Keeping Up Appearances

by Elizabeth Stevens

  He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my head. “Yeah, babe. We’re good.”

  My heart had gone back to skipping, but my brain was trying to take a second look at Xander because something didn’t seem quite right. It was like he had that mask on again, like he was stuck between being the guy I knew from the rumours and the guy who didn’t seem like that at all. I wasn’t sure why that might be, but I leant up and kissed him quickly and the sincere smile that that elicited on his face finally reached his eyes.

  “I’m not sure how advisable that is with your brother in the house,” Xander mock-whispered in my ear. “Unless you’re about to tell him we’re dating?”

  I scoffed. “Yeah, no. I’m not sure either of us would like his reaction.”

  “So, should we maybe put a little distance between us then? Room for the holy spirit or whatever?”

  I snorted as I sat up to look at him. “What have you been watching?”

  He shrugged adorably. “I don’t remember. But, I thought it sounded kinda funky.”

  “Kinda funky?”

  “Yeah. Opposite of anything I’d want, obviously. But, you know, it conjures a very specific picture.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. That it does.”

  We just sort of got distracted looking at each other for a while. My skin tingled and my heart jumped up and down in nervous excitement. I felt like something was about to happen. I had no idea what might be about to happen, but I was looking forward to it. There was such softness in Xander’s eyes, and that tiny little lift at the corner of his mouth, that I willingly walked straight into the con for a moment. I was totally willing to believe we could be amazing.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked finally, running his hand down my cheek softly.

  “Feeling?”

  “You need chocolate? More pain killers? Hot water bottle?”

  I gave him an appreciative smile. “I don’t have a hot water bottle.”

  The grin that spread across his face had my heart melting into a little puddle of swoon. “Well, you’re lucky I planned ahead.”

  He gently extricated himself from under me and leant forward. He reached into one of the bags and pulled something out of it, a look of half-triumph and half-hesitation on his face.

  “It’s the best I could do on short notice,” he said.

  “That’s not the first time you’ve said that,” I replied as I stared at the hot water bottle with the owl cover.

  “Well, I guess my flaw is I’m not a patient guy. I wanted to help now, so I got something that maybe wasn’t perfect. But, I figured in this circumstance it was better than nothing.”

  “Just that one flaw?” I asked, sliding my eyes to him and pretending my heart wasn’t melting for a totally different reason.

  He returned my smirk. “Yeah, all right. One of many. Should I have waited until I found a frog?”

  I shook my head. “No. It’s great, thank you.” I snuck a look at the bags on the floor that Vern had left in peace. “Just what else do you have in your bag of tricks?”

  There was that self-satisfied, split-second grin. He pulled one of the bags towards him and started pulling things out.

  “A snuggly friend,” he said as he passed me the beautiful stuffed unicorn.

  “Am I not a little old for stuffed toys?” I teased.

  His mouth dropped open in mock-disgust, although I trusted his words were serious. “No one is ever too old for stuffed toys, babe. What are you? Some kind of heathen?”

  I grinned as I hugged the toy to me. “No, of course not.”

  He nodded. “Right. So, chocolate – a must, obviously.”

  “Obviously.” I took another look at the packet and saw exactly what they were. “Chocolate-covered snakes?”

  He threw me a seriously smouldering smile. “They’re your favourite.”

  “They are.” How did he know that?

  “Mountain Dew because why not.”

  “Of course.”

  “And, last but not least.” He pulled a jumper out of the bag that was going to be far too big for me.

  I looked at it. “Did you think you were going to get cold?”

  There was actually a very small flush creeping up his cheek and he licked his lip. He cleared his throat and waggled his head. “Uh, actually… I know I should really stop comparing you to Rachel, but she’s really my only point of reference for this stuff… And, well, there’s something she seems to like about wearing either her brother’s jumper or mine when she’s on her period. So, uh, I kinda thought it might help?” He shrugged, as self-conscious as I’d ever seen him. “I don’t know. I just thought it was worth having as a back-up. You know?”

