The Northern Frights

by Derek the Ghost

  The snow settled behind the podium and began to form itself into Principal Meltington—the abominable snowman. The students gasped when they saw him. They thought he would look like a furry white Sasquatch, but he looked more like an actual snowman that had come to life. Instead of a big ball of snow for his lower section, he had thick snow legs. His arms were jagged tree branches. He sported a black stovepipe hat, a long carrot nose, and button eyes, and his mouth looked like it was scooped out of his face.

  When he spoke into the podium microphone, his voice sounded deep and ominous, like a roll of thunder in the far distance.

  “Thank you, Principal Headcrusher. And thank you to the students for accommodating my climatological needs. The pavilion is a little warm for my taste, but I don’t think I’ll be melting anytime soon.”

  The students’ teeth were chattering, and icicles were hanging from their noses. He wanted it colder?

  “I’ll make this brief so you won’t turn into human Popsicles before my button eyes. As I observe you this week, please don’t do anything out of the ordinary or feel the need to impress me. Simply be yourselves, and that will be the best way for me to judge who is worthy of visiting Scream Academy, which, as Principal Headcrusher said, has nothing to do with the terrible prophecy that a human child will have to battle the scariest monster of all time next week. Remember to bring your warmest clothes, as this bitter cold follows me wherever I go. Also, I will need a fresh carrot each morning to replace my nose or else I won’t be able to properly smell your fear. Principal Headcrusher is the only human to ever attend Scream Academy, and perhaps she has proven with this school that more human children will be able to attend in the future. Nobody thinks you have a chance of survival, but hopefully you’ll prove them wrong. Have an ‘ice’ day.”

  Principal Meltington paused for laughter at his pun. Nobody laughed. So he said it again in a more ominous voice. “Have an ice . . . day!” The students realized he wasn’t going to leave until they laughed, so they chuckled politely, pretending to just get it.

  Satisfied, Principal Meltington waved his arms and turned himself back into a blizzard, but before flying off, Meltington’s head popped out and said, “Oh, I almost forgot. Have any of you ever battled a dragon as large as a mountain?”

  Everyone gulped. A mountain? The largest dragon any of them had ever seen was Dr. Dragonbreath, and he was only nine feet. And no one would battle him for a million dollars!

  Seeing not a single hand raised, Meltington said, “Ah, well, that’s a shame. Again, nothing to do with the prophecy.” The doors swung open, and the snow that filled the pavilion lifted up and flew out the door with Meltington.

  The students would have applauded, but their arms were frozen stiff.

  “That’s all. Back to your classes!” proclaimed Principal Headcrusher.

  The students of Mr. Acidbath’s class couldn’t decide whether they preferred to stay in the pavilion and freeze to death or go back to class and deal with the acid rain.

  Sometimes life comes down to a choice of the lesser of two evils. Like who to vote for in a class election when you don’t like either kid running. It was a tough call, but the students decided to head back to class, where they could at least face their doom with warm hearts and minds.

  6

  The Deadly Loogie

  The rule at Scary School is that once the class bell rings, every student must be inside his or her classroom. Nobody, not even a teacher, is allowed to be wandering the hallways, or else the hall monitor, Ms. Hydra, is welcome to make a meal of you.

  Rules are rules.

  Mr. Acidbath’s class stood outside his classroom and peered inside. The acid rain had turned into an acid storm, and everything inside the classroom had all but disintegrated.

  “That storm looks incredibly deadly,” said Frank, which is pronounced “Rachel.”

  “Hey! Don’t judge the storm by its looks,” said Lindsey.

  “Mr. Acidbath, can’t you get rid of the acid rain?” Petunia asked.

  “Nope!” said Mr. Acidbath with a grin. “I don’t even know why it’s happening! Heh-heh-heh! Sorry to laugh. It’s all I can do when I’m scared out of my mind!”

  “Well,” said Johnny the Sasquatch, “we have about thirty seconds before the bell rings and Ms. Hydra eats us all.”

