The Northern Frights

by Derek the Ghost

  After a few moments, the troll fell over. The ogre was hoisted on the shoulders of his ogre friends and paraded around the room.

  The parade stopped as soon as the ogres and trolls noticed the Scary School kids. Everyone became still, and you could feel the joyous mood of the room shift.

  “Hey! What are human kids doing here?” the winning ogre asked Principal Meltington.

  Meltington answered, “If you guys would stop bashing your skulls, perhaps you’d remember the daily announcements. These are the human exchange students who will be visiting us for the week.”

  “But this is a school for monsters!” the losing troll roared, pushing the ogre out of the way while rubbing a bump on his head. “No humans allowed. Right, guys?”

  The ogres and trolls roared in agreement.

  “Wrong!” Meltington bellowed, hushing them up. “The great Garzok Grubshanks never said that humans were not allowed to learn here. He said only that it is a school where the ferocious could come to use their brains as well as their claws. I have chosen these humans because they’re as ferocious as any of you. Show them, kids.”

  The six kids bared their teeth and growled at the monster kids.

  The monster kids broke out into laughter.

  “Har-har!” laughed the troll. “If even one human survives until lunch, I be very surprised. Come on, trolls.”

  The trolls marched off, and the ogres continued their celebratory parade. On his way out, the troll who had lost the duel bashed his head against the wall in anger. The force caused one of the lockers on the ceiling to come loose and fall straight toward his head.

  Lattie was closest to the troll. She dove forward and pushed him out of the way at the last second. The locker left a huge hole in the floor. The troll grumbled, “Human saved my life? Ugh. Never will I hear the end of this.” Then he stomped off without even saying thank you.

  In the midst of the celebration, a group of green-skinned witch girls swooped over the scene riding on brooms. One of the witch girls pointed her wand at the ground and sprayed oil onto the floor. The ogres on parade slipped on top of one another. Cackling with delight, the witch girls zipped through an open window in the dome ceiling.

  “Is this a normal day?” Wendy asked Principal Meltington.

  “Oh, no. This isn’t normal at all,” he replied. “Usually, there are much crazier things going on.”

  A whole assortment of flying creatures entered the grand hall after the witches. There were gargoyles, pixies, fairies, dragons, flying monkeys, and flying fish! (The flying fish seemed to be snacks for the gargoyles and dragons, though.) On the ground were yetis, werewolves, orcs, and so many mixed-up monsters, I could hardly tell them apart.

  Principal Meltington turned to the kids. “This is Garzok Hall, where everyone starts their day. You six can use lockers 310 through 320. Those are on the third level of lockers, so it’s up to you to find a way up. Oh, and I’d suggest not opening an odd-numbered locker unless you want to spend the next several days trapped in a small space next to a goblin.”

  The kids knew how annoying the goblins of Goblin Hill were and shuddered at the thought.

  The morning bell rang, which sounded like the bells of doom: DONG! DONG! DONG! Principal Meltington led the six to their first class, entering through one of seven dark corridors. Each corridor led to a different cave where the cave-dwelling teachers preferred to teach their classes. A skull and crossbones was mounted on the archway of the first corridor. The skull muttered, “Enter and ye shall never come out again!”

  Principal Meltington chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t mind him,” he said. “He’s almost never right.”

  The hallway was dark and ominous, lit only by flickering candles perched inside skull-shaped candleholders on the walls. Paintings of famous ghouls hung everywhere. Their eyes followed passersby. One of the paintings howled at Jason, and he jumped in fright. The painted ghoul laughed so hard, it fell right out of the frame.

  Trails of creepy bugs crawled along the ceiling. A giant roach fell on Wendy’s shoulder and she shrieked. But no one noticed because there was a constant chorus of yelps from all the students in the hallway, as if the school were purposefully trying to compose its own symphony of screams.

  The six kids entered a cave, brushing the roaches, centipedes, and beetles off their shoulders. Lattie did not brush away the bugs because Millie was having a blast making new friends.