  He finally looked at me and that laughter that was threatening to erupt dissipated at the vulnerability on his face. Xander-freaking-Bowen, King Douche of all things Bow, was legitimately just doing whatever he could think of to make me feel better. My heart felt all fuzzy – but in a good way – and I smiled at him.

  “That was really thoughtful, thanks.”

  He shrugged, still looking adorably awkward. “You don’t have to…” He twitched like he was trying to shake off that awkwardness and cleared his throat again. “It’s all good.”

  I took the jumper from him gently and shucked my blanket. “Anything’s worth a go.”

  He helped me pull it on and he snuck a quick kiss as I got it over my head. We smiled at each other and I couldn’t help thinking of my conversation with Mum again. But, we’d just had the conversation about not changing anything; he’d just said he was happy as things were. And, it wasn’t like I wasn’t happy as they were…

  Unless Xander had been hinting he wanted to change things the other way? That he wanted to make it real? I froze for a second, wondering if I’d missed my chance to find out what he wanted. Because I didn’t think I had the courage to bring it up again. The idea of just asking him sent a ripple of panic through me. What if he hadn’t meant that and he didn’t like me like that?

  “It suits you,” he chuckled, pulling it down so it wasn’t bunching up.

  I looked up at him and smiled, putting my worries on the backburner for now.

  “Thanks.”

  As I snuggled into his jumper – which smelled like he’d only just taken it off – I told myself whatever we were or weren’t, I was happy with him. I could worry about working out what I was going to do about that later.

  “Any good?” he asked as I re-settled against him.

  “Yeah, it’s not too bad,” I replied, seriously down-playing just how much better it made me feel.

  He laughed and I was sure he could tell. “Good.”

  Xander hung out with me for a while, watching my rom-coms and rubbing my back now and then when the cramps got bad. Mark seemed to avoid coming upstairs almost like he didn’t want to risk seeing anything he didn’t want to know about. I wasn’t sure if or how I was going to try to explain this to him later, but Mark had always waited for me to broach topics so I felt confident in my ability to come up with something before it came up.

  After Xander left that night and I climbed into bed with my new hot water bottle, I left his jumper on. I fell asleep easily, despite the pain in my womb, feeling like Xander was still there with me and comforting me.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “It’ll be fine,” Xander said as I pulled into the carpark and he brushed my hair back.

  “It will, Doll,” Miranda agreed, leaning forward from the back seat.

  “You’re one of us now,” Greg added.

  I threw Xander a glance – we both knew that we were having a different conversation than Miranda and Greg.

  There was something about that night that was stressing me out. It was by far not the first time I’d been out with the Bows since Xander and I had started ‘dating’, but it felt like it. Maybe it was because it felt like Rachel got more suspicious with each new Bow who seemed to take to me. Maybe i
t was because, now more were talking to me, it felt like there was more room for messing it up – I was still going with the theory that I should just be myself, but I just couldn’t stop worrying they’d never trust me.

  Whatever the reason, I hadn’t even needed to voice my hesitation; apparently Xander, Miranda and Greg could just tell. No one had ever just been able to tell before, even Jason with his seeing-right-through-me hadn’t been able to tell. I didn’t know if I’d hidden it better before or if I’d just been with people who didn’t care about seeing it.

  Or, maybe Jason had never actually been able to see right through me after all.

  I stopped thinking about that right there because the last thing I needed was to get even more weird and emotional than I was already about to get.

  “Doll?” Miranda asked and I nodded.

  “Yeah, no. I’m fine. Why would I not be fine?”

  “Because Rachel can be a dick?” Greg hedged and Xander threw him a pointed look. Greg shrugged. “What? Dude, we love her. But, you know it’s true.”

  “She cares, Greg,” I said softly and Xander gave my knee a squeeze. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “She could ease up on you, Doll.”

