Then There Was You

by Mona Shroff

  He would just have to deal.

  As if he had read Daniel’s mind, Mr. Mehta shifted in his seat. “I did not mean to eavesdrop on your conversation that day in the waiting room, but I overheard what you told my daughter after she so very gallantly defended you to me. And I wanted to give you this.” He slid a card across the table to Daniel. It said simply, “We are fathers.”

  Confused, Daniel looked at Mr. Mehta. “I don’t have children.”

  “But you did.”

  A pit formed in Daniel’s stomach. He wasn’t going to talk about Sara here. Or anywhere.

  Mr. Mehta held up his hands at the look on Daniel’s face. “I’m not asking you to talk about it. And my daughter did not betray your confidence. I simply heard you mention it to her. In a public place. Before you broke her heart.” He raised an eyebrow.

  Daniel squirmed under his gaze. He was never going to please this man. “I would’ve thought my leaving was what you wanted.”

  The older man nodded. “Yes, I can see why you would think that. But as I said, as a father, you know it’s about your children’s happiness. And my daughter is not happy.” Anil Mehta sighed. “But I’m not here for Annika. I’m here for you.”

  “I’m not a father.” Anymore.

  Mr. Mehta rested his hands on the table. “This is a support group for men like you. I know people, and this has come across my desk. I am passing along the information. Do with it what you will.”

  Daniel started to hand the card back. “I don’t need this. But thank you.”

  Mr. Mehta raised his hand in protest. “Most men feel the same. But your ex-wife isn’t the only person who lost a child.”

  Daniel flicked his eyes to the older man’s. He found only compassion.

  “Think about it.” Mr. Mehta stood and extended his hand. “Thank you again, for everything.”

  Daniel shook his hand and nodded.

  * * *

  DANIEL IDLED HIS bike for a moment in front of the house. The sun was hiding behind clouds; the air carried the scent of freshly cut lawn and new mulch. Maybe he should have called first. He just wasn’t sure that Sheila would actually take his call. Not after their last conversation.

  Maybe it was because Annika’s father had apologized to him. Or maybe he was just feeling guilty. But the truth was, he had been unduly harsh to Sheila, and he owed her an apology. Though they weren’t really in each other’s lives anymore, they were irreparably joined by a common past. Daniel could not let his apology go unsaid.

  There were two cars in the driveway, meaning that Jim was home, too. Whatever. He was here to apologize—it didn’t matter who else heard it.

  He turned off his bike and tucked his helmet under one arm. The familiar dread of approaching the house Sara had lived in filled his stomach, but he pushed through and rang the doorbell.

  The door opened, and he found himself face-to-face with a grim-faced Jim.

  “Daniel.”

  “Jim. Is she home?”

  “She is, but I can’t have you upsetting her right now.”

  “I’m not here to—” He looked down at his feet, then back at Jim. “I just want to apologize for being such an ass.”

  A small smile flashed across Jim’s face. He opened the door. “Good luck.”

  “Thanks.” Daniel stepped across the threshold into the house. He ignored the assault to his senses that always dragged him back in time.

  “Who is it, Jim?” Sheila’s voice carried from the kitchen.

  Daniel raised his eyebrows at Jim. Jim shrugged. Daniel was on his own. “It’s me, Sheila.” Daniel kept his shoes on and walked toward the kitchen. This wouldn’t take long. He was met halfway by a very pregnant Sheila. She was just about due.

  She narrowed her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. “Humph.”

  “Yeah.” Daniel fidgeted with his helmet. “Listen, Sheila. I’m sorry. I was out of line when you asked me to be your baby’s godfather. I said things...that were cruel, and I’m sorry. If I could take it back, I would. You don’t deserve that from me. You didn’t when we were married, and you most certainly don’t now.”

  Sheila stared at him, but her face had softened. “Well, you’re right about that. And somehow, Daniel, you leave me speechless, no matter what the situation.” She allowed herself a small smile and leaned on a chair. “You want to be—?”

  Daniel cut her off. “I can’t. You know I can’t.”