  “Welcome to your first class,” said Principal Meltington. “Each of the seven corridors of the main hall leads to a different cave, where we hold our various classes. Tomorrow, you’ll go down Corridor Two and so forth.”

  The rest of the monster students in the class were already seated on flat, heated rocks that kept them warm. Pointy icicles hung from the ceiling.

  At Scary School, it was smart to avoid sitting next to a scary kid like Peter the Wolf who might bite you, but here at Scream Academy, there was no avoiding it. In each seat there was a monster with sharp fangs or hooked claws or big muscles or stinky breath.

  The Scary School students tried to find seats, but the monster students all growled whenever they tried to sit next to them. Eventually, they decided to play it safe and just stand in the back.

  Then the slushy sound of footsteps in the snow was heard.

  “Ah, your teacher has arrived,” said Meltington. “And just in time, ’cause I’m starting to melt. Good luck!” Meltington vanished into a blizzard, leaving the exchange students all alone with the rest of the monster students and whatever in the world their teacher was.

  10

  Riddle of the Yeti

  Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

  Something was approaching from the dark depths of the cavern. The stomach-turning sound of bones being crushed echoed through the icy walls of the cave.

  Petunia noticed that one of the students, an abominable snowkid who looked like a small version of Principal Meltington, was shaking with nerves. “Why are you afraid? Don’t you know the teacher?” she asked him.

  The snowkid turned to her and said, “No. It’s our first class with him. He’s been hibernating. But the stories we’ve heard about him . . . well . . . not everyone makes it out alive on the first day.”

  Petunia gulped, then glanced up at the pointy icicles that looked like they could fall at any moment. “Well, in case we don’t survive, it was nice meeting you. My name is Petunia.”

  “Snowdy, Petunia. I’m Hubert. If you don’t mind my asking, what are you?”

  “She’s a weirdo!” blurted a witch girl with green skin.

  “Excuse me?” said Petunia, turning toward the witch.

  “You heard me. Look at you! Who’s ever seen a purple girl before? Gross!”

  “What are you talking about?” said Petunia. “You have green skin.”

  “That’s because I’m normal. All the most popular girls are green, and the rest are green with envy.” She popped a small piece of chocolate in the shape of a human into her mouth and chomped down to emphasize her point.

  The other witch girls shot sparks out of their wands at the same time, which is like a high five for witches.

  “Be careful of her,” whispered Hubert. “That’s Ezelba, the meanest girl in school.”

  Petunia lowered her head and sighed. She thought things might be different here, but school was still school.

  Jason jumped in and said, “Hey! I remember you!” pointing to Hubert the Snowkid. “You played ice hockey against us in last year’s Ghoul Games.”

  “Snowdy!” Hubert replied. “I remember you, too! You were the best goalie I ever played against. Will you play on my team while you’re here?”

  “Sure!” Jason replied.

  The happy reunion was broken up when a ten-foot-tall ivory-furred Sasquatch with thick twisting horns on its head entered the room.

  “Ughhhh” moaned the creature. “I’ve had a very long hibernation, but it still feels like I’ve woken up at the crack of dawn. I’m in a very bad mo
od and I’m very hungry. If you make any loud noises, I might not be able to control my appetite.”

  The teacher noticed the Scary School kids standing at the back of the classroom. “Why are there humans in my cave? Are you my lunch?”

  “Hello,” said Wendy Crumkin, her voice a bit shaky from fright. “We’re exchange students from Scary School.”

  “Congratulations on knowing what you on knowing what you are, but I am not the least bit impressed. The question is, do you know what I am?”

  “Yes,” replied Wendy Crumkin. “You’re a yeti.”

  “Ahh. Perhaps human brains are larger than a pebble after all. But do you know my name?”

  “Umm . . . no,” said Wendy.

  “That’s unfortunate,” said the yeti. “Because nobody leaves here alive unless they know my name.”

  The students looked at one another nervously.

  “So, do any of you pea-brains know my name?”

  Nobody raised a hand.

  “Most unfortunate indeed. But since I’m feeling in a slightly better mood seeing fresh human meat before me, I’m going to give you the opportunity to guess my name and save your skins.”