  I looked at Xander, trying to send him a message, trying to tell him I got it and it didn’t really bother me. To be honest, Daniel had been worse and even that wasn’t what bothered me. Why didn’t it bother me? Well, I guess I just liked that Xander had some really great friends. I totally preferred the ones who were on his side and seemed to accept me, but I got what we looked like – to Rachel and Daniel particularly – so I could hardly be put out that his friends were suspicious. I wanted them to trust me and like me, but I understood why they didn’t after all the years of animosity between us.

  I got out of the car as the others kept arguing about whether Rachel should or shouldn’t be a dick to me. I almost smiled as Miranda and Greg seemed to be arguing from all sides while Xander was just trying to get them to drop it. When they’d all finally got themselves out, I locked the doors and shoved my hands in my pockets as I headed for Grill’d.

  “Doll?” Xander said as he jogged after me.

  “Yeah?” I asked as I took his hand.

  “You sure you’re fine?”

  “You asking constantly is only making me not fine. I’m good, just a little nervous for some reason. I could have said no.”

  He put his arm around me and I tucked my arm around his waist. “Okay, I’ll stop asking. What did you tell Mark we were doing tonight?”

  “I told him I was heading out with Rand and some of the girls.”

  Xander snorted. “Anyone would think you’re hiding your boyfriend from your brother, babe.”

  “Fake boyfriend, babe,” I replied, although my heart whacked my brain with that rolled up magazine.

  He laughed and he squeezed me closer, then I felt his step falter.

  “What?” I asked

  He laughed harder.

  “What?”

  “I think I just saw another of those buttons.”

  I looked around, but didn’t see anything. “Really?”

  He shrugged. “Who knows?”

  “Where did they get them anyway?”

  “Dunno–”

  He was cut off as Greg bounced into him with a, “Okay, I want all the burgers!”

  We all laughed.

  “Then, you shall have all the burgers,” Xander jokingly decreed as we walked up the steps to Grill’d and saw the others already waiting for us.

  My smile fell at the frowns Rachel, Daniel and Sabrina threw me, but I managed to shake it off as they just decided to ignore me and talk to their friends while we took a seat and others started filing up to order.

  Miranda and I got pulled into conversation with Liv, Tara and Britt about whether hot guys made comic book movies worth it as Xander and Greg started talking to Daniel about how badly they thought Xander would be penalised for his fight with Jason. I was heavily on the side that comic book movies were worth it no matter who was in them, and none of the girls minded even if they remained unsure.

  As the food came out, our conversation moved onto if we needed to go into town again before school went back

  “What do you need this time?” I asked with a wry smile and the girls all returned it.

  “Nothing,” Tara conceded. “I just thought it might be nice to hang out.”

  “We can fashion show like those movie montages, that’s always fun,” Britt said.

  “Oh yeah!” Liv cried excitedly. “I am so down for that. We can try on all the hideous things.”

  Miranda laughed, “We’ll need a whole day just for half of those.”

  “Yeah, true. How about we stick with a style?”

  “I vote fluoro,” Miranda said.

  “Seconded,” Liv agreed.

  “Me too. Doll?” Britt asked.

  I laughed. “I’ll be honest, I actually don’t hate fluoro.” I winced as I waited for their reaction.

  But, they only gasped in mock-horror.

  “Really?” Britt leant forward as though she needed to find out my secrets so she could try them herself.

  I nodded. “Really. I’m not sure it suits me. But, I’m not opposed to it as a concept.”

  Miranda shook her head with a smile. “Takes all sorts, huh? Well, what would you suggest then, Miss Fluoro?” But it was said in a way that I was in on the joke, not that it was at my expense.

  “No. Fluoro’s good.”

  “Sweet. How about we–?”

  “Woah!” Greg’s voice was loud enough it drowned out half the table. “Was that a…? How do you even pronounce that?” Greg pointed at some kids walking past us.

  “What?” I asked, looking around as I shoved another chip in my mouth.

