Keeping Up Appearances

by Elizabeth Stevens

  That something from the day before smacked up against my heart again and my brain smirked rather self-satisfied as I thought I was finally getting it.

  “Are you really going to be an idJit about this?” Rachel pressed.

  “About what?”

  “You don’t fear losing something you don’t want, Doll.”

  And there was the lightbulb moment. The thing that had been trying to get me to acknowledge it was bright as day and I got it.

  I hadn’t been worried about Jason and me ending – or him saying no, or whatever could have happened – because I hadn’t actually liked him enough for it to really bother me. But, Xander? The thought of losing Xander was terrifying. And, I’d finally realised that it was exactly because of how much I liked him.

  “I want Xander…” I said to myself.

  “You want him? Go get him, then.”

  “Go get him?”

  She nodded. “I told you not to hurt him. And, you did. So, you’re going to fix it.”

  “Because it’s my job?” popped out and I rolled my eyes at myself.

  “Yes. You break it, you fix it. As much as we both know he’s more than capable of fucking up, I know it’s almost impossible that he screwed this up. He waited for you longer than even he knows it, there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d ruin his chance.”

  “So, I should…”

  “You should fix it before I fix your face.”

  I opened my mouth and frowned. “I want to say you’re joking there…?”

  “It depends on what your next move is.”

  “Let me just get this straight… The Queen of the Bows giving me permission to date her King?” I asked.

  I was gratified when I saw a genuine smile cross her face, and this one even reached her eyes. “I’m quite happy to pass the mantle onto the queen of his choice.” Then, she got serious again. “So long as she doesn’t mess it up.”

  I nodded and tried not to grin. “Did we just become friends?”

  I could see she was supressing a grin of her own as she looked behind me. “Yeah, I wouldn’t go that far, Minion. Yet.”

  Chapter Thirty

  I tapped the microphone unnecessarily. The feedback hissed and I winced. Now I was here, I wasn’t sure how far I was going to go with this. But, something had to be done.

  I’d spent the last few days being awkward with Xander, as I tried to work out how to fix it, and watching the school fight. One answer stared me in the face. It was probably a little dramatic, but I needed to get a message out there, to everyone. So, there I was on Friday morning during my free in the Principal’s Secretary’s office and I’d convinced her to let me use the PA system.

  “Hey. Uh, Holly Aberdeen, great crosser of social lines, here.” I cleared my throat. “I’ve been thinking lately about social lines. A lot. Like probably too much. I’ve been thinking about how we sit in the comfort of our clique, with the people we call friends, and we judge everyone else. Hell, we judge those people we call friends. It’s like each of our little groups is some kind of ancient kingdom with its rulers, and regulations that we’re expected to follow if we don’t want to be banished.

  “I never thought this was ridiculous. I was one of JT’s minions and I was happy with the unspoken rules that governed my life because I thought I agreed with them. I knew we hated King Douche and the Bows. I knew what we thought about the Drama kids. I knew who was acceptable to talk to and who wasn’t. And, I didn’t bat an eyelid because I believed in the system. I believed that every reason we had for thinking about people in a certain way was justified.”

  I leant back in the seat for a moment and Miss Michaels nodded at me encouragingly. God, this was harder than I’d expected. I sighed and sat forward again.

  “Then, something happened and I realised that everything I’d thought was bullshit. Utter. Bullshit. I’d sat in the comfort of my clique and judged people based on nothing but rumour. Rumour I probably inadvertently had a part to play in spreading, true. But, what did I actually know about any of them? I spread the hate because I was so wrapped up in my own little world that I didn’t stop to think about anyone except how they related to me.

  “So yeah, I did the unthinkable. I crossed a social line. I left JT for the King of the Bows and I had no choice but to get to know the people I’d spent years hating. But, the heart does crazy things to a person. At first, I just pretended I belonged. I told myself it was no different to hanging out with my old group, just no one talked to me and no one liked me. Then Greg and Miranda came along.” I felt myself smile. “And they accepted me because they thought I made Xander happy.

  “I’ll tell you, it took much longer to win anyone else over. But, as I was busy trying to forget I belonged anywhere but in the midst of the Bows, I saw them in a whole new light. And you know what, Maple Ridge? The Bows aren’t just your standard rich, shallow, bitchy popular kids. They’re no different to anyone else or any other group. When it comes down to it, we’re all the same.”

  I sighed again. “People aren’t two-dimensional! They don’t fit into the neat little boxes we give them. And yet, the whole place went crazy because JT’s minion started dating King Douche. We divided the place into who shipped Jason and Nancy or who shipped me and Xander. Friends went to war against friends. For no other reason than what you thought of as someone else’s scandal. And for what?” I took a deep breath, not sure I was ready for this after all.

  “I’ll tell you what for–”

  There was a banging on the window and I looked up to see Xander outside in his PE uniform, his face pure panic, his fist against the glass. “Holly? Don’t do it! You don’t have to do it!” came his muffled shout.

