Katie's Journey to Love

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “I noticed the pieces of bacon this morning that Bridgette had laid out for us,” Sharon said. “I declare they were raw.”

  “You didn’t see me touch them,” Margaret said as Nancy got back on the road again.

  Sharon punched the address of the cave in the GPS, and the man started talking again. He guided them into the countryside, through several small towns, and down a road that had a sign that pointed toward a Tauferhohle.

  “Baptizer cave,” Katie translated as the road turned into a cow path.

  Nancy bounced to a stop after several minutes, and they climbed out.

  “Follow the signs,” Sharon said, taking the guidebook with her. The signs led them straight up the mountain, and a picnic table didn’t appear until they were almost out of breath.

  “The view!” Margaret said, collapsing onto the bench. “At least it’s fantastic.”

  “Well worth it,” Sharon agreed as Nancy pulled out the lunches. They ate in silence, soaking in the beauty around them. When they finished, Nancy led the way forward again. The trail wrapped around the mountainside, guarded with wooden side rails, until they reached a low-ceiling cave with a little waterfall trickling over the front.

  “This is it,” Nancy announced as they all crowded inside. They stood close together, even though there was plenty of room. The place had a cold feel to it, and yet it also felt sacred at the same time. Here their people had gathered during a time of fierce persecution to sing and pray to Da Hah. Katie tried to memorize the scene to describe it to Ben and Mamm. They would be so thrilled.

  Sharon tried to take a few pictures but gave up. “It’s too dark,” she said.

  “We should sing a song,” Nancy suggested, and she led out with the first line of “Amazing Grace.”

  Katie joined in and soon tears came to the eyes of all four girls. This was indeed a most sacred spot. When the last notes had died away, they started down the trail clinging to the side of the hill.

  “This place was featured in Christmas Carol Kauffman’s book,” Katie said. “At least Ben thinks it was.”

  “How does Ben know such things?” Margaret asked, hanging on to a wooden guardrail. “He’s a man.”

  “Sometimes men surprise you,” Nancy offered.

  “All I know is what he told me,” Katie said. “Ben likes to read.”

  Nancy led the way back down to the car, and they arrived without any mishaps other than Sharon slipping on a few loose stones, her camera flailing about. Margaret grabbed her in time to offer a steady hand.

  On the drive back, Margaret dozed off and Katie almost joined her. Only the countryside was too fascinating not to keep an eye on it. They arrived back at the bed-and-breakfast and poured into the house. Katie collapsed on her bed, only to be roused by a pale-faced Sharon several minutes later.

  “Katie, I think you’d better come to my room for a minute. Something terrible has happened at home.”

  The girls all exchanged glances, and the four of them went into the next room where Sharon’s laptop was open.

  Horrible images flashed through Katie’s mind. What could be wrong? Had something happened to the community? Had someone’s farm burned?

  “You’d better sit down,” Nancy said, helping Katie onto the bed. Katie’s heart raced. This could not be good considering the way Nancy was trembling and concerned for her, trying to soften whatever blow was to come.

  Sharon glanced at the girls. “Katie, I don’t know quite how to tell you this or even if I should. Perhaps I should just wait and let you find out when we get home.”

  Katie took a breath. “No, whatever it is, tell me now.”

  Nancy sighed. “According to the Dover newspaper’s website, one of the men arrested in the drug bust I told you about yesterday was Ben Stoll.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  The following morning, dawn was breaking outside the window when Katie awoke. The sun sent streaks of light sneaking past the drawn drapes. Across the room, a faint form wrapped in blankets came into focus. Margaret’s long, black hair was tossed over the side of the bed, her face hidden from view.

  Katie sat up as the memories of last night flooded in. Ben had been arrested at home on drug charges. The horror rushed over her again. Of course, it couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t. The four girls had talked late into the night, looking desperately for a possible explanation. Maybe there had been a mistake somewhere. Sharon had exchanged messages with her folks on Facebook and so had Margaret. In the end there was no mistaking the news. Ben was sitting in jail in Dover.

