Guarding His Fake Family

by Knight, Katie

  “No.” His cheek ticked. “Yes. But it was an accident. When the waiter came with our food, I was trying to make room and it accidently got knocked on the floor. I was putting things back in your purse when I saw your day planner had fallen open to the page for tomorrow. I saw the meeting with your source, Alisha. What is that all about?”

  “I’m just following up on a few things,” she said, taking a bite of her salad without really tasting it. Which was a shame since this place had three Michelin stars and she’d been dying to try it for months. She swallowed and sipped her water before taking another bite, hoping that stopping to process this would cool her anger. It was an accident. She could buy that. But why couldn’t he just drop this?

  Because he’s Simon, that’s why. So much for their fresh start.

  Knowing him as she did, he wouldn’t stop asking until she told him, so she might as well just get it all out there. Alisha put down her fork and leaned her elbows on the table, meeting his gaze directly. “I know you don’t like it, but I’m a reporter, Simon. This is my story. I can’t not follow up on a lead. Being a journalist is all I’ve ever wanted to be since I was a kid. I’ve got good instincts. I know when a story is over and this one isn’t. Not yet.”

  “I think you’re wrong.”

  “Think what you want, Simon. It’s not going to change what I’m doing. And if you can’t support me and my choices, then what are we even doing here?”

  Simon opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again before she cut him off.

  “Know what? Forget it.” Alisha set her napkin aside and stood, grabbing her bag. “I think we’re done here.”

  “With dinner?” he asked.

  “With everything. I won’t keep having this fight. There’s no point in a relationship if it’s dependent on me becoming what you’ve decided I should be. I’m not going to shut you out of the pregnancy—you can be involved, get regular updates, come to sonogram appointments. But that’s it.”

  He seemed to take that in a moment, then agreed. “If that’s what you want.”

  “What I want is someone who supports me. Look, I’ve got enough fears about my own abilities without adding yours to the mix too.” Her chest hurt and her eyes stung and if she didn’t get out of there soon, she was going to lose it. “Goodbye, Simon.”

  She walked away before he could answer.

  Twenty-Five

  A week went by before Alisha felt like having any company over. But dammit, she’d been bottling all of this up now for days, ever since that horrible dinner with Simon, and now she needed to let it out, to someone she trusted. She called her bestie Farrah and invited her over.

  Farrah sat with her in the living room and listened to the whole sad tale of Alisha’s time with Simon—the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. She told her about the story and Amy and her own pregnancy. Once she’d said it all, Alisha felt empty. Empty and tired, and worn to the bone.

  “You look wrung out, honey,” Farrah said, patting her leg.

  “I am.” Alisha rubbed her eyes. “I haven’t been sleeping. Not because of this.” At Farrah’s sceptical look she amended, “Well, not only because of this. I swear this baby’s gonna have me big as a barn pretty soon. I’m hungry all the time. Two a.m. or two p.m.? Doesn’t matter. Gotta make a snack run. And then there’s this story I’m still looking into because it doesn’t feel done, and it’s all a mess and…”

  She buried her face in her hands just to try and make it all stop.

  “Aw, baby. I’m sorry.” Farrah moved closer and pulled Alisha into a hug. At first she resisted. But then she relaxed and gave in to the tears she’d been holding back so long. “Pregnancies can be hard under normal circumstances and yours is anything but. But you’ll get through this, Alisha. I know you will. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”

  “I don’t feel so strong now,” she said, sitting up and grabbing a tissue from the box on the coffee table, sniffling. “I feel like a lonely idiot. And to make matters worse, I miss Amy. She wasn’t even my kid and I still miss her. Miss taking care of her, miss holding her. Miss the way she smells. Isn’t that stupid? I never wanted kids and now I can’t stop thinking about one.”

  “No, honey.” Farrah smiled and reached over to brush Alisha’s hair out of her eyes. “Not stupid at all. That’s totally normal. Especially with one of your own on the way. And people change. You never thought about having kids, but maybe you see things differently now.”