  I shook my head at him sadly. “It has to end,” I said, the microphone still on. “I’ll tell you what for, Maple Ridge. For a lie. Because I spent years madly in love with my best friend and I didn’t believe he could ever love me back, especially not when he had his tongue down our mutual best friend’s throat. So, in an act of complete immaturity, I agreed to Xander Bowen’s proposal – we fake date. The plan was simple, I hope to make Jason jealous and Xander gets one up on him while getting girls off him for a while.

  “And look, I’m not proud of the choices that led me here. I alienated myself from the people I thought were my friends and I lost my heart more times than I care to admit. But, I wouldn’t change it for the world because it opened my eyes.” I looked up again and my eyes locked with Xander’s. I knew he was pleading with me to stop, but I couldn’t. Not yet.

  “I saw the bubble I lived in and I tried to break free. Xander and I might never have been real, but I realised what I’d had with JT wasn’t either. I was one bad rom-com away from worshipping the ground Jason walked on that I didn’t notice that he never really saw me for me because I wasn’t myself around him. Who did see me for me? Who could I not hide from? The guy we all thought was the biggest womanising piece of shit in this whole place.”

  Even through the obvious distress on his face, the corner of Xander’s lip quirked a little in response to my assessment of him. I gave him a small smile and look down.

  “Xander Bowen might be King of the Bows, but he’s certainly no douche. He knew how hard it was for me to be around people who didn’t like me and he made it as easy as possible. He and Rachel clashed more times than I can count over the fact she was convinced I was going to hurt him. As much as that was awkward for me, I could only dream of having someone in my life who fought to protect me that way.

  “And, these were the people I hated. I can’t say the Bows aren’t shallow. We’re all shallow. They don’t act any differently with people not in their clique than the rest of us do, yet we judged them and gossiped about them while we secretly wished to be one of them. Why? Because the need to belong is strong. The need to belong is so strong that I refused to ask myself why I was just happy to pretend I belonged with the Bows until well after I did.

  “I learnt quickly
that I belonged with the Bows in a way I never belonged with JT and most of them probably still hate me. Because I was my complete and utter self. They couldn’t like me any less, right? When I stopped trying to impress people, I found they liked me better, they trusted me more.

  “So, I’m done with hate. I’m done with lies.” I found Xander’s eyes again and knew this was going to be the hardest part. “It took losing my heart to find it, and even then it was in the unlikeliest of places. Because, who thought something real could ever come out of something fake.” I huffed a laugh and watched a hesitant, surprised smile start to cross Xander’s face.

  “Because I think I’m falling in love with the King of the Bows. I told myself I wasn’t falling for him for so long. King Douche didn’t do dating, he didn’t do relationships, he had no-strings hook ups. But Xander does dating, he does relationships, he does more than just hook ups, and he does it all heart-meltingly well. It took a massive social faux pas for me to see the real Xander Bowen, and I still worry how it’s going to go. But, I’ve realised you only really fear losing something that matters, something real.”

  Xander’s smile was closer to his trademark smirk now and his eyes shone.

  “What do you say, King Douche?” I asked, looking straight at him. “I’m one hundred per cent in this, if you’ll still have me?”

  He raised his eyebrows at me teasingly and shrugged with a clear ‘eh, I don’t know’.

  I bit back a laugh and knew we needed to talk in person. “A final word, Maple Ridge. Stop picking sides. Talk to whoever you damn well want. Spread Nutella, not hate. Unless of course you don’t like Nutella – though, for all that’s holy, how? – then spread the spread of your choice and some love along with it. Don’t wonder about that world that doesn’t care. Go out and make it for yourself. Get to know someone before you judge them, because how can you judge someone you don’t really know? Meet the person you want in the world you live in and stop waiting for a day that’s never going to come. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just have to hope I’m not too late to snag the guy of my dreams.”

  I flicked off the microphone, nodded my thanks to a proud Miss Michaels and rushed out of her office.

  Xander was jogging into the building. He stopped in front of me and crossed his arms.

  “You expect me to just accept this? To just be ready when you’re ready? To not be totally crushed by your behaviour and just open my arms and have you?”

  I was about ninety-nine percent sure he was teasing. “I hope. I don’t expect.”

  “You hope?”

  “I want. I’d like. I hope everything you said was true. I hope you always knew I’d fallen for you. I hope you know I was just scared and I should have trusted you. I hope you know I’m completely crazy about you in a way I never knew was possible. I hope you know you’ve somehow become my best friend and you’re the first person I felt I could really be myself with.” I took a deep breath. “I hope I didn’t ruin it.”

  He looked me over, his face as serious as I’d ever seen it. “I told you I’d never break your heart, Holly…” He sounded apologetic.

  “And I still believe that. If you can’t forgive me or trust me now, I can accept that. It would hurt like hell, but I’d respect it.” Okay, so I was starting to worry I’d royally messed this up.

  “I can’t keep it up. I’m sorry, doll.” He shook his head. “I can’t pretend anymore.”

  My heart trembled in fear. He was right. I’d messed it up. After everything, why would he still want me?

  “So that’s a no from you?” I asked.

  A sparkle shone in his eyes and that hint of a smirk played at his lips. “No, I mean I can’t pretend around you. I can’t pretend this is all fake. Not anymore. Not in a long time.”