  Katie ended up crying herself to sleep. How could it have happened? She’d kissed him goodbye at the airport. She’d melted into his arms the last time she saw him. And now he was accused of being a drug dealer? Drugs—the plague that destroyed people’s lives and fried their brains? Ben had been involved in that? And since he apparently had, why had she not known? She’d driven around in Ben’s buggy, likely the very one Ben used to transport the evil stuff. There might even have been some under the seat while she’d been with him and snuggled up to his side, thinking Ben was the most wunderbah man in the world. Why hadn’t she sensed something was terribly wrong?

  Katie wanted to scream, and scream, and scream. Perhaps she could just go to sleep and never wake up again. And now here she was in a foreign country, so very far from home at a time like this. And yet she didn’t want to be home while this was happening. How could she ever face Mamm? She’d apparently been right about Ben all along. And Katie had so misjudged Ben. How could she ever trust anyone again? If all this about Ben were true, it was going to ruin not only his life, but hers as well.

  Yah, the world had gone dark now. It seemed full of evil and crawling with lusts. No wonder the preachers spoke of such awful things in their sermons, warning the people of the dangers in the world. She’d thought them a little negative at times, but they must have known all along of things she couldn’t even imagine. And now she was looking one of those evils in the face.

  Mamm wouldn’t shun her, Katie figured, nor would Jesse. Mabel, though, was another matter. She would feel justified in every objection she ever had about Mamm and Katie moving in with her family. Now Mabel’s escapades with Mose in the barn looked like child’s play compared to her romance with Ben. But no one had known, Katie tried to justify to herself. No one!

  How could a man be so deceiving, so full of lies, so living like his evil didn’t even exist? Why hadn’t she felt this wickedness when she kissed him? Instead, Ben had seemed so full of love and tenderness.

  Across the room, Margaret rolled over and sat up, her hair falling all around her shoulders. “Is it morning?” she asked.

  It’s night! Katie wanted to scream. It’s dark. The morning is never coming. But she whispered, “Yah.”

  Margaret gave her a long look and came over to sit beside her. “I’m sorry, Katie. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault that men can be so evil…so deceptive,” Katie said, trembling as the words rolled out of her. This was pure hatred, and that was not the attitude a Christian should have.

  And yet Margaret wasn’t shocked at all. “I think I’d hate his guts myself. In fact, I think I do a little just for what he did to you.”

  “Oh, Margaret!” Katie grabbed Margaret and pulled her close in a hug. “I hate myself for feeling this way, and yet I can’t help it. Ben is a liar, a thief, a horrible person, and…and I loved him.”

  “You didn’t know. And neither did anyone else.”

  Katie’s eyes grew big as a new thought occurred to her. “Margaret! The money for the trip! You don’t suppose it came from Ben…from his drug dealing?”

  “Oh, Katie, it couldn’t be…could it?” Margaret was staring at Katie.

  Katie bit her lip. “But it has to be. No one else had that kind of money, and only a handful of people knew about the trip. And Ben was one of them.”

  Margaret shook her head. “There has to be some other explanation, Katie. Don’t jump to con
clusions.”

  Katie pressed back the tears. “It’s no use, Margaret. Illegal drugs are just so evil. And it makes this trip bad—the way I got the money. I just want to die.”

  “Katie, please.” Margaret held Katie tight. “You can’t blame yourself. This is Ben’s fault. Don’t allow him to destroy your life on top of everything.”

  “It’s already destroyed,” Katie sobbed. “And for me this trip is over. I have to go home, Margaret. I have to.”

  “No, you don’t have to.” Margaret held Katie at arm’s length. “Listen to me. Blaming yourself only makes the situation worse. It solves nothing. I know your heart is torn, but don’t run home, Katie. You’re here—and maybe for a reason. Let the Lord work His good work. You can’t make things better by running away. Besides, I want you along, Katie. The rest of my heart would break if you left.”

  Katie wiped away her tears. “I…I…don’t know what to do. Maybe you’re right. If I were at home, my anger might be worse than it is now. Is that possible?”