  The students exhaled a big sigh of relief.

  “Who can tell me about the riddle of the Sphinx?”

  Charles Nukid raised his hand. He knew all about the Sphinx from his lessons with King Khufu. The yeti called on him. “The Sphinx was an ancient monster with the body of a lion and the face of a woman that guarded the city of Thebes. To get past her you had to answer her riddle, but if you could not answer correctly, she would eat you.”

  “That’s correct!” said the yeti. “In this class we will cover the ancient monsters, such as the Sphinx, many of which liked to tease their prey by asking them perplexing riddles. In honor of the Sphinx, let us begin this class with a riddle. Answer correctly, and you will live. Answer incorrectly, and well . . . they don’t call this the scariest school in the world for nothing. Are you ready for your hint?”

  The students got out their pencils and paper. The yeti cleared his throat, filling the room with his rotten breath.

  “You all can roar, you all can maim.

  But can you guess this yeti’s name?

  It’s said the same in Greek and Spanish.

  Speak my name and I will vanish.”

  The students gathered into groups to discuss the hint. The Scary School kids huddled together and looked to Charles for the answer.

  “So, what’s the answer?” said Fred. “King Khufu must have taught it to you.”

  “Not this one,” said Charles. “I have no clue.”

  “Do you know, Wendy?” asked Jason.

  Wendy replied, “Riddles are meant to be unraveled. Let’s break it down. ‘It’s said the same in Greek and Spanish. Speak my name and I will vanish.’”

  Petunia noted, “The key to a riddle is to figure out the double meaning. What sort of thing will vanish when you say its name?”

  “And it has to be a word that’s the same in Greek and Spanish,” Wendy added.

  “I don’t know Greek or Spanish!” said Fred, stomping his feet and brandishing his sharp nails. “Let’s just take down the yeti.”

  “Bad idea,” said Petunia. “Yetis have been hunted for years. If this one’s still alive, it’s for a reason.”

  The abominable snowkids joined the Scary School group. “Snowdy, folks! Do you have it figured out?” inquired Hubert.

  “No. Do you?” asked Jason.

  “Nope.”

  Then a group of trolls proudly stomped up to the yeti.

  “We know answer,” said the lead troll with confidence. “Since this is Scream Academy, your name must be a scream.”

  The group of trolls began screaming so loudly everyone had to cover their ears. The sound waves shook the room so hard the icicles on the ceiling started cracking.

  Pointy icicles fell all over the room as if it were raining deadly daggers. Lattie grabbed Charles by the collar and yanked him out of the way of an icicle that would have plunged straight through his egg-shaped head. All over the room, the kids were diving and rolling, but the trolls wouldn’t stop screaming!

  Eventually the trolls ran out of breath and smiled at the teacher, thinking they were the smartest kids in class.

  The yeti responded, “That was . . . incorrect. And you’ve put me in a very bad mood once again.” He reared back to pounce on the troll, but at that moment, an icicle snapped off and plunged straight into the troll’s neck. The troll dropped dead.

  “Great snowballs! Hurry!” said Hubert to his friends.

  Hubert rushed over and quickly covered the troll with snow until he looked like a dead snowman. Then he placed two buttons on his face for eyes and a carrot for his nose, and intoned, “Snowmanicus vivaculous!” The troll-snowman rose from the ground, back to life as a snow monster!

  “Argh . . . thanks!” said the newly minted snow monster with a growl. “I don’t feel nearly as dead as before.”

  Charles and Lattie found a quiet corner where they could brainstorm.

  “I can’t think over their yapping,” said Charles to Lattie.

  Lattie replied, “The loudest in the room is often the weakest.”

  “Good point.” Charles was trying hard to think, but the only thing popping into his head was Penny. He tried to shoo the image of her away so he could concentrate, but she kept coming back, so he decided to go with it. “I wonder what Penny would say?” he said to himself. “I know exactly what she’d say. Nothing.” He paused for a moment. “Nothing? Wait a second. Nothing . . . That’s it!”

