathi is amnesic.”
“You . . . you mean she doesn’t remember anything?” Doug stammered, his face turning gray.
Dr. Mielke nodded. “This condition occurs occasionally when a young child experiences a traumatic shock,” he continued. “There appears to be no problem with her cognitive processes. Apparently, the shock had no effect on her ability to learn and assimilate information. Try to think of memory as a slate, Mr. Ellison. Facts are written on this slate as the child matures. The information is filed in order—a description of the child’s parents, the child’s own name, the memory of a birthday party, the child’s playmates, pets, family members, teachers, and so on. In Kathi’s case, the slate has been erased. She remembers nothing at all before the accident. The slate is blank.”
“Nothing?” Doug asked, leaning forward even farther to peer at Dr. Mielke in shock. “Nothing at all?” he asked again, suddenly remembering Kathi’s shocked reaction when she saw Vivian and him in the office.
“That’s correct,” Dr. Mielke nodded. “I wanted to give you time to adjust to this new development. Kathi won’t remember you, Mr. Ellison. You’ll be a complete stranger to her.”
“That . . . that’s awful!” Vivian gasped, twisting her hands in her lap. “Will Kathi’s memory come back in time, Dr. Mielke?”
“It’s not likely in a child of Kathi’s age, Miss Sundquist,” Dr. Mielke continued. “In similar cases, the loss of memory has generally been permanent. Of course, I’m not saying it couldn’t happen, but the odds are very much against a full return of her memory.”
Dr. Mielke turned to look at Doug, who was leaning back with an anguished expression on his face.
“It’s not as bad as all that, Mr. Ellison,” he said kindly. “The only thing missing is Kathi’s memory of past events. You can help her duplicate the memory all over again by talking with her. There’s nothing wrong with her mind. Her memory has just been erased.”
“I see,” Doug said slowly. “She . . . she’s not retarded or anything like that?”
“Gracious, no!” Dr. Mielke chuckled. “Shortly after she regained consciousness, she kept the nurses hopping, demanding an explanation of why her leg was in the air, and asking questions about the monitors in her room. She was watching the heart monitor when I left, trying to regulate it with her breathing. There’s no question about her ability to learn, Mr. Ellison. She’ll probably know the name of every piece of equipment and how it works before we discharge her.”
Doug began to smile as the full implications of Dr. Mielke’s words sank into his consciousness. Kathi didn’t remember seeing him with Vivian. She didn’t remember the accident, or anything Roma might have said in her anger. She didn’t remember her mother as an alcoholic or any of the fights they ’d had. He certainly wouldn’t tell her. Let all those unpleasant memories be erased. He would help to fill in the blanks, but only wi
th pleasant memories.
Vivian waited in the corridor as Doug took a quick peek at Kathi. Dr. Mielke had told him he could stay only five minutes today. He could see her again tomorrow morning for a longer period of time.
When Doug came out of Kathi’s room, he was smiling happily. “Dr. Mielke was right,” he nodded. “Kathi didn’t recognize me, but she was fine the moment I told her who I was. The nurses explained it to her. She asked me so many questions I felt like I was on a quiz show.”
Vivian smiled, and, for the first time since the accident, the smile reached her eyes. A feeling of elation swept through her. It was all working out perfectly. Of course the price had been high, but now she had Doug, and Doug had Kathi. She could be a good mother to Kathi, a better mother than Roma had been. Once Doug saw what a good mother she could be to his child, he would love her even more. She gave a deep sigh of relief and slipped her arm through Doug’s. It was a relief to be able to do it openly now.
“ She doesn’t remember a thing about you and me?” Vivian whispered, hardly daring to hope that things could be this perfect.
“No,” Doug answered happily. “That’s one secret we’ll keep from her—that, and Roma’s drinking. She’s really going to be all right, Viv! She asked me when she could come home!” Then he shook his head slowly. “But somehow she doesn’t look the same. She seems older, and her eyes have changed. Remember how they used to sparkle when she laughed?”
“They’ll sparkle again,” Vivian said, comforting him. “Kathi’s still a sick little girl. She’s not going to look like herself until she’s completely well.”
Doug grinned. “Yes, that must be it,” he said softly. Then he took Vivian’s arm and helped her out to the car.
CHAPTER 27
It was the morning of the fourth week after the accident. Doug was there outside Kathi’s door, but instead of going into the room, he watched through the small square window in the door. This was the morning the doctors were going to remove his daughter’s bandages.
They were working slowly and carefully, unwrapping gauze and snipping with surgical scissors. Kathi had been waiting for this moment eagerly. Last night she had been so excited that her eyes had sparkled again, almost the way they used to. Four weeks in bandages was a long time for an active little girl. And after the bandages were removed, Kathi could begin the exercises and physical therapy she needed to become fully active again. Her leg would be stiff for a while, but the doctors had told Doug that the damage she had suffered was reversible through a long program of physical therapy. They were thankful for that.
It wasn’t as bad as he had expected. There was a long, red, angry-looking scar on Kathi’s leg that would fade in time, and some tender pink patches on her arms. Now they were working on the facial bandages, unwrapping her small body from its mummy-like trappings. Dr. Mielke bent down close to Kathi and said something to her that made everyone in the room laugh. The glass was soundproof, but Doug could see Kathi’s mouth curve upward in a smile. He could hardly wait to see her when all this was done.
Now they had turned her away from him, cutting away the last of the bandages, and Dr. Mielke stepped back with a proud look on his face. One of the nurses in the room got a mirror and handed it to the doctor, who held it so that Kathi could see. Doug wished that they would turn her around so he could see too.
Just then, Kathi looked up at the nurse who stood closest to the door. Doug drew in his breath sharply as he saw her face. In shock, he bolted from the door and ran down the hospital corridor, his mind racing as he fled the building. He had to tell Vivian! Everything had gone wrong. As he drove back to the office, his hands shook violently against the steering wheel.