  “Just stay with us, Katie,” Margaret pleaded. “I think you need us right now.”

  Katie took a deep breath. “Don’t tell anyone else about the money—that it came from Ben. I’m already embarrassed enough.”

  “My lips are sealed.” Margaret tried to smile. “Maybe we should get ready for the day and eat breakfast. Are you hungry?”

  “My insides have turned to iron. I couldn’t possibly eat.”

  “But you have to, Katie, or you’ll wither up and die.”

  “That sounds pretty gut right now.”

  “Oh, dear Lord,” Margaret closed her eyes, “please help Katie right now. This is awful news we received last night. And I don’t think any of us can bear this on our own. Comfort her heart, please. And also ours. Amen.”

  “Thank you,” Katie whispered, the tears rushing down her cheeks. Somehow Margaret knew exactly what she needed at this moment. A prayer to Da Hah that she was too broken to make for herself. And Margaret had made it for her, being the great friend that she was.

  A soft knock on the door sounded, and Nancy’s worried face appeared when it opened. “Is everything okay?”

  “We’re getting dressed and will be right out,” Margaret said.

  Katie tried to smile, but the effort was mighty weak.

  Nancy seemed to understand and smiled in sympathy before closing the door.

  Katie dressed as Margaret prepared for the day. Brushing out her hair, Katie did it up under her kapp, and when she was finished the two girls went down to breakfast. Nancy and Sharon were already there. They stood when Katie walked in.

  “Please,” Katie said, “sit down. And please excuse me if I get a little weepy today. I just can’t control the way I feel.”

  “Of course not,” Sharon soothed. “And you should be torn up. Any of us would feel the same way.”

  “It’ll take a long time to absorb fully the news from last night,” Nancy said. “But the Lord can bring healing over time, even though it seems impossible right now.”

  Katie hung her head, holding back the tears. She wanted to trust Da Hah, but it seemed a little impossible right now. Da Hah had seemed to lead Ben and her together. How could she have been so wrong? How could her understanding of Da Hah’s leading have been so wrong?

  Nancy continued. “The question now is, where do we go from here? What about our plans for today? I can hardly imagine Katie wanting to see sights with how she’s feeling. And yet I don’t want to leave her here alone. Shall we all take a day off and rest?”

  “You will do no such thing!” Katie said at once. “We will keep to the plans we had. There is no sense in Ben destroying more than he already has.”

  “That’s a mighty brave thing to say,” Sharon spoke up. “But I’m fine with staying here for the day.”

  “So am I,” Margaret added.

  “But we’re not going to,” Katie told them. “That would only break my heart further. You may have to put up with me gushing tears once in awhile, but that’s better than sitting around here.”

  “Are you sure?” Nancy asked.

  “It’s decided,” Katie declared. “Let’s eat and then we’re going.” Putting her words into actions, Katie filled her plate with a small piece of bread, some meat, and a chunk of cheese. Opening a container of juice, she waited until the others were ready. They prayed and then began eating.

  Bridgette soon stuck her head through the doorway. “It goes good?”

  “We’re doing very well,” Nancy replied.

  After she left silence hung over the table. Katie struggled to swallow a few times. The cheese stuck in her throat until she washed it down with juice. The others gave her sympathetic glances.

  “We can leave everything here today except our purses,” Nancy said, when everyone had finished. “We’re coming back tonight. Tomorrow we’ll spend the night in Interlaken, at the foot of the Alps.”

  “Gut. Let’s go!” Katie said, trying to sound happier than she felt. As they made their way to the car, Katie rubbed her head, and when they were seated in the back, Margaret having read her thoughts, popped open her purse. “Ibuprofen for what ails you. It’s non-drowsy.” Katie held out her hand. “Give me something that knocks me out. Double dose.”

  “Now, now,” Margaret said with a smile, giving Katie two of the pills. “Sleep will come tonight when you need it.”

