A New Leash on Life

by Suzie Carr

  He petted General with a loving hand, squeezing his neck and back. General loved this. His eyes closed, and I could actually hear him moan.

  “He’s precious.”

  “He was so scared, dehydrated, hungry, and shaky when he first came in here. I spent the first three nights in the kennel with him. We all slept here comforting the dogs.”

  “The owner never came looking for him?”

  “No. Can you believe that?”

  General stared into my eyes as he continued to lick my face. “How come no one has adopted him?” I cradled his face in my hands. “He’s perfect.”

  “People read that he’s deaf and they turn away.”

  Ayla would adore him.

  ~ ~

  Melanie’s reiki studio smelled like a garden salad, fresh and summerlike. She dressed up the room with chocolate suede curtains draping the walls and ceilings and plaid pillows to match. Romantic guitar instrumental music added to the atmosphere. Her table sat off to the side of the room near the potted hydrangea, leaving the center of the room open. “I feel alive in here,” I said to her. “The energy flows nicely.” I traced my finger along the corduroy wallpaper. “It’s the perfect oasis for relaxation.”

  She draped her flowing orange sari around her shoulders. “Olivia didn’t want to join us?”

  “She’s much too distracted. I just let her do her thing and tried to stay out of her way.”

  “I wanted to give her some of my canned tomatoes. I’m trying to clean up the clutter around this place.”

  “You’ve got a beautiful spot here. I actually grew up a block over in that ranch on the corner of Whispering Pines and Meadow Acres.”

  Her eyes grew larger. “March and Diane are your parents?”

  “Diane is my mother. March, hell no. He’s just the bastard who sucked the life out of my teenage years.”

  “Well, I’m sorry you had to go through life with that jackass. He used to flip me off anytime he stood on his porch smoking, because I once accidentally ran over one of his bushes when it snowed.”

  “His bush? God help you woman.” I laughed. “I remember that day. He came inside the house, covered in snow, flames blazing out of his ears. I just remember being really happy that someone pissed him off so badly.”

  Melanie touched my arm. “I like you.” She paused, stared into my eyes as if searching for something I didn’t even know existed. “Forgive me for sounding so bold, but I must.” She cleared her throat, softened her stare. “You seem like a genuine person, but I can’t help speculating that I’m missing something. Your showing up like this and solving all of her money issues with the shelter is sweet. This shelter means everything to her.”

  “I wouldn’t hurt her.”

  “Again?”

  I stopped my argument. “I was young and very stupid.”

  “That’s just an excuse, isn’t it?”

  I cross-examined her intent, searching her eyes for some sign of reprieve. “You’re right. No excuses. I regret how things ended between us back then.”

  “You still care for her a great deal, don’t you?” Her voice rang out delicately, like a wind chime.

  “It’s not like that with us.”

  “No?” She tilted her head. “I think it is.”

  This woman guarded Olivia with vibrant flowers and sweet fruits instead of pointed daggers and guns. She stood at the front gate, master of the vibe, healer of the pain, assuager of the wronged, pacifying those who entered with her gift to read signals and toy with auras. She, being the priest in the confessional, asked for truth.

  I confessed. “I do care for her. When I saw her on the news, I got excited. I saw an opportunity to sneak through the opening to right a wrong, to prove to her that I’m not a bad person, and that I really always did care about her.”

  “Olivia is a strong girl. She would cringe at what you just said.”

  I swallowed hard, wishing I could take it back.

  “Want some friendly advice?”

  I nodded.

  “Don’t ever tell her any of that. She’ll shut you out and never let you back in.”

  “I’m not looking to get back into a romantic relationship with her.” I couldn’t, unless I told her the truth about Ayla, and I couldn’t do that because of Josh. My feet sunk into purgatory’s grip where I teetered between renewed ecstasy and loneliness.

  “I don’t buy that and she won’t either.”

  I wanted her respect, this master of reiki, of soul, of peace. “It’s true. I’m here in friendship.”

  She arched her eye.

  “Honestly. I have a boyfriend.”

  Melanie turned to a table and picked up a bristly stick. “Ah, a boyfriend. Well, that explains a lot.”

  “Like?”

  She lit the stick and waved its smoke around in small circles. “Explains why you’re being so defensive about still being in love with Olivia.” Charm and play danced in her eyes.

  “I’m not.”

  She sauntered towards me, circling the smoke around. “You are, too. If you want to be with her, you might not want to even mention the boyfriend thing.”

  “So, you’re proposing I lie to her?”

  “Do you disagree?” She toyed with the smoke, looping it around me, she the master, me the tiger under her spell, calmed by her command.

  “I don’t deceive.”

  She agreed with a thoughtful sigh. “Good answer.” She moved with the citrus smoke, centered by its power to soothe. “This is sage, and it filters out the negativity.”

  I laughed.

  She didn’t. She continued walking around the room waving it.

  “So, how does this work?” I asked, satisfied that I passed her initiation. “Is there another space for me to undress or maybe one of those freestanding tri-folds to stand behind?”

  “No changing rooms are needed here.”

  “So, do I just drop my shorts here and scuttle under the blankets?”

