Defile

by Jessica Prince

  And I’d never felt more out of place.

  True, I’d grown up with the guys in Civil Corruption, and at one time they’d been my best friends. But years had passed, times had changed, and because of that, it felt as if I was standing in a room full of strangers, having crashed a celebrity wedding. I wished Lyla could’ve made it to the wedding, but she was still dealing with things back home, trying to take care of her parents and keep Will’s garage running. It would’ve been nice to have her with me.

  The other thing weighing me down and keeping me from completely enjoying the evening was the fact that since my little chat with Gwen, I’d been able to think of little else but her suggestion that Declan had changed. I hadn’t seen him in the past two days, and I couldn’t help but wonder.

  “Why do you look like you’re about to cut and run?” Gina asked, drawing me from my depressing thoughts.

  “I’m not about to cut and run.” I gave her my best semblance of a smile, even though I wanted to do exactly what she’d just claimed. “I just don’t know a lot of these people.”

  She nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I think a lot of them are part of their crew whenever the guys tour. And that guy there”—she pointed to an elderly man standing about thirty feet away—“I think he’s their agent, but I’m not sure. Oh, and that lady he’s talking to,” she continued, speaking of the older woman who looked to be about the man’s age, “is Bernie, or Bernadette. She owns the coffee shop where Gwen and I work. And that about sums up everyone I recognize.”

  “You don’t know Killian and Mace?” I asked, looking over to the guys already at the bar.

  Her cheeks flushed bright red. “No, not really. I mean, I’ve been around them a few times, but the only ones I’ve really talked to are Garrett and Deck. Honestly, Killian kind of… intimidates me.”

  She said it in a way that made it sound more like she was crushing on him than scared of him, and I couldn’t help but smile. “Is that right?” I teased, glancing toward the man in question “Well, I guess he can be a bit… intimidating.”

  Gina rolled her eyes on a quiet giggle. “Don’t give me that look. He’s just too damn sexy for his own good, all right? I mean, what normal human being is that good-looking? It should be illegal.”

  She wasn’t wrong about that. Killian had always been attractive. Hell, all four of those guys were. With his sandy brown hair and tall, sculpted frame, the man had never been short of admirers. But I think it was his eyes that drew women in the most. They were the most beautiful Caribbean-ocean blue. Couple all that with the five-o’clock shadow that he always wore and the tattoos, and he wasn’t just hot, he screamed bad boy.

  But as far as I’d always been concerned, he didn’t hold a candle to Declan.

  “They’re here! They’re here!” Garrett’s housekeeper, Sylvie, cried enthusiastically. It was cute how attached she and their cook, Rosita, were to the Wilder family. I was glad Garrett and Gwen had people like that in their corner.

  Everyone gathered in the center of the family room and waited. The first to walk through the door were Liddy, Corrie, and Ian, with the big man carrying the giggling little girl on his shoulders. The smile on my face at the sound of Liddy’s laughter quickly fell, and all the air whooshed from my lungs at the sight of the next person to enter the room. In all the years I’d known him, I’d never once seen Declan in a suit. It was a freaking thing of beauty that, quite literally, took my breath away.

  “Careful, babe. You’re drooling.” I jerked my head around to shoot an amused Gina a murderous glare that only made her laugh harder before she turned to talk with Corrine and Ian, who’d just arrived at her other side.

  Unable to keep my eyes off him, I looked back to admire Declan. His charcoal-colored suit and dove gray shirt looked custom-made, fitting his muscles to perfection. His dark hair was styled so that it looked like his hands had been dragging through it, but he still managed to make it looked fashionable. The color of his shirt made his eyes stand out even more, and when they turned on me, I could’ve sworn I felt that look caress my skin. No, that wasn’t right. It wasn’t a look, it was a goddamn smolder. And, as usual, my body reacted to that smolder. My skin broke out in goose bumps, my panties grew damp with arousal, and my belly flipped.

  I hated myself for having such an intense physical response, but it was completely out of my control. I watched, transfixed, as his mouth quirked up in a tiny smile that I felt in my core, a smile just for me, as he made his way into the family room and in my direction. Once he reached my side, he leaned in close and spoke softly in my ear. “Hi.”

  I swallowed thickly. “H-hi.” I wasn’t sure why I suddenly felt so nervous in his presence.

  “You look beautiful in that dress.”

  Shit. He was playing dirty. My brain knew that, but my nipples didn’t seem to give a damn as they grew hard and tight. “Thanks,” I whispered in return, all other words having escaped me.

  “Unca Deck! Catch me!” Liddy screeched just a second before launching herself off Ian’s shoulders. Sucking in a startled breath, I lifted my arms to keep her from crashing to the ground and hurting herself. But before I could get my hands on her, Declan was there, snatching her right out of the air and swinging her around, causing a peal of laughter to escape her lips before he finally settled her on his hip. Just the sight of him holding sweet little Liddy so affectionately was enough to make my ovaries explode. Add his sexy suit to the mix and I was a goner.

  A sigh of relief passed my lips when Garrett and Gwen came walking in at that moment. All the attention shifted to them as everyone cheered and rushed to congratulate the newly married couple. I was able to step away from the crowd, and Declan in particular, and pull in a much-needed breath.