  Peter (the nicest kid in school) transformed into Peter the Wolf (the meanest kid in school) and growled, “Don’t be chicken, guys! We can take Ms. Hydra!”

  “I don’t think so,” said Wendy Crumkin. “Ms. Hydra is a twenty-foot monitor lizard with nine heads. She’s eaten entire armies without breaking a sweat. If we get eaten, there’s no coming back.”

  Jason exclaimed, “Come on, guys. We need ideas, fast!”

  Mr. Grump raised his hand.

  “Yes, Mr. Grump?”

  “Who am I?”

  “No time to explain!”

  “We could eat the storm’s braaaains!” said Ramon the Zombie.

  “Too ridiculous.”

  “(Silence),” suggested Penny Possum.

  “That’s the best idea so far,” said Johnny. “Which isn’t saying much.”

  Then the class bell rang.

  The classroom doors all slammed shut in unison, and after a moment of silence, the sound of hissing filled the air. It was the unmistakable sound of Ms. Hydra smelling the air with her nine tongues. Did you know monitor lizards smell with their tongues? Weird but useful! Tongues can’t get stuffy.

  “I ssssmell fresh children in the hallwaysssss.” Her slithery voice echoed from around the corner.

  “Yesss, and lots of them,” said a different head.

  “Shouldn’t we wash our hands before we eat them?” said another head.

  “No,” the other heads reminded her. “We don’t use our hands to eat!”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  The nine heads of Ms. Hydra peered from around the corner, one on top of the other.

  “Hello, children. I take it none of you have a hall passss?”

  The students shook their heads.

  “What a pity. It seemssss as though you’re all breaking the rules. Ssssorry to have to eat you, but it is my job.”

  Ms. Hydra rushed toward them from the end of the hallway, all nine of her lizard heads bearing their razor sharp teeth.

  That’s when the idea came to Petunia.

  “Rachel!” she shouted, speaking to Frank. “What was that noise that Principal Headcrusher made to summon Principal Meltington?”

  “I don’t remember. It was some kind of yodel.”

  “Right! I think it was . . .” Petunia stepped forward and sang: “Snowa-lowa-lay-hee-hoo!”

  In an instant, a blizzard of snow streamed through the hallway. It hit Ms. Hydra right as she was about to chomp on Fritz’s head. Ms. Hydra froze in midair, enveloped in a giant block of ice as she fell to the floor.

  “Quick!” shouted Petunia. “Into the classroom!”

  The students rushed inside the classroom as the snowy blizzard followed after them. The drops of acid rain stung their skin, but only a few drops had hit each student before the blizzard extinguished the burning acid and turned it into a harmless green snow.

  The snow then rose up into the snowman form of Principal Meltington. Once himself, Principal Meltington made a snorting sound. All of the green acid formed into a slimy ball in his mouth, and he spit it out across the room in dramatic fashion, sending it crashing through the window and landing with a splash in Scary Fountain. From that day forward, taking a dip in Scary Fountain would result in hideous mutations.

  The class erupted in cheers. They all ran up and hugged Petunia, not caring if they got stung by the bees around her head.

  As Principal Meltington approached Petunia, the rest of the class backed away.

  “Are you the one who summoned me?” he asked, his deep voice shaking the room.

  “Y-y-yes,” answered Petunia. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. That was some very quic
k thinking. Scream Academy–type of quick thinking,” he added with a wink of his button eye.

  Great, thought Petunia. Now I’m sure to get picked for the exchange.

  When the lunch bell rang that afternoon, King Khufu went back into his sarcophagus, and his students quickly packed up their things for lunch. But when they opened the classroom door, they were met with a big surprise.

  They were snowed in.

  It looked like there had been an avalanche in the hallway during class. There was no way out. The desperate students tried digging and clawing at the snow, but their small hands made little progress.

  They looked out the window. It was a fifty-foot drop to the ground below. If King Khufu were still there, perhaps they could have used his mummy bandages to rappel down the side of the building, but once he locked himself inside his sarcophagus for lunch, there was no getting him out.