  “I won’t be touching you.” She looked up at me, carving a smile. “Touch isn’t necessary with reiki. It’s more about energy flow.”

  “I see.” I must’ve overlooked that tidbit online when I researched it earlier.

  When she returned the stick to the table, her face softened, probably taking pity on my ignorance. She flagged me over to the white vinyl table. “Come this way. Mount the table, darling. Let me show you.”

  I walked over to her reiki table, breathing in the soothing ambiance, the warm tones, the clove scent. The room hugged me. Past the hard part, I relaxed at the hands of a woman who would keep me on the up-and-up with Olivia, no doubt protecting me from skidding off the high road.

  My body rested and an overwhelming sense of radiance flowed through me and surrounded me in a bubble. Carried away by the soft music and the deep breathing, I let go of all tension, anxiety, and fears I’d carried in with me. Filled with peace, I floated like a leaf in a gentle breeze. I peeked up at Melanie at one point, and I could swear I saw a glowing band around her entire being as she channeled energy into me. When she finished, I felt so refreshed, like I’d just taken a bath in a garden in paradise. When I breathed, air entered and left without a kink. It flowed in and out with purpose, cleansing and purifying my soul.

  “That was amazing.”

  “Take your time in rising. You might be dizzy.”

  Melanie braced a hand on my arm and smiled like an angel, no judgment present. “You’re a good person, Chloe. I just wanted to make sure.”

  I teared up at this sweet gesture. No one besides Olivia and Aunt Marie had ever called me a good person. I wanted to live up to this. I wanted to be a good person. I wanted to rise above the threshold of a selfish girl who ravaged lives for her own goodwill. Despite my punches, my kicks, my focus, I couldn’t break through the strength of this threshold. I was selfish. I wanted Olivia back. I wanted to come out looking like a hero. I wanted everyone to like me. None of this could happen if I approached it with any other intention than
to be a genuinely good-hearted person putting others above myself.

  I wanted to jump right back into a life where Olivia stared past my sour and guilt and saw only sweetness and innocence.

  I might not have been able to be innocent again, but I could be a good friend and help her out without having to meddle in the peace between her and Josh. I just wanted her in my life.

  “Thank you,” I said to Melanie. “I’m trying.”

  ~ ~

  Josh called me and asked me to meet him. He wanted to talk about Ayla. His hair had thinned. He sat next to me on the park bench and stared straight out at the pond where a family of geese paddled across riding on the coattails of each other. I told him about my plans to help Olivia and reassured him of my pure intent – to help with a critical cause close to his twin sister’s heart.

  “You’re saving that place.” He rested his hand on my knee. “Thank you.”

  I cupped my hand over his. “You’re welcome.”

  “Can we talk about what happened that night?”

  “Of course,” I took back my hand.

  “I never should’ve taken advantage of you the way I did.”

  “You saved my life. My heart raced. Adrenaline stoked. It happened.”

  He nodded. “I just don’t want that night to be a bad memory for you because I’d hate for Ayla to think her life started out of a mistake. I just hope you don’t hate me when you think of that night, that’s all.” He shrugged.

  “I needed you that night and you were there. That’s what I remember.”

  A smile breezed across his face. “Can I see a picture of her?”

  I reached for my phone and showed Josh my wallpaper image of his daughter riding her horse, Trixie. He smiled through some tears, not bothering to wipe them away. His jaw twitched and his breathing increased until finally he dropped his head in his hands and wept like a baby. I patted his back, which only intensified the bucking and the sniffling. I now understood where Ayla got her sensitivity.

  We spent an hour together that afternoon sitting under the cherry blossom tree. I told him about her knack for tree house building and about how she loved to ride Trixie at sunset, how she adored reading mysteries and playing the game Risk. He laughed when I told him how she hated gummy bears because apparently, he did, too. He winced when I told him about the time her appendix burst and she ended up with a four-inch scar on the right side of her belly. He nearly died of laughter when I told him about the time when she was nine and packed a suitcase to run away from home, but not before asking if Aunt Marie could go with her.

  When the sun sunk below the tree horizon, we stood up to leave. “I’m not ready, yet, but I think one day I might be.”

  “When you are, I’ll be there with you. Until then, you’ve got my word. I won’t tell her about Ayla.”

  He grimaced. “I’m not a bad person.”

  We were both so much alike in that respect, just two people trying to justify our lies.

  “You’re preaching to someone who already knows that.”

  Chapter Ten

  Olivia

  Chloe wanted to help orchestrate the construction of a new wing on the facility. This new addition would cut out some of the fenced yard, a minimal reduction when compared to the lives we would save.

  Chloe showed up to our first meeting with the architects smelling light and romantic and dressed up like a New York professional straight from Wall Street in a tailored suit, heels, and delicate jewelry that enhanced her overall look.

  During the meeting, she argued her points of concern like a well-trained lawyer. She represented the shelter with eloquence, and never once fell into an emotional tirade whenever something didn’t go her way. She simply remained poised and in the one-up position alongside the men with their pencils and sketches.