  Charles grabbed Lattie’s hand and ran up to the group.

  “Guys!” exclaimed Charles. “Follow me. And don’t make a peep.”

  The Scary School kids followed Charles. They stood before the yeti, looking him in the eye. All six remained perfectly quiet.

  “Well?” said the yeti. “Aren’t you going to take a guess, or have you given up and are offering yourselves to be my brunch?”

  Charles held his finger to his lips, instructing the others not to make a sound.

  After a few more moments, the yeti’s demeanor shifted, growing angry. “Grrrr! What’s my name? Guess my name!”

  The six remained quiet.

  “Answer me!” growled the yeti in desperation. When there was still no response from the students, the yeti calmed down instantly and smiled broadly.

  “Well done. The humans are correct. They have just saved all your lives. You may take your seats and we will begin class.”

  The monsters cheered, not really sure what just happened, but appreciating the result. They stood up from their seats and offered them to the Scary School kids as a thank-you.

  “How did you know to do that?” Petunia asked Charles, as they took their seats.

  “Because the answer was Silence. Speak its name, and it vanishes.”

  “Of course! Silence is the same in Greek and Spanish,” Wendy added. “Not to mention every other language.”

  “Ohhh,” said the rest of the students. Most of the monsters still did not get it. If you get it, you have a super-brain.

  The rest of the class went fantastically well. Charles in particular had a wonderful time learning about ancient monsters he had never heard of, from a real expert on the subject. His favorites were the Elder Dragons—the oldest, fiercest dragons ever born. Lattie was taking very intense notes as the yeti lectured about them. The Elder Dragons seemed like they must have been the scariest monsters that ever existed. Thankfully, they were all long dead, so they couldn’t possibly be the scary monsters alluded to in the prophecy, but Charles had a sinking feeling in his stomach the moment that idea popped into his head.

  After leaving the snowy cave at the end of class, Charles heard a faint squeak behind him. He turned and saw Millie the Millipede on the mountainside, struggling in the snow. She must have fallen out of Lattie’s backpack.

  Charles made a quick dash to retrieve the millipede
for his friend, but when he bent down to pick her up, the snow gave way beneath his feet. In a blink, he was plummeting down an icy chasm toward certain death.

  Why does this keep happening to me? Charles thought, remembering the time he fell off Dr. Dragonbreath into Monster Forest.

  Lattie heard the fleeting yelp of Charles the moment he fell, but by the time she turned, Charles was gone. She ran as fast as she could, following Charles’s tracks in the snow.

  The tracks ended at a small hole that opened into a deep dark chasm. Lattie noticed the innumerable footprints of Millie, and it dawned on her that Charles had fallen in an effort to retrieve her pet. How did I not notice? Some ninja I am, she thought.

  Determined to make up for her mistake, Lattie made a desperate attempt to dive into the fissure, but the opening was suddenly plugged by a blast of snow from Principal Meltington, who had returned to guide them to their next class. Meltington pulled Lattie away from the chasm with his sharp, branchy hands.

  “Your friend was a victim of bad luck,” he spoke. “The chasm drops thousands of feet. I will not lose another one of you today.”

  “Where’s Charles?” Petunia asked Lattie.

  Lattie took a deep breath and buried her feelings, for a ninja is never ruled by her emotions. She said stiffly, “Charles is no more.”

  The kids gathered into a group hug and hoped that Charles might be reborn in some way and not lost forever.

  Principal Meltington thought their hugging was very strange. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. The heat might make you stick to each other like a tongue on a flagpole.”

  The five remaining kids kept hugging.

  11

  The Creature in the Ice

  Seconds after Charles had fallen, his panic passed and he regained his wits. He was falling down a narrow icy crevasse. There was a slick wall of ice in front of his face and behind him. He looked down and saw a bed of sharp rocks about five thousand feet below. Knowing the rate of descent of a falling body is about one hundred and seventy-six feet per second, Charles calculated that he had about twenty-five seconds to think of a solution before he splattered.