Carissima

by Rosanna Chiofalo

  “Thank you for being so open with me, Lorenzo. Now it’s my turn to be honest with you. I’m not sure I’m ready to date anyone just yet—even casually. I do have a good time with you, and having you as my unofficial tour guide is taking my mind off . . . off things.” I can’t even say Gregory’s name, but I don’t need to. Lorenzo knows the “things” I’m referring to.

  “I’m happy to hear you’ve been having fun with me and that it’s helping you. Okay, no pressure.” Lorenzo raises his palms. “Forget we even had this conversation. Let’s just continue to hang out and see where this goes. How does that sound?”

  “I guess that’s fine. I don’t want to mislead you, Lorenzo. You’ve already been through so much lately.”

  “And so have you, Pia.”

  “It’s not the same.”

  “Don’t diminish your experiences.”

  “You know what I mean, Lorenzo.”

  “Okay, fine. Enough with the heavy talk. So do you agree that we concentrate from here on out on having a blast in Rome?”

  “How can I say no to that?” I laugh.

  “Good! Now there’s just one other small matter. You need to take a second week off of working on Francesca’s autobiography. We’re already in the middle of this week, and there’s still so much more I want to show you in Rome.”

  “I can still work part of the day and go sightseeing with you for the other half of the day.”

  “You forget, Pia. This isn’t New York, where people do nothing but work. Shops and businesses close for their siestas in the middle of the afternoon and don’t reopen until evening. We run the risk of many places being closed if you work in the morning and save your sightseeing for the afternoon.”

  “I’ll switch it then. We can go exploring in the morning, and I’ll work in the afternoon.”

  “Just one additional week, Pia. Come on! How often will you come to Rome after this?”

  I’m tempted. The emotional drain of my breakup with Gregory has taken its toll both physically and mentally. What’s the harm in another week?

  “Before I give you my answer, I’m wondering why it matters that I give up my afternoons, since as you say most places will be closed for their siestas. What would we do then?”

  “Trust me. I have that all planned.” Lorenzo smiles mischievously. “So what do you say?”

  “Okay. I’m yours for another week.”

  Another week has turned into an additional week and one after that, so that I have now been in Rome for almost six weeks. We are nearing the end of September, and I’m enjoying the Eternal City in the autumn as much as I did in the final days of summer.

  Lorenzo and Francesca teamed up in doing their best to convince me to stay longer. Colin called to tell me that Francesca herself had contacted him and asked him to grant me a second extension on handing in the article. She told Colin that because of the recent death of her sister she had not been feeling well and had not been able to finish up our last interview for the article. She also assured Colin that the article would reveal a side to her that no one had ever seen before. Colin told her to take her time. What he didn’t know is that I was already done with the article. Though Lorenzo has been keeping me busy touring Rome by day, I have been able to write a few nights a week. I was thinking of sending the article to Colin about two weeks ago, but then Francesca informed me that she had been able to get an additional extension for me. I couldn’t send the article to Colin or he’d know Francesca had lied to him. And now that I’ve won Francesca’s admiration and respect, I’m not about to risk falling out of her good graces.

  The past few weeks have spun by in a flash. Lorenzo was right that I needed more time to relax. After our second week sightseeing, I felt reenergized and inspired again to return to my writing in the evenings. I’ve even started writing Francesca’s autobiography. While I’ll have to interview her again at some point, I have enough from our sessions for the Profile article as well as from her revelation of her past for the beginning of the autobiography. Of course, the book won’t reveal that Francesca is really Lorenzo’s mother and that she had stolen her sister’s boyfriend, but I was able to use some of what she’d told me about her childhood with Giuliana when they were close. Since there has been interest in her relationship with the sister no one knew she had, readers will be curious about their childhood together. I just haven’t figured out yet how I will explain their long estrangement. But I’m not going to worry about that for now.