  We met alone in my office later to discuss the details. She lounged back with a lazy smile, shining her chocolate eyes at me one minute, the next snapping back into serious mode to discuss business in detail. Adept, she swung between flirty and professional with tremendous ease. She knew the delicate terrain and traversed it fluently, like a tightrope performer with perfect precision. When I stiffened against a lingering glance, she’d pull back on her smile and her sultry ways and pop back into businesswoman. When things got too business-like and serious, she’d lighten the mood with a blink of her eyes and a flash of her breezy smile. This dance permeated our time together, keeping me panting and wanting for more.

  She spent a great amount of time at the shelter those first several weeks. She wanted to understand everything from front desk management, to adoption rules and regulations, to promotions, to fundraising, to cleaning, to handling the animals. “I want to understand the needs so we can put together a solid strategic plan,” she said on more than one occasion. I nodded each time, fumbling against her beauty and business savvy.

  Keeping my guard up required hard work. Chloe tempted me with everything— with the smell of her freshly shampooed hair, the minty coolness of her breath, the way her cheeks shimmered in the sunlight or under the glow of soft lights.

  Always around, Trevor and Natalie protected me from launching a full-scale attack on this beautiful girl who sat across from me twirling her hair and blinking her eyelashes. Their presence unknowingly kept me in full control, and from falling into the demise of lust.

  I found myself worrying about silly things I hadn’t worried about since high school, like if my lips shined enough or if my eyes sparkled. I wanted her to notice the extra squats I suffered through every morning and how my jeans fit me just right as a result of them. I wanted her to compliment my new highlights and my new perfume. But, she focused in on business, mostly every second while in my presence.

  Disappointed, I obsessed over getting her attention. One day, I even cut clinic visits shorter just so I could run into her more often throughout the rush of the day. I even invited her out to dinner one night, only to be more disappointed when she’d also invited Trevor, Natalie, and Melanie.

  I lost myself in her all over again, and I didn’t like it. What would happen after more time? To a certain extent, she controlled the shelter. She morphed into our sugar mama. She managed to strangle my heart in several short weeks. She stole my focus.

  One day, she had sunk into my chair during a meeting, smiling lazily at me as I talked on and on about Melanie and her housing predicament. Her eyes soothed me and released me of worry, which really only served to rattle me later when my body still quivered from her small, innocent blinks and smiles.

  At moments, she would speak in words wrapped in silk as if sharing a secret. Her warm breath would swim in front of me like a summer breeze and, despite my best efforts to block the rush, I’d get all tongue-tied and flushed. I worried that I’d morph back into the old Olivia, let down my defenses to the woman who swooped in and saved all of our life dreams.

  I figured if I could get past the construction phase, I could deal with her as the sugar mama to the shelter for many years to come and be unclenched by her sexy vibes and unconcerned with who she slept with and how she lived her secret life outside of the times when she was wielding a clipboard or pointing to a misplaced molding.

  So after a few short weeks of working with her, and after another half dozen visits from contractors, I hugged her to thank her for helping me to get the Clark Family Shelter back up and running with a future that looked bright for our furry companions. I melted into her embrace, ignoring consequences. I massaged her back, and pressed her harder into me, not wanting to let go of the magic in the moment. Her heart pelted against mine. Before I knew it, I lifted my head and kissed her. She pulled back and I wouldn’t let her. I reeled her in and soon she softened in my arms, and melted into my kiss, matching my passion. I hungered for her and didn’t care if I got lost forever in her. I wanted nothing or no one else in that moment.

  She pushed off of me. “I can’t do this.” She exhaled, her face beaming red. She bent over, hands on her knees taking in
air.

  “Why not?”

  She raised her head and looked me in the eye. “I’ve got a boyfriend.”

  I collected myself, stood up taller, and secured my arms by my side refusing to transform into that lanky tomboy too consumed with the girl’s beauty, left hanging by a thread while she moved on without me, unwilling to stop in her pursuit for better. “I see.”

  She rose and traced my arm. “I want to. I just can’t.”

  I wouldn’t play the fool. “It was just a kiss. We’ll just forget it happened.”

  She poured me a smile as smooth and creamy as honey.

  I could steer this back to normal. “How about we go get something to eat with the gang before you head home?”

  “Ah,” she said, “that sounds perfect.”

  I pushed her towards the doorway. “Well, get going, then, girly,” I said giggling, wrangling away the awkward kiss with friendly banter. “My tummy’s growling.”

  She giggled along with me.

  I followed her, trying to reclaim my lost sense of dignity with a couple nudges and giggles.

  Disappointment plagued me. A guy had once again managed to take over Chloe’s heart.

  ~ ~

  Two days after my kissing fiasco, Melanie called me and told me to come see her right away. Something big happened with her house. Too wrapped up in emotions, she couldn’t drive. I left Trevor in charge and ran to my best friend’s aid not sure what I’d find when I arrived.

  When I pushed through her front door, she was sitting on her velvet couch, hands folded in her lap, jasmine tea steeping in her cast iron teapot on the coffee table. I rushed towards her. “What’s wrong?”

  She folded her lips inward, shook her head, and then laughed. “Relax. You look like you’re ready to faint.”

  “I thought I’d come here to find your house vandalized or burned down to the ground. You sounded emotional. You’re never emotional.”