  Sheila tried again. “It would be good for you.”

  Daniel shook his head. “Don’t, Sheila. Please.”

  She nodded her surrender. Silence filled the space for a moment.

  “Well, I won’t take up any more of your time. Take care, Sheila.” Daniel turned to leave. “Jim.”

  The other man stepped aside and walked him to the door in silence. The great thing about Jim was that he didn’t feel the need to fill empty space with nonsense words. He extended a hand to Daniel. “Thanks for coming by. It really does mean the world to her. And to me.”

  Daniel shook Jim’s hand and left the cloud of the past as he quickly headed off toward his bike. The sun finally made a showing, and Daniel raised his face to its warmth, his heart oddly light. He donned his helmet and was just getting ready to start his bike when he caught sight of Jim running toward him, arms flailing wildly. Daniel took off his helmet and dismounted his bike. He already knew what was happening.

  “Her water broke, didn’t it?”

  A rather pale Jim nodded, his head bobbing up and down faster than necessary. Daniel put a hand on his shoulder and let out a small chuckle. Nervous first-time dads came through the ER all the time. “It’s okay, Jim. Breathe.”

  Jim stilled his head and inhaled deeply, finding his voice again. “Daniel, the baby—”

  “Yes, the baby is coming. Shall we go get Sheila?” Daniel asked as he started walking back into the house.

  Jim didn’t move.

  “Babies are born in the ER all the time,” Daniel said. “Come on. We’ll get Sheila, her bag and your car keys.”

  Jim swallowed hard. “I’m going to be a dad.”

  Daniel grinned. “Yes. You are.” Somehow, his reply held none of the angst it usually did when he watched men become fathers in his ER.

  They walked back in to find Sheila grabbing her belly and moaning in pain.

  “Jim,” Daniel said, “go get her bag.”

  Jim tried to kiss his wife’s cheek, but the glare she threw at him could have made laser holes in his head, so he bolted upstairs to get the bag.

  “Sheila, breathe.” Daniel moved toward her.

  She took a deep breath and turned to Daniel with fear in her eyes.

  “You’ll be fine,” Daniel reassured her.

  She shook her head and tried to speak but was overcome with a contraction, and moaned aloud.

  “Those are coming pretty fast and hard. Where are the keys?”

  “Daniel. The baby,” she gasped. “Not ready.”

  Daniel grinned at her. “Oh, the baby’s ready. He or she is coming.”

  She shook her head again. “Listen to me!” she demanded. She took a deep breath and pointedly focused on Daniel. “The baby wasn’t ready as of yesterday. Dr. Goldberg said the baby needed to be turned because its feet are pointing down.” She closed her eyes and moaned. “Not ready.”

  Oh, shit.

  Daniel kicked in to work mode. “Let me feel the baby.” He waited for Sheila to stand and nod her head. “Remember?”

  He gently probed her belly, identifying body parts. It was a game he and Sheila used to play when she was pregnant with Sara. They would laugh as they tried to figure out what each bump was and cry happy tears when she would kick.

  There was so much more to having this baby than Daniel had ever thought about. And Sheila was doing it. He felt Sheila’s stead
y gaze on him and looked up to meet it. A pang of grief hit him with such force he was almost drawn down to his knees. There was panic and worry in Sheila’s eyes that only he could understand. Daniel swallowed his grief and kissed her forehead. “It’s going to be fine, Sheila. I promise.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “Don’t promise if—”

  “I would never.” He took her hand and placed it on her lower abdomen. “The head is down.”

  She half sobbed, half laughed her relief. “Thank you, Daniel.” She squeezed his hand. “Thank you for being here.”

  “Of course.” He looked behind her as Jim came down with her suitcase. “Give me that, Jim.” He took the bag. “Help her to the car.” Daniel spotted the car keys hanging in the kitchen and grabbed them.

  Daniel got into the driver’s seat as Jim settled a moaning Sheila into the middle seat of the minivan. Jim shut the door and came around to Daniel. “You better sit with her in the back. You know, in case something happens.”