  “Yeah. Maybe.” Alisha toyed with the tissue in her hands, frowning, her voice lowering to a whisper, like she was telling a secret. In a way, Alisha supposed she was. “I’m starting to think I want this baby, Farrah. I really want it—to raise myself.”

  “That’s great, honey.”

  Then Alisha promptly burst into tears again. “But it isn’t. It really isn’t. You know what my mom was like growing up. What if I’m the same way? What if I make the same mistakes she did? Hell, I’m already doing it.” She sobbed into her tissue for a moment, then sighed. “I really wish I wasn’t going through this alone.”

  “Hey, now.” Farrah pulled a new tissue from the box to dab Alisha’s cheeks. “Listen to me, honey. No matter what happens with you and Simon, you are not alone in this. I’m always gonna be here for you. Same with Mike. And I know you guys aren’t close, but I’m sure your mom is there for you too. You’ve got a whole support system to get you through this, girlfriend. Never doubt that, okay?”

  “Okay.” Alisha hugged her friend again, feeling the tension inside her ease for the first time in a long while. “And thank you. I so appreciate that.”

  And she did. Only trouble was, there was still a Simon-sized hole in her heart that didn’t want to heal.

  * * *

  Across town, Simon sat in a bar waiting to meet his editor. They needed to discuss the book and alcohol would help smooth the conversation. He checked his watch and glanced toward the door, spotting a pretty blonde a few booths down from where he was. She smiled at him and he looked away.

  She was pretty. A few months back, he’d have said she was just his type. Now, though, no one really appealed to him these days except Alisha. Which really sucked because she was no longer available. Not to him. Thanks to his controlling, dickish behaviour towards her.

  God. What an idiot he’d been. He wasn’t that guy. Usually he went out of his way not to be that guy. But something about Alisha made him care way too much, made him want to hold her and protect her and take care of her, to the point where he went overboard and completely alienated her.

  “Hey, Simon,” his editor said, walking up to the table without Simon even noticing. Man, he was off his game big time. He shook the guy’s hand and waited while he took a seat across from him in the booth. John Ackerman was a big guy, six-five plus. He used to play college basketball before a knee injury side-lined him, forcing him onto a new career path. Good thing too, since he was the best editor Simon could imagine. John ordered a beer from the waitress who stopped by, then grinned over at Simon. “You looked lost in thought when I arrived. Thinking about your book, I hope.”

  Simon took a swig from his own bottle of ale and forced a smile he didn’t quite feel. “Yeah, sort of.”

  Not a total lie. Not the complete truth either.

  “Hey, I’ve got some good news for you,” John said, sitting back as the waitress brought his beer, then leaning forward again. “Your ex got caught in a lie today on live TV and the press is turning on her fast. By tomorrow, I expect no one will believe a word she says about you or anything else.”

  “Good.” Simon grinned, for real this time. “Happy to hear it.”

  And he was. About time that bitch got caught in the backlash of her lies.

  “So, like I said in my email,” John said, digging into the bowl of nuts on the table, “we love the proposal you sent for the new book. But…”

  “But?” Simon asked.

  “Honestly?” John asked, his gaze narrowed on Simon.
“I think you’re leaving the juicy parts out.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Simon said, staring down at the table. “Witnessing a kidnapping, going on the run with a baby, retrieving a beaten man from a warehouse…what could be more juicy?”

  “Yeah, but I can tell there’s more going on from the look on your face. You involved with this woman—the journalist you were working with?”

  Normally, he wouldn’t spill his guts to a colleague like this, but he and John had become friends outside of the book world too. So Simon told him. About Alisha, about the baby, about everything falling apart.

  “Wow. Now that’s compelling stuff.” John ate another handful of peanuts and downed it with a swallow of beer before continuing. “And tough. How are you going to deal with it, once the baby comes?”