  Something had shifted in me since Will’s death. While the distrust and anger of his betrayal were still as fresh as an open wound, the hatred I’d harbored for Deck all these years was beginning to fade, hatred I needed in order to keep my heart protected.

  Because without it, I was terrified of what I might do.

  Declan

  I’d been content to take it slow and cautious. Well, that wasn’t totally true. I wasn’t so much content as resigned. I’d forced myself to concentrate on the long game, not immediate gratification. Winning Tatum back was going to take some serious work, and I’d already pushed as far as I felt I could by getting her to agree to manage the band and move her ass to Seattle. I didn’t think now was the right time to take more action.

  But then I’d looked in her direction and found her watching me with a familiar desire shining in her eyes that she wasn’t able to hide from me. And I decided to hell with cautious. All night long she made an effort to avoid me, moving to the opposite side of the room from wherever I was. And all night long, despite her evasion tactics, I caught her staring when she thought I wouldn’t notice.

  I downed the last of my Jack and waved the bartender over for a refill and a glass of champagne. With the drinks in hand, I moved with determined strides across the room. She wasn’t going to get away this time. I’d track her down wherever she tried to run to.

  Sure enough, once she noticed me closing in, that panicked, deer-in-headlights look flitted across her face, and she quickly muttered something to Gwen and her friends before turning and skirting the tables in an attempt to escape.

  Keeping my pace unhurried and relaxed, I continued after her as a small, knowing smirk pulled at my lips. She darted through the entryway and turned left. There were only a few hiding places in that direction, and I had a gut feeling I knew exactly where she was going.

  Resting my back against the wall across from the closed door, I set the glasses on the small table beside me and stuffed my hands into my front pockets, settling in to wait her out as long as necessary.

  Ten long minutes ticked by at a snail’s pace, and I was starting to worry that she might’ve passed out in there when the knob finally turned and the door to the bathroom swung open.

  “Oh!�
� Tatum gasped in surprise as soon as she stepped out, and I couldn’t help but grin.

  “Drink?” I asked, picking up the glass of champagne I’d brought for her.

  She hesitated for a few seconds before taking a couple cautious steps toward me. “Thanks,” she muttered, taking the drink from my hand and downing half in one gulp. The hiccup that followed and the slight pink to her cheeks alerted me to the fact that she’d had several glasses already.

  “So, you enjoying the party?”

  “Mmhmm,” she hummed, looking anywhere but at me. “I am. It’s a great party. Are you having fun?”

  “I would be, if you weren’t spending all damn night dodging me.”

  That finally got her attention, and her eyes shot my way. “I’m not dodging you.”

  “You sure about that?” I asked with a tiny smile.

  Her eyelids pinched into slits at my taunt. “Of course I’m sure. Why would I need to avoid you?”

  “You tell me,” I continued to prod. “Maybe it’s because I make you nervous. That’s the only thing I can think of.” If there was one thing I knew about Tate, it was that she’d never been able to back down from a challenge, and I wasn’t above using that knowledge to my advantage.

  “Pfft,” she scoffed. “Please. You don’t make me nervous, you egomaniac.”

  That was when I went in for the kill. Pushing off the wall, I took a step in her direction so we were only inches apart. “Then prove it,” I said quietly.

  That panicked expression returned, and she began stuttering. “W-what? H-how?”

  It was almost as if God was looking down on me at that very moment and decided to cut me a break. The fast-paced song that had been playing ended, a slow one following right after. “Dance with me,” I dared. “Prove I don’t make you nervous by dancing with me.”

  Tatum let out an indignant snort and began sputtering, “That’s… that’s…. You’re… God, you’re so full of yourself!”

  “Scared?”

  For a second, I worried for the safety of my balls and nearly covered my dick protectively before she finally snapped, “Fine! Stupid jerk.” She downed the last of her champagne. “You want to dance? Let’s dance.”

  Taking the glass from her, I set it on the table next to my abandoned Jack and grabbed her hand. But I didn’t lead her into the room where the makeshift dance floor had been set up. Instead, I took her in the opposite direction.

  “Where are we going?” she asked as she walked quickly to keep up, her heels clacking along the marble tiles as I led her down the long hall toward the back of the house. I kept going, through the formal dining room and kitchen to the french doors that opened to the patio.

  The backyard had also been transformed for the party, complete with paper lanterns hanging from the deck beams and pergolas. Twinkle lights had been wrapped around all the trees, and the pool was lit with pale blue lights.

  Fortunately, the chill in the air had kept everyone else inside, allowing me some privacy with the girl who’d been torturing my mind and heart for the past decade.

  The sound system in the house carried the song from the family room all the way out into the backyard.

  “Declan, I don’t think we should—”

  Not wanting to give her a chance to run, I used my grip on her hand to pull her into my chest, then wrapped my other arm around her waist, holding tight as I began to sway us to the music.

  Unable to help myself, I leaned in close enough for my breath to slide across her skin, relishing in the way her body trembled as I whispered, “Scared yet?” in her ear.