  “Looked like…Thomigan?” Greg said uncertainly, peering at something, and I had a feeling I knew what he was talking about.

  “Thomigan?” I clarified. “I guess so. Thomas and Milligan?”

  “Bowdeen’s well better,” Tara said matter-of-fact.

  “Well, that’s because Xander and Doll are well better,” Liv said.

  “Oh, so you’re on our team then?” Xander teased as he looked around the table and I pretended not to see glare that Rachel, Daniel and Sabrina shared.

  The girls laughed.

  “Of course,” Britt answered. “Unlike those two idJits, you two are an actual proper couple.”

  I nearly choked on my drink and Xander nudged me with a smile.

  “Why are they idJits anyway?” I asked, looking around.

  “I ask myself that every day,” Greg sighed dramatically. “I just don’t know how people could be such arsehats.”

  “No,” I laughed. “I mean, why do you call them that?”

  “Id-Jits. JT. It just seems to work,” Xander said with a shrug.

  “Like Xander’s King of the Bows, your JT is King of the idJits,” Rachel sneered.

  “Jason’s not my anything,” I answered, staring her down.

  “Does she even go to our school?” Greg asked, pointing at another girl sitting at a table a few away from us.

  “She doesn’t even go here!” Tara laughed as we all turned to look at the random girl; she was wearing a ‘Team Bowdeen’ button.

  “I don’t think so…?” Xander said slowly.

  “Didn’t you hook up with her?” Daniel asked and the two boys did a stare-off to rival the one Rachel and I had just done.

  “Yeah, I don’t think so, mate,” Xander replied as though it was a warning.

  “You sure?” Daniel pressed, leaning towards Xander. “Wasn’t she at that party a few months ago?”

  “I think I’d remember.”

  “Oh, yeah. I was thinking of her sister.” Daniel winked at Xander, then looked at me.

  Xander threw a chip at Daniel with a chuckle. “Fuck off, mate. Just because you missed out on her.”
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  Daniel smirked and Xander joined him. I had no idea what the exchange was supposed to have meant, but it seemed everything was all good again.

  “Who came up with Thomigan? That just sounds whack,” Greg mused.

  I felt Xander shrug. “Who knows? I don’t even know where the damn things are coming from.” He looked up for a second. “If anyone finds out, can you grab me a couple?”

  “Of the Thomigan ones?” Tara asked and Xander smirked.

  “Them, too.”

  “Why the hell do you want theirs?” Rachel snapped.

  Xander leant over the table towards her. “For the love of irony, Rach.”

  I could see she was stuck between being annoyed by me and amused by him. Finally she gave him a smile and shook her head. “You’re the whack one.”

  “I commend them for Bowdeen though,” Xander continued on as he grinned around a chip at her. “It sounds great.”

  “Maybe you should change your name then?” Daniel teased him, though it sounded somewhat scathing to me.

  “Yeah, we’ll get on that when we get married,” Xander said with a wry grin and everyone looked at him in surprise.

  “Yes!” Greg yelled. “I already called best man!”

  “That’s Rachel’s job, surely,” Miranda asked and I swear Rachel’s glare almost struck her down dead.

  “Xand’s not going to need a best man. That’s a fucking terrible idea,” she said, her tone cold enough to send unpleasant goose bumps chasing across my skin.

  All the laughter at the table stopped and I wished I could just melt into non-existence.

  “Rach, give me a break. It was a joke,” Xander said quietly.

  “You don’t joke about marrying the minion, Xander,” she said.

  Xander dropped his burger and pointed at her. “Your attitude is starting to shit me off, Rachel.”

  “Your attitude’s been shitting me off for weeks. You know she was talking to him the other day? What do you think they were talking about? It seems he’s finally noticed her now. How much longer do you think she’ll be yours?”

  Oh, my cheeks flushed and I refused to look away from my lap so I had no idea what anyone else looked like or if they, like me, were pretending we weren’t there. I could feel Xander tense beside me.