Divinely Living (Surviving Series)

by Courtney Cross

  I could smell the sweat and sex ingrained in my skin and my long auburn hair hadn’t seen a brush all day. After planting a firm kiss on Jonah’s cheek, I dashed for the shower, only stopping abruptly as I flung the door open. Rounding on my heels, I blew Jonah a kiss and flashed him a smile of pure happiness. “Have I told you lately how much I love you, Jacobson?” I asked with a tilt of my head.

  A shy curl of his lip pierced my rib cage and lodged in the beating organ beneath. “Tell me,” he said with a twinkle in his dark eyes.

  I searched for his reaction as I repeated his words, words he spoke to me, in what seemed a lifetime ago, but remained embedded firmly within my memory. “You, Jonah Jacobson, are the beginning, middle and end for me. You truly are my happy ever after.”

  He closed his eyes, his chest swelling as he absorbed the meaningful words and I disappeared into the shower.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Strolling arm in arm through streets of Chicago, which were unfamiliar to me, with Mason, filled me with a feeling of contentment mixed with painful sadness. In a matter of hours I would be on a flight bound for the other side of the world leaving behind the man who had made my very short stay here a much easier and enlightening one.

  A quiet Mason walked beside me, his arm cradling mine in his. I took a minute to truly look at him, to see him fully through a daughter’s eye. And boy was I impressed with what I saw. His shock of midnight black air reminded me of Jonah’s, as it hung slightly long over his tanned forehead. A straight nose, defined jaw and the richest, velvety dark brown eyes completed a highly impressive face. At thirty eight years old, he looked way too young to have a twenty two year old daughter. Add to that, his well defined, over six feet tall frame, I had to admit; Mason Carter was one hell of a catch. I tried to imagine him as a fifteen year old boy. If he was as devastatingly handsome back then and I highly suspected he was, he probably attracted Gina with little or no effort. His presence was undeniable, his warm, caring nature desirable and in that moment he felt more like my father than ever. Maybe I should have pushed for testing to be completely reassured, but I knew on instinct that there was no need to do so. I could feel our connection, a palpable bond we shared and although I shared my mother’s looks I also saw similarities within Mason that I undoubtedly possessed. He was my dad. I didn’t require testing to know that. And as we walked slowly, side by side, arm in arm, my hearted saddened with knowing that after only just finding him, I would be losing him again very soon.

  Sensing my sadness, he squeezed my arm and slipped his around my shoulder nestling me flush against his side. “You need to leave for London, Ava, and we both know why. I just wish it didn’t break my heart each time I think of waking up tomorrow and I’m left without you again.”

  I placed my arm around his waist. “I won’t be in Chicago when you wake up tomorrow but at least you know where I am, that I’m thinking of you and I’m only a flight away. You’re my dad and now I know the truth, I expect you to be a huge part of my life from now on. Especially when you have a wedding to attend and a grandchild to look forward to in the not too distant future.”

  He stopped dead and circled me in his arms, his eyes wide and his face elated. “You’re pregnant, baby girl?” he almost shouted.

  I nodded madly and smiled at his reaction. I also felt a twinge of warmth in my stomach each time he called me baby girl. It was a father’s endearing term for his daughter, which is exactly what we were. Father and daughter reunited at last. And I could never tire of hearing him refer to me with those words. “I have no idea how pregnant I am but I did a test and the results were definite. You’re going to be a grandfather in a matter of months.” I fisted his grey linen shirt and tugged him into an embrace. “So that’s even more reason for you to visit as much as you can. And after the baby is born, we’ll both come to visit you here. Chicago doesn’t seem as terrifying now, knowing that you’re here.”

  His heart beat frantically against mine, as I rose on my tip toes and rested my cheek against his warm neck. I inhaled his scent, captured it to memory. I knew without one single doubt that leaving him tonight was going to be painful and one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. I needed to remember everything I could about Mason to lessen the ache I already felt when we were separated.