  “I have no idea. I want for us to co-parent, but she hasn’t decided yet. She’s still considering putting the baby up for adoption.” The walls of the bar started closing in on him, shadows stretching longer, wrapping around him, trapping his heart in darkness. He missed her. Missed everything about her. And she was gone. And it was all his fault. “But honestly,” he said, the words cutting deep. “Even if I can convince her to keep the baby, I have no idea how it will work. I screwed up. Bad. And all I can think about now is what might have been. I had everything I wanted, right there. And let it all slip away because I wasn’t brave enough to tell her how I really felt, to ask her to stay, to ask her to be with me.” Simon shook his head and stared down at his hands. “Now it’s probably too late.”

  Twenty-Six

  Time to call Mom.

  Alisha picked up the phone from her coffee table, mentally psyching herself up to dial the number, only to put it down again.

  God, this was stupid. She just needed to do it and be done. She had no more excuses. She wasn’t on the run anymore. She wasn’t too busy with the story—it seemed to have stalled for now. She wasn’t tired or hungry or anything else. So there was no reason not to take five minutes to let her mother know what was going on. She picked up the phone again, then sat back on her sofa and stared up at the ceiling. Her nerves were jangling like live wires inside her and she took a deep, calming breath. She shouldn’t be this apprehensive about talking to her mother. Yes, they weren’t that close, but still. It was her mom.

  She punched in the numbers and swallowed hard, her pulse kicking higher with each ring of the phone.

  Finally her mother picked up. “Alisha? What’s wrong?”

  Alisha winced. Yeah, that was what their relationship had come to. She usually only called when there was a problem. “Nothing’s wrong, Mom.”

  Except something was wrong, and not just with their mother/daughter relationship. She missed Simon. Missed his support. Man, Alisha could sure use some of that right now.

  “I saw your story in the paper,” her mom said after a long, awkward beat. “Congratulations. That was an impressive piece of journalism.”

  “Thanks,” Alisha said, smiling. Even after all these years and all the issues between them, it still felt nice to win Mom’s approval. “I worked hard on it. Lots of investigation and undercover stuff.”

  Undercover with Simon.

  Her gut twisted a little as flashes of them sharing the house shimmered through her mind. His smile. His laugh. The warmth of his body pressed against hers as they slept. The soft tickle of his breath against her temple when he hugged her. She missed him so much.

  “I bet,” her mother said, breaking into her thoughts. “So, what else is up then?”

  Alisha had pondered how best to tell her mother about the pregnancy. In the end she just came out with it. “I’m having a baby.”

  Seconds ticked by without a response. So long that Alisha checked her phone to make sure the call was still connected. “Mom? Are you there?”

  “Yes, I’m here,” her mother said at last, her voice laced with surprise. “Wow. A baby? Are you sure you’re ready for that? Who’s the father? Are you engaged already? I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone.”

  “I’m not,” Alisha said, rubbing the space between her eyebrows, her hopes for a happy, supportive phone call receding as the tension in her mother’s voice rose. “The father is Simon Stone. You might remember him as Mike’s friend from the SEALs. We’re not engaged.” Alisha picked at the front of her pristine white T-shirt, feeling judged and self-conscious. “It just happened.”

  “Right.” Her mom’s tone sounded tight as a garrotte now. “And you’re going to keep it? The baby?”

  Now it was Alisha’s throat squeezing closed. She forced herself to speak past her constricted vocal cords. But right at this moment, she finally felt certain of her answer. Something about the disapproval in her mother’s voice roused a protective instinct she didn’t even know she had. A mother’s instinct. This was her kid, and she was going to protect and defend him or her with everything she had.

  “Yes, I am.”

  Dammit. She shouldn’t have called. Should have just waited until things were better or different or…whatever. But she’d hoped maybe becoming a mother herself might change the dynamic between them. And yep. It had changed it, all right. Taken it from chilly to downright frigid.

  “And you’re going to raise it together?”