  Nancy pulled out on the street as Sharon punched in the first destination on the GPS. The man’s voice began talking at once. “Turn right, sixty yards, then proceed to the rotary.”

  The man sounded a little like Ben, Katie thought, and she now hated the voice. But that couldn’t be. This voice had been speaking in the car for two days now, and she hadn’t once thought of any resemblance to Ben. Was every little thing going to remind her of Ben now? Would it ever end?

  Katie laid her head back against the seat as Nancy pulled out onto the four-lane highway traveling toward Bern. Watching the signs flashing by, Katie told herself, It wasn’t my fault what Ben did. Somehow I’m going to make it. I can’t spoil the fun for the other girls. It cost too much for them to fly over here to waste the trip. I have to try…I have to enjoy something of the day. Think beautiful sights and smile.

  As if Margaret knew what Katie was thinking, she whispered, “You’ll make it, Katie. The Lord will help you.”

  Katie glanced away, squeezing back the tears.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  An hour later Nancy pulled the car into an underground garage and announced, “So let’s see what Bern, Switzerland, has to offer.”

  The girls piled out of the car, Katie vowing to act cheerful despite her true feelings.

  “We have some interesting things to see,” Nancy continued. “But if it gets to be too much, please let me know and we can go back.” All eyes were on Katie as she said this, and each girl understood Nancy’s meaning.

  “I’ll be okay!” Katie set her chin with determination. She would be okay. It wasn’t every day that people got to see Bern—especially an Amish girl from Delaware. No matter what had happened with Ben, this was still the trip of her lifetime.

  “This way,” Nancy said, leading the way up some stairs. Once outside, they crossed a busy street and climbed another set of open steps to the street above them. They stopped in front of a huge cathedral with a high tower in front. On each side near the top was a clock.

  Sharon searched through the guidebook before announcing, “This is the first Protestant church built in Bern after the Reformation. Like 1727 or so.”

  “I want to see the inside,” Margaret said, running up the steps and pushing open the huge doors.

  Katie followed her, taking in the immense interior with its decorative artwork and detailed carvings. This was not a church in which her faith would be comfortable, that was for sure. Yet it had a wonder all its own.

  All four gazed for a long time at the dim interior before going outside again.

  “Okay, next site,” Margar
et said, marching up the street.

  “This way,” Nancy said, turning onto a side street. Katie stayed close to the others as they twisted in and out of the narrow streets. Already she was feeling better. The decision to continue on with the planned activities had been the right one. And the other girls certainly seemed to enjoy themselves, which they should. It wasn’t their fault Ben had turned out the way he had.

  Nancy led the way out into what was obviously the main street, where large, roofed sidewalks ran along the street. Little shops filled every inch of the available space.

  “Amazing!” Margaret proclaimed as they all paused to look. “Absolutely amazing. Now this is how one should enjoy shopping.”

  Katie imagined Mamm here, and her face darkened. She had to stop thinking of home. Mamm would also be heartbroken at the news about Ben, and she was no doubt worried about how Katie was taking it…if she even knew that Katie might have heard the news.

  Nancy pointed up the street. “Albert Einstein’s apartment is over there. And I do know that’s the famous Bern clock tower up the street.”

  Katie glanced that way as they climbed down steps and crossed the cobblestone street. All along the street in each direction water fountains splashed and colorful flags hung on the covered walkway. This was a beautiful old town, Katie decided, as they dashed up under the overhanging walkways on the other side.

  Sharon soon found the entrance to the Einstein apartment. It had a long set of stairs leading the way up. When they got to the top, a sign said to purchase tickets in the café below. Retreating, the girls entered the café and made their purchases. Nancy led the way back up to the ticket counter and then on to the first display, which consisted of Einstein’s desk.

  Margaret walked right up close whispering, “Grow, brain cells, grow!”

  Sharon laughed. “And you think that’s going to help?”

  “I figured it might,” Margaret said. “Not much else has so far.”

  Katie followed them into the living room, where Nancy leaned out of the window. “Einstein looked right out of here, gazing toward the clock tower. Can you imagine that?”