  Today was a special lunch day. Sue the Amazing Octo-Chef was preparing a celebratory feast in honor of Principal Meltington’s arrival. It was called “The Feast of the Four Towers.” One tower was to be a twenty-foot mountain of pizza. There was also going to be a tower of garlic bread, a tower of corn on the cob, and the last tower was to be a twenty-foot castle of chocolate cake. Each tower would be molded to look like one of the great towers of Scream Academy.

  Nobody wanted to miss this lunch.

  “We have to get out of here,” Steven Kingsley screamed. “My claustrophobia is coming back! And my snowophobia!”

  Larry Ledfoot tried kicking the avalanche with his stone feet, but that just packed it in worse.

  Bryce McCallister tried melting the snow with his searing vampire gaze, but that didn’t work either.

  Charles sat at his desk, racking his brain as his classmates screamed for help and pounded on the snow wall. The only other student not freaking out was Lattie. She was sitting on top of her desk, quietly meditating. Her millipede sat on her shoulder curled in a ball, meditating with her.

  “Any ideas?” Charles asked her.

  Lattie spoke, “Calmness overcomes panic as a gentle breeze tames a churning ocean.”

  I guess not, thought Charles.

  Then Lattie added in a voice that sounded like it was channeled from far away, “When deciding your future, look to the good deeds of your past.”

  Those words struck Charles immediately. Perhaps something he did in the past was the key to escaping the room. But what good deeds had he done? He had saved Princess Zogette in Monster Forest. He had faced down the monster army. But something told him the answer wasn’t in one of these epic events. It had to be simpler.

  He searched his thoughts. What was the last good deed I performed? I guess it was feeding Millie the piece of carrot.

  “Oh my gosh. That’s it!” Charles shouted. “Lattie, may I borrow Millie?”

  “Ask her yourself.”

  Charles extended his hand to Millie. She uncurled from her ball and crawled up Charles’s arm, tickling him like crazy. He had to bite his lip not to laugh.

  Charles looked around and found some string in his desk. He brought Millie to the avalanche, tied a carrot from his lunch bag to the end of the piece of string, and hung the carrot in front of Millie. The millipede lunged toward it with a violent chomp. Charles pulled the carrot away at the last second. The millipede got a mouthful of snow and spit it out. Aggravated, the millipede continued chomping away as Charles dangled the carrot in front of her.

  Within minutes, a tunnel had formed through the snow. Being the skinniest kid in school, Charles was just able to fit through the tunnel. Millie continued gnashing away at the snow until they reached the other end.

  Lattie followed behind Charles, widening the tunnel with motorlike ninja chops for the rest of the class to follow after her.

  When they popped out the other side, Charles and Lattie fell to the floor. Crazed with hunger, Millie devoured the carrot in one gulp and released a loud belch. Charles laughed, but Lattie didn’t make a sound because ninjas never laugh.

  When the pair looked up, they saw Principal Meltington standing before them.

  “Very impressive,” he said to both of them, making a note in his snow book. “Scream Academy impressive.”

  Charles smacked his head. Now I’m going to get picked to go to Scream Academy for sure, he thought. Rumor had it that Scream Academy had no rules whatsoever, and he wanted nothing to do with a place like that.

  King Khufu’s class ran to the lunch and made it just in time for the four-tower feast. Charles and Lattie had a wonderful time trying to see who could eat more of the chocolate walls before the end of lunch. Pretty soon, the walls got so thin that the whole fluffy castle collapsed on top of them, and they had an even better time eating their way out.

  Principal Meltington thought, I suppose I made those first tests far too easy. But tomorrow they’ll be lucky to make it through their classes in one piece.

  7

  Fred’s Silver Hammer

  On Thursday morning, the students arrived at school and found that an enormous block of ice had sealed the entrance. The trolls couldn’t budge it, nor could the werewolves cut it with their claws.

  If they were standing out on the front lawn when class started, it would spell certain doom. The vicious gargoyles were always on the lookout for students outside during class hours.

  Luckily, Jason was on hand with his trusty chainsaw. As his chainsaw whirred, everyone backed out of the way. With the precision of a craftsman, Jason sculpted the ice block into a perfect sculpture of Ms. Fangs.