  “I feel like I’m being handed a second chance I don’t deserve,” he said sadly. Streams of people walked by as we stood locked together without a care for anyone else. Taking a step back, he held me at arms length and smiled down at me. “I won’t fuck this chance up, Ava, I promise you. I was a kid when I lost you. I was nothing more than a powerless, weak ass kid. I’m a big man now and may God help anyone who tries to keep me from you or my grandchild ever again.”

  His hand splayed across my stomach and he rubbed it gently. “I missed all of Gina’s pregnancy. I’m not going to miss a second of yours. The moment you feel junior moving around in there, you let me know. I’ll be in London with my palm plastered permanently against your stomach.”

  I laughed and covered his hand with mine. “I think Jonah may have something to say about that. He can be extremely proprietary when it comes to me. He’s going to be even worse with this little one.”

  Mason dropped his head and the sadness was back. “Jonah is a good, good man, Ava. I have to admit I’m slightly jealous of the man who gets you full time and will experience all of the things a father should experience and I missed. But I’m happy for you, for the both of you. Finally, you’ve found your place, baby girl. And there’s no greater blessing than that.”

  “And you are a massive part of the place I’ve found. And you’d better believe your ass that you’re going to be with me all the way. I can also be proprietary with what’s mine.”

  He laughed, clasped my hand and began walking. “I’ll definitely bear that in mind.”

  We walked and talked until the hands on my wristwatch showed it was time to head back to the hotel. We both filled in the blanks for each other and spoke mostly about our lives, post Gina and the plans we both had for the future. Plans that involved each other, as well as members of Mason’s family I still had to meet. His parents, my grandparents, retired to southern Spain two years ago and after Mason told them about finding me; it seemed they were as desperate to connect with me as he had been. There was also his twin sister Maggie. A woman I knew little about, mainly due to the fact I was so unbearably shut down as a child, but a woman who had put her own life on hold for a time and flew thousands of miles to keep a track on mine. Maggie moved from Chicago to Florida after I left for London and was married to a banker named Jack. Mason had to stop her jumping on the first flight to Chicago when she found about I was in Chicago and very much reunited with her brother. He wanted our first few days to be just about the two of us. There would be plenty of time to meet them all. It was overwhelming to know I did have a family after all and I was thankful that Mason agreed to give me time to adjust and allow things to sink in before unleashing other family members on me. After living so long alone, without anyone to care for me, or for me to care about in return, having people that mattered in my life was going to be enriching, yet equally as strange. One thing was for sure, I was more than willing to try, even if it did take time to adjust and truly let them in.

  As we stopped outside the hotel entrance, Mason’s eyes misted with wet tears and so did mine. It was breaking my heart to leave him but this wasn’t goodbye. For me, this was just the beginning, the start of my new life. A life surrounded by love and support rather than hatred and violence. And I was determined to cling to my new life with both hands. That included my father. After hugging for long minutes with neither one of us wanting to be the first to let go, I eventually remembered Jonah and our booked flight, so reluctantly released him from my tight grip.

  “I didn’t realise this would be so hard.” My voice was suffocated by the vast amount of tears falling from my eyes.

  “Me neither, baby girl,” Mason replied. His hand scramb
led around in his jeans pocket and pulled out a small velvet pouch. Holding it out, he placed it in my palm. “Open it, it’s yours.”

  Carefully untying the small ribbon knot closing the pouch at the neck, I reached in with two fingers and removed its contents. A gasp left my lips as my eyes settled on the intricate diamond ring I held between slightly shaking fingers. The thick band was white gold or platinum with two thinner pieces of band encrusted with tiny diamonds that held a small princess cut diamond in place. Scribing on the inside caught my eye. Holding the ring up to eye level I read out the clear engraving on the inside of the band, yours always, G - Mason.

  I rubbed my fingertip across the words then enveloped the ring in my palm. “I can’t take this. It belongs to you.”

  Mason shook his head vehemently and held my fist tightly. “I bought that for Gina the day I went to confront your grandfather. It was meant as a grand gesture, a way of showing James I was serious about his daughter and my unborn child. I emptied my bank account and saw it the moment I walked into the jewellery shop. It never made it out of my pocket that day and the nurses gave it to me when I was eventually coherent enough in the hospital to understand. I’ve kept it for twenty two years in the hope that someday I might get lucky enough to see it on my daughters’ finger. Thankfully, that day has finally come.”