  “Nothing is going to happen. Get back there.”

  “Daniel! You get your ass back here and take care of this baby or else!” Sheila commanded from the back.

  Jim raised his eyebrows and opened the driver’s door. “Good luck,” he whispered.

  “I heard that, Jim,” Sheila growled.

  Daniel settled in next to her just as Jim started the car and pulled out. Sheila was in the middle of a contraction.

  “Breathe, honey,” Jim called from the front seat.

  “If you tell me to goddamn breathe one more time, Jim...”

  Jim focused on the road.

  Daniel turned to Sheila as she screamed out in pain as another contraction racked her body. She’d tied her hair in a ponytail, but a few wisps escaped, sticking to the sweat on her face.

  “Whoa, those are coming fast,” Daniel said.

  “What do you mean?” She lay back, trying to catch her breath.

  “I mean they’re coming fast. Let me check you.”

  Sheila’s eyes nearly popped out of her head as she bolted upright. “Let you what?”

  “Isn’t that why I’m here? Besides, I’m a professional. Not to mention we were married once.”

  “We’ll make it to the hospital. Right, Jim?” Sheila sounded desperate.

  Jim’s answer was drowned out by another scream as another contraction hit.

  “Sheila. Let me check.” Daniel was insistent. The baby could be on the way.

  “Damn it, Sheila, let him check—what if the baby is coming?” Jim called out.

  Sheila sighed and lay back in the minivan. Daniel checked and grinned at her. “I can feel the head. This is happening. Now. Like, right now.”

  Alarm filled her eyes.

  “It’s going to be fine.” He glanced out the window. “We’re almost there, but we’re getting started here.”

  “I need to push, Daniel. Jim! I need to push.”

  Daniel was in work mode. His voice was calm and his movements were swift and efficient. Everything was clear to him. He hadn’t lied: he had delivered many babies before. Just none in a moving car.

  “You’re fine, Sheila. Let Jim drive. We’ll be there soon.”

  Sheila inhaled and did her breathing, Jim counting from the front.

  “Okay,” Daniel said, “when I say, go ahead and push.”

  Sheila groaned out the next contraction and pushed. Daniel got the head. He swept the baby’s mouth. “Okay, Sheila. One more good push.”

  The next contraction came before he finished. Daniel held on while Sheila pushed out her baby. He wrapped the baby in Sheila’s sweater just as they approached the ER bay. Jim slammed on the brakes and turned back to Daniel.

  “What do you want me to do?”

  Daniel grinned. “Come back here and meet your son.” He couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy. A baby had done that. “I’ll get help.”

  “Son? It’s a boy?” Jim ran around the car to the back seat and got in next to Sheila. Daniel walked into his ER and called for a gurney, ignoring the fact that he was covered in blood.

  In no time, Sheila was in a bed, her little son cleaned up, with Jim beaming beside her. Daniel washed up and went to check on her.

  “Want to hold your godson, Daniel?” Jim held the baby out to him.

  Daniel wanted nothing more, and no one was more surprised than he was. “I haven’t agreed—”

  Jim smiled. “It’s all over your face. It’s okay to hold him.”

  Daniel reached out with trembling hands and took the bundle from Jim. His hands had been steady when he delivered the child, but now his nervousness took over. Daniel gingerly cradled the infant in his arms and looked down at his face.

  He gasped. “Sheila, he has her eyes.”

  Tears of joy fell to her cheeks as she nodded, but Daniel caught a fleeting sadness, as well. It occurred to him again how hard this must be for Sheila. Wonderful, but not without difficult memories.

  “I mean, they’re your eyes.”

  She grabbed Jim’s hand and interlocked their fingers. “They’re her eyes.” Her grief for Sara and her joy for her new son were intertwined all in the same moment.

  He had been so very wrong. A new baby didn’t take away from Sara—a new baby helped to keep her alive. He returned his attention to the now sleeping baby in his arms. Daniel inhaled that baby smell and allowed himself to be taken back in time to Sara’s birth. He really hadn’t known what he was going to do with a baby. His excitement had been interlaced with apprehension. Overwhelmed didn’t even begin to describe it. Each day his heart had swelled with love he hadn’t even known he was capable of, and he had followed it, hoping he would be a good father. He kissed Sheila’s forehead. “You make beautiful babies.”