  I smiled uncertainly. “Is that a yes?”

  “Come here.” He drew me to him and hugged me close. “Of course it’s a yes.”

  I pulled away to look at him. “I didn’t break it? I didn’t break us?”

  His smile was soft and his eyes were warm and I told my heart to go for it as he ran his fingers down my cheek. “Babe, you shattered every wall I ever built, every illusion I held, every mask I wore. I just had to wait for you to pull your head out of that gorgeous arse. But when you did, it was always going to be yes.”

  “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

  “I honestly thought it would take you longer.”

  “You would have waited?”

  “Like I keep telling you, I notice things about you. I just have to wait for you to notice them, too. I had to have faith you’d realise we were right for each other eventually.”

  “You never rush me.”

  He smiled, but there was confusion in his eyes. “Rush you?”

  “You gave me all those hints, but you never tried to make me see you differently. You let me see it in my own time. And even now, you’re not trying to convince me of anything. Even when I hurt you. That’s not fair.”

  “What’s not fair is how much I want to kiss you.”

  I looked around the corridor and finally noticed that the classroom windows were full of people watching us. I’m really not sure why I expected anything different given how public I made this. I felt my face heat and shoved it in his chest as he laughed and held me tighter.

  “You should get back to class,” I mumbled.

  “On one condition.”

  “What?”

  He tipped my face to him and pressed a quick kiss to my lips before he jogged away with that cocky but adorable smirk and a wink.

  A cheer rang out in the surrounding classrooms and I let out a half-embarrassed, half-relieved laugh as I looked around. I gave them all a small wave and headed back to the study room, keeping my hair in front of my face.

  I walked in to see everyone staring at me. Some people – see: Nancy – were obviously thinking I was an idiot for fake dating a guy I hated to try to make another guy jealous. But, I saw more support on more faces – including Jason’s – than I did anything else.

  “Welcome back, Holly,” the teacher said with a small smile as she went back to her marking.

  I nodded as I slid into my seat, avoiding Miranda’s look of shock. But, she plucked at my arm and I turned to her with an apology on my lips.

  “What happened?” she asked before I could get a word in, her eyes alight the way they always were when we shared gossip. At least, this was the good kind, the friendly kind.

  I bit my lip. “He said yes.”

  She squealed, then snapped her mouth shut quickly as everyone looked at us.

  “Quiet please, Miranda,” the teacher said pointedly, but she hid a suspecting smile.

  When everyone turned back around, Miranda smiled at me and mouthed ‘later’. I nodded and she nudged me excitedly.

  Later was going to have to wait though as Xander was waiting for me after class, still in his PE uniform. I ran right after my heart and straight into his arms, and he kissed me hard. People around us were talking but I didn’t care. I had the guy and I’d done what I could to make everything better. Only time would tell if anyone would listen or if we’d all be the same old teenagers next week as we’d been last week.

  As his hand slid over my arse, I pulled away. “Xander!”

  He rolled his eyes. “I know. Hands in new places.”

  I gave him a smirk of my own. “At least at school, okay?”

  Understanding flitted across his eyes and his smile grew more rueful. “Does this mean you’ll sleep with me now?”

  I batted him. “Presumptuous!”

  “Can’t blame a guy for trying.” His grin was sinfully sexy, but I knew he was only teasing.

  “Can and will,” I answered. “Can and will.” I looked him over. “Would you wait?”

  “Of course.”

  “How long?”

  “As long as you wanted me to.”

  And, that was one reason why I might not want
to wait for long. “Then maybe if you’re a very good boy, you’ll get what you want,” I answered.

  Xander’s smile softened. “But, I already have everything I want.”

  I smiled as my heart soared away with its big balloon. “Rachel was right.”

  “Rachel was right?” he asked sceptically, his eyebrows rising. “About what?”

  A lot of things. “That inside the biggest man-whore lives a mushy idiot.”

  “Only for you.”

  My heart and my brain were finally on the same page and we were all in on this more than one hundred percent. We finally believed in hope and love and forever. And I knew my fear that it wouldn’t work was a good sign, as long as I didn’t listen too closely to it. I wasn’t a fortune-teller. I couldn’t know how long Xander and I were going to last. But, I could control what happened now. I could follow my heart and have faith.

  Love, Lust & Friendship

  Because, sometimes

  real life is a bitch.

  Meet Christopher Henderson. AKA, the dillweed of a human being worshipped by (almost) all.

  Meet Alexander Henderson. AKA, the love of my life and my best friend.

  Meet Addison MacGuire. AKA, me and the girl you don’t date because... Well, who knows.

  So, what happens when you take one tomboy, one best friend, and that best friend’s stupidly hot, popular older brother with a bad attitude?

  That’s right, you get a story worthy of a teen rom-com.

  Because, sometimes real life is a bitch. Sometimes the only guy to come between you and the love of your life is the one guy you weren’t supposed to fall in love with. But, how do you tell the difference between love, lust and friendship?

  Pre-order now from Amazon.

  Add to Goodreads.