  Chapter Twenty

  Declan

  Her intoxicating fragrance overwhelmed my senses while her soft, luscious curves pressing against me made my cock stir behind my fly. My fingers on her tiny waist clenched in an effort to keep my desire in check, because all I wanted to do at that very moment was devour her whole.

  We danced in silence for several seconds before she spoke in a voice so quiet I had to strain to hear. “Maybe we should go back inside.”

  “Why?” I asked. “I thought you had no reason to dodge me?”

  Tatum’s eyes closed for just a moment. She shook her head in frustration before looking back up at me. “Stop it,” she warned on a whisper.

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop trying to goad me so you can get your way. I hated it back then, and I still hate it now, Declan.”

  My stomach twisted into knots of guilt, and I found myself nodding in compliance. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll stop.”

  That gave her a sense of relief, and her shoulders slumped as we continued to sway. Minutes passed, and one song turned into another, but she remained in my arms. We were both so wrapped up in each other that neither of us noticed the music had changed to something with a faster tempo. I couldn’t take my eyes off her face as I held her close, and I was sure I’d go to my grave knowing that Tatum Valentine had always the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

  For the millionth time over the past ten years, I found myself wondering how I could’ve done what I did. She hadn’t just been the girl I loved, she’d been the blood in my veins, the air in my lungs. She gave me life. She was my life. I’d give every last cent I had to go back to that night and undo all the damage I caused. Problem was I had no fucking clue what happened. No matter how hard I racked my brain, I couldn’t remember a single second of the night that tore my world apart.

  “So, I’ve been thinking,” she started, pulling my mind back into the present and away from the painful memories of the past. “There’s this band I’ve been following. Maybe you’ve heard of them. Usual Suspects? They’ve been around for a few years and are building a steady fan base, but they’re still relatively young. And their music is raw and gritty. They’re just coming off a sold-out tour and are based in Oregon. What if we did a concert—”

  “I don’t want to talk shop right now,” I said over her, frustrated that she was trying to turn our moment into something business-related.

  “Declan, this is my job. I’m here to manage you guys.”

  Looking down at her with a fierce glare, I stated, “No, you’re here because you’re family. This is a goddamn wedding, Tate. Forget about work. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  She heaved an agitated sigh and rolled her eyes skyward. “Fine. Then what do you want to talk about?” she asked sarcastically.

  “Us.”

  My hold on her tightened as her body tensed. “Deck.” That one word was full of so much anguish it pierced my heart. “There is no us.”

  “That’s bullshit and you know it,” I growled between clenched teeth.

  “Please,” she implored. “Please don’t do this. Not now.”

  Shame washed through me as I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and hunched down to rest my forehead against hers. “I’m sorry. I just can’t fucking stand this.”

  Her body started to tremble against mine, as though she was fighting the pull between us with all her might. “Can’t stand what?”

  “You being so close but not having you,” I answered honestly, the words causing physical pain as they ripped themselves from my chest. “You’re supposed to be mine, Tate. You were always supposed to be mine.”

  “Declan, I can’t—”

  I spoke over her protest, the sudden and unexpected need to pour my heart out for her to hear too strong to ignore. “You’ve been gone for ten years, and I still don’t know how I’m supposed to live without you. Do you have any goddamn clue how that fucks with a man’s head?”

  Her eyes closed, one lone tear trailing down her cheek as she jerked away from me. “And do you have any goddamn clue how badly it fucks with a woman’s head when the love of her goddamn life screws someone else?” she snapped, yelling the last two words as she began pacing. “You know what? Hate me all you want, I don’t care! Blame me for breaking my promise and leaving if that’s what you want to do. I. Don’t. Care! You know the truth. You know. How could you expect me to
stay after what you did? You knew it would break me. You knew it would destroy me. And you did it anyway!”

  “I didn’t know what I was doing!” I shouted, jerking my fingers through my hair. “If you’d have just let me explain—”

  “That’s not an excuse!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “You were everything to me, and you gave all that was supposed to be mine to someone else!”

  I rushed her, closing the distance between us in the blink of an eye, and took her face in my hands. My voice was ravaged as I whispered, “It’s not an excuse. You’re right. I’ll never be able to take back what I did. You were everything to me too, Tate. You were my goddamn life. I’ve driven myself mad trying to remember what happened that night. But there’s no way, no fucking way I could’ve ever done that to you if I’d been in my right mind. I’d rather die than hurt you.”

  “But you did,” she breathed as tears poured from her eyes. “You hurt me in the worst way possible.” Reaching up, she wrapped her fingers around my wrists and squeezed. “You made the choice to get drunk and high that night, knowing the road it would lead you down. You made that choice after I’d begged you over and over to stop using. Whether or not you knew what was happening after that doesn’t matter. Losing me was the consequence of your actions. You have no one but yourself to blame.

  I was dying all over again. With every word she spoke, she was killing me for a second time, just like she had when I walked through the door of our house in LA and discovered she was gone.

  “Tate?”

  Both our heads shot to the side at the sound of Gwen’s voice. She was standing just outside the patio doors, a look of worry marring her pretty face. “We heard yelling. Are you okay?”