  She flushed and turned to her husband. Jim’s eyes filled with new-dad tears as he took in his son. Daniel reluctantly put the baby into their arms and stepped back. Jim kissed Sheila, and they both spent the next few minutes gazing at the wonder that was this newborn child.

  “You got a name?”

  Jim beamed. “Aaron. It means strength.”

  Daniel nodded, a calm and peace coming over him that he hadn’t experienced in some time. Without consciously doing so, he imagined a similar scene with a baby whose eyes were so brown and soft they were almost black. He imagined creamy brown skin, and perfect little red lips. He imagined a baby that was his. His and Annika’s.

  The pit in his stomach was gone. It was replaced by an intense longing, as if a dam had broken, and what came through was that this was what he wanted. His fear had blocked him from seeing it, but this was what his life should be, risks and all.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  ANNIKA

  ANNIKA SEARCHED THE busy restaurant until familiar hazel-brown eyes met hers. Sajan raised his hand in greeting and smiled. Annika smiled back and walked toward the booth where he was seated. He was quite handsome, and the restaurant he’d chosen was trendy but tasteful. She willed herself to feel something—anything—for this wonderful man who could be part of her future.

  Sajan stood as she approached the booth and waited while she settled herself in. Good manners. She was really reaching.

  Popular music played and laughter sprang out spontaneously over the general chatter of the customers. It was early on a Saturday night, and anticipation of what the evening would bring buzzed in the air, creating a tangible excitement. Annika tried to tap into that energy.

  “I’m so glad you called.” Sajan beamed as he seated himself once again. “I have to admit, I was a bit surprised.”

  Annika tilted her head in question.

  “I thought you and Daniel...”

  She froze her face into the mask she used to hide the pang of pain that always followed mention of his name and shook her head. “Oh. Yes. Well, that’s over.” She waved her ha
nd as if her relationship with Daniel had been inconsequential. Well, it should be by now.

  Sajan narrowed his eyes and studied her a moment. “Okay.”

  The waiter arrived asking for their drink order. Sajan nodded at Annika.

  “I’ll have the Bee’s Knees. Easy on the honey.” Annika fidgeted.

  “Manhattan.” He looked at the waiter. “Thanks.”

  Annika smiled at Sajan. “Thanks again for everything you did for my brother. My parents are so grateful to have him back home.”

  Sajan shrugged. “Just doing my job. Besides, I meant what I said—if Daniel hadn’t relieved the pressure in the field, things could have ended differently.”

  Annika swallowed hard.

  “Did they ever find the guy?” Sajan’s eyes darkened a bit in anger. Of course Nilay would have told him the whole story.

  “No. But we didn’t really have that much to go on.”

  “Well, your brother kept talking about having another shot at him.” Sajan shook his head. “To be young, huh? Punches solve everything.”

  “Not necessarily.”

  “I agree. Violence is not going to stop violence.”

  Annika smiled for real this time. “I know. That’s what I keep saying, but every other male I speak to simply wants to throw punches. For what? You’re not going to change his mind by breaking bones.” Here was something she could connect with Sajan over. Maybe this date had been a good idea.

  “Very true.”

  Annika studied her menu in the silence that fell between them.

  “How’s your cousin?” Sajan asked. “I heard she’s getting married.”

  Annika perked up. “Yes. She is.” She shook her head. “End of June. She’s barely giving us three to four months to plan. Her mom is out of her mind.” She laughed. But it was forced.

  “Well, good for her. Ravi’s a great guy.”

  Annika nodded. “He really is. I’m very happy for her.”

  Their drinks arrived. Sajan held his out to her, and they clinked glasses. Annika took a sip, enjoying the tartness of the lemon juice, closing her eyes as the alcohol made its way through her body. She opened them to find Sajan watching her.