  “I’ll cherish it always.” Embracing my father for the last time, I held on a little longer than before. It wouldn’t be long before I saw him again; I would make sure of it. But it still hurt like a bitch, to know, as my affection for Mason was growing at an alarmingly quick rate; the distance between us physically could affect that growth profoundly. I vowed to myself to do whatever it took to ensure that simply didn’t happen.

  “And I will cherish the wearer always,” he muttered through a torrent of tears. And there we both stood, shedding mutual tears of remorse and sadness, happiness and contentment, for what seemed like forever. Until the tears ran dry, our arms ached from holding on so tightly and I really, really, needed to make my flight.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  As a child, there was one time of the year that was able to penetrate even my dark heart and that was Christmas. It was never a particularly joyful time for me, or one I ever associated with family times, basically because I didn’t have a family. I remember eating Christmas dinner alone, hearing nothing but my mother’s terrified screams and the thud of Alex’s fists. After Gina’s passing, Alex often spent Christmas abroad and was rarely at home anytime throughout the festive season. The presents I received were always expensive but tasteless, unwanted and left unwrapped. The house would be decorated from ground floor to roof but the antique glass baubles, ten foot tree and ornate twinkling lights only added to his image. Alex the family man, Alex the husband and father, what nobody knew was that Alex Matthews was in fact nothing more than a sadistic monster who destroyed my mother and almost destroyed me too.

  But the one thing I clearly remember throughout those desolate, lonely times was the fleeting slither of hope I had every Christmas Eve. When climbing into bed on the night when all children’s dreams come true, I wished every single year to wake on Christmas morning to a new life. I would have given anything for Santa Claus to gift me a life void of Alex, where Gina was the loving mother I craved her to be, and where I could sleep for one full night without waking to raised voices or hearing Alex drunk and returning home. That wish never came true and over time, my belief began to disappear. Yet I still wished, and more importantly, for a miniscule moment in time, I still felt hope. As an emotionally detached, shut down child to feel anything was a miracle in itself, no matter how quickly that feeling passed. And on Christmas Eve that’s what I did. I felt emotion. And that’s exactly the reason why for many years it was the only time I had memories of. Mostly bad memories but one good one, the only good memory of my childhood I possessed. That’s why I chose Christmas Day to be the day. The day my life would change this year, the day my hope would prove fruitful and all of my dreams would most definitely come true. Christmas Day was my Wedding Day.

  Standing before the full length mirror in my Kensington apartment, I gazed at the vision in white reflected back at me. My long, auburn hair was loose and straight and hung to my lower back. Excitement flushed my pink cheeks and happiness shone in my emerald green eyes. The floor length, antique lace gown clung to my curves and accentuated my swollen stomach. Small diamond drop ear-rings and a thin diamond choker were the only jewellery I wore. My make up was light as always, my shoes were white satin flats and a white fur shawl lay across my bare shoulders. I stood staring; searching for the similarities I always found when I looked at myself. I never failed to see Gina. We were so strikingly similar I could never help comparing myself to her. The colour of our hair, of our eyes, our high cheek bones, slender figures and ample breasts. But there was only one face staring straight at me. For once the comparisons remained hidden. The only green eyes I saw were mine. Ava was the only face I saw. It was a face luminous with pure happiness and a body that was changing and blooming during pregnancy. This was my day and although I believed in my heart Gina would be with me in spirit, the woman about to walk down the aisle was most definitely me.