  The students cheered Jason’s fine work. It looked exactly like her! Everyone gave Jason exuberant high fives as they walked past the sculpture and squeezed through the entrance doors.

  Ms. Fangs would never get to see the sculpture, since it was standing out in the sun. However, the gym teacher, Mr. Snakeskin, liked the sculpture so much he offered to buy it from Jason for a hundred dollars. Jason accepted in a heartbeat.

  Unfortunately, the sculpture had melted by noon, and all that was left was a puddle on the ground. Mr. Snakeskin was dumbfounded and tried to get his money back.

  “Sorry,” said Jason. “Caveat emptor. May the buyer beware!”

  Mr. Snakeskin sneered. He learned a valuable life lesson about not buying ice sculptures. Then he swept up the liquid remains into a glass jar and placed it on his shelf. He labeled the jar of water: MS. FANGS. When kids see it sitting in his office, they think it’s really weird.

  On Friday morning, the students discovered that the entire front lawn of Scary School was now covered in a thin layer of ice. Padlox the Troll tried to walk across but fell right through into a lake of freezing water. His buddy, Lebok, fished him out just in time, before he turned into an ice cube.

  Some of the lighter third-grade students tried tiptoeing across the ice, but it started cracking. Luckily, Frank (which is pronounced “Rachel”) had tied one of her invisible ropes around the youngsters’ waists and yanked them off the ice before they fell through.

  Petunia asked the bees if they could carry her across, but they buzzed back, “No way! That’s too far!”

  Nobody could figure out how to get across, and time was running out to get into the school.

  Finally, Fred stepped forward. After surviving the acid rainstorm, he was once again certain that this was all a dream. Fred confidently stepped onto the thin layer of ice.

  “Don’t do it!” Fred’s best friend, Jason, yelled.

  “It’s okay, Jason,” said Fred. “It’s only a dream!”

  The students held their breath as Fred took another step. The ice didn’t break. He took another step. It still didn’t break.

  It turned out that Principal Meltington had created a special kind of ice that only cracked when it sensed the tremors of nervousness. Every other student was so anxious when they tried to walk across the ice that it broke apart instantly, but Fred’s coolness kept the ice solid.

  Fred strolled across the ice until he reached the school’s fr
ont entrance. There was a magnificent silver sledgehammer waiting for him on a pedestal. It was as big as he was! As he grasped it, he realized exactly what he was supposed to do with it. He said to himself, “Oh, man. This is going to be awesome.”

  Fred marched down the front steps, showing off the sledgehammer to his schoolmates across the frozen lake.

  “Fred! Fred! Fred!” the school chanted.

  Fred brought down the hammer with all his might upon the ice. The ice shattered into millions of tiny pieces, revealing a lake underneath. Then Principal Meltington popped up from the center of the lake holding a giant cork. A whirlpool formed at the center of the lake, draining the water underground.

  “Well done!” proclaimed Principal Meltington, winking at Fred. “You may all go to your classes.”

  The students patted Fred on the back as they walked past him. Once again, he was the school hero.

  “Thanks, everybody,” he said. “This is definitely my new favorite dream!”

  Once inside, the students went to their classes and enjoyed a nearly horror-free day. But Meltington surprised everyone during their final class by giving them a special pop quiz that tested their knowledge on monsters and scary creatures. No one was allowed to leave without turning it in.

  Charles Nukid was thrilled to display his expertise in his favorite subject. He wrote a whole paragraph on werewolf dietary habits and a whole page on ways to create a zombie. The only part that stumped him was the section on trolls. He had never been able to find much information about them. He assumed it was because they lived in deep, dark caves that no researchers have been brave enough to enter.

  As soon as he turned in the test, Charles regretted trying so hard. His effort had probably just increased his chances of being chosen for the exchange program.

  When the bell rang on Friday afternoon, Charles and every other student were not happy in the least. On Monday morning, Meltington would announce which kids he had chosen to attend Scream Academy for the week.