  She wanted to say yes, she realized. But that wasn’t the truth. Not really. “We’re going to co-parent, separately.”

  “Co-parent.” Her mother said the term like it was an expletive. “And how exactly will that work? You keep the baby and he stops by whenever he feels like it?”

  Alisha felt outraged on Simon’s behalf. “No. It means we’ll raise the baby cooperatively, but apart. We’re not a couple, Mom.” Not anymore. Her heart stumbled, but she kept on going. “Simon is a good man. He’s going to be wonderful father.”

  “Hmm.” Her mother took a deep breath, then said, “Being a single mother isn’t easy, Alisha.”

  “You think I don’t know that?” She sat forward, defensive now. “I had a front row seat to how hard it was, growing up with you working all hours of the day and night. I know exactly what’s involved and I’m ready for it.”

  A few weeks ago, that would have been a lie. Now Alisha realized it was the truth. She was ready for this baby now, whatever it might bring. “I’m ready, Mom.”

  “What about your work?” her mom countered. “You’re just going to throw your career away? I thought you had goals, dreams. How are you going to achieve them with a child to support?”

  “I can do both.”

  Her mom gave a snort. “I don’t think you’ve thought things through. I think you’ve rushed into this, headfirst, like you always do. It’s so much more difficult than you imagine. There’re so many things you aren’t prepared for, can’t prepare for. There’ll come a point when you have to choose. Are you ready to do that? To choose between paying the bills or time with the baby?”

  “Yes, I have thought about that. More than you can imagine, Mom.” Alisha stood, pieces of the puzzle she’d been trying to solve for weeks finally clicking into place in her head for the first time. “I don’t think it will be easy. Not at all. But I am ready. I’m sorry you aren’t happy about this, but I thought you should know.”

  “Does Mike know?”

  “He does. And he’s thrilled about it.” Okay, yeah. Maybe “thrilled” wasn’t the right word, but dammit. She was on a roll here. “He believes in me. Unlike you. He has faith in me and in Simon too. We’re having this baby and we’re going to love it and cherish it and raise it to the best of our abilities. If you want to be a part of your grandchild’s life, then I suggest you come up with a better attitude before we talk again. Goodbye, Mom.”

  With that she ended the call and tossed her phone aside. The disdain in her mother’s voice had hurt like it always did—but actually standing up to her this time had felt good. Freeing. For too many years she’d been holding onto hope, trying to win her mother’s approval. But now she was done. Done with worrying and pe
ople-pleasing and living to avoid someone else’s mistakes. From this moment on, Alisha vowed to step into her own future, to find a better balance, one that worked for her, one that would allow her to work and to be there for her baby. It was possible. She just had to find it.

  Simon had taught her that.

  Simon.

  Considering how they’d left things the last time, she really needed to call him and apologize. The constant bickering and fighting wasn’t how she wanted things to be between them. Maybe they could finally sit down and talk this through, figure it all out before it was too late. She picked up her phone again and hit the speed dial for Simon’s number.

  * * *

  Simon answered his cell on the first ring. “Alisha? What’s wrong?”

  “Why does everyone keep asking me that today?” she said, sounding more than a little annoyed. “Nothing’s wrong. In fact, for the first time in a long time, I think everything’s right with me.”

  Okay… He frowned. Did that mean she was well and truly done with him? Or perhaps she wanted him back? A sudden, hopeful rush of adrenaline tingled through his veins. He’d missed her so much, more than he’d ever expected. But before he could ask her for clarification, she was talking again, so fast he had to concentrate hard to keep up.

  “I just got off the phone with my mom—I told her about the baby. And she was awful. Judgmental and unsupportive and just… well, awful. I mean, I guess I shouldn’t have expected any more from her, considering our relationship, but still. I thought she’d be at least a little happy for me, since it will be her first grandchild and all. Nope. She was having none of it.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, but she kept talking right over him.

  “It’s okay though, Simon. It’s okay, because you know what I realized?” Alisha asked.