  After leaving Chicago and returning to London, the days had passed in a blur. My friendship with Charlotte was truly repaired, so was her relationship with a certain French art dealer and I felt a definite thaw in her dislike of Jonah. She screamed with joy when I informed her of the baby, frowned slightly but gave me her blessing when she heard of the wedding, and cried for hours after listening to the unbelievable tale of meeting Mason. And I forgot what we argued about in the first place and realised how much I had actually missed my vivacious, larger than life best friend. But I could also sense a change in her and Charlotte sensed the very same change in me. Everything was so different and nothing was the same. Embracing the changes meant instigating them and Charlotte was the first one to have the guts to actually do so. She moved out of the apartment just a week after we got back. I made it clear she had a home here for life if needed, but Charlotte being the free spirit she was, decided it was time for a change. She wanted a taste of independence so began renting a small but practical townhouse only a fifteen minute drive away. The day she moved out was an emotional one. She cried, I cried and then we both cried some more before she eventually left. It was the end of an era, the end of the Charlotte and Ava years and more importantly the start of new beginnings for us both. We still spoke every day by phone and took it in turns to visit each other at home and though there was distance between us physically, emotionally we had never been closer.

  A soft knock rasped on my bedroom door before it opened slowly. A sleek, black haired bob peeked around the door and wide blue eyes smiled with approval as our gazes caught in the mirror.

  “Oh, babe, you look stunning,” squealed Scarlett as she strode further into the bedroom. Her fitted red dress, matching jacket and killer black heels captured the festive spirit I was looking for and I smiled as she stood beside me and gave my ever growing stomach a tender rub. “You look so pregnant Ava but so damn beautiful, because you’re so pregnant.”

  “Is she decent?” Yelled a husky, baritone voice from the hallway.

  “She’s more than decent,” Scarlett yelled back. “Get your hot backside in here and take a look.”

  A suited Cameron stepped sheepishly into the bedroom while running a hand through his dark hair. “I shouldn’t be here, Scar, isn’t it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?”

  Scarlett rested her hands on her hips. “It’s only bad luck if you happen to be the groom. So come and give her the present we brought.”

  Cameron’s eyes filled with approval and his lips broke into a warm smile as his eyes met mine. “Wow, gorgeous, you look amazing.” He kissed my cheek. “Jacobson is one hell of a lucky man.”

  I grinned back and squeezed his hand. After much persuasion on my part, Jonah finally called an uneasy truce with Cameron, at least to a
point of civility. Cam was important to me, Jonah realised that, and even though they would never be the best of friends, they could at least spend time in each other’s company without coming to blows. I shot a quick glance at Scarlett who watched our joined hands intently. She and Cameron had been spending more time together recently after forging a friendship while I was in Chicago. The girl was smitten, that fact was blaringly obvious and as Cameron’s eyes met hers with a wink, I strongly suspected her feelings were beginning to be reciprocated. With a nod in my direction, Scarlett gestured to Cameron to hand me the small box he held in his hand. Taking it from him, I flipped it open and gazed down at the thin but beautiful diamond bracelet inside.

  One side effect of pregnancy was the emotional wreck it had turned me into. Today was no different. Tears welled in my made up eyes as I removed the bracelet and ran my fingertips across the glittering stones.

  “It’s your something old,” Scarlett smiled. “It belonged to my grandmother and after we bought the ear-rings and necklace you’re wearing, I thought they could be your something new and the bracelet would look perfect as your something old.”

  I tugged her into a hug and gripped her as tight to me as my stomach would allow. “Thank you, it’s totally perfect.”

  “Cameron had it cleaned and polished. When I said it was old, I meant it,” she giggled while hugging me in return.

  After showering Cameron with the same affection, he placed the bracelet on my wrist and closed the small clasp.

  “It looks amazing,” enthused a happy Scarlett as she clapped her hands and beamed broadly. “And totally keeps with tradition.”

  The slam of the front door and hurried footsteps down the hallway grabbed all of our attentions as our collective heads flew to the door. A flustered Charlotte burst into the bedroom, her hair piled high on her head and the strapless red dress she wore, mirroring Scarlett’s and fully embracing the weddings Christmas theme. Behind her, the large, well maintained body of my father stood proud and tall, in a three piece black suit, white dress shirt and blood red tie. His black hair was perfectly groomed to the side and his stunning brown eyes brimmed with pride as he strode passed my other three visitors without hesitation and came straight to me.