  As for Lorenzo, I finally stopped fighting our attraction. We’ve been seeing each other for the past month. True to his word, he hasn’t been rushing me, but the past few days I’ve sensed an urgency in him, which is making me slightly nervous. Neither of us has discussed yet what’s going to happen when I return to California. I can’t help feeling like I’m making the same mistake I made with Gregory all over again, since I had avoided that discussion with him as well. Part of me wants to just have a good time as Lorenzo encouraged me to do that day in the café at the Vatican. But I know he wants more. After all, the guy told me I have everything he wants in a partner. He’s just agreed to treat what we have casually so that I won’t go running.

  I haven’t even allowed myself when I’m alone to truly examine how I feel about Lorenzo. I’ve had an amazing time with him in Rome, and he’s managed to keep me distracted from Gregory. The pain over losing Gregory aches less every day. And helping Lorenzo come to terms with the truth about his parentage has brought us closer. He’s also confided in me about losing his mother, and I’ve started to tell him more about Erica.

  Today, he’s asked me to get dressed to the nines. That’s all he’s told me. I decide to wear the royal-blue sheath dress that Francesca had Angelica alter for me. I’ve taken Zia’s advice finally and have been wearing my eyeglasses less. It’s been so hot in Rome, and the glasses reflect the sun’s light, adding to the shine on my face. I tried doing my best, but after the first day without my glasses and hardly being able to see more than five feet in front of me, Lorenzo took me to an optical shop where they fitted me with a pair of contact lenses. He insisted on paying for them. Then again, he’s insisted on paying for everything. I hate to admit this, but I’ve been dazzled by all the money that he and Francesca have. Lorenzo has not shied away from spoiling me, whether it’s paying for my elaborate meals in five-star restaurants or buying flowers for me every day at the Campo de’ Fiori.

  I’m finishing braiding my hair to the side. Unlike Zia, Lorenzo loves that I wear my braids and ponytails over my shoulder as opposed to letting them hang down the middle of my back. He’s taken to playfully tugging my braid, which still manages to make me blush like a schoolgirl.

  “Molta bellissima! Pia, you look gorgeous in that dress!” Francesca walks in and sizes me up from head to toe. “May I make a suggestion?” Francesca opens her eyes wide in an innocent, imploring way. Something tells me I’m not going to like her suggestion.

  “Of course.”

  Francesca walks over to me, takes my braid, and coils it around the base of my skull. She reaches over to my dresser and flips open a small crystal box holding hairpins. She fastens the braid securely to my head.

  “Perfetta! Take a look.” She grabs the handheld silver mirror on the dresser and holds it up in front of me. I hate to admit that she’s right, but she is. The coiled, braided bun looks classic and elegant with my sheath.

  “Grazie, Francesca.”

  “Anytime. I am so happy you and Lorenzo are together. He is absolutely glowing and so are you!”

  Since Lorenzo and I broke the news to Francesca that we are seeing each other, not a day has gone by that she doesn’t utter how thrilled she is that we’re dating. We waited two weeks before telling her, but I could tell she knew. She always made sure to excuse herself when Lorenzo was dropping me off so that we’d be alone and he could kiss me.

  “Thank you, Francesca.”

  “I have a little confession to make. I have secretly hoped that he would fall in l
ove with you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Why do you sound so surprised?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Pia, I could not hope for a better woman for my son.”

  “I don’t think Lorenzo is in love with me. We’ve only been seeing each other casually for a month. It’s not like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.”

  “Yet. It is only a matter of time. And as for Lorenzo’s being in love with you, of course he is. I know you tend to follow your head before your heart, but I can assure you this is the ideal match.”

  “Francesca, I’m flattered that you think so highly of me, but please, don’t get your hopes up. A lot can happen. Lorenzo and I have agreed to take it slowly.”

  “Bah!” Francesca waves her hand dismissively in my direction. “You need to trust your feelings more and not analyze so much. If it feels good, go for it. Do you like being with him?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “But nothing. He is completely yours, unlike Gregory, who had his attentions divided.”

  I wince at the mention of Gregory, and Francesca notices.