“Viv!” he gasped, barging into the office frantically. “Oh, my God, Viv, Kathi’s dead! She’s dead, Vivian!”
“Oh, no!” Vivian cried, rushing toward him. “Oh, Doug . . . Darling! What happened? Dr. Mielke said she was doing so well!”
“The girl in the hospital is fine,” Doug choked, emotion contorting in his face. “But, Viv, she’s not Kathi! They made a mistake! She’s not Kathi!”
“What do you mean? How could they make a mistake like that?”
“I . . . I don’t know,” Doug faltered. “It must have happened at the scene of the accident. Oh, hell, Vivian! It doesn’t make any difference how they made the mistake. They took the bandages off today, and that girl isn’t Kathi!”
“Oh, darling! All this time you thought she was.... How awful, Doug! What did the doctors say?”
Doug looked at her blankly. “I . . . I didn’t tell them,” he mumbled. “I was so shocked, I didn’t tell anyone. I just had to get right back here and tell you.”
Vivian pushed Doug down on the leather couch and locked the outside door. She got a glass of water from the cooler and stroked his forehead as he gulped it down. It took at least five minutes for the color to come back to Doug’s face. Then he groaned again and held his head in his hands.
“The money,” he said. “Oh, God, Vivian! I used some of Kathi’s money to pay for the hospital bills. I’ll never be able to pay it all back now!”
“You mean the Haight money?” Vivian asked, trying to remember the stipulations of Roma’s parents ’ will.
“The money goes to the Christ Lutheran Church of St. Cloud now,” Doug said tonelessly. “Roma’s parents set it up that way purposely. They knew I was thinking about leaving her when she started drinking so heavily. It was their way of providing for her if I did. They always blamed me for Roma’s drinking. She used to run and cry to them every time we had a fight about it.”
Vivian pressed her hands to her temples as her mind began to work. She had to be calm now, calm and rational. Doug was still shaking like a leaf, and Vivian knew he was in no condition to make any decisions. Surely there was something they could do, if only she could think of it!
Vivian’s eyes closed as she struggled to sort out the facts. “You mean when the bank finds out that Kathi is dead, they’ll give the money to charity?”
“Every penny,” Doug groaned. “And I’ll have to pay back what I’ve already used, or I’ll be accused of fraud! Jesus, Vivian! What am I going to do?”
“Just be quiet and let me think,” Vivian said, more sharply than she had intended.
“There’s no way, Vivian. I’m guilty of fraud, even though I didn’t mean to do it. The whole story’ll come out now, and I’ll lose my law practice. But what does it matter? Kathi’s dead, and nothing’s important any more, Viv! Nothing!”
Vivian didn’t know what she was going to do, until her hand streaked out to smack against the side of Doug’s cheek. Then she set her face in a fierce expression as he looked up at her blankly.
“Listen to me!” she hissed. “I won’t hear any more talk like that! If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s a quitter, and I refuse to listen if you’re going to say things like that!”
Vivian felt her mind spin, off balance with a deluge of thoughts. She wasn’t going to stand by and see everything ruined now. Doug had a promising career in front of him, and she was about to obtain her dreams. This couldn’t stop her. She had to think of something to do! She wasn’t going to give up her chance for happiness, and neither was Doug.
Vivian gazed at him, and gradually her eyes narrowed. The girl in the hospital, the totally amnesic little girl in the hospital, must be Sharon Walker, the orphan who was on the train. No one knew she wasn’t Kathi—no one except Doug and her. The little girl didn’t have any family. She had been living with her foster parents, the Millers, and they were killed in the accident. The girl had a brother, but he had been adopted weeks ago. Who would ever guess that the girl in the hospital was Sharon Walker? Who would care?
Vivian held up a warning hand as Doug opened his mouth to speak. That was it! No one knew! And what they were going to do would only be for Sharon Walker’s benefit. There was a way to get out of this terrible mess, and she had to convince Doug to do it.
She took a dee
p breath and organized her thoughts. “Think for a minute, Doug, and don’t say one word until I’m finished. I don’t want any arguments or protests. I just want you to listen and think.”
Doug nodded mutely, and Vivian gave him a tight smile. That was better. He seemed calmer now. Perhaps he was ready to listen to reason.
“I’m not going to stand by and watch you blurt out the truth, when it could ruin your life and Sharon Walker’s too,” Vivian said in a calmly determined voice. “You’re in no condition to make any decisions right now. For once, you don’t have all the facts.”
Vivian stood straighter and marshaled her arguments. Then she ticked them off, one by one on her fingers as she stated them clearly.
“Let’s consider Sharon for a minute. What does she have to look forward to for the rest of her life? Another couple of years in the Catholic Adoption Home? Perhaps adoption if there are enough parents to go around? And if any of those parents will take a child with a crippled leg?”
Vivian stopped for a moment and made sure that Doug was listening before she continued.
“Don’t you think a little girl as bright as Sharon deserves more than that, Doug? She’s an orphan. She lost her mother and father when she was three. She lost her brother less than two months ago, when he was adopted. Now she’s lost her foster parents too. Of course, she doesn’t remember that, but the pain is still there. That poor child has lost everyone dear to her, and now she’s going to lose you too!”
Doug nodded. What Vivian said was true. Sharon Walker had got a hell of a raw deal from life thus far. But—
“Now she has amnesia. Her past is a blank slate. Because of you, she’s had the best medical care that money could buy. That’s only because everyone—you, me, everyone—assumed she was Kathi. You heard Dr. Mielke say that she’ll have to continue with physical therapy for a while to regain the use of her leg. Do you really think that the Catholic Adoption Home could raise the money for that?”