  “I am sorry to bring him up. It is because of me that the two of you even met.”

  “Well, it wasn’t exactly because of you. I had met him outside Giuliana’s house.”

  “Yes, but you were there hoping to see me. You cannot deny it.”

  I remain silent. My irritation is growing. I haven’t been frustrated with Francesca since our interviews in Astoria. I’m also annoyed that she had to bring up Gregory, whom I’ve managed to keep mostly out of my thoughts. I say mostly because I still haven’t managed to stop having the occasional dream about him.

  The doorbell rings, saving me.

  “It must be Lorenzo.”

  “I need to use the restroom. Please tell him I’ll be out in five minutes.”

  “Of course. If it were me, I would make him wait longer.” Francesca winks before she leaves my room.

  I close the door and sit on my bed. I lied about having to use the bathroom. I just want a few minutes to myself.

  Suddenly, I don’t feel like going out. Though I’ve had a great time with Lorenzo, all the sightseeing is beginning to wear me out. Except for the few nights a week that Lorenzo has agreed to let me stay home to work on my writing, I haven’t had much time alone. And even on the nights I’m home, Francesca is always here and often drops in to chat for a few minutes. I had hoped that with Rocco’s arrival, she’d be too preoccupied with him. But as usual, she’s playing her games and insists on only seeing Rocco a few times a week. I roll my eyes.

  I’m tempted to tell Lorenzo I don’t feel well, but I don’t want to lie to him. He’s had enough lies in his life. I think about what Francesca said about Lorenzo’s being in love with me. Is he? I know Lorenzo cares about me, but I hadn’t imagined that he could be falling for me already. We haven’t even made love yet—not that he hasn’t tried, but I’ve told him it’s too soon. The past week was tense between us because we marked one month since we began seeing each other, and in Lorenzo’s eyes that was a milestone. He asked me if I was ready several times last week. Maybe that’s part of my hesitation in going out with him today. I do have feelings for Lorenzo, but I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made with Gregory. If Lorenzo truly loves me and wants to be with me, he’ll wait.

  Sighing, I get up and examine myself one last time in the mirror before heading out to the living room.

  “Pia, I was about to come searching for you myself.” Lorenzo comes over and gives me his customary kiss on both cheeks. For some reason, it irks me today. We’re dating now. He can just give me a quick kiss on the lips.

  “So, where are you two headed today? Or is it a surprise again, Lorenzo?” Francesca asks.

  “Of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Lorenzo grins at me.

  “You are definitely my son.” Francesca laughs and gives Lorenzo a quick hug. I can’t help but notice his eyes narrow a bit at Francesca’s comment. He’s still adjusting to thinking of her as his mother.

  We say good-bye to Francesca and head out.

  “You look gorgeous, Pia. I was having a hard time keeping my eyes off you in front of Francesca.”

  “Thank you, Lorenzo. You look great as always.”

  Lorenzo suddenly grabs my hand, pulling me into him as he begins kissing me. His free hand snakes around my waist to my back. He presses me up against him. I return his kiss. Usually, his expert kisses completely unravel me, but today I’m having a difficult time being as passionate as he is.

  “Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” Lorenzo wipes my lipstick that has smeared onto his mouth with the back of his hand.

  I can’t help but laugh at his comment. Lorenzo puts his arm around me and we walk that way. A few men glance my way and don’t hide the fact that they’re checking me out in my body-hugging sheath. I glance nervously at Lorenzo, but he has a smirk on his face as if he’s enjoying the attention his woman is receiving. I would’ve preferred a little jealousy on his part, but I guess I can’t fault the guy for being proud of me.

  “Let’s go into this shop.” Lorenzo leads me into a Prada shop. “See anything you like?”

  “Yes, a few, but they’re too expensive.”

  “Go ahead and pick one handbag—or even two—that you like. It’s my treat.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t, Lorenzo.”

  “Why not? You are my girlfriend.”

  “We haven’t actually talked about that yet, Lorenzo.”

  “Well, we’re talking about it now. Pia, as you know, I have been very patient and have been taking this slowly. But I think it’s time we lay all our cards out on the table.”

  “Right here?”

  “No one’s listening to us. It’s fine. Pia, I’m going to be honest with you again. What are you so afraid of?”

  “I’m not afraid of anything.” I play with the handles of a taupe satchel.

  “Don’t lie to me.”

  “I’ve never lied to you, Lorenzo.”

  “You’re doing it now, Pia.”

  Sighing, I cross my arms over my chest. “Okay, I’m sorry. I am afraid. I’m afraid you’re going to meet someone else you like more than me and . . .” I let my voice trail off.

  “And cheat on you the way Gregory did?”

  I nod my head.

  “Pia, what he did to you was horrible, but I’m not him. You need to have a little trust, and you need to start living.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean—‘start living’?” I can’t disguise my annoyance.

  Lorenzo takes my hands in his.

  “Again, I’m going to be direct with you, Pia, risking that you’re not going to like what I have to say, but you need to hear it. How much longer are you going to punish yourself for your sister’s death?”

  My heart starts beating rapidly. I murmur softly, “I’m not punishing myself.”

  “Yes, you are. By pushing me away and insisting you need to take our relationship slowly, you’re not giving yourself permission to fully be with me. It’s as if you think you don’t deserve happiness and love.”

  My chest feels constricted. Gregory’s words from the day we broke up echo through my mind: “You run away whenever there’s conflict, Pia. Whenever things get too difficult for you, you escape.”

  I close my eyes, willing my heart rate to slow down. He was right. Gregory was right that I always run when a situation gets too difficult, just as Lorenzo is right that I’ve been punishing myself for Erica’s death—for not being able to save my sister . . . for being alive. The tears come furiously.

  “It should have been me,” I whisper. “I’m the older one. It should have been me.”

  “Oh, Pia.” Lorenzo pulls me to his chest. A saleslady comes up to us and asks him if I’m all right. Lorenzo doesn’t answer her as he ushers me outside.

  “I’m sorry, Pia. I shouldn’t have had that discussion with you in there.”

  “It’s okay,” I m
utter through my tears. “You had no idea I was going to fall apart.”

  “I’m glad you fell apart.”

  “Geez! Thanks!” I manage to let out a soft laugh.

  “I just mean that you needed to let yourself fully feel what you’ve been carrying on the inside since Erica died.”

  “I know what you meant. And you were right. I have been punishing myself. And I’ve been afraid that you’re going to hurt me the way Gregory did. I’m sorry. I haven’t been very fair toward you. But if you give me a second chance, I think I’m ready to be your girlfriend.”

  “Are you sure? I know I’ve just put you on the spot.”

  “I’m positive.” And to prove it, I give Lorenzo the longest kiss I’ve ever given him.

  Finally, he pulls away. “So you’ll let me spoil you as a man should do for his woman?”

  “Oh, okay, if you insist.”

  “That’s the spirit!” Lorenzo laughs.

  Two hours later, Lorenzo’s hands are full of shopping bags from many of the designer shops on Via Condotti. From handbags to beautiful clothes and leather shoes, he’s going all out on treating me. I’ll have to buy a new piece of luggage just to be able to take all of his gifts back home to California. Just when I think we’re done, he says, “One last place. I promise.”

  He walks briskly ahead of me and enters the jewelry shop that has the necklace I was admiring earlier. I follow him inside. The saleswoman hasn’t noticed me behind him and is all but drooling over Lorenzo.

  “Si, un attimo.” The saleslady asks him to wait as she walks over to the shop’s display window.

  She returns with the necklace that stopped me in my tracks when we were outside.

  “Please, place it on her,” Lorenzo instructs the saleswoman. She looks disappointed to see he’s taken and that I’ll be receiving that exquisite piece of jewelry.

  The saleswoman places the necklace around my neck. The necklace is eighteen-carat yellow gold and plunges into a V in the center. It’s both understated and striking.